


Somebody That I Used to Know

by Riddle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Amnesia, Angst, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Coming of Age, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Honestly they’re both just like really stupid, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Memory Loss, POV Iwaizumi Hajime, Pining Iwaizumi Hajime, Protective Iwaizumi Hajime, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:08:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 120,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26309827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riddle/pseuds/Riddle
Summary: In their last days before High School began, Tooru Oikawa was brutally kidnapped and has been presumed dead ever since. Iwaizumi has always struggled to put those terrible memories behind him and move on. Needless to say, it doesn't help when 10 years later...he starts seeing ghosts.--Tooru Oikawa has no memory of his life before 14. Now 24, his family had told him that he was adopted late in life; but something had always felt wrong...And now, he meets a hauntingly familiar dark-haired stranger that just makes things even more confusing and painful. Especially when that stranger seems to think Oikawa's someone he used to know.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 264
Kudos: 643





	1. Prologue

“So what do you think it’s going to be like Iwa-chan?” 

“What do I think what is going to be like?”

“High School of course,” Oikawa said, “Do you think it will be very different from Junior High?”

Iwaizumi shrugged. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” 

“Oh…” 

Oikawa slumped forward with a sudden pout sliding across his face. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow. 

Oikawa had been unusually moody and distant all day. It was late March now and in a matter of weeks, they would be starting High School together at Aoba Johsai. When they had both gotten their acceptance letters they had been thrilled to know they’d have another three years to be in school—and more importantly volleyball—together. But lately, something about starting school seemed to be bothering Oikawa and Iwaizumi couldn’t put his finger on what. 

He’d known Oikawa since they were kids and could usually read him like a book—no matter how hard he tried to hide his feelings behind fake smiles and charming laughs. Lately, though, Iwaizumi felt like he was staring at a blank page when he watched the cogs turn indecipherably inside Oikawa’s head. Everything was going to be perfect now, so what could possibly be wrong?

Oikawa sighed and leaned back until he was lying down against the grass facing the sky. His gaze fixed firmly on a white puffy cloud lazily passing overhead. 

“I’m just not sure I want everything to change.” He finally said not meeting Iwaizumi’s eyes. 

“Nothing is going to change.” Iwaizumi assured him as he copied Oikawa’s posture and leaned back watching the same cloud with equal interest.

Oikawa just shook his head sadly.

“Everything is going to change Iwa-chan,” he said gloomily, “It's going to be a whole new school and a whole new team with all kinds of new interesting people. I-I wouldn’t blame you…if you know…if you found new friends or didn’t want me around anymore.” 

This made Iwaizumi sit up bolt right and stared in disbelief at the boy next to him. 

“Are you out of your mind?!” He growled, “Is that seriously what you are worried about?”

Oikawa’s eyes widened in surprise at Iwaizumi’s extreme reaction. 

“I am not going anywhere if it's not with you, idiot.” He scoffed at the idea like it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. 

Oikawa’s eyes softened and his frown melted into a smile. It was a real and genuine smile too—Iwaizumi could tell the difference. 

“Really?” Oikawa demanded leaning in towards Iwaizumi until their faces were only inches apart. He spoke with an insistent fervor that caught Iwaizumi off guard. 

Iwaizumi felt a red blush bloom across his cheeks as he realized how close Oikawa was to him. 

“Obviously,” He said with a laugh turning his face away and trying to cool down the heat that had risen across his face. “It’s you and me, forever, that’s just how it is. Deal with it.” 

This time it was Oikawa whose face suddenly went scarlet red. He hefted out a shaky sigh of relief and flashed a toothy grin as he melted back into the grass beneath them. His shoulders relaxed and his smile stayed glued to his lips. This was the kind of happy that felt as if everything was finally right in the world and he couldn’t imagine something that would ever make him unhappy again. 

“And we’ll finally beat Shiratorizawa!” Oikawa said firmly setting his jaw with determination and clenching his fist. 

Iwaizumi found himself laughing. Of course, that was the natural next thing in his mind, it was as if Oikawa never stopped thinking about volleyball and spent all of his free time strategizing about how to improve and what came next. 

In a way, it made Iwaizumi sad that Oikawa never seemed to live in the moment and only thought about the future. He wondered if being like that kept Oikawa from feeling happy. But he shook away that thought—they were just 14 after all and they would have so much more time together to be happy; there was no need to rush. Everything was still in front of them and as long as they did it together, Iwaizumi knew that everything would come out right in the end. 

“Not if we spend all of our time cloud watching in the park!” Iwaizumi challenged, swinging his feet forward and standing up in one fluid motion. “Let’s go back to my house and get my ball, you can toss me a few sets before it gets dark.” 

Oikawa’s eyes widened with glee; shining at just the mention of playing together again. 

Something about seeing Oikawa’s face light up and that shimmer in his eye that he always got when he started talking about volleyball made Iwaizumi’s stomach do a somersault. 

They raced each other back to Iwaizumi’s house and Iwaizumi felt himself overtake the taller boy as the rounded the last corner. He pumped his legs as hard as they would go until he hit his driveway and yelled out in victory. 

“Not fair Iwa-chan,” Oikawa moped dramatically, “my shoelace came loose!” 

“Doesn’t look loose to me.” Iwaizumi laughed pointing down at Oikawa’s neatly double-knotted shoes, “You just can’t stand losing Loser-kawa.” 

“Rude, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa shot back catching his breath and kneeling down to “fix” his laces concealing his flustered expression. 

“Why do you always call me that?” 

“‘Iwa-chan’?” Oikawa mused, “Huh, I don’t know. I guess just because you’re my Iwa-chan simple as that. Calling you Iwaizumi is too formal, it just doesn’t feel right.”

“Tsk,” Iwaizumi jeered turning away; taking his turn to hide his own face from view. “That’s so sappy.” 

Iwaizumi could feel that the red had crept back into his face. He knew would be a dead give away and he felt a surge of embarrassment pass over him just at the thought. Why did he feel so strange? What was it that he was even feeling? It made his heart race and his stomach ache, but it felt good at the same time, what was that? 

Did he like Oikawa…in a different way? He shook his head pushing that thought down. That would only make things more complicated—Oikawa wasn’t the only one who didn’t want things to change. What if he scared Oikawa away? What if Oikawa didn’t feel the same and this ruined everything? Iwaizumi couldn’t risk not having Oikawa in his life. Nothing was worth that…right?

“Well, you’re the only one that gets to call me that okay?” 

“Okay!” Oikawa agreed happily 

Behind this smile though, Iwaizumi could feel Oikawa’s eyes studying him intently. It was unnerving to be under his gaze like this. His intelligent dark eyes often felt like he could see right through you, and right now that idea made Iwaizumi’s pulse flutter. 

“You keep “fixing” your shoelace okay Loser-kawa. I’ll grab the ball, I’ll be right back!” Iwaizumi said slowly trying to find any excuse to put some distance between him and Oikawa

“Wait, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa said

“What?” Iwaizumi turned back and saw that Oikawa’s smile had hardened into something more serious. 

Oikawa bit his lip nervously and started shaking out his wrist—the way he always did when he was nervous. 

“T-there’s something that I…I want to talk to you about.” He said his voice shaking 

“What…what is it?” Iwaizumi swallowed hard reacting to Oikawa’s sudden mood shift

“I-I well I um…” Oikawa started stumbling on his works and seemed to be struggling not to make eye contact with Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi could hear his heart pounding in his ears. It was so loud that without thinking he snapped: “I’ll go grab the ball while you figure out what you want to say.” 

He turned on his heels and marched away cursing himself for being so heartless and cowardly. 

“Oh, um…okay Iwa-chan.” Oikawa said slowly and miserably 

More than anything, Iwaizumi just needed a moment to even out his breathing again before his reactions gave him away completely. 

What the hell even had just happened? Why had Oikawa gotten all serious all of a sudden? And why did it make Iwaizumi so nervous? 

Iwaizumi allowed himself for just a moment to imagine that Oikawa and been trying to tell Iwaizumi exactly what he had been wanting to hear but scolded himself for being so selfish and for stupidly getting his own hopes up. 

He knew after all how popular Oikawa was with the girls in Junior High, and surely that would only get worse in high school. How could he expect someone like that to feel like he did? It was just begging to get hurt. 

No matter what it was though, Iwaizumi knew he would need to apologize when he got back. He could picture Oikawa now being all mopey and teary-eyed in his driveway, and it broke his heart knowing he had caused it. 

Iwaizumi was absently digging through piles of sports equipment and yard tools in the shed thinking about what he should say when he heard the sharp screeching sound of tires squealing to a halt out in front of his house. He reactively looked up from the pile of tools just as his fingers had coiled around the volleyball he was looking for. He heard an accompanying WHACK of something hard smashing against something hollow followed by the sound of a voice crying out in pain and a body falling down hard on the pavement. 

His blood ran cold. 

He dropped the volleyball where he stood and ran as fast as his legs could carry him towards the street feeling his adrenaline surge and his heart pound in fear. 

He rounded the corner just in time to see two figures dressed in all black, with their faces obscured, throwing an unconscious Oikawa into the back of a white van stalled in the street. 

Iwaizumi felt his breath leave his body. His vision went shaky as he struggled to even process what he was seeing. This couldn’t be real right? This kind of thing only happened in movies. This had to be a joke? Some sick terrible joke. 

But the tugging in his gut and the pain in his heart told him adamantly that something was wrong and he needed to do something.

“Oikawa!” He screamed hurling himself full speed towards the van. 

The two figures in black seemed to panic at the unexpected sight of him and quickly slammed the side door of the van shut. 

Before the door closed all the way, Iwaizumi caught a glimpse inside the van at his best friend sprawled out on the floor in a heap, unresponsive and lying in a pool of blood seeping from a wound at the back of his head. 

Iwaizumi felt all of the blood drain out of his face at that horrible sight. His knees felt weak and his hands were shaking uncontrollably. He felt his breathing accelerate quickly into full hyperventilation as he fought the growing urge to vomit. 

He desperately tried to scream out for help but was choked back by the hot tears streaming wildly from his eyes as his screams devolved into hysterical wailing. 

The van pulled away in a cloud of sour exhaust so fast it left black tread marks on the street. 

“NO! OIKAWA! COME BACK!” He screamed, begging at the top of his lungs as clearly as he could before his voice was overtaken and drowned out by uneven convulsing sobs. 

He tried to chase the van as far down the road as possible but his legs gave out as the panic overwhelmed him. It rounded a corner and disappeared from view just as Iwaizumi felt his weary body collapse in the road. 

“TOORU!!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// This chapter goes into a lot of what happened in the 10 years that passed and has some inferences to possible bad things that can happen to victims of kidnapping. Nothing graphic is described but if you are sensitive to those sorts of things be aware there is some implicit referencing in this chapter.

**-10 Years Later-**

Iwaizumi felt sick and tired and it definitely didn’t help when the bus hit a pothole and the entire metal frame jostled under the stress of the road. He felt his stomach lurch and he bent his head down between his legs and took a long deep breath to try and soothe his shaken nerves. He could feel his foot tapping absently and his knees weakening under him, but he just stayed focused on the horizon in front of the Tokyo city bus window. 

He didn’t want to be here. He definitely didn’t want to be where he was going. And more than anything he absolutely didn’t want to respond to the voicemail sitting unanswered on his cell phone’s answering machine. He knew what it said and who it was from after all and that was enough to make him wish he’d never received it. His blood had drained out of his face when the first call had come in early this morning, and he had felt a body-wide cramp settle in when he saw that she’d left a message. 

As if today wasn’t stressful enough now he had to deal with _this_ and think about that horrible day all over again. 

Iwaizumi had been so lost in thought that he hadn’t even noticed when the bus had passed his stop four blocks back and now he had no idea where he was. 

“Just great.” He mumbled to himself forcing his shaky body to stand up on the moving vehicle.

He pushed his way to the front of the bus and decided that he would just get off at the next stop and try to find his way back on his own. 

The bus pulled to a stop and Iwaizumi slid through the folding side doors and dropped onto the city pavement. As the crowd of buss passengers dissipated, he tried to scan his surroundings and find something that he recognized but none of the buildings or the street names rang any bells. 

Eventually, he just shook his head in surrender and slumped his shoulders deciding to just walk down the road the bus had come from with no real goal in sight anymore. This was certainly a wrench in his well-manicured plan for today. 

Iwaizumi had only been living in Tokyo for a few months and he had spent most of that time commuting between his small single apartment and his work so he wasn’t as familiar with the city as he probably should be by this point. Big cities made him nervous and normally galavanting around strange streets and going out to new unknown places gave him the creeps and kept him home, but Dr. Saito had explicitly told him he needed to do something out of his comfort zone before their next session. 

Dr. Saito had been insistent that Iwaizumi was subconsciously holding himself back in life and that he needed to force himself into uncomfortable situations or he would never grow. Iwaizumi thought it was a dumb suggestion in practice but admittedly agreed in theory. He just didn’t actually want to do it. 

The idea that he had become someone afraid of taking risks and terrified of the unknown was something that Iwaizumi really couldn’t argue against. He knew it was true and he hated it. At one point in his life, he had liked to think of himself as brave and bold and adventurous but…not anymore. He had learned early on how scary and unpredictable the real world could be and he had found himself retreating away from it whenever it got too much. It had started with panic attacks and nightmares after ‘that day’—as Dr. Saito always delicately referred to it as—and it had become a part of him slowly ever since. Though Iwaizumi had to wonder if it was really a bad thing to be cautious, after all, if he had been more careful or more vigilant back then maybe things would have been different. Maybe ‘that day’ wouldn’t have happened and maybe his best friend in the world would still be here with him. 

“Best friend” always felt like such an understatement when it came to remembering Oikawa, but truth be told Iwaizumi couldn’t say for sure they had been more since he’d never gotten his chance to confess. Besides, it was easier to just say “best friends.” It was always what he’d said when he had been asked how he’d known Oikawa and who he was to his family. It was his go-to answer that didn’t prompt any follow-up questions and didn’t force him to remember. 

Iwaizumi kept walking down the sidewalk rounding each corner hoping to start seeing familiar landmarks with each block but things seemed to get more foreign and more confusing with each passing step. His breathing sped up as he started to realize he was lost. His head started to spin and he quickly veered to the side of the street and crashed into the brick wall of an older building grasping onto the surface for support. 

“Take a deep breath.” He reminded himself.

————————————————

 _Take a deep breath_. That is what the police had said back then too. He heard the words spoken in that unfeeling authoritative tone, that police always seemed to use, echo through his memory. He shivered finding the intrusive memories of the day spiraling through his mind again. The police. His parents. Oikawa’s parents.

Oikawa’s parents. Fuck. Shit. Goddamn it.

————————————————

He slid down the wall he was leaning against until he was facing the street and his knees were tucked into his chest. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and flipped open to his voicemail. He couldn’t avoid it forever. He clicked the message and Oikawa’s mother’s voice began to play through his speaker. 

“Hello, Hajime.” The message began, his Aunty’s voice sounded tight and angry but like she was trying to be kind against her stronger instincts anyway, “I haven’t heard back from you in a while and just wanted to check-in. I heard you moved away from Miyagi and into Tokyo just like you used to talk about when you were little. I’m proud of you and I hope its everything you dreamt of. Please call me back so we can talk about this weekend—I haven’t gotten your RSVP yet and I really need an answer soon. Please don’t let me down.” 

Iwaizumi was shaking. 

This wasn’t fair. Why did he have to do this? Why did this have to happen?!

As much as he had tried to ignore it, forget it, suppress any thought of it, nothing would change the fact that this weekend was the 10 year anniversary of Oikawa’s disappearance. It was also the 5 year anniversary of the funeral they held for him back home after the police ended their failed investigation with no suspects and no sign of Oikawa. The case had gone cold after all, there hadn’t been a new lead in years. Iwaizumi had heard the hushed tones of the many detectives and officers that interviewed him over the years discussing how kidnappings rarely get solved after the first 48 hours. At that point, it had been well over a year.  


————————————————

“It’s sad really,” the deep voice had said muffled by the kitchen wall between them, “There's nothing more to be done here. Odds are, the kid is dead and gone or worse. It's crueler to keep these people’s hopes up and let them believe things could still turn out fine when all the evidence is pointing to the contrary.” 

Iwaizumi had been pressed up against the dining room door when the police detective said that to one of his sergeants unaware of Iwaizumi’s presence. 

Iwaizumi had been shaking with rage—hot tears streaming down his cheeks—when he burst through the door yelling “You can’t give up on him!” 

They couldn’t give up! How dare they give up on Oikawa like that! Why didn’t they care anymore? Why wouldn’t anyone fight for him?! Oikawa had no one else left to protect him, to fight for him, but Iwaizumi was starting to see that he was fighting alone. 

After they’d recovered from the shock of him kicking open the door, they had just looked at him with patronizing sympathy in their eyes and apologized half-heartedly.

“Sorry kid. We’ll keep looking.” 

But the promise was empty, the case was cold, and Iwaizumi was the last one standing. 

————————————————

The police couldn’t tell for sure why Oikawa had been taken or why he had been targeted specifically but references to his boyish appearance and charismatic personality were made and Iwaizumi didn’t have to guess why—it was revolting. The police had suggested that Oikawa probably had stuck out in public at some point, maybe even at one of their junior high volleyball games, and whoever those sick fucks were had taken note of him and made him a target because of it. 

They had probably been following him the shadows for a while, waiting for a chance to catch him alone and vulnerable. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but blame himself. After all, wasn’t he was the reason that Oikawa had been alone and defenseless that day? Was it his fault? 

Researching the outcomes of kidnappings had been one of the worst decisions he had ever made. He had hoped the statistics might counter what he had overheard, but instead, they confirmed the rumors and worse. He hadn’t slept for weeks out of fear and out of plain exhaustive sadness with the knowledge of the assaults and murders that almost always follow an abduction. The idea of those things happening to Oikawa haunted him. He saw it in his head night after night. His heart breaking a little more each time. 

Tooru Oikawa was dead. That was the ultimate fact that he had finally accepted the day of the funeral. It wasn’t easier to know that or to accept that, but at least now it was over. He didn’t have to spend his nights lying awake with his mind imagining every terrible thing that Oikawa must have gone through. He didn’t have to cry himself to sleep imagining that those things were still happening to him. If Tooru Oikawa was dead…then at least they couldn’t hurt him more. 

At least that was what Iwaizumi had told himself desolately standing at the foot of the grave where they had buried a small empty coffin that day. 

————————————————

Iwaizumi couldn’t stand the idea of going back home and having to see Oikawa’s parents again and their sad eyes that always seemed to say “Why didn’t you do more? Why couldn’t you protect him!” 

The phone message said exactly what he knew it would. The day he had received the email about the memorial anniversary last week he had deleted it as quickly as he had opened it dreading even the thought about tearing those wounds open again after all this time. 

He just wished he knew how to say all of that without hurting his Auntie more than he already had. But he couldn’t and so he didn’t. 

Iwaizumi sighed and slowly rose to his feet. He briefly looked up at the cloud cover over the city and tried to imagine that he was anyone else anywhere else in the world. 

Shaking his head solemnly he slipped back onto the sidewalk and joined the flow of pedestrians bustling about the city. 

This whole day had been a huge mistake. He should have just stayed in bed. 

“Couldn’t even make it out to the fucking bookstore.” He almost laughed under his breath as he walked. 

It really was laughable. Was he really such a coward that he was too afraid to break his patterns just to go to a stupid bookstore? 

He had expected it to be hard after all this time of skulking away and sealing himself off from the world to try and reenter real life, but this was just ridiculous. He had spent the whole last night googling bookstores thinking how that would be an easy stress-free first step and then that stupid voicemail came in and the whole day had gone straight off the rails.

Scanning the buildings around him he tried to read the signs looking for someplace safe he could slip into and just call an Uber and go home when his eyes spotted “Parchment and Print Bookshop” written in golden writing over a maroon backwash. It wasn’t the one he’d seen online and so for a moment, Iwaizumi hesitated. Why was this so hard? 

“Don’t be a coward.” He whispered building up the courage to cross the street and walk through the door 

————————————————

A little gilded bell precariously hanging over the door chimed as Iwaizumi walked in. The front desk was manned by a slim quiet figure with his face buried in a magazine. Iwaizumi couldn’t make out any of his features but he seemed to be humming a happy little tune under his breath. As he moved deeper inside he was immediately hit with the scent of old paper and spices. It felt warm and cozy. Iwaizumi’s heart was beating hard but he clenched his fist and bit his lip forcing himself one step at a time passed the front desk and into the store. 

Once inside he creeped to the back of the store and out of sight of the other few patrons perusing the shelves. There was an overstuffed red velvet reading chair tucked into a corner away from anywhere that prying eyes could reach. This felt safe. 

He collapsed into the chair and tried to focus on catching his breath while knowing full and well how rapidly his anxious fingers were taping the soft cushion beneath him. He felt his nerves jump every time the door bell rang announcing a new customer. Iwaizumi found himself wondering if he would ever truly overcome his fear—if he would ever be able to be himself again one day. 

Deciding that it wasn’t worth his time to give up that easily, Iwaizumi set his jaw with determination and decisively plucked the first book off the wall behind him and settled back into the armchair.

He could do this. He was safe here. This would be the first step that would lead him back. He just needed to follow through and actually believe it. 

Sucking in a deep breath Iwaizumi pushed in his earbuds and began playing a soothing song from a shuffle playlist that sounded strangely familiar. He relaxed back into the music getting lost in the slow pleasant melody and raised the book up to his face to help him settle in and finally soften his shoulders and catch his breath. The time flew by at a surprising rate and when Iwaizumi finally broke his eyes away from his book he noticed how empty the store had become. Pulling out an earbud he could hear a rustling at the front of the shop and a quick glance at the clock across the room told him the shop was closing and it was time to leave. 

He felt a comforting warmth spread through him at that thought. He had really done it. He had made it out somewhere new and had conquered his fear long enough to stay until the store itself was closing around him. For the first time in months if not years Iwaizumi smiled. Maybe he really could do this. He really could move on and get better. He could be himself again and this was the proof that he needed that that brave and open person still existed somewhere inside him. 

The guilt and the burdens that he had been carrying weren’t a part of him after all. And as small and simple as this moment seemed from afar, it was the evidence Iwaizumi needed to believe that again. 

The book he had been immersed in had been a story of alien explorers jumping from planet to planet in search of a new home and something about it had just felt right. Reading it had reminded him of the long childhood evenings he had spent being subjected to sci-fi marathons at Oikawa’s house and listening to his friend’s excited chatter. It was bittersweet to remember those days, but at the same time, it forced him to remember a good day they had shared without the stains of what was to come seeping through. For once, remembering didn’t hurt. 

He couldn’t seem to shake the smile spread across his lips as he stood from the chair. He felt the weight of the book he had been reading in his hand and decided he probably should buy it after spending all day taking up space in the back of the store. Besides, now it was like a memento, a trophy of his victory today. It would be a symbol of the fact that today he finally felt like he could see the view from the summit.

The feeling of happiness and hope that enveloped him was bordering on euphoria after so many years of emptiness and darkness. Iwaizumi could swear the lights seemed brighter, the air smelled sweeter, and the world seemed better again. He wove between the old bookshelves on his way back to the front allowing himself to actually hum that happy little song he’d been listening to as he approached the counter. 

The front attendant had his back turned as he sorted through a few book-tags slapping the little colored stickers on the top of different book covers with a graceful rhythm. Iwaizumi felt himself watching the man from the back admiring his slender shoulders sway as if he had no worries in the world with the kind of confidence that Iwaizumi was beginning to hope would be reentering his life again soon. 

“Excuse me,” Iwaizumi said placing the book down on the counter, “Just this book for me today, thanks.” 

He looked down through his pocket fishing out his wallet as the man waltzed up to the register and began to ring up the book. 

“Ooh good choice,” his smooth pleasant voice mused flashing a charming 100-watt smile, “This one is a favorite of mine.”

Iwaizumi felt his brow furrow instinctively at the sound of that voice as his eyes shot up faster than he could process. 

His blood ran cold. The air seemed to flee his lungs and Iwaizumi felt as though he just taken a punch to the gut. 

This didn’t make sense. He wasn’t seeing this. He was wrong. He was crazy. No, it was worse than that…he was seeing ghosts. 

“O-Oikawa?” 


	3. Chapter 3

“O-Oikawa?” 

Iwaizumi spat the word out so fast it almost sounded like he was choking. His head had whipped up from his downward gaze so quickly he could feel a sharp pain burning at the base of his neck. 

The other man looked caught off guard by his sudden intensity. He raised an eyebrow and cautiously set Iwaizumi’s book back on the counter taking a step backward. 

“I’m sorry?” He said with a lingering confusion burnt onto his face, “Who?”

“I-I…” Iwaizumi’s brain felt like it was full of TV static. 

Things had really been looking up today; he had thought everything was going to start turning around after this and he would finally be able to start putting his past behind him. Then _this_ had to go and happen and completely send him spiraling. 

The shop attendant stared at him intently. He had beautiful and striking dark brown eyes but they had a sharpness and severity that made them almost feel cold. 

“No one…I’m the one who’s sorry.” Iwaizumi said finally getting his thoughts in line and his shock back under control. 

He swallowed hard and clenched his own fist so hard that he felt the nails dig into his palm. 

The man still stared at him, evidently unconvinced by Iwaizumi’s apology and now alert and wary of him as a result. 

“Y-you just look like somebody that I used to know.” Iwaizumi tried to explain further

That seemed to complete the picture for the other man who appeared to relax and recompose himself. 

“Oh, I see,” the man laughed flashing that bright smile again, “I guess I just must have one of those faces!” 

Iwaizumi nodded reflexively. 

Was that really all this was? Iwaizumi remembered all those inkblot drawings Dr. Saito had shown him when they first began their sessions together. Dr. Saito had said that the images were all random ambiguous patterns but that his mind would try to find patterns in them and unconsciously project ideas and traumas onto the images giving them familiar shapes. Could that be what he was seeing? Was this just a projection coming back to haunt him?

He found himself staring closely at the other man who had turned away his attention for a moment to ring up Iwaizumi’s book. Frankly, the resemblance was spooky. That pale smooth skin, the soft brown curls, the intelligent and playful eyes…

But this couldn’t be Oikawa. Of course, it wasn’t, that was stupid. Stupid. Stupid!

Iwaizumi hadn’t realized how much mental space he had been reserving, without meaning to, wishing that he would see Oikawa again one day. Iwaizumi had forced himself to accept Oikawa’s death so many years ago, but some part of him had never let the last thread go. 

Iwaizumi felt his heart brake as he realized the pain he had been carrying. The childish hope of seeing a dead man again living and in the flesh. He was so stupid. 

“That’ll be 1500 yen.” The man said turning back to face Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi realized how poorly he must have been hiding his surprise and his frustration when the man turned back to him and did a double-take at Iwaizumi’s expression. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked suspiciously.

His voice was soft and musical, even the rhythms and patterns he spoke in felt familiar. Iwaizumi scowled, he hated this so much. It wasn’t fair that right when he was making his peace, he had to lose his mind and start seeing ghosts. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” he grumbled handing over the money, “Don’t worry about it.” 

The man cocked his head to the side and laughed. 

“How are you going to say ‘everything’s fine, don’t worry’ while you still have that pained expression plastered on your face?” 

Iwaizumi felt a half-smile sneak up the at the corners of his lips at being called out so boldly. 

“It’s just been a long…life.” He retorted hoping that his darker humor might still hit its mark 

It did. 

The other man broke into a toothy grin and threw his head back laughing. It was a warm and inviting kind of laugh that made Iwaizumi want to laugh too, but for some reason, he didn’t. Intuitively, Iwaizumi new that laugh wasn’t genuine.

“Well at least you’ve got a good sense of humor about it.” The man chuckled with a new fondness in his face

There it was again—that same laugh. This man was laughing and smiling, but it was fake. He was clearly thinking about something else when he said those words and whatever it was wasn’t so happy. His tone had had only the slightest hint of desolation, but Iwaizumi could sense it immediately. 

“It’s how I cope.” Iwaizumi offered flatly hoping it might prompt the other man to explain himself. 

“We all need something to get us through.” The man said with that forced smile.

He was trying to look and sound like he was joking, but maybe he related more than he wanted Iwaizumi to realize. 

In all of these years of hiding himself away from other people, Iwaizumi had forgotten how observant he had been with people when he was younger. It felt good to stretch those muscles again. He hadn’t lost _everything_ that made him who he was apparently. 

“Are _you_ okay?” Iwaizumi shot back now concerned for this other man.

This seriousness really caught the other man off guard. The facade dropped for just a second and Iwaizumi could see the surprise, fear, and curiosity all flash across that delicate but handsome face at once. 

“Oh, little old me?” The man tried to joke expertly forcing his facade back into place, “I’m just great! Why do you ask?” 

“My mistake.” Iwaizumi said 

The man watched him strikingly. They both knew what had just happened in that exchange. 

Iwaizumi found himself wishing he could understand which direction the cogs in this man’s head were spinning. 

Despite this man’s apparent resemblance to his childhood best friend, there was an aloofness and a careful withdrawnness to him that Oikawa had never displayed. This man kept a safe emotional distance and seemed almost habitually cautious and skeptical. 

Though Iwaizumi also had to admit that he had known Oikawa since they were children and this was was a stranger to him. 

He focused back onto the man wondering if he needed to make an excuse for his strange behavior. Instead, he found that the man’s wary diagnostic expression was melting into comfortable intrigue. 

“Can I ask your name?” Iwaizumi found himself saying before he himself knew he wanted to ask. 

The man's cheeks flushed with a rose tint and his eyes widened in surprise. 

“Rei Harada,” The man said with a minuscule quiver in his voice, “But you can call me Rei.” 

His surprise quickly settled and the man leaned forward across the counter and settled his chin on his raised palm. Iwaizumi felt his own face go red under such an attentive and enticing expression. 

Rei Harada. Iwaizumi wasn’t sure exactly what he was expecting but that seemed to settle the conflict in his chest. He knew in his mind that he was a fool for seeing Oikawa in this man’s face, but his heart had longed so ardently that he had let himself hope. 

“And what is your name Mr. Alien Novel Reader?” Rei asked back with a sickly sweet seductive tone. 

“Hajime Iwaizumi,” He said back, “People call me Iwaizumi.” 

The man frowned. 

“That is so boring.” he said firmly with a pout.

“My name is boring?” Iwaizumi said astonished by this guy's boldness and furrowing his brow almost angrily. 

Who just goes around making judgments on other people's names like this? Especially strange random customers who walk in at their places of work. Who the hell did this guy think he was? Iwaizumi genuinely couldn’t tell if he was mad or impressed at this guy for being so daring. Maybe both? Iwaizumi definitely admired it now more than he might have a few years ago since fearlessness hadn’t exactly been his primary character trait lately. 

“That’s kind of a shitty thing to say.” Iwaizumi said back with exaggerated indignation. 

Rei raised a hand up to his mouth in faux surprise making dramatic doe eyes feigning shock. 

“Rude!” He laughed, bantering back like it was the most natural thing in the world and letting his ears go red in the process. 

Iwaizumi felt himself laugh right alongside him. 

It was a moment before Iwaizumi realized that they were both laughing for real. How long had it been since Iwaizumi had laughed this hard with another person? And since when did he have long conversations with handsome strangers in book stores period? 

He felt comfortable talking to Rei. It was easy to talk with him like there was no pressure and they’d already been friends for years. 

Iwaizumi swallowed and let his smile slip by degrees as he found himself wondering if this time he was the one being fake. Could he be projecting Oikawa onto this man? Did he feel at home and safe talking to Rei because he looked like Oikawa? Was it all just bullshit? 

“Hey don’t lose your smile now.” Rei’s voice chided bringing Iwaizumi’s attention back up to him. 

His eyes showed a surprising kindness and concern for Iwaizumi that he hadn’t expected. Rei’s facade was down—however briefly—and he was watching Iwaizumi closely enough that he had noticed the shift in his mood. 

“You’ve got stories to tell.” Rei decided setting his jaw to the side with interest. 

“Not all good ones.” Iwaizumi said.

“Whose are?” Rei smirked breaking their eye contact and glancing away to hide his expression.

There was an unexpected sadness in his eyes as he turned away. When he turned back he had rebuilt his walls and was brandishing that hollow smile again. 

“You don’t have to do that.” Iwaizumi said 

“Do what?” 

“Smile when you’re not happy.” 

Rei’s expression dropped. His big eyes flashed with a cocktail of emotions rapidly cycling from happy to sad, then afraid to secure, and surprised to relieved. 

“Who said I’m not happy?” He challenged trying to keep his mask on. 

“Your eyes,” Iwaizumi said, “They give you away.” 

Rei looked at him with growing fascination through a steely and analytical stare. 

“We should go out sometime.” Rei decided. 

He spoke it was such authority that it was a statement and not a question. 

Iwaizumi felt his body lock up and all of the blood rush up to his face. 

“Oh look, I made you blush.” Rei grinned leaning in with an infuriating and flirtatious drawl. 

“Fuck off, no you didn’t.” Iwaizumi said clasping both hands against his cheek to bring down the heat and give him a second to think. 

The thing was that Iwaizumi really wanted to say yes. But he found himself hesitating. He’d never official come out or anything but most people had probably guessed by now so that wasn’t the problem. Still, he had never actually been out on a proper date like this before. He had never really met someone that he had wanted to date like this before. The closest he had come before was…

“I don’t think that is a good idea.” He said unfeelingly. 

Rei cocked his head to the side raising an eyebrow. 

“Is this about Oikawa?” He said 

Iwaizumi’s head snapped to attention and a volt of electricity shot down his spine as his jaw dropped open. 

“H-How do you know about Oikawa?” He stuttered suddenly reeling. 

Rei’s eyes gave him a sad but kind sort of look. 

“Earlier when you came up, you said that name. You said I looked like him.” 

Duh. 

“Oh..oh yeah…Sorry.” Iwaizumi felt his fluttering heart start to settle. 

That shitty little prick still had such a hold over him all these years later and the mention of his name was enough to make Iwaizumi jump. 

These few minutes talking to Rei had felt like hours and he had gotten so lost that he had let everything else slip away. He had almost let himself forget. 

“Ex-boyfriend?” Rei prompted with a disappointed but understanding expression.

“Something like that,” Iwaizumi said after a heartbeat of silence, “it’s complicated.” 

“I bet.” Rei said with a hint of amusement flickering across his features. 

Iwaizumi wanted to say yes but he couldn’t shake the feeling that it was wrong. He wasn’t even sure he could trust his own judgment right now especially if his eyes really were playing tricks on him. That wasn’t fair to someone else. What if he was just seeing what he wanted to? What if he got hurt again? What if he hurt Rei this time? 

“How about we start with a cup of coffee sometime?” Rei said interrupting Iwaizumi’s spiraling “I promise I don’t bite. I just want to hear some of those stories, good or bad.” 

His tone was so even and musical that Iwaizumi could feel himself getting lured in. This guy must have some kind of magical power. 

“I’d like that.” He finally said 

Rei broke out a real genuine smile this time and Iwaizumi felt his heart race. 

“Great! I’ll try not to make you blush again, even if you did look super cute all flustered like that.” He teased playfully. 

Iwaizumi felt his tired shoulder fall and a relieved smile crossed his face. 

“Even if I show up as the guy with the most boring name there?” He joked back. 

“Even then.” Rei assured him with a chuckle, “Though maybe I’ll have to come up with a nickname or something.” 

Iwaizumi felt his smile widen. “You do that, I’ll be waiting to hear it.” 

It felt good. 

“Oh it’ll be a good one, very cute I’m sure. I’m already working on it!” He promised seriously despite the very unserious and goofy timbre of his voice, “Wednesday around noon?” Rei asked with a whimsical flourish handing him his book across the counter.

“Sure, sounds good!” Iwaizumi promised flashing a smile of his own and taking the book in his hands—holding it tight to his chest. 

Iwaizumi found himself remembering how good it felt to look forward to things again. Not everything had to be doom and gloom. It was like a light at the end of the tunnel and he was starting to feel the warm glow.

“I’ll see you then Rei.” He said turning to leave with a super lame affection in his voice that he would have mocked anyone else for. 

Just as he had opened the door and was crossing the threshold of the shop—hearing that little gold bell ring—Rei’s voice called back to him. 

“See you then Iwa-chan!”


	4. Chapter 4

Iwaizumi collapsed onto his bed the moment he crossed the threshold of his apartment. His muscles felt tense beneath his skin and his eyes refused to focus as he stared blankly at his ceiling replaying that moment over and over again in his head. 

————————————————

“See you then Iwa-chan!” Rei’s voice had called after him as his feet hit the pavement outside. 

Iwaizumi felt himself swallow hard and whip around on his heels eyes bulging out of his skull and jaw hanging open in shock. 

Rei flinched taking a step back as Iwaizumi lurched through the door again--he had a nervous startled look on his face. 

“What did you say?” Iwaizumi demanded watching Rei with disbelief. 

Rei cocked his head sideways like he wasn’t exactly sure how to respond.

“Uh…I said I’ll see you then,” He said slowly watching Iwaizumi closely, “For our date?” 

Iwaizumi felt his eyes narrow and he consciously closed his mouth suddenly overly aware of how aggressive he must have seemed.

“No, after that. Y-you called me Iwa-chan.” He explained. 

Rei raised an eyebrow and rolled his eyes up and to the side like he was trying to remember. 

“Oh?” he said thinking back, “Uh, yeah I guess I did. I was just trying out a new nickname.” 

Rei had clearly pulled himself back and was eyeing Iwaizumi cautiously again. 

“But why that one?” Iwaizumi challenged 

He knew he was coming on too strong but his heart was pounding and he couldn’t seem to reel himself in. Those words meant a lot. He hadn’t been called that in years. No one else had ever called him that before. 

“I don’t know,” Rei muttered, “It just kind of rolled off my tongue I guess.”

Iwaizumi couldn’t be sure but Rei himself seemed almost as puzzled by it as he did. 

“I can use a different nickname.” Rei offered trying to defuse Iwaizumi. 

This was crazy. He was being crazy! He could feel exactly how crazy he was being and how insane he must have looked through Rei’s eyes right now. He needed to calm down before he ruined this. 

Iwaizumi shook his head forcing down his shock and trying to relax his features enough to look reassuring. 

“No,” he said as softly as he could, “It’s fine. Sorry, that was my mistake.” 

Rei raised an eyebrow and looked like he wanted to say more but Iwaizumi felt his body move for him abruptly ending the conversation. 

————————————————

Iwaizumi groaned just thinking about the whole interaction. 

He rolled onto his front and buried his head in his pillow letting out a frustrated scream into the cloth. 

He had definitely come on too strong and Rei was probably super freaked out now. He had just ruined the first normal interaction he had had in years and even worse he had probably thrown out his chance to get to know Rei better. 

He let out an exhausted sigh rolling onto his back and letting a film of warm tears form in his eyes. He felt his lip quiver and no matter how hard he tried to hold it in, a tear escaped and rolled down the side of his face opening the flood gates. 

Gripping the front of his shirt, he scrunched his face up and shut his eyes as hard as possible allowing a sob to escape his lips. Why did his life have to be this complicated? What had he ever done to deserve this? 

His thoughts started running in frantic circles imagining every possible outcome of this situation. He imagined Rei smiling and laughing it off telling Iwaizumi he didn’t mind and still wanted to get to know him. Iwaizumi smiled. He imagined Rei standing him up for their date and walking away thinking that Iwaizumi was crazed and threatening and scary. Iwaizumi bit his lip. 

“Somewhere in the middle.” He recited out loud breathlessly trying to disrupt his own thought patterns. 

Dr. Saito had once told him that one of the best things for anxiety was disturbing his own train of thought before it could get out of control and he lost control. _‘Imagine the worst possible outcome…and now picture the best one’_. Dr. Saito’s advice echoed. _‘The truth is somewhere in the middle, so take a breath and hold on to the middle.’_

Iwaizumi found himself nodding and sucking in a deep breath that filled his lungs and slowed his heart. He raised a hand up to his forehead and dragged it down his face in frustration shaking his head and tossing onto his side. The more he breathed and the longer he laid in the dark the more and more he felt exactly how exhausted he had become throughout the day. He allowed his heavy lids to close and breathed in the detergent scent clinging to his sheets as he wrapped himself in their warmth. His muscles relaxed and he gave in to sleep allowing it to wash over him and take this night away. 

————————————————

Iwaizumi wished that he could say the dreams that awaited him were peaceful and kind but instead he found himself fending off waves upon waves of nightmares. 

For a moment he felt like he was drowning—his lungs burning to breathe and the sight of the surface disappearing with each passing second as he sunk deeper in the water's depth. A moment later he was falling through the air feeling the sharp sting of the wind tear against his skin as he tumbled helplessly through the clouds watching the ground grow closer and closer. 

Another moment later he was in darkness until a voice spoke and the world around him exploded with light. He stumbled forward with his hand up blocking the stark white glow from his eyes until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned and felt every worry leave his body as he saw Oikawa waiting for him with a warm and true smile on his face. 

“Iwa-chan!” His voice echoed and he reached out towards Iwaizumi embracing him in a tight hug. 

Iwaizumi felt Oikawa’s warmth against his fingers and broke the embrace just to see Oikawa’s face again. He felt his heart break as he realized how young his friend still looked in his memory. He looked the same that he had the day he had disappeared. He had never grown up. 

“Oikawa.” Iwaizumi heard his own voice answer fondly. 

Iwaizumi felt the air around him grow cold and he found his eyes wandering up to see the black darkness overtaking the white light again like a rolling fog blocking out the sun. 

Iwaizumi spun back to Oikawa and for a moment instead of his childhood friend he saw Rei. Then, as quickly as the image had come, it was gone and a young Oikawa stood before him again. 

“Oikawa?” 

The boy just gave him a sad peaceful smile and clasped Iwaizumi’s hand in his own coiling their fingers together and pressing his palm into Iwaizumi’s. Oikawa met his eyes seriously and nodded wordlessly as if they had just made a silent pact and he was trusting Iwaizumi with something serious and important. 

“What do you need?” Iwaizumi begged feeling helpless and confused. “How can I help?!”

Oikawa didn’t answer but his sad smile bled into fear as the black mist began to encircle him and pulled his body back into its depth as he dissolved into the fog.

“NO!” Iwaizumi screamed desperately clawing at Oikawa trying to hold his body against his own but feeling with each pounding heartbeat that Oikawa was melting away and falling through his fingers like dust. 

————————————————

Iwaizumi woke with a start. His heart was pounding violently against his ribcage and he could feel cold sweat pouring down his face and soaking through his shirt. 

Breathlessly he arched his back and bent his head down into his cupped fingers until his breathing calmed and evened out again. Shaking his head, he reached for a glass of water on his nightstand and cursed as his eyes landed on his alarm clock and he realized it read 9:34 am and he was officially late for work. 

He leaped out of bed and thoughtlessly pulled on a wrinkled button-down shirt that had been draped over his desk chair. He jumped into a pair of dress pants fumbling out of his room and into the bathroom to brush his teeth almost falling over and getting tangled in his shower curtain in the process. 

Within minutes he was out the door of his apartment looking like exactly as big of a mess as he felt inside. 

The first bit of luck he had that day was catching the bus he needed before it left the stop at the end of his block. He managed to squeeze into a seat and pull out his phone to send a text message letting his coworkers know he was running late. 

He practically flew off of the bus at the stop closest to his office and found himself racing through the lobby and sliding into the elevator. When he reached his floor, he peered around the door watching for witnesses as he slipped back to his desk and melted into the chair already exhausted.

“It’s not like you to be late Iwaizumi.” A voice behind him teased. 

He spun around in his chair relieved to see a familiar face. With neatly styled gray hair and calm understanding hazel eyes, Sugawara was a welcome sight. 

“It was a long night.” He surmised, short and sweet, knowing it wouldn’t breed any follow-up questions. 

Suga laughed and handed him a cup of coffee. 

“You’ll need this more than me then.” He said jokingly. 

Iwaizumi took the mug gratefully and drank the hot bitter liquid like it was gasoline and he was a race car sputtering to a halt. 

“You’ll need that caffeine for the mountain of reports I heard Takahashi left you if you’re going to get them all in on time.” Sugawara informed him lightly in a way that seemed to mock ‘thank god it's not my job.’ 

“Oh yeah? And what exactly do you know about getting reports in on time?” Iwaizumi shot back looking begrudgingly at the stack of new files that had been left on his desk. 

“I know that I don’t like to do them and that’s why I ended up in the art department not the accounting department like some masochists I’ve met.” He said eyeing Iwaizumi with an exaggerated judgment in his eyes. 

Iwaizumi felt himself scowl knowing full and well that he hated accounting too and would rather be doing literally anything else on the planet. When he was looking for work accounting had seemed safe and boring, and that was its own appeal, but the monotony was already building and Iwaizumi was increasingly miserable with each new spreadsheet he was given. 

When he was younger Iwaizumi had dreamt of making his career in sports. He had never worked out exactly what he wanted to do but Oikawa had teased that he would allow Iwaizumi to be his personal athletic trainer when he grew up to be a famous volleyball player. 

Those days were gone though. Iwaizumi had given up on volleyball after his first year at Aoba Johsai and found it painful to touch anything related to it these days. Playing volleyball alone and learning that it might have been the thing that had gotten Oikawa noticed and taken had removed any attraction the game might have once had. It hurt too much. 

Sugawara had been a volleyball player from a different school called Karasuno that Aoba Johsai had played against back when Iwaizumi still played. They had only played in tournaments and practice matches a handful of times—but Sugawara had always been a nice if not a little strange kind of guy. Iwaizumi had been reassured when he heard that Suga would be working for the same company after his big move from Miyagi. 

Suga worked in the art department overseeing a creative team though so Iwaizumi usually didn’t see much of him. Iwaizumi had always been a little jealous of Suga’s success leading a team so young but he knew that he was probably more bitter at himself for not being as far along in life by now as he should have been than he actually was at Suga. 

“Oh go play with your crayons Sugawara, the adults have accounts to balance.” Iwaizumi countered. 

“A pleasure as always Iwaizumi,” Sugawara laughed getting ready to leave, “Oh! Don’t forget we need those files from last week finalized before the lunch meeting Wednesday.” 

Iwaizumi cursed. 

“I’ll get them in but, I uh…well, I won’t be at the Wednesday meeting.” Iwaizumi said carefully remembering his new plans. 

Sugawara raised an eyebrow skeptically. 

“Why not? You got a hot date?” 

“Yeah.” 

Suga stopped and slowly turned his head with his eyes bulging out of their sockets. 

“Wait, what?! You? Really?” He pressed with a sudden influx of energy. 

“You don’t have to sound so surprised.” Iwaizumi felt his face go a little red. 

Was it really that obvious? 

“Iwaizumi I have known you since high school and never once have you ever gone on a date or shown any interest in another person that way.” Suga said amazed. 

“Well, I have a date so I won’t be there. Make an excuse for me huh?” Iwaizumi said shortly, “And come on, I am not that bad.” 

“You really are.” 

“Fuck you, get the hell out of here.” 

Sugawara laughed still basking in astonishment at this shocking new revelation. 

“Well damn, go get him, tiger,” Suga chuckled before leaning in and narrowing his eyes with sudden interest, “You excited?”

“I don’t know.” Iwaizumi said flatly opening up a file on his computer and trying to wave off Sugawara before his discomfort became clear. 

“Sure you do, you’re just doing that thing where you deflect and don’t talk about your feelings.” 

Iwaizumi sighed, Sugawara really was as relentless in real life as he had been in volleyball. 

“Honestly it might not even really be anything serious okay,” Iwaizumi admitted remembering what a fool he had made of himself, “I probably already scared him off. I was being really weird.” 

Sugawara’s expression folded into curiosity and his eyes seemed to press into Iwaizumi demanding more information. He could be a force of nature when he wanted to—his sense for other people and his ability to get along with just about anyone made him dangerous. 

“D-do you remember back when we were in school,” Iwaizumi began slowly trying to think how he should phrase this, “that my friend from junior high disappeared?” 

Sugawara’s entire body language changed. Suddenly his pestering intensity was gone and his eyes and shoulders were soft and kind. He nodded encouraging Iwaizumi to continue. 

Iwaizumi didn’t even really know why he was talking about this but Sugawara had a way of getting people to open up. It was annoying. 

“Yeah the Kitagawa Daiichi setter,” Suga said remembering back, “He was amazing. It was a big shock to everyone when that happened.” 

It had been the main topic of conversation for almost two years in Miyagi. It had even made national news for a while so it wasn’t surprising that Sugawara remembered it clearly. 

“Well, I don’t know…this guy he, uh,” Iwaizumi stumbled with growing frustration in his inability to just say what he meant, “The guy I am going on the date with just kind of reminds me of him.” 

Sugawara’s eyes were wide. 

“I think that might have made me act really weird and I am worried I already scared him off.” 

Sugawara gave him an understanding smile. 

“You’ve been through a lot, Iwaizumi. If this doesn’t work out its not the end, but I have a feeling you’ll get your chance to explain yourself and if he sticks around to hear you out then he’ll be one lucky guy.” 

Iwaizumi laughed bashfully and found himself hoping Sugawara was right. 

“Oh! That reminds me, did you take a look at any of those new cases yet?” Sugawara asked pointing to the reports stacked in Iwaizumi’s To-Do basket. 

“No, not yet. Why is there something special coming in?” 

Sugawara gave a mischievous smile. 

“That’s actually why I came up to talk to you before you mentioned your love life, Casanova.” He said eyeing Iwaizumi mysteriously and very pleased that he knew a secret Iwaizumi didn’t, “We’ve got a new client.” 

“And do I get to know who it is before I die of old age?” 

“It’s the Japanese National Volleyball League.” 

Iwaizumi felt his jaw drop. 

“And that’s not the best part…” Suga tantalized leaning in as if this was some extremely juicy gossip and he was the only girl at the sleepover who knew it, “Do you know who the top client coming in later today to discuss the account is?” 

“I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.” 

“Ushijima Wakatoshi.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." - A. A. Milne

Ushijima Wakatoshi. Now there was a name that Iwaizumi would never forget. That was a name that had struck both awe and fear into him for years when he was younger but had only ever struck only envy and resentment in Oikawa. 

————————————————

The ball smashed onto the hard gym floor with such force that it appeared to slice through the air around it before hitting its mark with terrifying precision. The impact could be felt across the court and for a moment time stopped as all eyes turned back to the unguarded court position where it had made its deadly landing. 

Iwaizumi felt a cold bead of sweat streak down his neck. It had blown passed him so fast that he hadn’t even seen it coming. 

He was supposed to be the ace and yet even he had been completely at the whim of a serve with that kind of unquestionable power. 

“Damn it,” Oikawa cursed beside him, “Saw it coming and still couldn’t get to it in time.” 

He wore an uncharacteristic scowl on his face as he leered across the court and through the net. His bitter eyes locked in on the Shiratorizawa Junior High ace Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

“You could see that thing coming?” Iwaizumi breathed in awe. 

Oikawa’s scowl deepened as he kept staring straight ahead unaware that Iwaizumi had even spoken. 

Tooru Oikawa had always been a pretty silly kind of guy overall, but the humor and levity that he usually radiated in any other part of life took a forced back seat to his more competitive and aggressive nature when it came to volleyball. He’d always been like that, but this kind of intensity was something new from him. Iwaizumi had to admit it worried him seeing Oikawa looking so defeated. 

“Damn him.” Oikawa’s voice sneered in a pointed whisper with sour loathing dripping from his voice. 

Iwaizumi could feel his annoyance rising. 

“Hey, Shittykawa!” He snapped. 

Oikawa bristled at that nickname and his eyes unfixed from Ushijima’s position and turned back to Iwaizumi. 

“Would you knock that fatalist attitude of yours off and focus on the game you dumbass?” He sneered, “Obsessing over it isn’t going to win back that point. But if you focus on winning the next one, maybe you actually can.” 

Oikawa’s brown eyes widened and then softened as his tortured expression melted back into his effortlessly confident facade. Their team took their next rotation and Oikawa readied himself in the serving position. 

“Hey, Iwa-chan?” His voice mused spinning the ball easily between his slender fingers.

“What is it, idiot?” 

“Thanks,” He said setting his eyes back on the other side of the net scanning the floor and finally looking passed Ushijima and onto Shiratorizawa as a whole, “This one’s for you.” 

He gave a little smirk and tossed the ball in front of him. His feet locked into place for a running start and he launched into the air swinging his arms behind him like wings for extra a shot of extra momentum. In the air, it looked for a moment like he could have been flying untouched by the weight of the world. Then his arm came whipping through the air making a perfect connection with the ball and launching it like a bullet to an exposed spot on the enemy’s court with unmatched precision. 

Cheers erupted all around them. 

Oikawa’s feet landed back safely on the court and he raised a fist in victory. There were more cheers and Iwaizumi felt a smile open across his lips and he turned to Oikawa to celebrate expecting an elated and cocky grin from his friend but inside saw a cold and unfazed look in those dark brown eyes. Iwaizumi followed his line of sight over to the scoreboard and understood that Oikawa had already blown passed any joy that serve could have brought him and was already thinking about the next point. 

“Damn you,” Iwaizumi cursed under his breath trying to contain the rage he felt boiling over inside and feeling a deep mournful pain in his chest, “You are never satisfied. You are never done. Why can’t you just be happy now?!” 

Oikawa prepared for another serve. His analytic eyes already calculating his odds before he even had the ball in the air. 

Iwaizumi already knew the answer to his question before he even asked it. 

It’s because this is who you are. It’s because you will never be happy until you’re done and you may just destroy yourself before you get there. 

————————————————

“Ushijima Wakatoshi huh?” Iwaizumi brooded for a moment leaning back in his chair, “Imagine that.” 

“Tell me about it,” Sugawara laughed turning to leave, “It’s funny how people from our pasts find their way into our lives again.” 

Suga’s words hung in their air as he left. Iwaizumi felt their sharp sting like a slap on the cheek.

Iwaizumi tried to focus on the mountain of reports he knew he needed to complete but found his head was swirling with memories and doubts keeping him from focusing. 

The day passed in a haze as he tried desperately to focus any energy he had into his work failing, again and again, to manage more than a few productive minutes at a time before he was ripped away again. The idea of seeing Ushijima Wakatoshi again was a painful one. Iwaizumi knew how much pain he had brought Oikawa when they were younger but at the same time, Iwaizumi knew it wasn’t fair to blame Ushijima for that. If it hadn’t been Ushijima it just would have been someone else after all. 

Iwaizumi found himself wondering how much a guy like Ushiwaka might have changed over the years. He had played against him a few more times over his year on the team at Aoba Johsai but had not seen or heard much about him since. It had been big news when he had been named as a member of the Japanese National Volleyball team but other than that Iwaizumi had no clue what to expect. 

Would he even recognize the guy after all these years? Would Ushijima recognize him? Though that last one felt a little silly since Iwaizumi had only played one high school season. There was no real reason for Ushijima to remember him from back then. 

By the time his clock struck 4 pm he had wrapped up a few smaller and frankly mindless projects but hadn’t even touched the stack of larger demands with his name on them. But he slid a stack of manila file folders off of his desk and plucked a pen and notebook from his drawer as he made his way down to the conference room for his meeting. 

Iwaizumi slipped into a seat at the conference table and laid out his notebook. Slowly, other people from different departments that Iwaizumi vaguely recognized streamed into the room and took their seats around the table. Eventually, Sugawara made an appearance too with a few other members of the art team trailing behind him taking a seat at the front of the table. 

The clock hit 4:30 pm and there was still no sign of the ace. Any serious conversation around the table had mostly died off as the day was getting later and had been replaced with mindless chatter as most people were becoming more concerned with leaving work on time and not missing their trains than this meeting. 

The sound of heavy footsteps echoing through the hallway made their way into the room, catching the attention of everyone in attendance before the door opened and Ushijima Wakatoshi entered the room. 

He had the same commanding presence that he had been known for in Junior High—that was without a doubt. He was much taller than he had been years ago, probably almost 6’4’’ now, and almost pure muscle. He radiated a sort of authority and intimidating power that forced a hush over the gathered group. 

“I apologize for the delay.” He said in a low even voice concisely bowing his head. 

No one spoke at first as everyone in attendance was still struggling under the weight of his frightening energy. 

“No problem at all Ushijima-san,” Sugawara said breaking the silence with a smile, “Shall we begin?” 

Ushijima nodded and took a seat. 

The meeting went by quickly and most of it flew over Iwaizumi’s already spinning head. He understood enough to know they’d be handling the advertisement and accounting needs of the national team which was aiming to expand some of their influence and change the reputation of the organization in hopes of increasing recruiting demands. 

The meeting ended up being pretty quick and things were wrapping up after only half an hour. Iwaizumi had made a few notes, just hoping to look busy, but Sugawara had ended up leading most of the discussion and Iwaizumi was in awe of him. 

From the beginning, Sugawara had been the only person in the room that hadn’t been caught off guard by Ushijima’s fierce aura. He wasn’t scared of him and he spoke to him easily as if they were old friends. 

Iwaizumi wondered if that was the result of the infamous Shiratorizawa vs. Karasuno match from their third year of high school. That defeat was huge news throughout the prefecture. Could that be why Sugawara wasn’t afraid of Ushiwaka?

The meeting ended and most people left quickly not wanting a further confrontation with the Japanese national ace. 

Suga stuck around though and was talking fluidly with him at the back of the room. Iwaizumi watched them as he put his own materials away and prepared to make his exit. He stopped though when Suga and Ushijima both turned to face him at the same time and Ushijima began walking over to him. 

“Iwaizumi Hajime.” Ushijima said flatly. 

“Uh, yeah?” Iwaizumi said lamely wondering why he was still so nervous around this guy and why he still felt so conflicted in his presence after all this time.

“From Kitagawa Daiichi and Aoba Johsai?” He phrased it like a question but his tone was even and conversational. 

Iwaizumi had to admit he was surprised that the ace had any memory of him at all. Maybe Suga had been talking about him?

“Yeah,” he said with surprising confidence, “You played for Shiratorizawa back in school?”

Iwaizumi tried to phrase it like a question hoping it didn’t seem like he had been thinking about this guy all day—even if he had been. 

Ushijima nodded. “You were duo partners with Oikawa Tooru in Junior High.” 

Iwaizumi tried to push down the shock that was rising in him. He clenched his jaw shut just to keep it from hanging open and giving away his amazement. 

“That’s right,” He spat out those words with a defensive vitriol that surprised even Sugawara, “What about it?”

Ushijima seemed unbothered by his tone. 

“I remember him well,” he said bluntly, “Miyagi volleyball wasn’t the same without him. It was a shame to hear about what happened to him.”

Iwaizumi swallowed hard. He had to use every ounce of his strength not to punch Ushijima in the face. He was conflicted about a lot of his feelings when it came to Ushijima and volleyball as a whole but that didn’t mean he was fine with other people carelessly tossing Oikawa’s name around like this—especially in the past tense. 

“He didn’t care for you too much.” Iwaizumi spat probably even more rudely than he meant to.

Sugawara’s face looked appalled and like he wanted to melt through the walls from embarrassment. 

Ushijima just let go a small smile and something that almost could have been mistaken for a chuckle. Iwaizumi really couldn’t decide if this guy was oblivious to his tone or if he just didn’t care. 

“Believe me,” he said seriously, “I remember.” 

Iwaizumi felt his eyebrow creep up. 

“You do?” 

Ushijima gave him a harsh look but sighed and relaxed his body. 

“Did he ever tell you that he was scouted to come play for Shiratorizawa before high school?” 

Iwaizumi felt the blood drain out of his face. 

“H-He what?” 

Ushijima nodded. 

“After that last game in Junior High. The one with those three service aces in a row, do you remember?” He said. 

Iwaizumi nodded remembering that game and the cold shrewdness Oikawa had shown in his desperation to win that day. He would never forget that day. 

“Our coach became determined that he play for us in high school,” Ushijima mused as if remembering it fondly himself, “He spent the entire following summer trying to recruit Oikawa to Shiratorizawa but every time he sent a scout to speak with him, Oikawa shut him down and refused.” 

Iwaizumi’s heart skipped a beat. His genuine surprise must have been obvious as Ushijima watched him with amusement. 

“Apparently he flat out rejected every attempt. Rumor had it he even told our coach that he would never play on a team without you—Iwaizumi Hajime—as his ace and vowed to defeat Shiratorizawa no matter which school he played for.” There was a curious delight in his voice.

Iwaizumi could feel his pulse in his throat as his heartbeat against his ribs. 

“He said that?” 

Ushijima shrugged. “It's what they said.” 

His expression changed and turned stoney as his eyes narrowed. 

“After that same game I confronted him, before the teams left the arena, and told him to accept the request to play for us,” he clearly remembered it vividly and was still beguiled by whatever had happened that day, “He rebuffed me and made the wrong choice that day. He was too prideful to take it back and join us. He should have come to Shiratorizawa.” 

Iwaizumi jerked his jaw to the side hearing the joint crack. He felt like he’d been struck with a bolt of lightning.

“I appreciate you telling me that Ushijima,” he said unfeelingly before allowing his true feelings to shine through, “But don’t you ever say Oikawa made the wrong choice again. Keep his name out of your mouth.” 

Iwaizumi flashed his harsh gaze onto Ushijima who immediately recognized the anger in them. 

He frowned and turned away to leave. 

“I apologize if I hit a nerve,” he said honestly, “I only meant to say that his skill was exceptional and to express my condolences for his loss.” 

“You’ve said your piece, now leave.” Iwaizumi growled. 

“Hey, that’s not quite fa-“ Sugawara started before Ushijima cut him off his a raised palm. 

For a moment Iwaizumi noticed the puzzling glow of a gold band on his left ring finger. 

“No, he’s quite right.” Ushijima said making his exit with one last curious and fascinated look over his shoulder at Iwaizumi. 

With that, everything made more sense. Ushijima didn’t remember Iwaizumi as a volleyball player. He remembered him as the reason Oikawa had refused an offer to play as Shiratorizawa’s setter. 

Once Ushijima had gone from the room Sugawara turned to Iwaizumi with a horrified look on his face. 

“What the hell was that Iwaizumi?!” 

Iwaizumi scowled and look down. 

“I’m sorry,” he said sorely, “That guy just pisses me off.”

Suga sighed and wilted his head into his hands. 

“Oh well, not a real loss I guess,” he finally decided almost laughing, “He’s not the kind of guy to take that personally. Honestly, he’s got some kind of superpower to be so unaffected by the things people have to say about him.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“Don't you remember all that stuff about him in the news last year?” 

“No.” 

Suga almost laughed. “Well considering your address is just under the biggest rock in Japan I guess that makes sense.”

“Fuck off.” 

“There was some big news story last year about him getting engaged to a chocolatier in Paris but I can’t remember why it was such a controversy.” 

“That guy is engaged?” Iwaizumi almost choked.

“Married now, I think.” 

Maybe there was more to him than Iwaizumi was giving him credit for but Oikawa was a sensitive topic and it was like he lost control of himself when other people talked about him. 

“Speaking of getting married did you ever make a plan for that date of yours?” Suga said with that annoying nosey look coming back up on his face. 

Sugawara’s desire to put his own second-hand embarrassment behind him and change the subject was palpable. 

“I’m not talking about this to you Suga. We’re at work.” 

“Okay, so that’s a no. Lame.” 

“We’re getting coffee.” Iwaizumi said throwing his hands up in the air in surrender. 

“Boring!” 

“It’s the first date!” Iwaizumi argued, “And as you have been quick to point out, I don’t go on a lot of those. This seemed like a good low-stress way to do it!” 

“Boooo!” 

“I’m going to punch you in the face and it is going to hurt.” 

“Sawamura would be mad if you did,” Suga teased, “And he’s a cop.”

“We’ll see who’s faster then, my fist tor your cop boyfriend.” 

“God, you are no fun!” 

“None at all. It’s an art.” 

They both stared at each other seriously until the tension broke and their stares fell apart into smiles and laughs. It was amazing how exhausted Iwaizumi felt after today and after his confrontation with Ushijima laughing felt like the most satisfying release in the world. 

“But seriously, maybe you should do something more adventurous.” Sugawara said still stifling his laughter and wiping a single tear away from his eye.

“Like what?” 

“I don’t know what kinds of dates did you go on for fun in school?” 

Iwaizumi frowned. “You know I didn’t date.” 

“Yeah but you must have done something for fun, what was it?” 

“I just played volleyball.” 

“All that time?” 

“Pretty much. That’s all he ever wanted to do.” 

There was a moment of silence. Iwaizumi almost didn’t realize what he had said but the kindness and sadness in Sugawara’s eyes reminded him. ‘He’ that word hung in the air for a moment in silence. It was undefined but they both knew who he meant. 

“It seems like you’ve been thinking about him a lot more recently.” 

Iwaizumi shrugged hoping Suga would just drop the topic but his comforting body language made it clear that he was firmly dedicated to his new mission of making Iwaizumi open up. 

“Yeah, I guess.” 

“Was it something Dr. Saito had you working on?”

“Nah.” Iwaizumi refused to meet Suga’s eyes.

He let the silence settle as he fiddled with his fingers nervously pushing back the cuticles and tapping his foot trying to think of what to say back or if he even wanted to go on. He let out a deep sigh and dropped his shoulders giving into Suga knowing that it was probably better to just say something than to keep it in. 

“This weekend…” Iwaizumi started trying to keep his voice even, “it’s the ten year anniversary of…you know. And his mom called me and wants me to come back for some kind of morbid memorial thing. I was just starting to put things behind me and I really don’t know if I can handle ripping those wounds open again.” 

Suga’s eyes were wide and understanding. He placed a hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. 

“That’s a lot,” he said turning away from Iwaizumi as a kindness so there was no pressure to hide his emotions, “No wonder you’ve been seeing him everywhere.” 

“Do you think I’m crazy?” Iwaizumi asked suddenly shocking himself at the sheer boldness of his question. 

Sugawara’s back was still turned but it was clear he smiled. He gripped Iwaizumi’s shoulder comfortingly. 

“No. I think you’ve been through a lot of pain already in your life and its hard to move on. I think it’s probably hard to know if you even want to move on at all. I think you need to be kinder to yourself and that going on this date might be a way to do something fun with someone that seems to have put a smile back on your face for the first time in a long time.” 

Iwaizumi let himself smile. 

“That is sappy as hell.” 

“That is my specialty,” Suga teased putting extra effort into his voice to make himself sound happy and reassuring before copying Iwaizumi’s own words, “It’s an art.” 

After another moment without speaking, Iwaizumi broke the silence. 

“What would you do? On the date I mean. Is coffee really that boring?”

“Nah,” Suga chuckled, “Was really just giving you a hard time. Promise.”

“But what would you do? It's just that…” he bit the inside of his cheek a little embarrassed, “Well I just want to make a good impression you know?”

Suga thought for a second. 

“I would do something that you like,” Suga said honestly, “I think when you do things on dates that are true to who you are and are actually what you like to do, it helps you understand each other. It’s honest.” 

“I don’t even know if I know what that is anymore.” Iwaizumi laughed miserably. 

“What about volleyball then?” 

Iwaizumi stopped. His hands shook a little as he raked his fingers through his hair. 

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” 

“What Ushiwaka said really got to you huh?” 

Iwaizumi stopped for a minute wanting to argue or lash out but deciding it wasn’t worth it and just nodded instead. 

“I never knew he was scouted.” Iwaizumi admitted in a whisper. 

“Yeah, that was probably a big shock.” 

Iwaizumi forced his gaze up to the ceiling to keep any tears from forming. 

“It’s weird to still be learning things about a guy we buried ten years ago.” 

Iwaizumi said the word buried with an unintentional snap knowing full and well that that coffin had been empty and they’d never found Oikawa’s body. That funeral had been supposed to bring them closure, but in too many ways it was one of the things that kept Iwaizumi from really letting go. 

“It’s like…we were pretty much as close as two people could be growing up.” Iwaizumi mused, “That idiot was always around me and never left me alone so…it’s weird to be reminded that he was his own person with his own life and secrets and that things happened to him that I will never know about because I lost my chance to ask.” 

“It must be hard,” Suga said slowly in an unusually sad voice, “never knowing for sure what happened. I think if it were me…I’d probably obsess about it and have a really hard time.” 

“Yeah.” 

Iwaizumi felt his brow furrow. “And that’s why I stopped playing volleyball. It was something that we did together and it’s just not the same without him. It felt like a lie or a betrayal spiking a ball that someone else set for me…”

Sugawara turned back to Iwaizumi with a serious fixed look in his eyes, “It sounds like volleyball was something that was special to you growing up.” He began, “It was something that was special to both of you—it brought you joy. So, if playing it again had even the smallest chance of making you smile again, I have to believe Oikawa would want you to play it again.”

Iwaizumi felt his heart flip and a sharp pain come in from behind his eyes as he fought the tears he knew were coming. 

“I didn’t know him well but, he doesn’t sound like the kind of guy that would have wanted you to spend your life avoiding the things that could make you happy.” 

The tears came easier that Iwaizumi expected. 

“But he refused to play without me,” Iwaizumi said unsteadily, “He said we would win together and he was loyal to me. I can’t…I can’t betray him.”

“Iwaizumi…” Suga’s voice began, “Did you ever think that maybe he turned them down because playing volleyball with you was what made him happy too? That playing with you was what brought him joy and that it's not disloyal to carry on his joy for him?” 

Iwaizumi was stunned. He lifted his chin and felt an uneasiness settle in. 

“I don’t know if joy is the word.” Iwaizumi said sadly remembering that look in Oikawa’s eyes and the way he only talked about the next point, the next game, the next victory. 

“Maybe it's not so simple,” Suga admitted, “But maybe I’m naive enough to believe that people don't dedicate their lives to a game—or playing that game with a specific person—the way Oikawa did, if that game, or person, doesn’t make their life better every day.” 

_Or person._

Iwaizumi felt his expression crumble. 

Sugawara placed his warm hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder again and gave a comforting squeeze. 

“You deserve to be happy again Iwaizumi,” Suga said in almost a whisper, “Please at least give yourself a chance.” 

Wiping a tear away Iwaizumi nodded. 

For a moment he imagined playing volleyball again. He could almost feel the smooth surface of the ball in his hands, the sting against his palm that came from a perfect spike, and the endorphins in his blood that came from putting his all into something again. He had almost forgotten what it felt like to care about something so much that losing it hurt. 

That was that. It was decided. Coffee first. Volleyball second. He would play again and the idea of playing again with Rei made him smile. 

“I will.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Don’t be a coward.” Iwaizumi hissed under his breath combing his fingers through his hair with one hand and wrestling his necktie into a messy knot with the other. 

He couldn’t seem to get his hair right and every time he tried to fix it he just seemed to make it worse. One side was lying too flat and the other seemed to be out of control with frizz and tangles. To make matter worse, when one side seemed to be fixed the other would respond by springing back to its original state no matter how much combing or styling he tried. 

The harsh fluorescent lights in the bathrooms at his office weren’t helping his confidence and ever time the door opened or a flush came from one of the stalls it pushed him closer and closer to needing a stress-induced coronary bypass. He could see the increasingly annoyed and frustrated look on his own red face in his reflection in the mirror and he found himself wondering if all of this was even worth it.

He shook his head adamantly smashing that thought to a pulp where it started. 

“It’s just a date.” He said firmly locking eyes with himself in the mirror. 

He blew out a definitive breath and straightened his back. He pushed both hands back through his hair, like he was a farmer plowing a field, and tousled it for good measure—hoping that at least it would end up evenly swept across the board. Taking both hands, he tightened the not on his tie and nodded at his reflection admiring the rushed and imperfect job that was the best he would be getting today. 

He pushed through the swinging doors of the bathroom and hustled to the elevators while keeping a close eye on his watch. He had agreed to meet Rei at a cafe down the street from the Parchment and Print bookstore on their lunch break and Iwaizumi was determined not to make Rei wait after their last encounter. Weirdly he felt like he had something to prove and remaking Rei’s first impression of him was a good start. 

The little down arrow lit up and the metal elevator doors opened giving Iwaizumi a chance to slide through with the crowd of busy executives already late for their own lunch appointments and meetings. He tried to focus on keeping himself calm and hoping to actually find some enjoyment in the concept of a date but the bustling of the crowd inside the elevator and the overlapping conversations and noise only seemed to raise his anxiety.

Once he hit the lobby floor, he practically sprinted out of the building and onto the southbound bus line that would get him to the bookstore. He figured he probably looked, at best silly, and, at worst insane, running through his own office lobby at full speed but putting some distance between himself and the riotous elevator crowd was his top priority. 

He found a seat in the middle of the bus near the side exit doors and snagged it before another lunchtime commuter could swipe it out from under him. 

The whole ride over Iwaizumi held his phone in his hands and kept his head angled down as if he was intently reading something important off of it, but really was just glad for the excuse it provided to be left alone. 

He found himself wishing that he had asked Rei for his phone number after they had made their plans. 

A horrible thought started to dawn on Iwaizumi as it occurred to him that he didn’t have a good way to contact Rei in case something happened. What if Rei completely skipped out on him? Was this already over before it began? Was Iwaizumi was just some idiot who hadn’t taken a hint?

He felt his stomach tighten into a knot and his grip grew harder around the edges of his phone. 

Maybe that would be better anyway. What did he really have to offer after all? Poorly controlled anxiety? PTSD? Terrible social skills and a weird obsession with his dead childhood best friend? Maybe by Rei skipping out on this date, they were both getting the better end of this bargain. 

Iwaizumi heard himself grown out loud drawing concerned stairs from the bus passengers around him. 

Iwaizumi stared out the window solemnly feeling almost comforted and rocked into a sort of trance by the peacefulness of it all. Slowly the scenery outside the bus started to grow more and more familiar as Iwaizumi was reminded of the day he first met Rei and how lost he had been on this very same bus route. 

The red brick building housing the Parchment and Print Bookstore came into view and Iwaizumi swallowed hard forcing himself out of his seat and towards the door. He slumped out the doors and stopped as soon as his feet hit the pavement below. 

He clenched his fist and obscured his face from pedestrians passing by. 

“If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work. It’s not the end of the world. This is supposed to be fun.” He reminded himself under his breath with increasing desperation and frustration. 

He finally snapped his head to attention shaking himself out of his funk. His eyes scanned the buildings on the block until he noticed the cafe awning a few buildings down from the book shop. 

He set his jaw and forced his feet to take him to the front. 

It was a white and sterile kind of building with painted brick and fogged glass. Very trendy but not very homey and yet there was a warmth from the yellow-tinted lights inside that Iwaizumi found pleasantly welcoming. 

He stepped through the door and was greeted by a shout from a cafe worker behind the counter whose entire vibe just screamed Hipster Douche. 

Iwaizumi looked around the seating area towards the back and felt his heart drop when Rei’s far-too-familiar face didn’t stand out among the crowd. 

Damnit. Maybe Iwaizumi really had been the idiot all along. 

“Iwa-chan!” A sweet and musical voice teased from the corner of Iwaizumi’s vision. 

He felt his heart leap back into his throat as he pivot-turned so quickly he almost tripped on his own feet. 

Iwaizumi felt his heart nearly skip a beat as his eyes settled on Rei sprawled out in a little nook by the window with an open novel in his hand. 

It had only been a few days since he last saw Rei but Iwaizumi was amazed by how quickly he had forgotten how familiar Rei seemed. He found himself wondering if he had forced himself to forget the resemblance to save himself the pain. But here was the evidence again—completely unavoidable. Soft brown hair and intelligent dark eyes. A delicate yet handsome face that Iwaizumi really could only describe as ‘pretty’ until that endearingly annoying fake smile ruined the image and made Iwaizumi want to explode. 

“Rei!” Iwaizumi called back breathlessly trying to shake off his surprise, “Hey sorry I was just looking around and thought I got here too early or something.” 

That was the easiest explanation Iwaizumi could come up with that sounded casual and didn’t give away what a total meltdown he had been verging on only seconds ago. He was almost impressed with how readily that excuse had come from his own lips.

“No worries,” Rei smiled back with a real and comfortable kind of gleam, “I always like to read in this corner while I drink my coffee. Hope this works for you?” 

“Yeah definitely,” Iwaizumi promised still trying to hold in his relief that Rei had come after all and at the very least maybe he could explain his behavior a little more, “Have you gotten a drink yet or I can order for us both?” 

Rei raised an eyebrow playfully. 

“I am just finishing a coffee but I would love if you would order me another one Iwa-chan,” he let loose a smirk as he shifted his body forward across the table, “I love a man who can take charge.” 

Iwaizumi felt his face go red. For only having met once before, Iwaizumi was in awe of how naturally this guy seemed to be able to push his buttons. 

“I, uh, yeah, uh, I can go…uh…order…something.” Iwaizumi stumbled letting loose a string of incoherent babble. 

Rei seemed to immediately find it both amusing and charming, thankfully, as he shot back “Well, that certainly is better than ordering nothing,” he laughed lightly, “I think the baristas don’t usually appreciate that.” 

“Right.” Iwaizumi huffed angrily at how quickly Rei had already been able to provoke him. 

It wasn’t that he was angry about it or anything, but he felt exposed under Rei’s eyes and wasn’t used to having someone around that so easily knew how to get a reaction like this out of him. He had been a loner for so long and had largely avoided making friends and meeting strangers and so having one that wasn’t off-put by him, but was even intrigued by him instead, was both welcome and confusing. 

“What do you like?” He finally asked back so he could get their orders. 

“Like to drink or like in the bedroom?” Rei answered immediately with a suggestive jerk of his eyebrows. 

The red came roaring back into Iwaizumi’s cheeks with a vengeance. Iwaizumi fought the feeling of an involuntary nosebleed that came shooting down his face as his body locked up. 

“Relax! Oh my god, Iwa-chan you should see your face!” Rei laughed rolling back in his seat and wrapping his arms around his middle as he stifled outright hysterics.

Iwaizumi could still feel his jaw hanging open and couldn’t tell if the rising feelings inside of his were anger or devotion. This guy was insane. 

“I…like…vanilla lattes, extra sweet!” He managed to wheeze out between fits of laughter. 

“Black coffee it is.” Iwaizumi retorted strictly trying to hold his composure and get the color of his skin back to a normal human shade. 

Rei’s body went strangely rigid. 

“No.” 

Rei's response was reflexive, absolute, and immediate. It was a statement that left no room for questions or debates. Iwaizumi found himself caught off guard by this. He obviously knew Rei was just messing with him for fun earlier and his own reply and had meant to be an attempt at bantering back. He was sure he had spoken it like a joke but for some reason, Rei had immediately bristled and completely locked up in response. 

Rei was clearly the kind of guy who liked to joke around and hadn’t seemed overly serious much before so this reaction over something silly like a joke about coffee came completely out of left field.

Iwaizumi felt like he could see Rei’s face move in slow motion as he spoke. At first, his goofy grin had melted into what looked like panic and fear and for just a moment his expression had fallen into despair. As quickly as it had come, however, it was gone. 

“Sorry, I just meant no thanks,” he said as casually as possible, forcing a smile and pouring effort into making his harsh tone sound candied and charming again, “I don’t like black coffee. I can only drink it sweet.” 

It was completely fake. 

What the hell was that about? 

“Right, uh…sure. I’ll get that, no problem.” 

The hesitance in his voice must have been obvious as Rei’s facade wavered and his smile fell ever so slightly. 

Iwaizumi turned his back mechanically and made his way into the line at the coffee counter. Eventually, he built up the courage to glance back at Rei sitting in the corner and saw his form slumped over with his head cradled in his hands over his knees. He looked miserable. 

Iwaizumi felt his concern grow the longer he stared. 

Watching him like that, Iwaizumi had to wonder where that reaction came from. He was reminded of their first conversation back at the book store and Rei’s fascination with Iwaizumi’s past. 

_“You’ve got stories to tell”_ Rei had said. 

_“Not all good ones.”_

_“Whose are?”_

It was hard for Iwaizumi not to wonder what had happened in Rei’s past that made his stories ‘not all good’. 

“Next!” The same douchy barista that had greeted him called out shaking Iwaizumi out of his stupor. 

“Oh sorry,” Iwaizumi said moving up to the front of the line, “Can I get one medium decaf cappuccino and one medium vanilla latte extra sweet?” 

The barista smirked for a second and let his gaze drift over to Rei sitting in the corner. 

“That’s Rei’s order,” he grinned intrigued, “You here on a date with him?” 

Iwaizumi was caught off guard. 

“Uh…yeah, why?” 

He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he would get but he was on edge waiting for the worst of it. 

“I gotta ask,” the barista said leaning in giving Iwaizumi a once-over glance, “What is that guy’s deal?” 

Definitely not the response Iwaizumi had been preparing for. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, he’s in here all the time but never talks to anyone and always orders the same thing and then just camps out in that same corner all day long. He’s always jumpy and watches the door like he’s expecting someone to bust it down every time it opens. It is totally creepy,” the barista explained eyeing Rei suspiciously, “The staff has a pool going betting on what his issue is. Was hoping you knew since you’re here with him for once.” 

Iwaizumi was speechless. 

He turned back to Rei who was still balled up in the corner hiding his face. Iwaizumi felt anger start to boil up inside him. 

“I don’t know his whole story,” Iwaizumi admitted, “but I think he’s just been through something hard and needs a little kindness.”

The barista and Iwaizumi were both surprised by the nerve in Iwaizumi’s voice. Even Iwaizumi couldn’t figure out when he had decided that, but as soon as he said it he was adamant that it was true. 

“Just leave him alone, huh?” Iwaizumi said gritting his teeth and staring down the barista to make sure his point was clear. 

The barista swallowed hard and nodded punching in Iwaizumi’s coffee order. 

Iwaizumi waited at the end of the coffee counter until the drinks were ready trying to make sense of what he had learned. Something about the jumpiness and the skulking in corners so his back was protected and his view of the room was unobstructed made Iwaizumi curious. It reminded him of the long afternoons he had spent playing hide-and-seek while babysitting Oikawa's nephew during high school. The only thing he could seem to come up with was that it sounded like Rei was hiding. 

When the drinks were ready, he picked up the hot mugs and slowly walked back to the corner booth. 

“Coffee for one?” He offered jokingly in the softest voice he could muster holding out the mug. 

Rei’s drink smelled like liquid sugar and was decorated with whipped cream and little rainbow sprinkles like a birthday cake for a young kid. 

Rei looked up slowly revealing his sad-looking red eyes. 

“Thanks.” He said weakly taking the cup. 

He just stared at the mug silently for a minute as Iwaizumi took his seat across from him. 

Iwaizumi was startled by how different Rei seemed today than during their first meeting. He knew Rei must have been covering something up with that confident facade he put on, but this felt like something new entirely. 

“I’m sorry about that earlier,” Rei said not quite meeting Iwaizumi’s eyes. 

“About what?” Iwaizumi offered to try to save Rei some embarrassment. 

Rei just scowled though. 

“You know what I’m talking about. You see through the bullshit,” Rei said intensely interested in the mug in his hands, “It’s one of the things that makes you so interesting Iwa-chan.” 

Every time Rei used that nickname it sent shivers down Iwaizumi’s back. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Iwaizumi said, “but, do you want to talk about it?” 

Rei smiled a little but just shook his head. 

“Nah, but thanks,” he said starting to look up, “I’m sorry I managed to mess this all up already. I really thought maybe I could do this without making it weird.” 

Iwaizumi wanted to laugh. All this time he had been worrying about messing it up and freaking out Rei, and now Rei was admitting that he had been worrying about the same thing. Go figure!

“I think we’re meant to be,” Iwaizumi teased sipping at his coffee, “I was sure I would be the one to ruin things so you just saying that makes me feel better and takes some of the pressure off, you know?” 

Rei met his eyes and let his lips spread into a smile. A real one. 

“What did you have to be worried about?” Rei asked bringing his sugar-filled monstrosity up to his lips and taking a drink. 

Where to even start?

“I just thought maybe I left a weird impression the last time we talked and maybe I came across like a creep.” 

Rei almost coughed up his coffee stifling a laugh. 

“Hardly! I was the one thinking I made you uncomfortable asking too many personal questions and upsetting you.” He chuckled wiping a line of whipped cream off of his chin. 

“You do make a strong first impression.” Iwaizumi admitted. 

“Ah yes, perhaps I was meant for a life on the stage!” He mused dramatically draping a hand across his forehead. 

“Nah, way too annoying,” Iwaizumi chuckled shaking his head, “you’d be booed out of the theater, guaranteed, you little prima-donna!” 

“Rude Iwa-chan!” Rei laughed.

Iwaizumi fell silent for a minute enjoying this warm feeling in his chest. This felt good. This felt easy. 

“Can I ask you something personal?” Rei said putting his mug down on the table. 

“Sure, I guess?” 

Iwaizumi tried to prepare himself. 

“That nickname—Iwa-chan—does that mean something to you?” He said watching Iwaizumi carefully. 

“Yeah, it does.” 

Rei just nodded. 

“I figured. After last time that is. It seemed like it brought up bad memories or something. I didn’t mean to hurt you by using it.” 

Iwaizumi smiled behind his mug. 

“You didn’t,” He assured Rei, “If anything, it made me feel good and reminded me of some happy memories.” 

“Oh yeah?” Rei asked interest piqued. 

Iwaizumi exhaled slowly. Part of the reason that moving to Tokyo and leaving Miyagi behind had appealed to him so much was that people here wouldn’t pity him. Back home he was just known as the guy who was friends with the boy who was kidnapped. He didn’t have to be that here. He didn’t like being that person. 

But at the same time, he felt safe at this moment, and instead of forcing himself to open up, like he usually had to, he felt like he had to hold himself back from spilling his entire life story in one sitting. He wanted to tell Rei everything. He wanted to put it all out on the table even if that risked everything he had been trying to build since leaving home. 

“Do you remember when we first met and I called you a different name?” 

“That would be hard to forget, doesn’t happen every day,” Rei admitted, “The ex-boyfriend right?” 

Iwaizumi chewed the inside of his lip knowing there was no easy way to say this. 

“He wasn’t exactly my boyfriend, but he was someone very close to me growing up,” Iwaizumi explained feeling a tightness in his chest, “And…well, something bad happened when we were kids.”

Rei looked at him with a softness in his eyes and nodded gently encouraging Iwaizumi to continue. 

“It was really painful, and even now I can’t say it's totally behind me,” he confessed knowing this might be too much for Rei to handle, “but he used to call me that. Like… _only_ he used to call me that, and hearing it again was…a lot.” 

Rei sipped at his coffee with an unreadable look in his eyes. 

“But I promise, it was a nice kind of ‘a lot’,” Iwaizumi said, “It reminded me of better days.” 

Rei was quiet for so long that Iwaizumi felt a panic start to rise in his chest. Had he already gone too far and said too much? Surely that was a lot to take in so maybe Rei was rethinking everything now and Iwaizumi had ruined it again. 

“That is too much for one person,” Rei said with an incomprehensible sadness in his eyes. 

“Yeah, I know.” Iwaizumi said looking down. 

He knew it. Rei was totally freaked out. 

“I’m glad you told me,” Rei’s voice promised, prompting Iwaizumi to raise his head, “now both of us know and we can carry it together!” 

Iwaizumi’s lip started to tremble and a lone tear slipped out of his eye and traced down the edge of his face. 

“Shit, sorry!” He jumped rushing to brush his tear away when he felt Rei’s hand touch his cheek and wipe it away. 

Their eyes met for a moment. 

Rei’s face turned a deep red and he sat back in his seat.

“Sorry! That was totally weird right?” He laughed embarrassedly scratching absently at the back of his head. 

“No, it was nice. Thanks.” 

Rei smiled, still as red as a tomato. 

“Well now you know my big secret,” Iwaizumi said struggling to keep his voice even, “What about you? What’s your story? Even the ‘not all good’ ones?” 

Rei’s eyes reacted to Iwaizumi’s use of his own phrase. 

He hesitated. 

“Not much to tell,” He lied behind a chuckle, “It’s all pretty normal.” 

“Oh yeah?” Iwaizumi asked unconvinced.

“Yep!”

“What’s your family like? Where are you from?” 

Rei fidgeted visibly and broke their eye contact wrapping his arms around himself protectively. 

“I’m from all over,” he said skipping Iwaizumi’s first question entirely, “moved around a lot as a kid. Lots to do, lots to see, you know how it goes.” 

He was rambling now. 

“What kind of stuff do you like to do for fun?” He asked Iwaizumi back noticeably shifting the questions off of himself. 

“The usual sorts of stuff,” Iwaizumi said keeping a close watch on Rei, “I work in accounting which is pretty boring but I read and watch TV and like music and stuff. Oh! I played a lot of volleyball growing up, and was thinking that maybe we should play together someti-“ 

“No!” Rei said cutting Iwaizumi off with an anger and intensity Iwaizumi hadn’t imagined he was capable of just a moment ago. 

The entire mood at the table shifted on a dime. 

“Uh, okay, sorry we don’t hav-“

“Who are you?” Rei demanded cutting Iwaizumi off again. 

His eyes looked crazed and his body language had completely changed. He was teetering a line between offense and defense and it made Iwaizumi nervous. 

His weakness was gone and he was radiating anger and fear like some kind of trapped and wounded animal ready to lash out. His eyes darted around the room violently like he was waiting for some kind of threat to lunge for his throat. 

“Wait, what are you talking abo-“ 

“Cut the bullshit,” he snapped, “I knew this was too good to be true!”

He was seething now. Iwaizumi had to hold back the terrifying fear he was feeling inside. 

“Slow down,” he tried to say, “what’s too good to be-“ 

“Save it!” Rei said narrowing his eyes, “I should have known it was no coincidence running into you at the bookshop.”

“What the hell are you talking about!?” Iwaizumi yelled standing up and forcing his weight onto his hands pinned onto the surface of the table between them until they were eye to eye. 

“You asking about my past, and then of all things, you want to talk about volleyball!?” He ranted, “I should have known. Do they know already? Did they tell you to come here? Do they know where I am?”

He didn't give Iwaizumi a chance to answer.

"God!" he cursed raising his hands up to his face and pressing hard against his forehead pushing his hair back, "And the fucking coffee! I'm so stupid I should have seen it!"

Iwaizumi was at a loss.

"The coffee? What does the coffee have to do with anything?"

"Black coffee!" Rei shouted as if that explained everything.

Iwaizumi smashed his fist against the table and grit his teeth.

“Would you shut the fuck up and tell me what the problem is?! I have no idea what you’re raving about!” 

“Sure. Convenient.” Rei spit back rolling his eyes. 

Where was this coming from? What the fuck was happening?!

“Rei!” He yelled, “Talk to me. I don’t know what you mean.”

Rei stopped for a minute. He was still shaking and Iwaizumi was starting to realize that he wasn’t just shaking from anger but also a ghoulish sort of dread. He tilted his head slightly like he wasn’t sure what to think for a moment and then squinted his eyes back together shooting daggers. 

“Did they send you? Do they know where I am?” 

“I told you already, no one sent me. I have no idea what you are talking about!”

For just a moment Rei recoiled and shifted backward analyzing Iwaizumi distrustfully. 

“Do you mean that?” He said unsure but allowing some level of normalcy to creep back into his voice. 

“Yes! I wouldn’t lie to you Rei!”

He frowned; looking painfully conflicted like a man stuck at a crossroads with no hope of guessing the right way to turn. 

His panic started to dissolve into dismay. 

“I’m sorry. I should go.” He said rushing to stand up before Iwaizumi blockading him in with his own body as a wall, stopping him from leaving. 

“Not until you tell me what that was about.” 

“It’s not important.” His eyes kept darting around the room like he was waiting for a bomb to go off somewhere inside the cafe and it was only a matter of time until it did. 

“Like hell it's not! I think I deserve some kind of explanation for that outburst!” 

Rei’s face crumbled into misery and he fell back into his seat hiding his face behind his hands and letting loose a painful sob. 

“I’m so sorry Iwaizumi.” He said so softly that behind the crying he was nearly impossible to hear. 

The use of his last name, instead of his nickname, set off alarms inside Iwaizumi’s head immediately. 

Iwaizumi felt his own face soften and reached out to place a gentle hand on Rei’s shoulder for support. The second his hand touched Rei’s shoulder, however, his entire bodied flinched and recoiled from his touch. Rei’s face whipped around with a petrified look carved into his face as tears poured from his wounded eyes. 

“Sorry!” Iwaizumi yelped jumping back, “I won’t do that again. I didn’t mean to...” 

He trailed off. 

Rei nodded like he understood Iwaizumi’s intension but couldn’t bring himself to say anything else. 

“What happened? Are you okay?” Iwaizumi pleaded, “Please, just talk to me.”

Iwaizumi was reminded of what the bartender had said earlier. He thought of his own deduction. Hiding? 

“Are you safe?” 

Rei’s body stiffened and a small sob escaped. 

“I don’t know anymore!” 

Iwaizumi’s heart broke. 

“Can I call someone for you?” Iwaizumi offered reaching across the table to pick up Rei’s cell phone. 

“There’s no one to call.” 

As if the phone had been waiting for some kind of sign from the universe, at that moment, the cell phone rang in Iwaizumi’s hand. It wasn’t just a default ringtone either, it was an unusual sort song that must have been set intensionally for a specific contact. It was eerie and unpleasant to listen to like the tone itself was some kind of warning or omen.

Rei’s body reacted violently to the ringtone. He locked up defensively and his hand whipped out snatching the phone from Iwaizumi. 

His eyes widened like a deer in the headlights as he stared in disbelief at the number on the screen. The blood drained out of his face leaving him looking gaunt, pale, dead. His lip trembled and he slammed the phone on the tabletop pushing it away from him as if any contact with it was toxic. He ignored the call as it continued to ring, but looked like he’d just received the worst news of all. He clasped his shaking hands over his mouth and melted helplessly into the table. 

“T-that’s not…it’s not possible.” He whispered with his eyes locked on the ringing phone. 

“Rei…” Iwaizumi said softly and slowly trying to meet Rei’s eyes. 

But he just kept staring straight ahead like he couldn’t even hear Iwaizumi in front of him. He shook look a shellshocked soldier and Iwaizumi’s heart felt like it was falling apart inside of him. 

“Please talk to me!” He begged, “What is going on? Who was that calling?” 

His words had no effect. 

“This was a mistake.” 

Rei’s voice was hollow and empty. 

“I have to go. I’m sorry.” 

“Just talk to me god damnit!” 

Rei’s wide haunted eyes landed on Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi felt second-hand the fear behind them. He reached for Rei’s hand--which this time he let Iwaizumi take willingly. It was cold and shivering against Iwaizumi’s own warm skin. 

“Who was that?” He repeated clutching Rei’s hand like a wounded bird. 

Rei’s breathing started to even out from the verge of hyperventilation. Slowly some of the color started to return to his cheeks as Iwaizumi helped him sit back down and he rocked back and forth slowly in his seat. 

“You’re safe here. You’re safe with me.” Iwaizumi promised rubbing Rei’s hand gently with his thumb trying to bring Rei some kind of comfort. 

The clouds behind Rei’s eyes began to clear as they scanned the room and saw no threats and no dangers closing in. 

He gripped Iwaizumi’s hands tightly as if he was hanging on for dear life. 

“It’s okay. I’m here.” 

Rei just nodded wordlessly. 

“Rei…” Iwaizumi started, “Who was that on the phone? What is going on?”

“I-I think…I need help.” He said stuttering over his words still emerging from his shock. 

“What can I do?” 

“Can we go somewhere? C-can I stay somewhere? Anywhere else.” Rei begged him choking on his own words the panic starting to rise again in his voice. 

“Yeah. Of course,” Iwaizumi promised as reassuringly as possible, “Are you safe?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.” 

“Then let’s go.” Iwaizumi decided holding Rei’s hand even tighter. 

Rei’s eyes looked at him with unspoken gratitude. 

Iwaizumi slipped off his jacket and drapped it protectively over Rei’s trembling shoulders. 

“Don’t leave me.” Rei begged wrapping the jacket around himself tightly. 

“I’m not going anywhere. You are safe with me.” 

Iwaizumi meant it too. Memories of that day ten years ago played in his head as he remembered how he had failed to keep Oikawa safe, how he had let him be taken away. Now, he was determined to keep Rei safe no matter what. This time he would protect someone who needed him, this time he would make up for past mistakes and keep his promise. 

Iwaizumi wrapped his arm around Rei supportively and steered him out of the shop. 

“Who was that who called?” He asked again hoping this time for an answer. 

Rei met his eyes and bit his lip to the point of drawing blood. 

“It was my dad.”


	7. Chapter 7

**—Rei’s POV—**

The panic was subsiding, but it wasn’t going away. Instead, Rei could feel it churning inside of him, slowly mutating into something else entirely and taking hold deep down. His entire body was in pain. His stomach was twisted and knotted. His legs were shaking and weak like the joints had turned to water. His head pounded like a metronome counting out a samba. This was hell. 

The one saving grace he had going for him right now was Iwaizumi. 

As much of a mess as he was right now, Iwaizumi didn’t seem to care and that little bit of kindness was the life raft he was clinging to as the waves around him tried to pull him under. 

The warm jacket that Iwaizumi had put over his shoulders was keeping him warm as they walked down the pavement against the wind. Cars passed on the street and pedestrians bustled around them but it all felt like a blur. 

A car horn out in the road jolted Rei out of his trance causing him to jump a little in surprise. 

Iwaizumi took notice and wrapped his arm tighter around Rei’s shoulders pulling him protectively into his chest. 

Rei looked over at him with gratefulness he couldn’t begin to put into words. After the meltdown he had just had—after he had accused Iwaizumi of working with them—Rei wouldn’t have blamed him for running away and never looking back, but instead, he stayed. Not only that, but he seemed determined to keep Rei even closer to him than before. 

They walked in silence until it occurred to Rei that he had no idea where they were going. He didn’t really care as long as it was somewhere safe, but still, it felt uncomfortably familiar being taken somewhere completely ignorant to the destination. 

“H-hey Iwa-chan?” He asked continuing to walk and keenly aware of the shaking in his voice, “where are we going?” 

Iwaizumi looked startled for a second hearing Rei’s voice. Rei found himself wondering again if it was because of that nickname. He didn’t mean anything harmful in using it, and of course, Iwaizumi insisted he didn’t mind, but his reactions were noticeable every time Rei used it. Was there something else that Iwaizumi wasn’t saying?

“I guess I don’t know,” Iwaizumi admitted suddenly looking down in thought, “Maybe my apartment. Is that okay, would you feel safe there?” 

Rei smiled. 

It had been a long time, if ever, since someone asked Rei if he felt safe. 

“What kind of girl do you take me for Iwa-chan?” He teased halfheartedly, “Someone who goes home with her date the first time? Scandalous! But you’re not wrong of course.” Rei tried to force the joke as best he could to lighten the tension and reassure Iwaizumi that he would be okay. 

Iwaizumi cracked a smile and stifled a little chuckle shaking his head but his eyes remained steely and fixed on the road ahead. Joking right now was about the hardest thing Rei could do and a cheerful laugh from Iwaizumi might have made the mood a little lighter, but this was better than nothing. 

They walked in silence for what felt like forever. Rei tried counting the number of yellow cars on the road to steady his nerves and then moved on to bicycles when that didn’t work but the bikes weren’t better. 

The cell phone in his pocket felt like a brick. 

Rei wasn’t sure if he wanted to throw it in the gutter and never turn back, or if he needed to keep it on him in case he needed to make a quick escape. Another quick escape that is… 

His mind was still reeling. He couldn’t seem to process how his Dad had even gotten this new number. Ditching everything they’d given him was the first thing he had done when he had gotten to Tokyo. Did they know more than just the phone number? What if they knew his address now? What if they knew where he worked? How had they even tracked him down after all this time? Had they known the whole time and he had been a fool for believing he was winning? 

Rei could feel his thoughts starting to spiral and his heart pace start to increase. He noticed his breathing was speeding up too but he couldn’t seem to slow it back down. He was so lost in thought that he didn’t even notice when Iwaizumi had stopped walking beside him—his gentle grip over Rei’s shoulder reigning him in to keep him close. 

Rei stopped and matched Iwaizumi’s gaze at the little building in front of them. It was an older brick building, only about 5 floors tall. 

“What’s this?” Rei asked sheepishly. 

“Home.” Iwaizumi said with a little embarrassment in his voice. 

Rei did his best to smile in spite of everything that was weighing him down. 

“Thank you Iwa-chan.” 

“Don’t thank me. Let's just get inside.” 

Iwaizumi seemed to look back over their shoulders as he guided Rei in through the front entrance. Rei glanced back to and found himself scanning the street and the sidewalk looking for anyone watching or waiting for them. This sort of behavior had become second hand to Rei over time, but knowing Iwaizumi was looking too made Rei feel less alone. It was like he finally had someone watching his back that was thinking the same thing as him. They really were already connected in a strange way that Rei couldn’t really describe but that he felt very deeply in his heart. 

Iwaizumi led him up two flights of stairs to the third floor and through a door in the middle of the hallway. Rei was relieved that Iwaizumi lived on an upper floor so at least the windows were probably safe. 

Iwaizumi’s apartment was small and dark. The air was a little dusty and little stale but despite all that, it was warm and it felt like home. 

Rei brushed his fingers against a house plant on Iwaizumi’s table as they walked in. Rei had always thought plants made houses feel homier.  
He’d never had one of his own of course. He knew he would just kill it, he would just ruin it on his own like he did everything else. His father’s words rang through his skull again _‘Without us you are nothing…You can’t do anything right…You ruin everything you touch’_ he felt a shiver tear through his body. 

Rei felt the weight of those words land on his shoulders pressing down unyieldingly. His shoulders wilted a little. 

“Take a seat anywhere,” Iwaizumi’s voice said softly, “Sorry about the mess. I’ll put the kettle on and make some tea.” 

“Thanks.” 

Suddenly, Rei remembered Iwaizumi telling him not to thank him before they came in. He felt himself swallow hard and reflexively winced waiting for some kind of backlash for not listening. He squeezed his eyes shut and jumped back raising his hands defensively in front of him, but nothing happened. Slowly he reopened his eyes behind his fingers and saw that Iwaizumi was just indifferently pouring water into a kettle with his back turned, looking wholly unaffected. 

Had he not heard or did he not care? The smallest embers of hope sprung to life in Rei’s chest but a quick gust of cold extinguished them into wisps of fleeting smoke.

Rei felt his face crumble. How long was he supposed to live like this? Jumping at loud noises, always looking over your shoulder, walking on eggshells in every interaction. This was not the life he wanted. 

Over the last two years, it had gotten a lot better. He had even started to think it was behind him, but this was just proof that he wasn’t free of them yet. 

“You doing alright?” Iwaizumi said placing the kettle on the stove and walking back towards Rei. 

Rei nodded. He felt himself squeeze the lining of Iwaizumi’s jacket as he pulled it around him protectively. 

“You’ll probably want this back.” Rei tried to laugh gesturing to the jacket around him with a shrug. 

He didn’t really want to give it up yet, but Iwaizumi had given it to him a while ago and surely he would be wanting it back soon. Rei felt a little pang of guilt for monopolizing Iwaizumi’s generosity already. 

“Nah, hold onto it for a while longer,” Iwaizumi said easily taking a seat beside Rei, “you’re still warming up so you need it more than me.” 

On a less stressful day, Rei probably would have had a flirty and witty retort prepared and on standby for a line like that, but today that little bit of kindness made tears come to his eyes. 

He turned his head away and wiped them away quickly. 

_‘Tears are for the weak…No one wants to help you when you react like this and cry like a baby…Grow up, do something right for once, quit keep wasting your potential.’_

Rei felt his brow furrow and he shook his head impulsively as if he could shake the words out of his head with force. 

“Rei…” Iwaizumi’s voice started, “Do you think you can tell me about what’s going on? I don’t want to press but…I need to understand if I’m going to help.” 

Rei’s eyes dropped to the floor. 

“I’m probably just overreacting,” Rei said hearing the bleakness dripping off of his own voice. 

————————————————

“Pick up the ball!” His father’s voice boomed across the empty gymnasium. 

“I’m…trying…” he gasped desperately trying to catch his breath, “If I could just…rest for just a minute…I nee-“ 

“Well I need you to pick up the pace and quit wasting your potential, and my time, Rei.” 

His voice was steely and cold. Rei felt a shiver tear through his body. 

His muscles were aching and he could feel his legs shaking under him. He reached down for the ball at his feet and felt the smooth leather against his damp skin. His trembling fingers tried to grasp the surface but couldn’t find a solid grip and the ball tumbled out of his hands all over again. 

Rei felt his heart leap into his throat and his whipped over to face his father on the sidelines who wore a furious and merciless expression. 

“Quit fucking around!” His voice thundered with a tremor of rage evident under the words. 

He nodded obediently and knelt down feeling a sharp pain shoot through his knee as he reached for the ball. He winced trying to hide the pain. Any sign of weakness and he would just make this worse for himself. 

“Don’t be so weak!” 

Another nod. 

Nothing was ever good enough. There was no end, there was no rest. 

Muscle memory took over as Rei backed up to the serving position on the court. He tossed the ball in front of him and gathered speed before launching into a jump serve. The sting of the ball against his palm felt good for a moment before Rei realized that his serve was going to fall short. 

After all this time Rei knew which serves were good and which were bad before they even left his hand. This one was bad. There wasn’t enough strength left in his arm and the ball tumbled through the air weekly before colliding with the net and falling uselessly to the ground. 

Rei bowed his head in shame preparing for what he already knew was coming. 

He heard nothing, but when he looked over his father had a frigid look behind his eyes. 

“Over here. Now.” He demanded pointing to the court spot in front of him. 

Rei walked over feeling his stomach twisting in anticipation. 

“What the hell was that?” His father hissed once they were face to face. 

“I-I’m sorry…” 

“No, you’re not.” 

Rei looked up in surprise just in time to feel the bite of his father’s hand against his cheek. 

The sudden force twisted Rei’s face to the side painfully causing him to stumble against the force. 

Rei raised a hand, speechless, against his own cheek feeling the heat against his own fingertips. By tomorrow this would be another bruise. Another reminder that he was failing. 

“But I will make you sorry.” His father’s low voice promised. 

Rei bit back tears as he felt his own bottled rage boil. 

“I just need a break!” Rei yelled with such power that it surprised even him.

His father’s red face had taken on the look of a floundering fish. Eyes bulging out of his head in disbelief, lips flapping around wordlessly in shock from Rei’s sudden anger. 

“I just need some water, to sit down, to eat something…” Rei said a little softer breaking his intense gaze unable to summon the will to continue. 

He had backed down. He cursed himself for being such a coward. His father had such a way of making him feel like a beaten animal and Rei hated it so much. 

His father’s fury returned as quickly as it had gone. 

“Do you want to throw all of this away?!” His father demanded stepping closer to Rei and getting up in his face so that Rei could feel the heat of his breath against his skin, “Do you want to waste everything we have given you? Waste the potential you could have if you weren’t so weak?!” 

Rei’s lip was quivering now and he couldn’t look his father in the eyes. 

“You could be great. But instead, you squander it all. You are soft and cowardly. You’ll never be anything!” 

The words ripped through Rei’s mind like a furious storm leaving damage in its wake. The tears were uncontrollable now. 

“Don’t start crying now. No one wants to help you when you react like this and cry like a baby!” 

Rei tried his best to nod but the wave of emotions washing over him felt like drowning and he couldn’t seem to reel himself back in. 

The scowl on his fathers face only deepened the longer he watched Rei. 

“If we had known you would be so useless we never would hav-” His father cursed before stopping himself from finishing whatever he was about to say. 

Even incomplete, those words stung. They were targeted arrows piercing his heart with deadly accuracy. 

His father shook his head frustratedly jutting his jaw out before raising his hand again and lunging towards Rei at full speed. 

Rei flinched backward and fell to the ground, feeling his knee twist under him, sending a bolt of electricity up his spine. 

His father stopped and just looked down at him like he was garbage in the street. 

“Pathetic,” he spit, “get up!” 

Rei nodded frantically spiraling into a blind panic. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins so fast that any pain he was feeling had gone numb and insignificant. He scrambled to his feet, stumbling trying to stand, and moving as quickly as he could. 

“You really think you deserve a break after this poor display Rei?” It wasn’t a question. 

“No.” He said softly feeling about as defeated as he ever had. 

“You can forget about any of that nonsense,” his father confirmed, “No breaks. No water. No food until you get it right.” 

Rei just nodded knowing there was no way out and no help coming. He was alone, and no one cared about him. 

“Right.” 

His father nodded sharply. 

“That’s right,” he said triumphantly pleased with his victory over Rei, “Now back to start. We’ll do this until your useless ass gets it right. Go again.” 

“Yes sir.” 

————————————————

“Rei?” Iwaizumi’s voice asked gently pulling Rei back into reality. 

Rei jumped a little and Iwaizumi’s face melted. 

“I’m sorry…” He said shaking his head angrily, “I keep wanting to help, but…I just seem to be making things worse.” 

“No!” Rei insisted reaching over and placing his hand on Iwaizumi’s face, “I was just lost in thought. It’s not your fault. You’ve only been good to me since we met no matter how hard I’ve probably made it for you…” 

“Rei you are a person, not a chore. I don’t care if it's hard or easy, I just want to know you. I just want to help.” Iwaizumi almost begged. 

After so many years alone, so many years without a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on Iwaizumi really felt like he was too good to be true. 

“I don’t deserve this.” 

“Yes, you do. Shut the fuck up.” 

There was a beat of silence as Rei and Iwaizumi just stared wordlessly into each other's eyes. Rei found himself thinking brown had never looked more beautiful than it did in Iwaizumi’s eyes. Eventually, they both let out a little chuckle in the midst of all the tension that snowballed quickly into full belly laughs on the floor. Rei felt the tension leave his body and relief spread throughout him like a warm and comforting fire. 

“Hey, Iwa-chan?” Rei asked now lying on his back recovering from his laughing fit. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I ask you something? It might make you sad.” 

Iwaizumi sat up and looked over and down on Rei, still facing the ceiling. 

“Mysterious. I guess I have to say yes now.” 

“Your friend or maybe-boyfriend,” Rei prompted remembering the fondness in Iwaizumi’s voice when he had reminisced about his own past, “What was he like?” 

Iwaizumi’s face became unreadable. There was sadness. There was uncertainty. There was…embarrassment? What was that about? 

“He was an asshole.” 

Rei snorted out a little laugh at the seriousness but also the kindness in Iwaizumi’s voice. The contrast of saying something that was both harsh and yet incredibly sentimental was jarring and a laugh seemed like the only correct response. 

“No really.” Rei offered. 

“No really.” Iwaizumi confirmed. 

“You were that close with an ‘asshole’ for that long?” 

“It shocks me sometimes too.” 

His words dripped with a sepia-toned kind of nostalgia that made Rei feel like he was watching Iwaizumi speak to his friend in person. There was such a familiarity in his voice that Rei knew instantly that they had had that kind of relationship where banter and teasing each other was their love language. 

Rei felt both amused and oddly jealous. 

“What else was he though?” Rei asked feeling a strange urge to know more, to try and understand. 

Friends were never something he had had time for growing up. He couldn’t really grasp how building those sorts of bonds happened. But there was an empty rabid hunger deep inside him begging to understand. 

“Oikawa was…” Iwaizumi took a moment and thought, “he was funny and ambitious and strong and confident. He was the kind of guy who just made you want his attention. People were drawn to him like some kind of supernatural magnetism.” 

There was a tinge of sadness when Iwaizumi spoke that contradicted his happy words sharply. 

“He worked too hard and over-analyzed everything,” Iwaizumi continued with a dreamy sort of look in his eyes that made Rei’s stomach do flips, “he always had a plan and never doubted himself or others. He had a way of making everyone around him better just by being there.” 

“But he was also an asshole?”

“He was also an asshole,” Iwaizumi confirmed cracking a smile, “totally shitty guy.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes clouded over again and a fog of sadness seemed to envelop him again. 

“But at the same time…” he said sadly, “I miss him so much it hurts and talking about him like this still feels wrong even though I know he’s gone and I need to move on.” 

Rei’s brow furrowed. 

“You said something bad happened right?” He asked as gently as he could, “What exactly was it?” 

Iwaizumi went quiet. Very quiet. 

“He was taken.”

“Taken how?” 

“In middle school, right before high school actually. He was kidnapped and taken and we never saw him again.” 

“Oh…” Rei felt a shiver crawl up his back making the hair on his arms stand at attention. 

“He was taken right in front of me…” Iwaizumi admitted miserably, “I couldn’t do anything to save him. It was my fault.” 

Rei couldn’t freely admit to being an expert in very many things, especially matters of the heart, but there was one thing that he knew for absolutely certain. 

“It wasn’t your fault Iwa-chan.” 

This time Iwaizumi jumped. He winced like Rei’s words had slapped him across the face. 

He looked over and Rei with wide eyes and studied him closely. He looked away again shaking his head. 

“What is it?” Rei asked already worried that he had hurt Iwaizumi again. 

Iwaizumi wouldn’t meet his eyes at first. 

“The way you said that,” Iwaizumi mused with a bittersweet tone swirling through his words, “for a second it sounded almost like he was telling me that himself.” 

Iwaizumi shook his head sadly and let out a muffled and defeated sort of chuckle. 

“I take that as a huge compliment Iwa-chan,” Rei said brightly, “Anyone in the world would be lucky to have someone like you describe them like that.”

Iwaizumi smiled. 

“I only wish I could have been a little bit more like him.” 

Silence. 

“Rei?” 

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you something? It might make you sad.” 

Rei felt a little smile cross his lips hearing his own words used against him. He also knew though what Iwaizumi would want to ask and his heart begged him not to have to relive it all again. 

“Yeah.” He finally decided languidly sitting up and pulling his knees into his chest. 

“What happened back at the cafe? Why did you react like that? What is going on?”

He had seen it coming but just thinking about it still hurt. Rei tilted his head down and away from Iwaizumi, letting the shadows creep out and obscure his face. 

“My dad and I…don't get along.” Rei said slowly choosing each word deliberately as he spoke.

“I figured that much.” Iwaizumi said unsatisfied. 

Rei just sighed. If he was going to do this, then he might as well just get it over with and do it right. 

“Frankly, he is a terrible guy—an asshole. But not the kind that your friend was.” 

Iwaizumi nodded. 

“We have an awful relationship and a few years ago there was a chance to get away from him for good and I took it without looking back.” 

It hurt to talk about it but at the same time, Rei couldn’t seem to stop now that he had started. The words were pouring out of him easily and decisively like a flowing river. Some part of him had wanted to talk about this, to tell someone else and share the burden, for a long time. 

“I thought I had left him behind me. He wasn’t supposed to know where I was or how to find me again but then…well you saw.” 

Iwaizumi nodded. His eyes told Rei that he understood all too well what it felt like to think you’ve moved past something terrible but for it to sneak up on you again when you least expect it. 

“Who is ‘they’,” Iwaizumi asked. 

“Huh?” 

“Back at the cafe, at one point you said ‘do _they_ know where I am?’ Who is ‘they’?” 

“You’re pretty preceptive Iwa-chan,” Rei teased with a little laugh trying to delay that answer, “can’t slip anything passed you.” 

“Nope.”

“Want to try it sometime? Could be fun.” 

“Flirt later.” 

“Who said I was flirting with you.” 

“Your face.” 

“And what a beautiful face it is.” 

“Who is ‘they’,” Iwaizumi repeated.

His face was glowing red from what Rei guessed was a combination of annoyance and flirtatious thrill. This was kind of fun after all. 

“My mom,” Rei answered flatly but starting to nervously play with the sleeves of his shirt, “…among the others.” 

“Others?”

“Look it was a complicated bad situation okay?”

“How though?” Iwaizumi pleaded leaning in and clasping Rei’s hands in his own, “I want to help.” 

Rei breathed out slowly. 

“My dad had goals for me. He wanted me to do big things. He had high expectations and a low tolerance for imperfection and to him...I was _imperfect_ ,” Rei started, “He knew people that he thought would help me achieve them. We moved around a lot, or I did anyway. From person to person until he was satisfied with my progress.” 

“Progress doing what?” 

An icy shiver crawled up Rei's back and his throat closed up as if there were long cold fingers encircling and squeezing the air out of his lungs.

“Volleyball.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes were wide and Rei could see the cogs turning behind them despite his obvious confusion. 

“Basically I would get passed around my dad’s little network of friends or coworkers or cronies or whatever and each of them would take a turn… _training_ …me.” 

“Rei…” Iwaizumi asked hesitantly like he wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, “that sounds like…I mean…did they ever…um did they make you…” 

He didn’t have to complete his sentence. 

“It wasn’t like that.” He assured him quickly feeling his stomach churn and tighten uneasily.

Obvious relief flashed across Iwaizumi’s face before a small inkling of reluctance crept into his eyes. Whatever he was thinking, he kept to himself for now. 

“But it wasn’t good. More than that, it was bad. It was toxic and abusive and evil and I never want anything to do with any of them ever again!” Rei could feel the emotion rising in his voice.

Iwaizumi looked like he wanted to ask a million more questions but he stopped himself when it must have become clear that Rei had reached his limit and couldn’t keep talking about it anymore. 

“So that was why volleyball was a bad topic for our first date?” Iwaizumi tried to joke weakly. 

“Sorry, I’m more of a 'deep childhood trauma on the second date' kind of guy.” Rei shot back darkly. 

“Sex on the first date but trauma on the second?” 

“It’s just how I roll.” 

They both let out a morbid snicker. 

“And the black coffee thing?” 

Rei felt his jaw lock up and his lips twist shut. He could taste the repulsive bitter liquid on his tongue and tried to fight back the bile rising in his throat stifling a gag.

“Look can we talk about something else please, this is too much.” 

“Yeah of course.” Iwaizumi said bashfully. 

Five heartbeats passed before either of them spoke again. 

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." Iwaizumi said soberly at a clear loss for more eloquent words.

Rei found himself watching Iwaizumi very carefully. His heart was still pounding hard beats against his ribs but the kindness Iwaizumi showed him and the gentleness in the way he spoke to Rei made him feel safe. Why couldn’t he always feel like this? 

He found himself desperately wishing that he could have been more like Oikawa. He painfully yearned for Iwaizumi to talk about him that same way. He wanted to be stronger, to be more confident, to be someone that made others better the way Iwaizumi described. More than anything Rei realized he wanted to be loved that same way Iwaizumi loved Oikawa. It sounded like a dream. 

“Did you know Oikawa from volleyball?” Rei asked. 

Iwaizumi’s face lit up and Rei suppressed a little pang of jealousy. 

“Yeah! We played together since we were little, and probably would have played together forever if it wasn’t for…you know.” 

The envy settled in. He knew it was crazy and unfair to be jealous like this but how was he ever supposed to compete with that kind of bond? The pool of emptiness that Rei felt deep down started to swirl as Rei found himself wondering if Iwaizumi would ever be happy with him as long as he was still in love with a ghost. 

Rei knew he couldn’t compete with someone who was a perfect untouchable ideal in Iwaizumi’s memory. That was something he could never be. 

“Did they ever find out what happened?” Rei asked unsure of what answer he was hoping for but desperate for more information none-the-less. 

“No,” Iwaizumi said, “But when the investigation closed and nothing turned up, we had to face the facts.”

His words were full of such bitterness that Rei found himself surprised. He had never seen this side of Iwaizumi before. 

At his side, Iwaizumi’s phone buzzed. 

Iwaizumi glanced down at it and quickly scowled and flipped it over onto its face so he couldn’t see the screen. 

“Who was that?”

“The ghost of Christmas Past.” 

“Huh?” 

Iwaizumi gaze a little crooked smile but he clearly didn’t have the energy to keep it up and let it fall away. 

“Someone I’ve been avoiding.” 

“Why?” 

“Because they want something from me that I can’t give them.” 

“Maybe if we stopped talking in riddles I could help.” Rei offered. 

Iwaizumi nodded his head. 

“It was ten years ago.” Iwaizumi said after a little pause. 

Rei was confused. 

“The day Oikawa was taken, it was ten years ago now,” Iwaizumi explained wretchedly, “and his parents want me to come back for a memorial.” 

“And why don’t you?” 

Before Iwaizumi could answer his phone buzzed again.

He rolled his eyes and reached up to press the silence button on the side of the phone. 

“Because it's macabre and creepy,” Iwaizumi said biting his lip absently, “and honestly I was just starting to think I was moving on from it all and going back there—going through it all again—it's just too much.” 

Rei nodded.

“We buried an empty coffin and I made a promise to myself that that was the end,” Iwaizumi said grievously with a hollow and crazed sort of look behind his eyes, “Not knowing what happened was infinitely more painful than accepting his death. It was toxic and cancerous and it ate away at me every day of my life until I agreed to leave it all behind. The memories hurt, but it's a pain I can live with. Waiting every day for something and someone that is never coming, that is no life at all.”

Iwaizumi spoke desperately and insistently as if he was trying to prove it to himself as well with increasing despair. 

“So that person that keeps calling?” Rei asked.

The phone buzzed again. 

Iwaizumi looked like his head was going to explode.

“Oikawa’s mom.” He said simply trying to hide the irritation in his voice. 

“Maybe she needs you there.” Rei said reluctantly. 

He wanted Iwaizumi by his side like a fish wants the water and a plant needs the earth but if Iwaizumi needed to be somewhere else, Rei couldn’t stand to be the reason he wasn’t. If going and feeling this pain was the closure Iwaizumi needed to heal, Rei hated the idea of holding him back. He couldn’t hurt him like that—he wouldn’t. 

Iwaizumi stopped and stared at him like he had started speaking an alien language. 

“Maybe it's been hard on everyone involved and you make it easier,” Rei said, “you are the kind of person that makes things easier for other people. Besides, maybe it would help the pain, maybe it would help.” 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Iwaizumi spit. 

As soon as he said it he froze. 

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean t-“ Rei stuttered before Iwaizumi cut him off. 

Had he over-stepped? 

“No I’m sorry,” Iwaizumi shook his head crinkling his eyebrows, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just get…so angry and sometimes I say things I don’t mean to…” 

“You have nothing to apologize for.” 

“I have a lot to apologize for actually.” He said cynically. 

“You are too hard on yourself Iwa-chan. You don’t have to do everything on your own.” 

Rei knew his words hit a nerve when Iwaizumi’s phone buzzed again and this time he lost it. 

He lunged for the phone angrily and answered the call. 

“What?!” In a low deep growl.

He listened for a moment and his expression fell. He took the phone away from his ear and stared at the screen is disbelief before pressing it back against his face. 

“Why? What’s all this about?” He asked his tone becoming softer, “what happened?” 

Rei watched as Iwaizumi’s expression plummeted through every stage of grief. He went as a pale as a sheet as the blood drained out of his face. 

“What…” He said in a hushed voice into the phone. 

He started shaking his head emphatically as if refusing to listen to whatever he was being told. He grit his teeth and made a pained expression as he pressed his palm against his forehead.

“No…” he whispered, “but, what does that mean?” 

Rei wanted to help but he had no idea what was happening or how to help. After everything Iwaizumi had done for him, he felt so useless. 

“Okay,” Iwaizumi finally said with trembling words, “I understand. I’ll be there.”

He’ll be there?

Iwaizumi hung up looking astounded and dismayed. He leaned back against the couch and heaved an excruciating sigh staring straight ahead. 

“You’re going home after all?” Rei asked hoping to pull Iwaizumi back into reality. 

“Yeah…” he said in a numb haunted sort of tone. 

“What’s the matter?” Rei felt concern rising in his chest.

“Um…” Iwaizumi stuttered slowly, “That was Oikawa’s mom…”

“Right,” Rei said cautiously, confused by this reaction, “asking if you’ll come home for the anniversary?” 

“Um, no actually she didn’t even mention it…” Iwaizumi spoke raw scattered words as if he was speaking to an empty room. 

“Then what?”

He just shook his head in disbelief. 

“She said the police were at her house today…”

“The police?” Pulling this story out of him was becoming exhausting, “What for?” 

Rei tried to urge Iwaizumi on but it was as if he had already taken refuge somewhere else in his mind. 

“They did it…” Iwaizumi said breathlessly. 

Rei felt the blood in his own face drain this time. Iwaizumi wasn’t explaining what he meant, but there was really only one thing he could mean…

“You don’t mean…”

Iwaizumi just nodded listlessly. 

“W-wow, that’s great,” Rei said hesitantly feeling conflict start to ferment within him, “did they find him?” 

“No. Not _him_.” 

No? Then what was this reaction? 

“Then what?”

Iwaizumi turned to Rei with eyes wide with disbelief. His jaw was slacked and his body was waning as if every nerve and every muscle in his body had burnt out and given up. 

“They said they found the guy that did it.”


	8. Chapter 8

**—Rei’s POV—**

Rei’s mind was reeling. 

“The guy who did it?” He managed to squeak out. 

If Iwaizumi heard him he gave no indication of it. 

His eyes were locked on some imaginary horizon in front of him like a carsick child trying to keep from vomiting on the floor. His eyes looked empty as if all the activity inside his head had blown out the circuits in his brain. Every few seconds he would shake his head or mutter something unintelligible under his breath deep in thought. 

“Iwaizumi what does that mean?” Rei asked again softly hoping his words would shake Iwaizumi out of this haze but also would hopefully answer some of the millions of questions that were now swirling in his head too. 

“I’m not sure.” Iwaizumi said stupefied. 

The confusion in his tone was unmistakable. Rei felt his stomach tighten as he realized that Iwaizumi must have been drowning under this news and was probably lost in the swarms of questions he had probably given up on answering long ago. 

Rei gritted his teeth cursing himself for being so selfish to worry about his own questions before Iwaizumi’s. Obviously, Iwaizumi would be more shocked by this than Rei would be, and yet, Rei felt inexplicably nervous too. What did this mean for him and Iwaizumi? Did this mean Oikawa was alive? If it didn’t, does that mean that Iwaizumi would now know for sure for the first time what really happened to him? 

“What can I do?” Rei asked creasing his brow desperate for someway—anyway—he could help. 

Iwaizumi turned toward Rei with a robotic frigidness that sent a chill through Rei. He had a lost and overwhelmed aura about him. There was a flood of furious shame was pouring out of every feature on his face that made him look like the poster-child for survivor's guilt. 

“I don’t know,” Iwaizumi said breathlessly, “I-I feel like…I just thought I…I never thought this day would come.” 

He was overwhelmed and with every moment that passed, he seemed to inch closer and closer to full-out panic. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rei offered. 

He didn’t know if he really wanted to talk about it himself—or if he would be any help or comfort to Iwaizumi right now at all. Despite all that though, Rei knew what it felt like to bottle up these kinds of feelings and he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy, much less Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi looked at Rei and let his eyes hang in place for a moment. His lip quivered like he wanted to speak but a flash of pain rippled through his face and he turned away. 

Rei desperately just wanted to help but something about him just seemed to hurt Iwaizumi right now. 

Rei felt his face crumble as he replayed Iwaizumi’s sad eyes turning away from him in his head; shutting him out. The way Iwaizumi had watched him…the way his eyes had leaped with joy for just a second, and then crashed down to earth desolate and defeated…

It almost felt personal?

A cold shiver crept up Rei’s back. 

_You just look like somebody I used to know._

Iwaizumi’s words from that first day at the book store rang loud and sharp through Rei’s mind like a bell rung at full force.

Oh. 

Rei felt his head drop and his shoulder wilt weakly. The cramp in his stomach worked its way up to his chest and squeezed. 

He was the one causing Iwaizumi pain. This was his fault. 

Iwaizumi had told Rei that he looked like Oikawa. Rei had even adopted Oikawa’s nickname for him too…

Rei swallowed hard as he realized that everything he had done since the very beginning must have hurt Iwaizumi, and even now, without meaning to, everything he did was wrong and could only cause more harm than good. 

“Rei?” Iwaizumi’s voice called out faintly. 

Rei hid a sniffle and turned to Iwaizumi. 

“Yeah Iwa-chan?” 

Iwaizumi winced and Rei cursed himself. Fuck. 

Why couldn’t he seem to stop using that nickname? He knew what it meant to Iwaizumi and yet every time Rei looked at him it was the only thing his mind wanted to say. 

“What were you like as a kid?” Iwaizumi asked not meeting Rei’s eyes. 

Rei felt his heart pound a hard beat and blood went rushing through his ears roaring like gale force wind. 

“What do you mean?” Rei asked trying to keep his voice even. 

Did Iwaizumi know? Had he already figured something out?

“I just keep replaying these memories over and over again in my head from when I was a kid,” Iwaizumi explained staring straight ahead, “I can’t get it out of my head. I just keep seeing him…” 

Iwaizumi didn’t need to explain. His face gave away how dazed and lost he was behind his eyes. 

“I just need a distraction,” Iwaizumi continued with desperation settling into his voice, “Please just…tell me. I need something different to think about. I need to get these thoughts out of my head.” 

His eyes were wide and imploring and Rei felt helpless under their gaze.

Rei looked down unsure of what to say. 

“I wish I could tell you.” Rei said sadly feeling an emptiness settle in. 

“What do you mean?” The fog around Iwaizumi must have been lifting as the confusion in his eyes turned into concern. 

“I was adopted pretty late in life,” Rei said flatly reciting his lines from memory, “I don’t really remember anything from before I went to live with my family. The doctors said it probably meant there was some kind of trauma that I blacked out but…” 

He had been trained to tell this story flawlessly and without breaking for years. Not once had he faltered or missed a beat with those rehearsed words and yet here, talking to Iwaizumi, he found himself revealing something—a doubt that he had never once voiced before—that he had always suspected. 

“But?” Iwaizumi said almost in a whisper. 

“But I always thought it was from some kind of head injury.” 

Rei found himself absently scratching the back of his head the way he often did when he started to feel overwhelmed and he felt a little twinge as his fingers glided over that sore spot at the very back of his skull. From his earliest and most foggy memories, he remembered feeling a pain in the back of his head that ached and throbbed and seemed to anchor him to some kind of lost origin. 

“I’ve always had this pain at the back of my head from some kind of wound that never seemed to heal right,” Rei went on feeling lighter just by voicing this thought he had held on to in silence and secretary for so many years, “I think I must have been in a car accident or something. I think it’s how my family died. I think it’s why I was adopted.” 

Iwaizumi’s face was unreadable. There was conflict battling somewhere in him but Rei couldn’t decide what it was exactly or why. For a second he looked intrigued verging on hopeful, and then a second later he looked angry and embittered. Whatever he was thinking however remained unsaid. 

“Probably not the best distraction for your troubles.” Rei tried to joke through the darkness that seemed to have settled around them. 

Iwaizumi just hook his head letting that anger seep out again. He bit his lip and Rei realized he was angry at himself. Iwaizumi looked back down defeatedly at his cell phone and then back at the wall conflicted and confused. 

He clearly needed to talk but Rei could feel in his heart that he was not the person that Iwaizumi needed to hear from. 

“Iwaizumi,” Rei said forcing himself to use his full name this time, “I think you do need to talk to someone about this but I don’t think that person is me right now.” 

Iwaizumi looked like he wanted to argue but it became clear that Rei was right. 

“I guess.” 

Rei reached out and placed his hand on top of Iwaizumi’s. 

“Take your time,” he said reassuringly in the calmest tone he could manage, “Today has been…a lot…and you need to process it. I’ll be here when you’re ready.” 

Rei hated that he was telling Iwaizumi to go but he knew he would hate himself more if he hoarded Iwaizumi to himself when Iwaizumi needed help the most. He just seemed to cause pain and right now Iwaizumi needed someone to relieve it, to help him process it. 

Iwaizumi nodded standing slowly and looking seriously down at his phone. He flipped through his contacts directionlessly until finally, he must have found one that he decided would suffice. 

“Are you sure?” He asked sadly like he was hoping Rei would change his mind. 

Rei wished for that too. But he knew better. 

“Yeah.” Rei said flashing his best smile. 

Normally Iwaizumi would have seen through that smile but today, at this moment, he just nodded. 

“I’ll just make it a quick call. I’ll be right back,” Iwaizumi promised, “Don’t go anywhere.” 

Rei just gave Iwaizumi’s hand a little squeeze and a bittersweet smile as he let him go. 

Watching Iwaizumi walk out that door felt like a nail pounding into Rei’s chest but he knew his own feelings were confusing enough and Iwaizumi deserved someone with clarity who knew how they felt and what to say. Not a big mess like Rei who seemed to only hold the power to hurt and confuse him. 

The longer Rei sat alone in Iwaizumi’s apartment the more those words Iwaizumi had said to him started to repeat in his head. 

_You just look like somebody I used to know._

What did that mean exactly? A lot of people have similar features and common faces but the way Iwaizumi had said that was so exacting and so adamant that Rei couldn’t seem to shake it off. 

He hadn’t thought much of it at the time since he had been too fascinated by Iwaizumi, in general, to pick apart much of their first interaction but it occurred to Rei what a strange thing to say that was. He had been almost insistent too. To the point that he had called him Oikawa that first time they met before he said anything else. Could the resemblance really be so striking?

Rei understood that Iwaizumi must have had Oikawa on his mind a lot with this memorial coming up, but still, identifying a stranger with that kind of ferocity must have meant that the likeness was more than a passing semblance. 

Rei quickly found himself on his feet and poking through Iwaizumi’s belongings hoping to find some kind of photograph or memento of Oikawa to test his growing curiosity. 

He was rooting through Iwaizumi’s closet and tunneling under piles of dirty clothes overflowing from a hamper when Rei’s fingers slide over a familiar leather shape. Rei immediately snatched back his hand and recoiled parting away enough of the mess to clearly see the shape of a volleyball hidden under all the mess. 

Hesitantly he reached out and picked up the ball feeling its familiar curve in his hands. 

Without much thought he found himself spinning the ball between his fingers—a habit and good luck charm he had never fully managed to kick. 

For a sweet and warm moment, Rei allowed himself to imagine a world where volleyball had just been a fun game between friends or a chance to practice and be passionate about something and grow with a team of friends—the way it must have been for Iwaizumi and Oikawa. An overwhelming sadness started to set in as the stark contrast between that beautiful little dream and his own memory became startling. 

“This one’s for you.” He said sorrowfully under his breath twirling the ball once more and making a modified set with the volleyball tossing it only a few inches in the air to an imaginary Iwaizumi. 

Rei couldn’t fully explain what happened next, but he thought the closest way he could think to describe it was the feeling of trying to remember a word you can’t quite remember but knowing that it is hanging off the tip of your tongue. 

It was like a light snapped on somewhere deep and dark back in his head—in an area of his memory he had forgotten even existed. It was so murky and so distant that he couldn’t make out the shape or the smell or even the exact feeling he had but it was undeniably familiar and comfortable. 

What the hell was that? 

He bounced the ball between his fingers a few more times trying to trigger another surge but nothing came. 

He struggled with that little glimmer of light somewhere that was already fading trying desperately to find its flame. He focused in on it letting his senses guide him in the silence of the empty apartment. 

Nothing. 

Nothing. 

_Would you knock that fatalist attitude of yours off and focus on the game you dumbass?_

Something. 

Rei’s eyes shot wide open. What the hell was that? 

He listened again and heard the words come at him sharp and clear from an unmistakeable source. It sounded like Iwaizumi’s voice. A little younger and a little harsher but that tone and that loving yet disapproving tone of his was indisputable. 

Where was this memory coming from? Was it even a memory at all? Did it matter? It felt good and Rei had learned to enjoy the small moments of joy knowing full and well that days gone by don’t come back. 

He could have easily fallen down a dark rabbit hole aimlessly tumbling through spirals of conjecture and fantasy but a piercing hard knock at the door shook Rei out of it. He felt the little embers evaporate out from between his fingers and blow away. 

Come back! 

Rei scowled and walked out to the living room. He was reluctant at first but the sight of Iwaizumi’s house key’s inside on the table made his worries melt away. 

“Did you forget your keys silly?” He chuckled teasingly in a near skip back to the door thrilled already at just the idea of seeing Iwaizumi again.

He swung open the door with a giddy tug before he felt his blood freeze and his stomach drop to his feet. 

“Hey, there pretty boy. Miss me?” 

Akira Saito stood on the other side of the door. His dark eyes and hair let him almost melt into the shadows and only his broad shoulders and wide jaw ruined the slippery and shift image. 

“Akira…w-what…h-how are you here?” Rei stuttered feeling his muscles lock up as his body shot into fight or flight just at the sight of one of his father’s old colleagues. 

Akira just smiled icily raising one eyebrow. 

“Oh come on now Rei,” his voice was glacial, “You didn’t really think we didn’t have eyes on you after all this time did you?” 

The color drained out of Rei’s face. His worst fear, after all this, was finally coming true. 

“Oh?” Akira chuckled harshly, “You really did didn’t you? That really is sad Rei, I’ve got to say. Then again, you never were the sharpest tool in the shed, eh?” 

Rei’s heart was roaring in his ears. The banging and pounding was deafening as the walls around him started to close in. 

In a moment of pure panic, Rei threw all of his strength against the door, trying to slam it shut, before Akira forced his boot in the crack stopping the momentum in an instant. 

“What do you think you’re doing Rei?” Akira’s voice sneered, “What kind of a welcome is that? I thought we were family.” 

“You are no family of mine.” Rei jeered pressing his body weight against the door’s surface. 

“Well, aren’t you just breaking my poor little heart, kid.” 

Akira’s lip curled in like a hungry predator as he swung his other boot against the door with a startling force that sent Rei stumbling backward. Akira made good use of Rei’s surprise and stomped into Iwaizumi’s apartment glowering down at Rei with seething rage in his eyes. 

“Get out.” Rei demanded as firmly as he could hoping that Akira wouldn’t notice the shaking woven into his voice. 

Akira just laughed a cruel and sadistic sort of chuckle. 

The way he looked Rei made Rei feel like he was back on the gym floor trembling under that impenetrable gaze. It was like nothing had changed at all. 

“Just had to wait for your savior back there to leave you, like everyone else does, before I could make my move.” Akira taunted gesturing behind him to the building exit Iwaizumi had no doubt taken to make his call. 

“He’ll be back.” Rei promised snarling through his teeth. 

“Good thing we are leaving.” 

“I am not going anywhere with you Akira.” Even Rei was surprised by the strength in his voice. 

But again Akira just laughed lightly as if Rei was just a small child fighting helplessly under his foot. 

“Oh yes, you are.” Akira said squinting his eyes and lifting the corner of his shirt to show the black handgun tucked into his pant waist. 

Rei clenched his fists. 

“A gun? Really, Akira?” Rei spat, “Full offense dickhead, but after everything I did to get away from you and father don’t you think I came to terms with the consequences of my actions the first time around?” 

Rei couldn’t begin to imagine where this confidence was coming from since he absolutely did not feel as strong as he sounded. At the same time though, the words came so easily that Rei realized he meant it and probably had expected exactly this ending all along. 

He knew what escaping from his father meant. But he also knew that it had been his only choice and he would be damned if he ever went back. He would rather die. 

He was amazed to realize he meant it too. He really would rather die. 

Akira looked stunned for a moment like he wouldn’t; have imagined that Rei would ever stand up to him like this even in his deepest dreams. His mouth hung open and his head cocked sideways with curiosity as he eyed this new stronger Rei for the first time before his shock faded into a menacing sneer. 

“Let’s see how long this new self-assurance of yours holds out then pretty boy.” Akira said lunging for his beltline and whipping the gun out and holding the barrel towards Rei. 

Rei felt a surge of adrenaline shoot through his veins sending a rush of endorphins through his body and into his chest. Each chamber of his heart fluttered and pounded as if preparing to pump jet fuel. 

“I won’t be going with you today or ever again,” Rei said with venom seeping off of his tongue, “You don’t own me anymore and I don’t owe you shit!” 

He was shouting now and he meant every word. 

“Then you’ll die.” 

“Maybe I will,” Rei said feeling his resolve harden, “But I’m ready for that. Are you?” 

Never before had Rei seen this new look of uncertainly and panic come over Akira’s harsh features before. 

“Shoot me you bastard or get the fuck out!” Rei challenged taking a step forward. 

If he died here today then at least it would be the end of the fear and the paranoia that had become his new normal over these years away. There was peace in that and he knew he would rather die on his own terms than live under someone else’s ever again. 

Somewhere something seemed to click inside Akira’s brain as his shock and wordlessness crumbled as his expression shifted back to its normal heartless and brutal demeanor. 

“I’m not going to shoot you Rei.” He said with a self-satisfied twinge in his voice that made Rei’s blood boil. 

“You are a coward.” Rei mocked hoping he could taunt Akira back into submission with his words. 

In truth, Akira was bigger and stronger than him in every way. In a hand-to-hand fight, Rei knew he stood no chance but if he could enrage Akira enough to make him lose his focus, Rei was certain there would be a way to escape him. 

“No, Rei. You’ve always been the coward in this family,” Akira chided in a low and cool timbre, “This new confidence of yours is a good look but I know it’s just an act kid. If you won’t come with me willingly then I will take you by force.” 

“I’d like to see you try.” Rei spat back burring the doubt creeping into his mind. 

“I don’t think you do, boy,” Akira said hatefully, “Cause I think this new attitude of yours is thanks to your boyfriend out there on the phone. So I say, we wait for him to come back and I’ll take him out first and break you for good.” 

Iwaizumi….

“No!” Rei’s cool facade was rubble. 

A sly and victorious smile spread across Akira’s lips. 

“That’s what I thought.” 

He charged at Rei grabbing his wrist and pulling his arm behind him pinning him to the ground. Rei cried out in pain as he felt his arm twist and the weight of both of their bodies fall onto his knee. Akira reached for Rei’s shoulder and gripped it tightly from behind yanking Rei off of the floor and forcing him back onto his feet. 

Akira dug his nails into Rei’s skin and keeping a firm grasp around Rei’s arm he steered Rei out of the apartment. 

“Let’s go.” 

Whenever he felt any resistance Akira twisted Rei’s arm harder behind his back until the joint felt like it was on the verge of popping out of its socket. 

“Be a nice little boy Rei,” Akira sneered into Rei’s ear from behind him as he led Rei down the hallway and out the back door of the apartment building, “Don’t bother fighting battles you can’t hope to win.” 

Rei felt his lip quiver as a single tear slipped out the corner of his eyes tracing its way against the curve of his face. 

“What do you want from me?” Rei asked as they reached the back ally behind the building. 

“From you?” Akira almost laughed, “There is nothing that I want that you could ever give me Rei.”

“Then why go to all this trouble, you could have just let me go and this would have all been over.” 

“You really just don’t get it do you?” Akira shook his head. 

“Don’t get what?” 

“At this point, you are nothing but a loose end Rei. Can’t have you running around like evidence on two feet, can we? Not with..everything going on.”

Evidence? What was going on? 

“If you’re talking about what my dad did before I left…” Rei said trailing off and trying his best not to let the memories back in, “I was never going to say anything about it. I just wanted to get out of there and let that be the end of it.” 

“As naive as always _Rei_ ,” Akira chuckled to himself and twisting up Rei’s name like it was some kind of inside joke, “This is about so much more than all that.” 

More? Something worse? How the hell was that even possible?

“How could there possibly be something worse than what he tried to do that day?” Rei demanded stopping in his tracks.

“Hey, keep it moving kid.” Akira snapped. 

Rei refused to budge. 

“Not until you answer my question,” Rei said modeling his own tone off of Akira’s steely voice, “What could possibly be worse than that?”   
The memories of the day that Rei made his escape were clawing at the back of his mind demanding his attention. He shook his head adamantly forcing those thoughts back down refusing to re-live it. He couldn’t control what his father had planned to do, and he couldn’t control everything that had come before, but at least now he could leave that pain in the past where it couldn’t hurt him anymore. That power at least was his own. 

“How is it that after all this time, you never even once questioned any of this mess?” Akira jeered leaning into Rei mockingly. 

“Questioned what?” 

“Damn, you really did drink the Kool-Aid after all kid, huh?” Akira laughed tauntingly, “I always wondered if you ran off because you figured it out. But I guess not. That is kind of sad pretty boy.” 

“Figured what out?!” Rei demanded. 

Akira just growled and lurched at Rei slamming him back against the ally wall and pinning him against the brick by his throat. 

“Too late for questions now kid.” 

Akira’s grip around his throat was absolute. Rei clawed at both of Akira’s hands trying desperately to break their grasp. His empty lungs started to fill with fire and his vision started going dark around the edges as he fought and gasped fruitlessly for breath against the crushing weight of Akira’s grip. 

This really was the end. 

After everything that he had done, after everything he had endured and survived was this really the end? Rei could feel his limbs losing strength as the force of Akira’s overwhelming power pushed him against the wall. He felt the back of his skull press into the rough brick exterior until a warm stream of blood began to trickle down the back of his neck. 

For a moment something rang like a bell in the darkness again. A memory? A light? The pain felt like a doorway but where would it lead? 

He would not have time to find out. 

“Rei!!” A voice called out from behind them. 

Rei’s vision was a blur but the muffled sound brought him a strange comfort. 

“Let him go!” The voice demanded sounding far away as if Rei was underwater hearing the surface. 

There was panic and desperation in that voice but also a violent rage seemed to shake the very ground beneath their feet as the blurry figure charged towards him. 

Rei could feel Akira’s grip against his neck loosen and air finally entered his lungs as he gasped against the relenting force. 

Akira’s hand eventually let go completely allowing Rei’s body to fall against the pavement onto his hands and knees. He found himself gasping for air and choking on it at the same time. His lungs burned and filled with knives as the air slowly refilled his chest and his head began to clear. He was coughing now and holding his throat with one hand tenderly as the other propped up his fragile body. 

The darkness in his vision began to subside and weakly he lifted his head against the agony in his neck to see Iwaizumi standing on the other side of Akira—determination blazing in his dark eyes. 

“Rei!” Iwaizumi’s voice called out becoming clearer with each breath Rei took, “Are you okay?” 

“Go!” Rei tried to yell wheezing against his rough and damaged larynx, “Get out of here! He’ll kill you!” 

He was pleading now. His body was ravaged with panic and pain and now sobs escaped his lips closing his throat and obscuring his vision yet again. 

“I am not leaving you dumbass!” Iwaizumi’s voice promised unyieldingly, “I promised.” 

“Then you will die a fool.” Akira sneered pointing the face of his gun at Iwaizumi. 

“No!” Rei screamed hoarse and shaken from the ground. 

He couldn’t lose Iwaizumi like this! Please, anything but this! 

“Take me instead,” He begged, “Please just kill me, leave him alone!” 

“You’ll be next, don’t you worry.” Akira hissed. 

“Why are you doing this?” Iwaizumi asked desperately. 

Rei used his arms to support his shoulders and forced out one leg in front of him to raise his body against it until he stood weakly swaying from the fatigue and aches shooting like electricity over every nervier his body overwhelming his senses. 

“I could ask you the same,” Akira said coldly, “Trust me, this kid ain't worth dying for.” 

“He is to me.” Iwaizumi growled balling up his fists and setting his jaw firmly. 

There was no doubt when he spoke, no hesitation or wavering. 

“I won’t let someone else get hurt.” Iwaizumi snarled between his teeth.

“Someone…else?” Akira spoke slowly studying Iwaizumi. 

For just a moment shock rippled across Akira’s face as he leaned in and looked closely at Iwaizumi’s face for the first time. 

“It’s you…” He said baffled with disbelief. 

Neither Iwaizumi nor Rei knew what to say. 

Rei felt his heart hammering beats as his addled and shaking body perilously searched the alleyway for anything he could use to defend himself. 

“What do you mean ‘it's me’?” Iwaizumi pressed. 

“Well I’ll be damned,” Akira said breathlessly almost laughing, “Who would have thought, after all this time…” 

“What are you talking about?” Iwaizumi asked raising a suspicious eyebrow and stepping forward, “Do you know me?” 

Akira just shook his head like he couldn’t believe his rotten luck. 

“Never thought I would see you again kid, much less with him. Life is funny like that I guess.”

“What the fuck are you raving about?!” Iwaizumi yelled throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. 

“Guess you’ll never know.” Akira said cocking back the hammer of his pistol and aiming right for Iwaizumi’s heart. 

“You’re forgetting something.” Iwaizumi said bargaining for precious time and letting a sly little smirk peak out from his behind is normally serious features. 

“And what is that?” Akira spat. 

“Me.” Rei said wrapping his fingers around a steel trashcan lid at his side. 

Rei threw the full force of his body and all the added power of his adrenaline rush into his swing as he smashed the metal plate edge against Akira’s skull. 

He felt the lid collide as his hips twisted completing the swing and the hollow echo of the impact reverberated up Rei’s arms vibrating through his bones. 

Akira’s limp body fell to the street. 

For a second neither Rei nor Iwaizumi moved or spoke. They both just watched Akira’s form waiting to see if this was really the end. 

Rei’s blood exploded in his ears and he felt something deep down inside of him snap. 

His body moved automatically without thinking and he dove at Akira in a blind rage screaming and slamming his body on top of his chest and viciously wrapping his fingers around Akira’s throat. 

This man had controlled so much of his life. Rei had lived in fear of his strength and his violence for so many years that the loss of it almost felt empty. This fear had become a part of him unknowingly and now Rei couldn’t even imagine who he would be without it. 

“I hate you!” He screamed with every emotion pouring out of his voice at once. 

He pulled tighter, coiling his fingers around Akira’s neck with a strength he never knew he possessed. 

Akira had haunted him since childhood. Some kids had monsters under their beds, boogeymen with sharp claws and big teeth, but Rei had Akira Saito. Today alone, he had caused pain, misery, and grief—and on top of everything else, he had threatened not only Rei’s life…but Iwaizumi’s too. That was unforgivable. 

“I hate you!” He screamed again hearing the pain in his own voice but unable to control his body. 

He shook his hands violently pounding Akira’s head against the ground as his grip grew tighter with each passing second. 

“I hate you!” He was crying now, chest heaving and trembling, with labored convulsive breaths. 

The tears were hot and burst forth like a broken dam spilling water down his trembling red face. His anger and his sadness mixed until they became unrecognizable from each other twisting and combining to form something new, volatile, and raw from inside him. 

“I hate you!” The muscles in his arms were giving out as the salty streams of tears soaked into Rei’s shirt dripping off his chin his words dissolving into hysteric visceral wails. 

A warm hand landed softly on Rei’s grip pulling him back into the world and breaking his clutch around Akira’s bruised throat. 

“Rei…” the voice said slowly, “It’s over. You can stop now.” 

Rei looked up through the film of tears in his eyes and then back down at his bloodied hands. 

His breath vanished. 

“Oh my god…” He whispered. 

What had he done?! 

“Oh my god!” Rei shrieked scrambling to his feet and clamping his hands over his mouth dragging the red streaks of Akira’s blood down his cheeks.

“Rei.” 

“I’m so sorry!” Rei screamed falling back to his knees and burying his face in his knees, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to! O-Oh my god…I-I…fuck! Oh my god. I am s-so s-sorry!” 

He was just like Akira after all this. Akira had made Rei just like him. He was no better…

“Rei!” Iwaizumi’s voice repeated a little louder. 

He looked up still shaking. 

“Look.” Iwaizumi said gently pointing towards Akira’s beaten but rising chest. 

He was alive. 

Rei’s face crumbled. 

“T-thank god!” Rei cried bending over trying to control his hyperventilating lungs, “I-I am so s-sorry!” 

Tears continued to fall, dripping from the tip of his nose as he cried them out of pure relief and excruciating pain and exhaustion. 

Rei felt Iwaizumi’s hand land firmly on his back. 

“It’s okay Rei.” His voice lulled. 

Rei just continued to cry feeling his emotions overrun and outgrow his control. 

“It’s going to be okay.” Iwaizumi hushed pulling Rei into a tight hug. 

“I-Iwa chan…I am so sorry…” He wheezed, “I d-don’t know what…I didn’t mean t-to…” 

“I know.” 

His voice was low and even.

“Are you okay?” Rei rasped looking up through his tears. 

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi assured him reaching for Rei’s hand and pressing the palm flatly against his chest so that Rei could feel his heartbeat, “And you will be too.” 

He met Rei’s eyes and Rei felt a warm strength and undying loyalty behind them that had saved his life today. His resolve was rigid and uncompromising and his gaze told Rei that there was no doubt left in him. 

He protectively pulled Rei back into his chest and wrapped his strong arms around him in defiance of every threat and every peril that they had seen. He spoke as if he was daring the world to defy him; vowing to triumph over anything that came to challenge him again. 

“I promise.”


	9. Chapter 9

**—Iwaizumi’s POV—**

Iwaizumi desperately wished that he felt as confident as he sounded. 

The strength in his voice surprised even him when he spoke to Rei, but at the same time, he meant every word of it. He really would do anything it took to keep Rei safe, as crazy as it sounded, he meant it and that frightened him. 

He could feel Rei trembling under his touch and it was like Iwaizumi could feel Rei’s pain. 

“Can you stand?” Iwaizumi asked. 

Rei nodded. 

“Yeah, I think so.” His voice was shaky and uncertain but Iwaizumi was relieved to hear that he still sounded like himself. 

Seeing Rei attack that man like that had been terrifying. Iwaizumi never could have imagined that that kind of anger resided inside a guy like him. Rei’s eyes had looked rabid and frenzied and his entire body had reacted so immediately and so violently that he had seemed like more of an animal than a man. To hear him talking again, to hear his voice so lucid and human, gave Iwaizumi hope that everything would be okay again; but it was also a reminder of how much danger Rei was really in and how careful Iwaizumi needed to be just to keep him safe. 

The traces of blood that Rei had dragged down his face were still visible—red and glossy dripping off his cheeks—even as Rei kept his back turned to Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi reached out his hand offering it as support to Rei who took it gingerly and stood up slowly from the alley street. 

Rei kept his eyes low and fixed as if deep in thought. 

“We need to get out of here,” Iwaizumi said glancing back at the man’s unconscious body lying behind them, “He might wake up or something and I get the feeling we do not want to be here for that.” 

Rei nodded absently. 

“D-don’t worry though,” Iwaizumi continued beginning to ramble and hoping he could pull a few more words out of Rei in the process, “I think I know someone who can help.”

Rei still didn’t speak, but now when Iwaizumi followed Rei’s line of sight, he could see that Rei was staring in horror at the blood still warm and wet on his hands. His eyes were wide and agitated, Iwaizumi could feel the panic and terror growing inside him. 

He needed to do something before Rei completely spiraled away, but what could he do?

Iwaizumi bit his lip and suddenly remembered Dr. Saito’s advice to him from one of their earliest sessions—back when the nightmares and panic attacks had been especially bad. 

“Hey, Rei,” Iwaizumi said softly, “What is your favorite season?” 

Iwaizumi could see the question blow through Rei’s ears just barely registering. His face twitched a little and one eyebrow crept up slightly as he turned towards Iwaizumi finally meeting his eyes with a look of bewilderment.

“W-what?”

“Your favorite season,” Iwaizumi repeated, “Which one do you like? Summer, Autumn, Winter, or Spring?” 

Rei’s mouth hung open as confusion washed over him. 

“What does that have to do with…this?” He looked back down at his hands as if seeing it all again for the first time. 

“Just trust me Rei. Answer the question, please.” 

Rei looked unconvinced but seemed to decide to humor Iwaizumi and he thought for a second. 

“Spring I think.” Rei eventually decided looking at Iwaizumi like he had lost his mind. 

“Why?”

“I like all the flowers.” 

Iwaizumi nodded encouragingly. 

“What kind of flowers do you like best?” 

Iwaizumi could already tell just by watching Rei that his breathing was evening out and keeping his attention away from the blood—and onto nicer things instead—seemed to be helping. 

Iwaizumi remembered that Dr. Saito had once taught him that people in crisis often can’t think straight because their brains are diverting power to the fear centers of their brains instead of the logic processing lobes. Asking little innocuous questions that require people to chose from options and use their logic centers can help them stay grounded and can rewire and divert thinking patterns in a pinch. 

“Cherry blossoms.” Rei said fondly as if remembering better days and allowing something that could have resembled a smile starting to settle in. 

Rei’s eyes had started to clear some and Iwaizumi could finally see the depth of sadness that lurked under their surface. Something about seeing this side of Rei again was comforting to Iwaizumi and was already settling any doubts he had developed after seeing Rei with his hands around that man’s neck, choking him, and screaming in pain. 

Iwaizumi knew that Rei was a good man at heart but what he had witnessed was both terrifying and confusing. This new look in Rei’s eyes reassured Iwaizumi though and he silently cursed himself for ever doubting Rei, to begin with. 

“Who do you know?” Rei asked timidly, “That can help I mean. Y-you said someone could help us?” 

Us. That word was enough to erase the last of the misgivings that Iwaizumi had clung onto and reminded him that they were in this together and that Rei needed his help. Iwaizumi couldn’t let him down. He wouldn’t. 

“One of my…uh, ‘friends’ I guess,” Iwaizumi tried to explain realizing he didn’t even really know how to classify his relationship in this case, “His boyfriend is a police officer. He’s a good guy, I think he could help.” 

Rei nodded thoughtfully. 

“You have friends Iwa-chan?” Rei teased weakly clearly pouring all his effort into distracting himself and not looking back down at the blood or the man behind them. 

“He’s a work friend dumbass.” Iwaizumi shot back softly eliciting a hesitant giggle from Rei. 

Iwaizumi could see how much concentration it was taking Rei not to look at the blood or the body and how draining that must be after everything he had already been through. 

“Let’s go inside and get you cleaned up first,” Iwaizumi insisted already steering Rei’s shoulders out from the alley and back toward the building, “I’ll call while you wash up and we’ll be out of here before any other crazy shit can happen.” 

Rei chuckled darkly and followed Iwaizumi back up to his apartment only once glancing back to make sure that the body of his attacker hadn’t moved or woken. 

Once inside Iwaizumi’s apartment, he showed Rei to the bathroom and got him a towel and a washcloth from under his sink. 

Rei stood in front of the mirror for a minute studying the blood that was streaked down his face before breaking his gaze and turning away in pain. He opened the faucet and let warm water pour out onto his washcloth before wiping the damp cloth down his face, cleaning away the stains. Rei twisted the dripping towel, squeezing out the blood-soaked water, and watched the red liquid circle the drain and disappear from sight. 

“Take your time,” Iwaizumi tried to say comfortingly turning the knob on the showerhead and waving a hand under the water to make sure it wasn’t too hot, “I’ll call now and then we’ll leave. We’re going to be okay.” 

He promised that as if he could really say it for sure, but his words were enough for Rei at this moment who took the towel gratefully. 

“Hey, Iwa-chan?” Rei said just as Iwaizumi was turning to leave. 

“Yeah?” 

Rei’s brown eyes were big and soft and there was a warm red glow to his face that sent a hot flush through Iwaizumi’s cheeks. 

“Thank you again,” he said dolefully, “You always seem to be saving me from things.” 

There was a shame in his voice that Iwaizumi couldn’t understand. 

“It looked to me like you pretty much had that handled on your own.” Iwaizumi tried to joke. 

“I’m just sorry I’m making you do all of this. I keep putting you in danger and I feel like I’m taking too much from you.” 

Iwaizumi couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“Rei I don’t think you could stop me from helping you if you tried. Like it or not, we’re stuck together, that’s just how it’s going to be. Deal with it.” 

Something clicked in the back of Iwaizumi’s mind like a nagging little light just out of his sightline as he realized he had said something like this once before…

Rei smiled and for a second he looked like his old self again. It was that fake smile he paraded around with and built up to keep people at a distance, but Iwaizumi was just glad to see him smile at all. He’d get Rei to smile again for real, he swore it. 

“So this is pretty much the worst first date ever huh?” Rei joked unfolding the towel. 

“It hasn’t been boring.” Iwaizumi admitted evoking a little snort from Rei. 

“But on the plus side you did get to take me home on the first date, and here I am stripping in your bathroom so this really is a win for you, I feel like.” He laughed posing himself dramatically against the shower curtain like a model at an editorial shoot. 

Iwaizumi’s face went full red. 

“I-idiot, don’t joke like that,” He huffed scratching vacantly at the back of his neck, “Now just hurry up and shower so we can leave. I don’t want your smart-mouth being the reason we both get murdered tonight.” 

Rei’s expression became serious again. 

“I mean it Iwa-chan,” he said firmly taking Iwaizumi’s hand and a step closer, “Thank you for everything.” 

Iwaizumi felt his stomach flutter and his heart start pounding. 

Before he could really react, Rei leaned in and pressed his soft lips against Iwaizumi’s. Rei reached a hand around and held the back of Iwaizumi’s head as he leaned into the kiss feeling Iwaizumi’s warmth against his skin. Rei pressed down against Iwaizumi and leaned down using his extra inches of height to poise himself over Iwaizumi before parting his lips and meeting Iwaizumi’s eyes from just inches away. 

Iwaizumi’s voice and words escaped him. 

“Y-you didn’t have to do that,” He said breathlessly, “It’s been a long day and I assume y-you probably feel overwhelmed and stuff and…” 

He trailed off before he could talk himself into a grave. 

Rei’s eyes widened, hurt, and sad. 

“Did you not want…I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make you uncomfort-“ 

“No! I definitely did but, you’ve been through so much today, and I-I didn’t want you to think we had to do anything like that!” Iwaizumi blurted out in a panic cutting Rei off completely.

Rei’s eyes softened again as obvious relief flooded his face. 

“I had been wanting to do that all day.” He assured Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi felt this heart beating like a hummingbird’s wing.

In a streak of uncharacteristic boldness, Iwaizumi heard a voice in his shout Fuck it! 

“In that case.” Iwaizumi breathed, grabbing Rei by his shirt front and pulling him back in with all the force he could muster. 

This time when their lips met, Iwaizumi could feel the soft glow of Rei’s skin against his own as the passion built and a small moan escaped from his lips. A rhythm started to build as Iwaizumi realized for the first time just how connected he felt to Rei right now and how happy Rei’s embrace made him down to his very core. 

Rei’s lips broke for air first and came back in pressing harder and dancing across Iwaizumi’s as his long arms reached around and wrapped behind Iwaizumi’s back slowly. Rei’s slender fingers coiled around Iwaizumi’s shoulder grabbing on and anchoring himself to Iwaizumi’s center. 

Iwaizumi’s arm snuck around Rei’s back pulled him in tightly so that Iwaizumi could feel Rei’s heart beating against his skin. His fingers combed slowly through Rei’s hair and moved gently down the back of his head before he latched on grabbing a fist full of his smooth curls. Rei’s body melted against Iwaizumi’s arms, clicking into place like the last piece of a puzzle.

By the time Iwaizumi broke the kiss for air, his heart was pounding beats and his breath was hard against Rei’s outstretched neck. Rei’s gaze moved luridly down Iwaizumi’s face brushing over every inch of his profile until their faces hovered apart for what felt like an eternity. 

“I _really_ wanted to do that.” Iwaizumi sighed pushing Rei’s face closer to his own using his grasp behind Rei’s head as a point of force until their foreheads were pressed together and they could feel each others labored breathing. 

“Of course you did,” Rei’s voice taunted lightly twisting his fingers playfully through Iwaizumi’s hair and sending a shiver down Iwaizumi’s spine, “I’m irresistible.” 

“You’re a moron, that’s what you are.” 

“Rude, Iwa-chan!” Rei teased licking his lips and spreading them into a sultry smirk. 

Iwaizumi moved his fingers down Rei’s back and grabbed the edges of his shirt. He was tugging up to pull the fabric over Rei’s head in one fluid movement when Rei’s hand suddenly grabbed his own and stopped the motion at once. 

His face pulled away from Iwaizumi as he suddenly became very interested in the bathroom tiles. 

“Don’t,” He said softly, “Not yet.” 

Iwaizumi felt his muscles tense. 

“Shit, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-“ 

“It’s not you.” Rei promised quietly. 

His eyes turned to the running shower beside him and the increasingly hot and steamy air around them fogging up the mirror and condensing on every surface of the room. 

“I should get washed up.” He said in a restrained and almost painful sounding tone. 

“Are you sure?” Iwaizumi asked, “I-I could stay.” 

Rei smiled to mask a flash of guilt and shame that crossed his strong and cheery facade. 

“Absolutely!” 

Iwaizumi tried to hide his own confusion. Had he done something wrong? Had he gone too far? Was this too much for Rei right now? Had he hurt him somehow? Why was he suddenly pushing Iwaizumi away again? 

“O-Okay I’ll just go make that call then.” 

“Okay!” Rei chirped already turning his back and shaking out his crumpled towel. 

Iwaizumi slipped out of the bathroom feeling the cool air outside rush against his hot face. 

Iwaizumi tried to catch his breath and slow his racing thoughts by taking himself into the kitchen and filling a glass of water to leave for Rei for when he’s done with his shower. Assuming he still wants anything to do with Iwaizumi after that… 

He crumpled his brow and found himself shaking his head while he pulled out his cell phone and began flipping through his contact list until he found the one he needed. 

He pressed the phone to his face and waited for the ringing to stop and a voice to answer. 

“Hello?” The voice on the other end said. 

“Hey Suga, it’s Iwaizumi. I need your help, it’s serious.” 

To Sugawara’s credit, he remained calm the entire call. Iwaizumi had to admit that if he had been on the other end of this call he very likely would not be so rational and collected. Iwaizumi explained everything from the beginning of the date all the way up to what had happened in the back alley. Conveniently he found himself leaving out what had just happened between Rei and him in the bathroom. 

“I’ll call Daichi.” Suga decided after a moment of silence once Iwaizumi had finished his story. 

“Thank you.” Iwaizumi said unsure of what else there was to say. 

“I’m coming over.” Suga said followed by rustling on the other end of the call as he stood up at his desk. 

“It’s too dangerous Suga,” Iwaizumi said quickly, “that guy could wake up at any time. We are trying to leave as soon as possible ourselves.” 

“I’m sure Daichi will need to see where everything went down,” Suga insisted, “He’s not on shift today anyway so he can meet me on the way over, he’ll watch my back.” 

Sugawara was so certain and so insistent that Iwaizumi knew there was no arguing with him.

“Be careful.” He made Suga promise him. 

“I will. Lock your doors and close the curtains. We’ll be there soon.” Suga said coolly but with a determination that Iwaizumi hadn’t seen from him since their old days on the volleyball court. 

Sugawara hung up and Iwaizumi immediately lurched up from the couch to check all of the locks and the windows. 

Part of him just wanted to call the normal police first, but he also knew that he needed to talk to someone who would try to understand what happened first and not just someone who would play by all the rules. Iwaizumi knew how this would look to someone with no interest in understanding or protecting Rei, and he absolutely wasn’t willing to risk causing more problems. 

Iwaizumi felt himself melt into the couch as he ran his hands down his face and groaned at what a mess this day had turned into. Was anything ever going to go right?

Just at that thought though he remembered the feeling of Rei’s lips against his own and the soft touch of his delicate fingers tracing up his back and into his hair. He felt his face going red all over again and found himself up on his feet again in an instant shaking the thought from his mind. He tried to remind himself of anything else to distract him from replaying it over and over again in his mind. Until he knew what was going on, not just with the man in the alley but also with Rei’s state of mind, he knew it was better to tread lightly. Especially if there was something else going on with Rei that he wasn’t ready to talk about yet. 

“Easier said than done.” Iwaizumi muttered to himself trying to calm the butterflies in his stomach. 

By the time there was a knock at the door, Rei had stepped out of the shower and Iwaizumi had lent him use of his bedroom to change. He’d laid out some clothes for Rei and the glass of water he had filled, and even though they both knew Rei was thinner and taller than Iwaizumi, Rei thanked him and had shut the door for some privacy. 

Iwaizumi crept over to the door and peered through the peephole in the metal slowly and intensionally. There he saw Sugawara and Daichi with cautious and serious looks plastered on their faces. 

Iwaizumi opened the door slowly and peeked around the corner to make sure they were safe and alone before greeting them both and letting Daichi and Suga in. 

“Thanks for coming.” Iwaizumi said as gratefully as he could manage despite his nerves. 

Daichi’s face was already troubled. He was a pretty serious guy most of the time, and his training with the police had probably only cemented those habits, but it was still clear through all that intensity that something was bothering him. 

“What’s wrong?” Iwaizumi asked figuring he already knew the answer. 

“We checked around the corner, in the back alley, just like you said.” Sugawara said hesitantly. 

“And?”

“And there was no one there.” Daichi said. 

A shot of adrenaline and fear shot through Iwaizumi’s body making his knees turn to Jell-O and his fingers go numb. 

“What…”

Daichi shook his head clearly concerned. 

“You guys could be in danger. I am going to need to hear this whole story from the beginning,” He said with an aura of authority that seemed entirely natural and comfortable to him, “Is Rei still here?” 

“Yeah,” Iwaizumi said gesturing to his bedroom door at the end of the hallway, “He just got cleaned up. He’s pretty shaken but he seemed alright to talk earlier.” 

Understatement. 

Daichi nodded and turned to Suga. 

“Can you go in first and see how he’s feeling?” Daichi asked him, “I’ll talk to Iwaizumi first and get the details but I want to make sure he’s ready before I ask him to relive all of this and put him through it again.”

Sugawara nodded and rested a palm against Daichi’s arm as he stood up and made his way back to the bedroom. 

He knocked lightly on the door and Iwaizumi heard Suga’s most soothing and gentle voice ask if he could come in before the door opened and he went inside. 

“Walk me through it.” Daichi said. 

Iwaizumi started again telling the story from beginning to end just as he had told Sugawara. He tried to remember every detail that he could from their very first meeting all the way up to the events in the alley. 

“Do you think you could describe this man?” Daichi asked, taking notes as they spoke. 

“Maybe,” Iwaizumi admitted, “But he seemed to know Rei, I was out for a minute calling home when everything first happened so I only caught the end of it. I came back when I heard their voices coming from behind the building and could feel that something was wrong.” 

Daichi nodded. 

“What were you calling home about?” 

“Does that really matter here?” 

“It could.” 

Iwaizumi sighed. He really hated walking people through this shit and having to explain and tell this story to every new person in his life. The “my best friend was kidnapped when we were kids” talk was never fun. 

“Do you remember back when we were starting high school a news story in Miyagi about a kid getting kidnapped?” He began already hearing the boredom and the cold steeliness of his voice. 

“Yeah, that kind of thing is hard to forget.” Daichi said frustrated looking up from his notebook. 

Iwaizumi had a pretty basic understanding that Daichi and Suga had met back in high school and that Daichi had played volleyball for Karasuno too. It wasn’t until Daichi confirmed that he remembered Oikawa’s story, however, that Iwaizumi realized that Daichi might understand this mess even better than he could have hoped. 

“Well, he was my best friend before high school, and it's the ten-year anniversary of his… _death_ …” Iwaizumi said forcing himself to say death instead of disappearance this time, “And his family wants me to go back for the memorial. I was calling my mom and asking for advice about going.”   
“You weren’t going to go?” 

“Not at first.” 

“What changed?” Daichi asked furrowing his brow. 

“I got a call earlier that they caught the guy that took him. I’m supposed to go back and meet with Oikawa’s parents and the detectives on the case when I get back and hear what they have to say about it.” 

“Are you going to go now?” 

“Yeah.” Iwaizumi said.

He hadn’t even really gotten a chance to talk to Rei about it yet but Rei had been right that talking to his mom would help him get his thoughts in order. 

She had told him that she had heard the news too, but that for some reason it was being kept very secretive back in Miyagi. Apparently, there were police all over the place again just like it had been in the first few weeks after Oikawa was taken. No one knew what they were looking for yet but neighborhood gossip was that the police were onto something big. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t really even process all of the different meanings he could potentially construe from that information if he was even more of a masochist. He wasn’t ready to let that kind of thinking back into his life but he also knew that in the end knowing was better than always wondering and if this was finally a chance to answer his questions, he had to take it. It hadn’t been easy to settle on this perspective but talking it out and had made him sure that it was the right way to go. 

He felt deep down that he already knew what they would say, but it was impossible to say that while not also admitting that nothing was for sure yet, and there was only one way to learn the truth once and for all. 

“Ahh, yeah I have a friend back home on the Miyagi force,“ Daichi mused, “It's all very hush-hush of course but I had heard something about a break in that case.” 

Iwaizumi nodded. 

“Sounds like this has been a day for you.” Daichi offered. 

“Try ‘days’ plural.” Iwaizumi joked darkly at the sheer amount of bullshit that had happened in such a confined set of days. 

Was it some kind of curse? 

“Did Suga tell you we also met Ushiwaka from high school again the other day?” Iwaizumi chuckled gloomily sitting back into the couch subtly changing the topic. 

“I had heard something to that effect,” Daichi said slowly, “How weird. Poor guy.” 

“What do you mean ‘poor guy’?” Iwaizumi asked sitting back upright. 

Ushijima Wakatoshi could probably be described a million different ways by each person that me him but ‘poor guy’ had never once been the descriptor Iwaizumi would have picked. 

“You know, because of all of that press stuff and the media attention.” 

“Oh yeah,” Iwaizumi said carelessly vaguely remembering Suga saying there had been some news story about his fiancé, “because of that French chocolatier or whatever?” 

Daichi almost snorted. 

“Well yeah I mean that was probably rough too,” he laughed “But I’d doubt he or Tendou even noticed that whole media storm if they’re still anything like they were in high school.” 

“Then what did you mean?” Iwaizumi asked confused. 

Tendou? That lanky red-headed middle blocker? He also made a mental note to google that news story later. Was Ushijima actually interesting beyond his volleyball playing?

“I just meant because of that whole Shiratorizawa scandal from years back.” Daichi said flippantly. 

“Pretend I have been living under a rock.” Iwaizumi said humorlessly trying to get Daichi to elaborate. 

“I just meant that whole rumor, from right before Suga and I went to Karasuno, about Shiratorizawa’s coach totally vanishing or having that mental breakdown or whatever that was,” Daichi recalled, “It totally threw off Shiratorizawa’s game. It was kind of amazing Ushiwaka still ended up making it onto the national team after a rough start like that. Gotta ‘respect the hustle’ as Suga says I guess.” 

“Wait when was that?” 

Before Daichi could answer, the back bedroom door opened and a very distracted and perplexed looking Sugawara walked out of the room. Behind him, a newly showered and still shaken looking Rei emerged as well. As they made their way into the living room Iwaizumi noticed the effort Rei was going to not to meet his eyes. 

Was this about what happened earlier in the bathroom? 

“Hey Suga,” Daichi greeted standing back up, “Hey, Rei I presume, how are yo-“ 

He stopped himself and something unreadable flashed across his face as he looked at Rei for the first time. 

“Uh sorry,” he said quickly shaking himself out of whatever the hell that reaction was, “How are you feeling?” 

“Uh, fine.” Rei said quietly. 

He took a step forward into the light and placed the empty water glass Iwaizumi had left for him on the coffee table. 

Daichi raised an eyebrow quizzically and turned to Iwaizumi as if he wanted to say something but stopped himself. 

“Actually, Rei,” Sugawara said kindly, “Would you mind if I talked to Daichi and Iwaizumi for a minute alone first?” 

Rei looked surprised by this and his mouth hung open for a second like he wanted to argue or question Suga further. 

“Sure.” He finally decided before gliding back to the bedroom and watching closely behind him for Sugawara’s facial expressions and body language. 

Was he reading Suga? What was that about? 

The door closed and Suga turned on his heels to Iwaizumi who he promptly slapped upside the head. 

“Ouch! What the hell?!” Iwaizumi cursed. 

“That was fucking spooky!” Sugawara informed him pointing an accusing finger directly at Iwaizumi. 

“What was?” 

“You know, when you told me that you thought the guy you were going out with looked like that kid from Kitagawa Daiichi, I went and looked up old picture of him?” Suga said encroaching on Iwaizumi’s personal space, “That resemblance is fucking creepy.” 

Suga saw it too?? 

“Wait, it’s not just me?” Daichi asked suddenly. 

Suga and Iwaizumi both spun to meet his eyes. 

“I thought I was going crazy for a second,” Daichi admitted, “We weren’t close or anything but I remember seeing him at a match or two and his case was so widely reported I remember learning his face from all of the news coverage.” 

For a second none of them spoke. They just kept turning to each other and watching each other's facial expressions. 

“What did he say to you exactly?” Daichi finally said breaking the silence. 

“Basically what Iwaizumi told me over the phone, but I was also able to learn that the man that attacked him was a friend of his father’s named Akira Saito and that he had threatened to kill both Iwaizumi and him.” 

Daichi’s face turned serious. 

He nodded a few times as Sugawara spoke and wrote it all down in his notebook. 

“Is that name important?” Iwaizumi asked. 

“Could be.” 

“What should we do, Daichi?” Iwaizumi asked feeling the elephant in the room weighing heavily on him. 

Daichi thought for a moment and eventually seemed to decide on an option. 

“I think you do need to leave here for a while,” he said matter-of-factly, “I’ll alert the local departments and we can issue a BOLO for this guy and hopefully we’ll catch him but you should get away to somewhere safe in the meantime.” 

“Back to Miyagi?” Iwaizumi suggested knowing he already needed to go back anyway. 

Daichi nodded. 

“That’s probably the safest for now,” Daichi said, “I’ll call over to the Miyagi department and tell them to meet you with some kind of protective detail at the station for when you arrive.”

Iwaizumi nodded and found himself glancing back at the bedroom door. He found himself wondering what Rei was doing back there, what he was thinking… 

“What will you do with what we’ve been able to tell you?” Iwaizumi asked hoping for some reassurance. 

“Don’t worry, I will get it reported,” Daichi said following Iwaizumi’s eye line back to the bedroom door starting to stare and watch it suspiciously himself, “I can run that name through a database and try and get a match. Though it may be a pseudonym if Rei’s family really is mixed up with more dangerous people like him.” 

Iwaizumi nodded deep in thought. 

He didn’t know where the compulsion came from but he found himself blurting out the questions that he had been holding back for far too long now. 

“Could you do something else for me?” Iwaizumi asked abruptly. 

This terrible nagging feeling, that haunting thought, that annoying obnoxious little doubt that he couldn’t quite shake came roaring to life inside him like a blazing inferno relit by the knowledge that Iwaizumi was not alone in his suspicion and observation… 

“Sure what?” 

“Can your department run fingerprints too?” 

“It would take some time, the labs are always over-booked, but yeah in theory, why? Do you have something that Akira guy might have touched?” 

“Not quite…” Iwaizumi said almost in a whisper.

His eyes glided across the room to the water glass sitting on the table just a few feet away. 

“But what you both said about Rei, there’s something that has been bothering me since we first met and…I don’t know. It's completely crazy of course, but…do you think you could run his fingerprints too?” 

Sugawara and Daichi met each other eyes and some kind of unspoken conversation passed between them that resulted in both of them turning back to Iwaizumi looking concerned and unsettled. 

“Iwaizumi, do you actually think that-“ Sugawara stopped Daichi by placing a hand on his chest and shaking his head. 

He didn’t need to finish his sentence though. The message was clear. 

“I don’t know. But I need to rule it out,” Iwaizumi said feeling a storm of feelings raging inside of his as his eyes drifted back to that door and his heartbeat started to pound in his ears, “But, can you just try?” 

Daichi was quiet as he stood up to leave, collecting his notes. He was watching Iwaizumi carefully and switching his serious gaze between Iwaizumi and Iwaizumi’s own target—Rei’s door. 

His eyes narrowed and his jaw set. 

“Yeah. I’ll look into it.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry for the later upload this week. These have been the longest 8 months ever condensed into 72 consecutive hours and I have been TIRED lol. I also started work on new IwaOi fanfic that I am still editing but am really proud of so far and will probably publish soon if anyone is interested! 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all like this chapter and if you have any thoughts or reactions I would love to hear back from you all about it! Xx

**—Rei’s POV—**

Everything had been going so well, but then just like always, Rei blew it. The worst part was he knew he did, and he had known all along that he was going to, he just hadn’t known how or when. Typical. 

That kiss had been one of the best moments that Rei could remember. 

Despite everything that was going on—the fear, the adrenaline, the overall balls-to-the-wall confusion that was the last 24 hours—everything had felt like it was falling away. None of it mattered for a few glorious minutes. He had felt safe and loved in Iwaizumi’s arms, it was like everything was coming together and was going to converge at that moment. But then…it happened. 

The moment Iwaizumi had reached for his shirt, the second that Rei had felt the fabric lifting, everything crumbled. The anxiety had come back with a roaring ferocity and the ease and tenderness became glass shards in his hands. The real world had coming back to life just to remind him that he would never be free of it. 

As soon as he told Iwaizumi to stop he felt he voices in his head screaming at him to stop but he just didn’t have the strength to listen. When he told Iwaizumi to leave, his stomach dropped and he knew that no amount of fake smiles or glittering charisma would ever cover up the truth. 

After the door had shut, and Rei was left alone in the steam with the consequences of his actions, he slowly tugged off his own shirt and felt his lip quiver as he was faced with his own reflection in the fogged bathroom mirror. 

He knew that the bruises had long since faded and he hadn’t been touched by his father or by any of the others since he left, and yet those purple and black markings that used to litter his skin were all he could see. The scars that decorated his shoulders and arms were eternal reminders of his failures and the punishments his weakness had earned him. 

He traced a fingertip across the deepest line carved into his left shoulder gingerly. Rei winced just thinking about the sharp pain and the dull aches that lulled him to sleep for so many years. 

All of it was pain. Seen and unseen, just the thought of Iwaizumi having to see the aftermath, the residue of his weakness, made his heartache. He couldn’t let Iwaizumi grow to see him that way too. 

He didn’t want Iwaizumi to see who he really was deep down. Rei didn’t want another person in his life that knew how weak and cowardly he was deep down. Maybe it was vain and callous too, but Rei didn’t want to be that person in Iwaizumi’s eyes and he was terrified of what Iwaizumi might think when he saw how small and frail and _ugly_ he really was inside and out. 

He couldn’t handle it if Iwaizumi came to see him the way he saw himself. He couldn’t even imagine what he would do or how he would feel if Iwaizumi got to know him and, god forbid, hated what he saw. 

Rei slipped into the shower and felt the warm spray of the water touch his chest. It was comfortable, gentle, not too hot, and not too cold. For a second he smiled bowing his head under the stream of water until a twinge of guilt hit him from the ether. Iwaizumi denied that Rei was causing him trouble, but those were just words. Rei knew better. 

Akira putting them both in danger, his stupid selfish coffee shop breakdown, and even the painful reminders of Oikawa’s death aside, Rei had just pulled Iwaizumi close and then pushed him away. What kind of a person does that to someone that they care about? He was cruel and he was the only one that would admit it. 

Rei felt tired tears pooling in his eyes and in a moment of numb frustration and lack of direction, his body lunged for the shower tap and jerked the knob far to the right. 

A flood of ice-cold water jetted out from the faucet and into Rei’s face rolling down his back. His eyes fluttered open horrified and reflexively his mouth gaped open as he grasped for a startled breath allowing the freezing water to surge up his nose and down his throat at once. 

For just a moment, he found himself back at the gym again. 

————————————————

He was under the hawkish watch of his father, waiting restlessly in those old rusty showers after a practice gone particularly wrong. Then suddenly, he found himself sitting tense and unwound in the ice-baths sore and beaten waiting for his correction with fearful anticipation. When the old locker room door creaked open Rei felt a shiver, deeper than anything the ice water could deliver, snake down his spine. He knew what was coming. 

He started to turn around to face his father’s disapproval as best he could when a pair of strong hands grabbed a handful of his hair and his right shoulder out of nowhere and yanked forcing his head under the frigid surface. Rei felt a sharp pain tear into his shoulder blade as he was pushed down into the depth. The sharp edge of the tub had cut deeply into his skin which was now spurting out red blood into the frigid tub discoloring the bath a brownish-red hue.

He couldn't breathe. The world went dark and cold as Rei struggled against the weight holding him under, flailing wildly, to no avail. He swore he could hear the muffled sound of voices laughing above him coldly before his hearing sense was crushed by the polar depths. The cold jolt forced his mouth open as his lungs gasped for air. Aspirating the water, he began to choke and panic under the glacial upsurge his thrashing body had created, as his limbs started to go numb and weak giving up hope. 

The hands gave way in the moments just before he lost total consciousness. 

He broke the surface gasping desperately for air. His body was so weak and torn with shivers that he convulsed violently and found himself spilled out of the tub and onto the tile floor heaving and gaging not the very air he needed to live. The sharp burning pain in his shoulder cuff shot back to life without the numbing cold and continued to spit blood down his back staining the grout. 

His vision and hearing began to return and his eyes could follow the outline of Akira and his father standing on the other side of the tub watching him with gross disapproval. 

“A poor show today, Rei.” One of their voices critiqued. 

“Indeed,” the other agreed with a shake of their head, “Don’t disappoint us again Rei. This is a final warning and I promise you won’t like the next steps.”

“What a shame that after all this time and everything we’ve given you, this pathetic show is the best you could do. You never learn, do you?” The first voice tsked. 

“Wasted potential as usual,” the second agreed, “It would be a shame to have to start again after so long, but at some point, an investment is simply not worth the resources it takes to sustain it anymore and one must cut their losses.” 

“Not much of a loss,” the first voice justified before noticing the torn strip of skin leaking red out of Rei’s back, “Clean yourself up Rei. You ought to be more careful. You are worth less than nothing if you can’t play anymore, and then where would we be?” 

Rei felt his body lurch forward, as his lungs ejected the water he had swallowed. Futilely he retched and coughed up the vacant contents of his stomach into the shower drains beneath him before collapsing entirely.

A towel was whipped at Rei’s head blocking out his vision and numbing his senses; leaving behind only the searing deep warning now carved into his skin. 

————————————————

He felt his entire body jolt as a violent shudder tore through him and his body was pulled back into reality. He staggered for the shower knob blindly and twisted the faucet head as far hot and left as it would go, begging for the cold to be shaken from his bones. 

Hot water came shooting out of the tap scalding Rei’s skin and forcing him to leap backward in a different kind of shock. 

Anything but the cold. Anything but that again…

He deserved the pain but boiling alive was preferable to freezing. He hadn’t earned a nice shower, he hadn’t earned Iwaizumi’s kindness or his care. He deserved this for what he had done. He had failed and that meant he needed to be hurt or he would never learn. 

He stepped back into the scalding stream and watched his skin pucker splotchy and red in the burning path of the water. He still felt cold. The handle was turned as far left as it would go and the water felt like fire to the touch, but Rei just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was still drowning under the ice. 

He grimaced but forced himself to stay put in the direct path of his punishment. It hurt like hell but someone how it made him feel better. Like he was in control. Like even if he couldn’t undo the pain he caused, at least he could make sure he was the one that suffered the most. It was only fair and at least it was hot. 

His eyes glanced down at his shaking pink hands. Needles prickled up his spine as Rei realized he could still see Akira’s blood on his skin. His fingers felt sticky and wet and Rei felt his eyes widen as he stared at the red stains still patched under his nails. 

He almost screamed and jumped back in the shower muffling his cry with his other hand clamped over his gaping mouth. 

“No, no, no, please, please, god, no…” he whimpered reaching down and rubbing his two hands together aggressively under the blazing shower. 

The stains weren’t coming out. 

He rubbed harder. 

Red. Red. Red. It was everywhere. It wouldn’t come out. It wouldn’t come off. Why wouldn’t it wash away?

It was like the blood had sunken into his skin and stained his hands, marked them biblically as retribution for his sin. It was a scar or a brand burned into his flesh; a constant reminder of what happened to people that tried to get close to him and the suffering that followed in his wake. 

Iwaizumi was lying to him. Of course, this was his fault. He was an idiot to believe otherwise even for a moment.

Rei began to wonder if deep down, he was actually an evil person. Why else would he stay around someone that he knew only suffered by the association? That wasn’t kind, that wasn’t decent, that definitely wasn’t love…

Love? What did Rei know about love? He had never loved before, he had certainly never been loved before so why couldn't he get that stupid word out of his head. 

He sighed miserably and turned off the water stepping out to see the reflection of his red outline in the cloudy bathroom mirror. 

He shook his head sadly and wrapped himself with a towel exiting the bathroom. 

Rei set back up in Iwaizumi’s bedroom where he changed into some of Iwaizumi’s clothes and towel-dried his hair. 

He slipped down to the floor slowly leaning against Iwaizumi’s bed frame, tucking his knees into his chest and pressing his chin into his legs. 

He reached up for a glass of water left for him on the nightstand and felt the cool smooth glass in his hands as he stared distantly into Iwaizumi’s closet door. 

Rei wasn’t sure exactly how long he was sitting there numb and entranced but he heard a knock at the front door outside his room that set his teeth on edge. He heard the muffled sound of Iwaizumi answer the door and two other voices responding. Rei decided pretty easily that the voices sounded kind and friendly and so he knew for sure it was no else one from his past that had suddenly decided to show up and try to drag him back. He breathed out a sigh of relief and took a sip of the water slowly. 

There was a little light knock on his door and a voice that was definitely not Iwaizumi asked if they could come in. 

“Sure.” Rei said sitting up a little straighter but keeping a tight hold on his cup. 

The door opened slowly and a shorter man with silver-gray hair and kind hazel eyes emphasized by a little mole under the left one peered in. His body language was relaxed and gentle and he smiled slightly as he moved into the room. Something about his face and the familiar outline of his compact form caused a little prickle behind Rei’s eyes. It felt nagging and vexing like those words he had heard after tossing Iwaizumi’s volleyball before Akira arrived Something about his man felt like the answer to a question he had forgotten. 

Once he shut the door behind him, he turned back to Rei. Now getting the chance to really see Rei in detail for the first time, the other man’s face flickered with shock and disbelief. 

“Are you okay?” Rei asked feeling concern rise in his chest at that decisive reaction. 

“A-are you…w-who…who are you?” He stuttered leaning in to get a closer look at Rei’s face as if he couldn’t decide which words to use to express whatever emotion he was suppressing. 

Rei felt his eyebrow creep up. 

“I’m Harada Rei, but please call be Rei,” he said to the man listlessly not reaching out to shake his hand or making any effort to stand on his weak and tired legs, “Who are you?” 

A myriad of surprise and confusion flickered through his face and he seemed frozen while trying to comprehend the evidence before his eyes. Something in the way he searched Rei’s face looking for something specific, looking for evidence of someone specific, reminded Rei of how Iwaizumi had first reacted when they met at the bookstore. 

Did this guy know Oikawa too? 

Eventually, the gray-haired man gained control back of his face and seemed to shake his head in denial forcing himself back to his senses. 

“S-sorry,” he squeaked, “I’m Sugawara Koshi, a friend of Iwaizumi’s from work.” 

Rei nodded towards him in acknowledging him without saying anything further. 

“Sorry,” Sugawara said again taking another step closer, “You just looked really familiar for a second.” 

Rei felt his lips flatten out into an unsurprised line. 

“I’ve been getting that a lot lately.” 

Sugawara raised an eyebrow and considered Rei carefully before coming and taking a seat beside him on the floor with his legs crossed. 

“My boyfriend is out there talking to Iwaizumi about what happened,” Sugawara explained, “He’s a police officer and can help.” 

Rei just inhaled sharply. He was becoming so sick of people promising they could help. Nothing good seemed to come of it, and usually, they just wound up getting hurt. 

“He doesn’t scare easily.” Sugawara promised as if reading Rei’s mind. 

Rei just nodded robotically. Easier said than done. 

“Why did you come back here?” Rei asked still staring straight ahead, “Did you come for me?” 

Sugawara seemed to think something about phrasing was odd but kept his mouth shut anyway. 

“Yeah,” he said kindly, “Iwaizumi is a pretty tough guy and even he still seemed a little spooked so I just wanted to check in with you. I want to help too, anyway I can.” 

“He seemed scared?” Rei blurted out. 

His heart was pounding. Of course, Iwaizumi was scared, this was just proof of everything he had been worried about. Having Rei in his life really was causing him problems and now he was scared. This was all Rei’s fault!

“Shaken might be a better word for it,” Sugawara admitted casually, “He’s one of those guys that is all hard and stubborn on the outside but is actually all gooey and soft inside. He doesn’t like to show how he feels but who wouldn’t be a little shaken up startled after what you guys went through?” 

“Do you know him well?” 

“Mostly from work like I said,” Sugawara shrugged, “But I knew him a bit growing up too.” 

Rei found the makings of a curious smile creeping into his face. 

“What was he like?” He asked letting his interest get the better of him.

Hearing someone described by someone else, especially someone that has known them for a long time, was always interesting. Rei had the feeling from the beginning that Iwaizumi was one of those people who knew who they were from early on in life while everyone else around them struggled to figure it out for years after. He felt like someone that was confident in who he was and didn’t second guess himself. That was exactly what made him the kind of person that was able and willing to help other people. That was exactly what made him the kind of person that Rei was hurting as they spoke…

Rei felt his enthusiasm dim. 

“A total mess.” Sugawara teased. 

“What?” Rei asked almost laughing at the absurd idea of the strong confident Iwaizumi he knew being anything of the sort. 

“He used to be more emotional, and less self-assured and had way less direction in his life.” 

Sugawara looked deep in thought and Rei tried to imagine a young Iwaizumi that was like that. 

“Why?” Was all Rei could seem to ask. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Why was he like that? I can’t picture it.” 

Sugawara chuckled and then looked a little somber and serious. 

“He was going through a hard time when I first got to know him.” 

“When was that?” 

“At the beginning of high school, we played volleyball at the same time. We were on different teams but his school was rivals of ours and we played against each other a lot.” 

Why did everything seem to come back to volleyball in the end? 

“So that ‘hard time’…” Rei started looking down a little ashamed, “was that when…w-well I guess you know.” 

Sugawara watched him closely. 

“Yeah,” he said carefully unsure about something unspoken, “How much did he tell you about all that?” 

Rei thought for a second. He considered whether he could really trust Sugawara—they had just met after all. He wanted to feel more conflicted about it, but at the same time, Sugawara just seemed like the kind of guy that bled generosity and spoke genuinely from the heart. 

Rei also wondered though if it was okay for him to share everything he knew with Sugawara? He and Iwaizumi had known each other for a long time, but what if Rei knew something Iwaizumi wanted to stay hidden? Eventually, he decided to keep things general and try and protect Iwaizumi’s privacy where he could. Maybe at least he could do that right. 

“He had a friend that got kidnapped or something around then right?” Rei asked. 

Sugawara looked unsatisfied by that answer but also not fully unconvinced either. 

“That’s right,” he sighed, “They were closer to each other than just about anyone else in their lives. I never really knew him that well, but they had a reputation for being an imposing volleyball duo together. People used to say it was like they were connected with how easily and seamlessly they played together. I think…I think his loss was devastating to Iwaizumi.” 

Rei nodded. 

“Without him, Iwaizumi seemed lost,” Sugawara said sadly, “It was like he lost his other half.” 

Rei tried to imagine having someone so precious to you that their loss felt like losing a part of yourself. He wanted that and yet at the same time, he already sort of understood… 

“It was like…” Sugawara tried to continue but was struggling to find the right next word, “well, I guess hmm, it was…” 

“He lost a partner,” Rei said hushed in almost a whisper, “A constant presence in his life that completed him, gave him purpose, and then vanished.” 

Sugawara's eyes widened in amazement. 

“Yeah,” he whispered, “exactly.” 

Rei wasn’t sure where those words came from but somewhere inside him, he’d always felt something similar. Growing up he hadn’t had much time to think about his past, considering how much fear his future held, but he had always hoped that he might have had someone like that too.

That emptiness, that incompleteness, that feeling of when you see a funny joke or hear just the right song and you look to your side for that one right person to share it with and they’re not there. That hole in your life that someone must have filled at some point but it gets harder to remember every single day. That, Rei could understand. 

Sugawara’s warm eyes stayed fixed on Rei like he was still trying to decide what he thought of him. 

“Do you think you can tell me about what happened earlier?” He asked deciding to wait and decide for himself. 

Rei leaned his head back against his knees. He didn’t really want to but Sugawara was ridiculously easy to talk to and before he knew it, the story was pouring out of him. 

“We had just heard the news about that kidnapper being caught and Iwaizumi went out to make a call and try and figure out what that meant and what he wanted to do.” 

Sugawara’s eyes widened. 

“They found him?” 

Sugawara hadn’t heard yet? Iwaizumi hadn’t told him?

Rei shrugged. 

“Apparently.” 

Sugawara looked down and away from Rei with concern on his face. 

“No wonder Iwaizumi is all worked up.” He said to himself shaking his head. 

“While he was on his call,” Rei continued feeling how hard this story would be to retell, “Someone who knew my dad was watching and waiting for him to leave—for some kind of opening—to come to confront me about leaving home.” 

Sugawara just nodded for him to continue. Those eyes of his managed to be both calm and encouraging without judgment at the same time. There was more to him than this, Rei thought, but that was a skill Rei wished he had. 

“But he didn’t exactly want to talk about it calmly,” Rei said almost laughing, “ H-he was angry and I thought he was trying to take me back home so I tried to fight him off…I did, I swear I did!” 

Rei felt his heart jump a little as he almost found himself begging to be understood. 

“You don’t have to prove anything to me Rei.” Sugawara said absolutely. 

“But, he was stronger than me and he…” Rei looked up and over at Sugawara knowing his own eyes were steely and serious, “he threatened Iwaizumi.” 

Sugawara sucked in a deep breath but kept his expression steady. 

“I-I couldn’t let him hurt Iwaizumi,” Rei said miserably feeling the flashbulb memories exploding in his head, “so I went with him, but…he didn’t really want to take me home.” 

“What did he want?” 

“I-I think he came to kill me.” Rei admitted softly and in absolute horror of his own words. 

Rei knew it was the truth, Akira had said as much and the gun was proof that he meant it, and still saying it out loud made it feel like everything was falling apart around him. Akira hated him, and he had grown to hate Akira back. Despite all that though, the thought that Akira’s hate for Rei had run so deep, all this time, that someone who had been like an uncle to him—a piss poor one, admittedly—wanted to kill him was devastating. 

“H-he what?” Sugawara’s voice was shaking. 

Rei just nodded. 

“He was choking me, and beating me back in the alley when Iwaizumi walked in on us.” 

“What did he do?” 

“Did Iwaizumi not tell you guys any of this when he called?” Rei asked pathetically hoping that he could find any reason at all to stop remembering it. 

“I want to hear it from you Rei,” Sugawara promised, “Anything you tell me could help Daichi.” 

Rei figured that ‘Daichi’ was the cop boyfriend. He found himself picturing a sturdy paternalistic kind of guy with brown hair and a square jaw at the mention of his name. Was that just him picturing any standard default cop stereotype or had he actually seen this guy someplace before? That same strange and annoying little itch in his brain flared up again as Rei’s image of this guy manifested. 

“He pulled a gun on us and threatened to shoot us both,” Rei went on getting back to the story, “Iwaizumi was able to keep his attention off of me and I hit him with a trash can lid.” 

Sugawara almost laughed trying to picture it. 

Maybe it was a silly image but Rei wasn't laughing. 

“I-I was really angry,” Rei explained feeling the hot embers of shame blocking his throat as a curtain of tears misted over his eyes, “I just, kept going...I hit him over and over. It was too much and I knew it, but…I was just so angry.” 

Rei looked up expecting to see fear or disappointment from Sugawara but instead, those hazel-brown eyes were soft and kind. 

“I understand Rei,” he said, “I probably would have done the same if I had been through what you have.” 

“I didn’t mean to.” Rei insisted urgently and desperately. 

“I know,” Sugawara assured him rapidly, “but Rei, that was self-defense. It wasn’t your fault. You saved Iwaizumi’s life by doing that.” 

_Lies._

“I didn’t have to keep hitting him.” Rei said Stoney cold. 

Sugawara considered this for a second. 

“Maybe not, but if you hadn’t, maybe he would have gotten back up. Maybe he would have come back after you.” 

Sugawara paused for a second and then turned back to Rei with brutal honesty. 

“Rei,” he said reaching out and resting a hand on Rei’s knee, “When Daichi and I went back to check the alley—there was no one there. There was no body, no nothing…He’s gone.” 

Rei’s blood turned to ice. 

“W-what? Then, h-he…”

Sugawara nodded. 

“W-we need to get out of here, we need to-“ Rei felt his body leap into panic as a storm of chemicals shot through his body. 

“He’s not coming back Rei.” Sugawara's smooth voice reassured him. 

“W-what?” Rei asked trembling, “h-how c-could you know that?” 

“Because of you.” 

There wasn’t an ounce of doubt in his voice.

“Me?” 

“You.”

“How do you figure that?”

“Rei, it is exactly because you went overboard, because you went too far this time, that he is staying away. This guy is clearly someone who only responds to overkill and strength.” Sugawara’s stared into Rei’s soul like the watchful knowing eyes of a statue. “You spoke his language, and you defeated him with it. He is staying away because he knows his power over you is gone and now, it’s his turn to be afraid of you.” 

Rei felt a shiver roll up his back. His fingertips went numb and his face palled at the thought. Rei had never wanted to be a violent person but was Sugawara actually right? Had his anger actually saved Iwaizumi this time? 

“I can see that you are a good person Rei,” Sugawara told him, “I know you regret it and that is proof that you are good. But this time, today, you did what you had to and if you hadn’t…well, I think things could have turned out very different.” 

“So, I…” 

“Rei, you _won_.” 

Rei felt the tears come. They were from a terrified, exhausted cocktail of different overlapping feelings spurring each other on and derailing all of his better judgment. 

“What was that man’s name Rei?” Sugawara asked kindly. 

He was observant enough of Rei to know better than to mention his tears and Rei was unspeakably grateful. 

“Akira Saito.” 

“Okay, I’ll tell Daichi and he will do whatever he can.” Sugawara said standing up to leave on his intel mission. 

“Thank you.” Rei said on the verge of sobs. 

Sugawara stopped in his tracks and turned to Rei. He was intelligent enough emotionally to know better than to fall apart alongside Rei, as that would just make them both feel worse at this moment, but it was clear he was fighting off tears of his own deep down. There was fear in his eyes, Rei recognized it immediately and he saw his own reflection in them.

“No,” Sugawara said shaking his head adamantly and trying to keep his voice even, “Thank _you_ Rei.” 

“Me?”

Sugawara looked almost appalled at Rei’s shock. 

“Rei, you saved Iwaizumi’s life today.” His eyes were resolute and uncompromising, “As one of his closest friends, and as someone who only wants the best for him…thank you. I can see already that you are what is best for him. I am so glad he found you.” 

Sugawara leaned in and wrapped Rei in a tight bear hug. His voice verged on breaking but he was in control of it all and stamped down his foot keeping it in and smiling through the worst of it. 

“We should go and see what Daichi and Iwaizumi are talking about without us.” Rei suggested standing and taking his now empty water glass in his hand. 

Suddenly hiding from Iwaizumi in here all alone didn’t hold the same appeal. 

Sugawara nodded absently as he watched the graceful athletic way Rei stood from his core, a secondhand technique honed from years of conditioning and training. Rei could feel Sugawara’s eyes tearing into him and picking apart every one of his movements but he also felt the uncertainty and mystification that kept his lips sealed from whatever thoughts and concerns were crossing his mind. 

They walked out of the room together and were greeted by Iwaizumi and the man that Rei assumed must be Daichi out in the living room. 

Strangely Rei felt a weird sense of deja vu seeing the policeman’s face. His bizarre unconscious prediction had seemingly come true as exactly the man he had imagined stood in the room watching him back with amazement. 

After a moment, Sugawara’s shoulders set signaling that whatever conflict had kept him quiet in Iwaizumi’s bedroom was now settled. 

He turned to Rei pleasantly and politely and asked if Rei would give them a minute to talk in private. Rei found himself caught a little off guard by this but agreed understandingly if not somewhat awkwardly. 

He left his glass on the coffee table and went back to the bedroom locking his eyes on Sugawara and Daichi. Seeing the two of them standing side by side, something about it was…familiar? It felt natural and exactly like it was supposed to be. So why did Rei feel unsettled by it? 

That little light on somewhere in the faraway dark of his mind flickered dimly scratching at his psyche for attention but refusing to light the way. 

The feeling that something more than Rei currently understood was happening outside the bedroom became more and more unavoidable. 

Rei listened carefully to the hushed and muffled, yet distinct, sound of arguing through the thin apartment walls and something primal in him warned him that they were talking about him. It was like that feeling he got out in public sometimes when he would suddenly feel on edge for no reason and then turn and see that a stranger was watching him. It was instinctual and indescribable and yet Rei felt it was true. 

Daichi and Sugawara eventually left in something of a hurry without even saying goodbye. 

Iwaizumi came back and knocked on the door. 

Rei opened it and Iwaizumi smiled. 

Thank god he smiled. Thank god. 

A warm little flutter flickered to life in Rei’s heart seeing that smile again. It was a smile just for him. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Iwaizumi asked a little unsure of how to speak to him. 

Rei felt a little pang of guilt as Iwaizumi’s tone reminded him inescapably of their kiss in the bathroom and of course…the aftermath. 

“Yeah.” Rei answered through a stiff chuckle scratching lightly at the base of his skull. 

Iwaizumi smiled again, he looked relieved and the obvious care and tenderness in his dark eyes made Rei’s stomach flip like a circus acrobat. Rei thought carefully for a second knowing that he needed to be the one to bring up what had just happened between them. Sugawara had been spot on describing Iwaizumi as hard on the outside and soft on the inside. Rei knew that Iwaizumi would not be the kind of guy to bring it up, especially after Rei’s reaction before, and yet they both knew that someone needed to say something. 

“I’m sorry about earlier Iwa-chan.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened in surprise. 

“Oh!” He spit almost jumping out of his skin, “No! God, no don’t be sorry. I was going too fast, that was my fault. I should have asked, w-we should have talked about it first or something. I’m sorry for rushing you!” 

Rei could almost laugh and yet he could almost cry. He thought to himself though that he had cried enough today and deserved to laugh instead. 

“It wasn’t like that Iwa-chan,” he chuckled lightly, pleased and flattered by Iwaizumi’s kind and careful consideration, “It wasn’t anything you did. It was me. I-I have some of my own issues to work through in that department.” 

He felt his face flush a little red and he turned his eyes down a little embarrassed to be having this talk after what was admittedly not a standard first date, and yet was in fact the first date nonetheless.

“I make jokes about these kinds of things and believe me I want to be able to do them when the time comes but…it’s complicated. I need time to be ready but there’s no way you would have known that. I never said.” 

Rei broke eye contact and found himself distracted by a vague nagging throb coming from under his shoulder scar. 

“I still should have asked,” Iwaizumi said taking Rei’s hand. “I only want it when we are both ready and this has been pretty far from the ideal circumstances needed to know how you feel and make that kind of decision, huh?” 

Iwaizumi’s face and voice were so genuine and so accommodating that Rei found himself unable to keep from making a joke. 

“You kind of sound like a pregnancy-scare-episode of an after school special Iwa-chan,” Rei teased him. “This dialog could be straight out of Saved By The Bell or something. Are you going to offer me a blunt next and be really sinister about it? You’ll need a leather jacket and a motorcycle probably first, which would be pretty hot actually, so I am totally on board with that on second thought.” 

Iwaizumi’s face froze in embarrassment for a minute. 

“H-hey I’m trying to be serious here!” 

“That was your first mistake. You should never have to try and you should definitely never have to be serious Iwa-chan!” 

Iwaizumi just scoffed. 

“Are you done yet?” He shot back feigning annoyance but clearly enjoying it. 

“I never finish fist Iwa-chan.” 

“Shut up idiot!” 

They were both giggling again. 

There was something in Iwaizumi’s face though that felt different. Some level of uncertainly had always been on display behind those dark eyes of his, and now that sense was gone. Rei wondered if that meant Iwaizumi had made some kind of decision or accepted some sort of risk into his life. 

“What were you and mom-and-dad talking about out here anyway?” Rei asked mockingly referring to Sugawara and Daichi. 

Iwaizumi clearly found it amusing but was determined not to give Rei the pleasure of laughing. 

“They are going to look into all of this for us,” Iwaizumi said, “Daichi told me that we should get out of town for our own safety, just for a while, though.” 

“Like where?” 

“Miyagi.”

Rei found himself staring at Iwaizumi in disbelief. 

“Like your hometown Miyagi where the memorial is and the investigation is going on now?” 

Iwaizumi nodded clearly not thrilled at the idea either but not as resistant as he had seemed before. 

Whoever he had called before or maybe whatever Daichi and Sugawara had said seemed to have helped him make up his mind about going. 

Rei still felt conflicted about the investigation and what it could mean for Iwaizumi and him. He also knew they were in danger if they stayed however and if Iwaizumi was willing to take him somewhere safe, Rei wouldn't turn him down. 

Maybe it would be fun? Maybe everything would be alright? If not, Iwaizumi might still need him there for support and after all the undeserved support Iwaizumi had given without hesitation, Rei was determined to be there for him no matter what. 

It was dark when they left Iwaizumi’s apartment. The night was settling in and he and Iwaizumi both fought yawns and the soft arms of sleep all the way to the train station. 

They had left quickly after Daichi and Sugawara having only had time to pack a few essentials in a shared bag. 

“Daichi said one of the locals will meet us at the station when we arrive and be our escort for safety.” Iwaizumi said as they passed through the train gates among the underground crowd. 

Rei nodded. 

“What is Miyagi like?” He asked slipping past strangers streaming out of departing trains down the platform. 

“It's small, rural, not much to say really.” Iwaizumi said watching vigilantly at the swirling mobs of late shift commuters. 

“It’s your home though, surely you could make it sound more interesting if you wanted to?” 

“You’re kind of like traveling with a child—an annoying mouthy one—has anyone ever told you that before?” 

“You’re the hottest one who has so far.” Rei promised. 

“It’s farms and little shops and schools mostly.” Iwaizumi answered a little bored ignoring Rei’s answer completely. 

Rei liked the sound of that. It sounded simple. Safe. 

“Are you going to be okay once we get there?” Rei asked remembering that even though Iwaizumi had agreed to go, this was still not going to be an easy trip home. 

There would probably be reminders of everything he lost around each corner and plastered across the faces of people from his past. 

“Eventually.” Iwaizumi said deep in thought but clearly too tired to say more. 

Iwaizumi led the way through the aisle to their seats silently and let Rei slip into the one by the window. 

Iwaizumi took his aisle seat and fell asleep easily and instantly. 

Rei was content watching him. The effortless rhythmic up and down of his chest was soothing to Rei as the train pulled away from the station. Even the little breaths and snores escaping Iwaizumi’s up-turned nose were comforting—little reminders that he was there and that he was alive and well. 

Rei studied Iwaizumi’s calm sleeping face and for the first time realizing that in the morning they would be back in Iwaizumi’s hometown together. 

Rei had never had a hometown but he liked the sound of this one very much. 

Rei closed his eyes and promised himself that he would sleep to dreams of farms, and little shops and schools just like Iwaizumi described. 

Somewhere deep down, Rei felt that squirming little indefinable itch at the back of his skull that had somehow shown him Daichi’s face, before they ever met, and had recognized Sugawara instinctively on sight. That little spark that had been flickering and dimming all day long, deep in his mind, settle into a solid yellow glow allowing Rei’s mind to drift away and see familiar, yet fantastic, figures dancing outlandishly behind his eyelids. 

That night, Rei fell asleep to the smooth mechanical hum of the train gliding across the tracks and the soft purr of Iwaizumi’s breath. 

Sleep welcomed Rei with pleasant yet puzzling dreams decorated with peculiar and fascinating images of far-off castles stained deep regal blues, tall sturdy walls made of iron, and angry flocks of black crows and white eagles sparring for dominance at the summit of a great and tall moutain.


	11. Chapter 11

**—Iwaizumi’s POV—**

Iwaizumi slept horribly. 

As if trying to sleep on a loud bullet train hurtling along rickety steel tracks at almost 200 miles per hour wasn’t rough enough conditions for sleep, he also had to contend with his fears of returning back to Miyagi for the first time in almost two years.

It wasn’t even just the memorial anymore either that made him nervous. He had been trying to downplay things for Rei’s benefit, but this news about capturing the man who had kidnapped Oikawa was still weighing heavily on him. Pretty much everything that could make this trip home a living nightmare was staring him down, pointing and laughing. 

Iwaizumi had hoped that maybe Rei at least would be able to get some rest after everything he had been through, but alas no luck there either. Iwaizumi had woken up more than once to the rasping and panicked panting of Rei dreaming restlessly next to him. Whatever was haunting his dreams must have been equal parts confusing and frustrating because every time he woke with a sudden start, he just seemed more tired and lost than before he had drifted off. 

Rei wouldn’t talk about it of course but Iwaizumi could tell that he was not the only one struggling to keep it together on this train ride. Every fake smile and forced laugh from Rei that followed each distressed awakening made Iwaizumi more and more sure of it. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Iwaizumi had eventually asked after the third sudden jerk that had ripped Rei out of an uneasy sleep. 

“Me? Oh yeah. Of course Iwa-chan!” Rei had answered immediately far too cheerfully for someone plagued with these kinds of nightmares. 

It was a lie but if he didn’t want to talk about his dreams, Iwaizumi decided it wasn’t worth trying to force it. 

There was a sort of confusion in Rei’s voice that made Iwaizumi wonder if Rei even understood it all himself. Every time he woke with that disorganized and wild look in his eyes, there would be a moment where for just a second an absent look of bewilderment would flash across his face and he would seem to struggle to comprehend the noticeably eerie contents of his dreams.

The growing seriousness and the weight of the dark circles under Rei’s eyes told a deeper story of conflict and agitation that concerned Iwaizumi. Whatever was happening inside his head, whatever painful truth he was reliving or overthinking, was clearly taking a toll. He couldn’t keep going on like this but Iwaizumi had his own problems and didn’t have the answers to help either of them, yet. 

Rei and Iwaizumi had both eventually drifted off into light dreamless sleeps just before the train pulled into the Miyagi station. The sudden deceleration of their car woke them together just as the familiar trees and hills of the countryside came into view through their window. 

“Are we here?” Rei asked sleepily rubbing one eye. 

“Looks like it.” Iwaizumi said trying to hide the apprehensive edge in his voice. 

Rei nodded and yawned stretching out his long arms and arching his back in his seat. His half-awake eyes re-zipped his bag and slipped on the jacket he had been using as a makeshift pillow during the ride. 

They slipped out of their seats and followed the crowd of sleepy commuters and tourists off the train and onto the platform below. 

Iwaizumi was shocked by how easily his muscles seemed to relax and loosen as a gust of clean country air blew past him. It was the smell of home and despite every terrible reason he had been forced to return, it felt safe and familiar. 

“Those rice farms make the air smell like mud.” Rei critiqued crinkling his nose through another consecutive yawn. 

Iwaizumi felt his eyebrow creep up. Rice farm? 

He closed his eyes hesitantly and sucked in a deep breath noticing the same earthy damp scent lingering in the air. Iwaizumi knew from growing up in Miyagi that was a rice farm tucked into the other side of a hill facing away from the station, but when he opened his eyes again, he couldn’t see any sign of it from where they stood. 

“How did you know there was a rice farm?” He asked scanning the horizon for some clue to explain Rei’s deduction. 

Rei lifted an eyebrow and opened his mouth to speak but then closed his lips and furrowed his brow. 

“I don’t know,” he shrugged eventually deciding not to worry about it, “must have read about it somewhere or just made a lucky guess.” 

Iwaizumi eyed him sidewise. 

“Have you ever been here before?” He asked slowly.

“Nah,” Rei said easily waving off the question with his hand, “unless I came as a kid of course.” 

Iwaizumi felt a weird little prickle creep up his back as he heard Rei’s words echo again through his head.

_I don’t really remember anything from before I went to live with my family._

It had struck Iwaizumi as incredibly strange the first time he had heard those words and now, after everything else, it had begun to feel strangely important. 

“How old were you when you were adopted again?” Iwaizumi asked feeling his eyes narrow. 

Rei’s eyes widened a little in surprise at the question. 

“When I was 14.” His voice was a whisper almost lost in the bustling crowd leaving the station. 

14\. 

Iwaizumi swallowed hard. 

“A-and you said you don’t…remember anything from before that?” Iwaizumi heard himself ask. 

Rei looked at him cautiously. 

Some part of him seemed on edge by the sudden personal questions. 

“Yeah because of the car accident.” 

His voice had a hint of cold distance in it that sent a clear message to stop asking questions. 

“Right.” Iwaizumi asked looking away. 

He couldn’t seem to shake this feeling that had been nagging him since their first meeting but that had been growing and snowballing out of control since he spoke with Suga and Daichi at his apartment. 

Iwaizumi didn’t want to say anything or voice a suspicion until he knew more, but a nagging feeling of suspicious hope was lingering in him. 

He glanced down and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. There were no new calls or texts. 

Daichi had warned Iwaizumi that his lab could take a few days to process results and yet Iwaizumi felt intensely anxious about the results. 

“Where was this guide person supposed to meet us again?” Rei asked turning away from Iwaizumi and scanning the exits around the station. 

“Daichi didn’t really say, probably towards the back somewhere. Let’s go check.” Iwaizumi lifted his bag over his shoulder and pushed ahead making a clearing between the crowds for Rei to follow. 

Rei didn’t answer Iwaizumi but followed silently behind him. Iwaizumi could feel his stomach knotting anxiously at what felt like a sudden coldness that Rei was building between them. 

Was it because of his question? Why had he reacted to it so harshly? 

Rei had never been overly open about himself. Even when it had been important, squeezing the details out of him was an infinitely painful process. It was obvious that he didn’t like to talk about his past, and Iwaizumi wished he could just respect, that but his thriving and mutating doubts were latching hold of him and were making him obsessively fixed on finding the answers he knew he needed. 

“Iwaizumi Hajime?” A voice lost in the sea of travelers ahead of them called out. 

“Yeah?” Iwaizumi rescinded slowly scanning heads hoping for a familiar face. 

A man with black hair and a plain but honest face broke through the herds of commuters and began walking towards them. He was dressed in a police uniform and had a serious look in his eyes that reminded Iwaizumi immediately of Daichi. 

“My name is Ennoshita Chikara,” the man introduced himself, “Daichi Sawamura sent me to meet you here.” 

Iwaizumi had to admit he was relieved. He didn’t know this officer, but strangely he found that comforting now since at least he wouldn’t need to answer stupid questions and wouldn’t be forced to make dull repetitive small talk. Plus, this guy had a simple honest kind of aura that made Iwaizumi want to trust him, and that put him at ease. 

“This must be Rei?” Ennoshita confirmed as Rei followed behind them and stopped just to Iwaizumi’s rear side. 

Rei nodded but otherwise stayed quiet. 

Iwaizumi glanced back at him and noticed the slightly annoyed and still somewhat absent look in his eyes. He was still clearly bothered by Iwaizumi’s questions from earlier. 

“Yeah, it is,” Iwaizumi answered for him after it became clear Rei was already somewhere else in his own head far away from this conversation. “Sorry about him, it's been a long day.” 

Ennoshita just shook his head. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Ennoshita promised, “Daichi filled me in a little about what happened in Tokyo so I know you’ve both been through a lot. Shall we get out of here?” 

Iwaizumi nodded. 

Ennoshita seemed a little on-edge as they walked and kept scanning the crowd around them as if watching out for someone or something that he expected to pop up out of nowhere and attack. Iwaizumi figured he was probably just on his guard looking out for more maniacs that might try and attack them—assuming Daichi had filled Ennoshita in on the whole Akira situation. Still, he didn’t seem nervous like he was expecting a fight exactly, it almost felt more like he was getting ready to run if necessary. It was flight not fight. What was that about? 

Rei was still lost in thought and biting his lip slightly behind Iwaizumi but followed without though as soon as Iwaizumi began to walk after Ennoshita towards the exit. 

“Are you okay?” Iwaizumi asked softly back to Rei. 

“Sure.” Rei said sourly. 

“D-did I say something that upset you?” 

“No.” 

That felt like a yes. 

Ennoshita took a sharp turn and diverted them away from the main doors of the station and led them to a back-alley exit behind the bathrooms and lockers. They crossed through the doors and under the orange exit sign. Ennoshita led them carefully to a squad car parked carefully behind the station hidden away and tucked out of sight. Ennoshita gestured to it vaguely and told them to get in as he watched all around them and seemed to relax a little when nothing came out running at them from the shadows. 

Iwaizumi clocked Ennoshita checking behind his shoulder a few more times. He seemed very careful and methodical especially in the way he had parked his car away from the public end of the building and all prying eyes like this. Iwaizumi felt a little ripple of uneasiness with the secrecy of this all but eventually, he shrugged it off as a necessary precaution. 

Iwaizumi slid into the seat and heaved his heavy bag onto his lap allowing Rei to follow suit. After getting settled in the car Rei became very intensely interested in the floor, the window, the door handle, anything he could find that wasn’t Iwaizumi. 

Ennoshita slipped into the driver's seat and rested his hands on the wheel. He turned the key and the car sputtered to life pulling away from the station and heading back towards town. 

As they swung a hard left turn out of the back-alley parking lot, Iwaizumi noticed what seemed like a large demanding crowd gathered outside the main doors of the station making a decent-sized commotion yelling and pushing trying to get closer to the exit doors. Maybe there was some kind of convention in town? 

Ennoshita was strangely quiet and Iwaizumi noticed the way he glanced back at him through his middle mirror before quickly looking away more than once. Iwaizumi felt Ennoshita’s eyes land on him one more time and in a moment of exhaustion and frustration with no one in this car just saying whatever it was they were very clearly thinking, he exploded. 

“Can I help you with something?” He asked more angrily than he really meant but still thoroughly tired of the way Ennoshita’s stare made him feel like a caged zoo animal. 

“N-no!” Ennoshita stammered apologetically. “S-sorry it’s just…well I was in high school around the same time as you and Daichi and I j-just remember reading about your story and stuff at the time so I kind of remember you from that.” 

Great. 

“That was a long time ago.” 

“Right. Sorry.” 

Ennoshita turned away shifting his eyes back onto the road and wilting his shoulders ashamed. 

Iwaizumi hadn’t meant for that to come out so harshly and he felt a little pang of guilt seeing how awkward he had just made everything. Ennoshita was just trying to help them after all. 

“Sorry,” Iwaizumi sighed leaning back in his seat and setting his eyes on the ceiling inside the cop car. “It’s kind of a touchy subject.” 

At that, Iwaizumi felt Ennoshita and Rei’s eyes both fall on him. 

“Right, of course, it is. Sorry.” Ennoshita said seemingly angry with himself. 

“It’s really not a problem.” Iwaizumi lied. 

“Where should I drop you off?” Ennoshita asked staring straight ahead. 

“I have to go to a briefing about a case-update later today so I guess just drop me off at home. I’m just up this next hill and two streets back.” 

Ennoshita nodded. 

“I’m glad they finally caught the guy.” Ennoshita offered half-heartedly. 

Iwaizumi didn’t really know what to say to that. He knew that ultimately he was too and yet everything was still so unsettled that the concept of being glad right now seemed overly presumptuous. It felt like needlessly testing fate. 

“Why did we go out of the back of the train station?” Rei’s voice finally asked breaking his silence. 

Iwaizumi felt equally surprised and impressed that Rei had noticed that too. Though Iwaizumi detected a hint of distrust in Rei’s voice that felt practiced and second nature to him in a way that Iwaizumi didn’t quite understand. 

“Just a precaution,” Ennoshita said, “I wanted to spare you guys from the crowds and everything.” 

Crowds? 

Iwaizumi thought back to that group he had seen gathered out front of the station. 

“What kind of crowds?” He asked. 

“The media. Mostly, paparazzi, I’m sure,” Ennoshita said with a taste of irritation in his voice at the whole concept. “No one dangerous of course!” 

Iwaizumi felt an uncomfortably acrid taste land on his tongue. 

“Why would there be paparazzi?” 

Ennoshita sighed. 

“We’ve been trying to keep the news of the investigation and the arrest pretty quiet since everything went down, but some of it managed to leak out, and the media kind of grabbed it and ran.” Ennoshita explained with an annoyed crumpled brow. 

Iwaizumi remembered how much media attention Oikawa’s kidnapping had earned the first time around but he had never seen crowds of reporters fighting each other for the best view like they had just witnessed back at the station. 

“Seems like overkill for a 10-year-old cold-case.” Iwaizumi muttered rolling his eyes. 

“I’m sure it’s just the whole celebrity aspect of the arrest that they’re interested in.” 

“What do you mean ‘celebrity aspect’?”

The case had gotten a good amount of media attention after everything happened but to call it a celebrity case was definitely an exaggeration. Deep down, Iwaizumi found himself stifling a macabre chuckle thinking about how unbearable Oikawa would have been if he’d known he was still garnering this much attention 10 years later. 

Without meaning to, Iwaizumi felt his eyes land on Rei in the seat beside him who in contrast was barely listening and was staring out his window at the landscape with a palpable disinterest. 

Ennoshita rubbed at the back of his head uncomfortably. 

“They might want me to wait and tell you this themselves at the briefing.” He said awkwardly as if just now realizing he might have already said too much. 

“Is it about who they arrested?” Iwaizumi asked. 

Rei was stirring beside him and Iwaizumi could see the nervous way he was fidgeting in the seat beside him. 

“Not so much who…” Ennoshita said slowly, “but…more about…”

He stopped himself. 

“More about what Ennoshita?” Iwaizumi demanded. 

“I shouldn’t say any more.” 

“You’ve said enough, at least finish the job.” Iwaizumi snapped. 

Ennoshita winced and sighed giving in. 

“It's not so much about who they arrested as it is about…who he is connected to.” 

“Alright you’ve caught my attention here, who is he connected to then?” 

“You’ll see.” 

The squad car made a smooth turn onto Iwaizumi’s street and Iwaizumi felt his jaw drop at the number of cars parked along side both rows of houses. 

“What is all this about?” 

Before anyone could answer a woman in a navy blue suit jumped out of a van parked on the right side of the road holding a clunky black microphone with some kind of square logo pinned to the front. Trailing behind her came a bulky man holding a camera on his shoulder and struggling not to trip on the cord trailing behind the woman. 

A soon as she leaped out of her truck, it became clear that she was not alone. 

Soon, an entire crowd of news reporters with cameras and microphones of their own came running out of every hiding place scattered throughout the street. They were yelling and coming towards the car with no fear of the cop car barreling down at them. 

“Shit!” Ennoshita cursed. 

He scowled and yanked the wheel pulling them into the first open driveway. He careened over towards his passenger seat and popped open the glove box grabbing two black Miyagi Prefecture Police Department baseball hats and two matching pairs of souvenir sunglasses. 

“Put these on!” He barked throwing the hats and glasses backward. 

They were clearly meant to be little promotional gifts to kids and scouts doing ride alongs or something, but with the reporter hoard charging at them full speed, Iwaizumi wasn’t going to argue with a chance as anonymity no matter how silly he felt. 

He and Rei both frantically rushed to put them on and grabbed a hold of their bags. 

Ennoshita jumped out of his seat pushing the door open and running around to let Rei and Iwaizumi out of the door facing away from the oncoming storm of paparazzi. 

“Get out!” 

They didn’t argue. 

He waved them out of their seats and led them out of the car and around the driveway they parked in towards the back yard. 

“Do you know the way back to your house?” He asked out of breath. 

“Y-yeah!” Iwaizumi answered. 

Ennoshita nodded. 

“Good. Take whatever shortcut you need and both of you get out of here. I’ll deal with the reporters and meet up with you back there in a bit.” 

The sound of yelling reporters and flashing cameras was becoming louder and louder behind him. 

“Let go.” Iwaizumi said grabbing Rei’s hand and leading him through the yard to a row of trees that Iwaizumi knew would obscure their path back to Iwaizumi’s house. 

Rei nodded and followed after him. 

“There’ll be someone waiting for you at your house with the police that should be able to answer some questions.” Ennoshita shouted after them. 

Who the hell would that be? Someone that wasn’t police? All of this uncertainty double-talk was piling up on Iwaizumi’s nerves weighing him down from the inside out. 

Before he could get too mad, he chose to set his attention back onto running away as fast as he could. 

“I used to take this path all the time when I was hiding from my mom asking me to come back inside and do chores most summers.” Iwaizumi laughed over his shoulder to Rei trying to distract them both. 

He was trying to keep things light, but he began to wonder if it was still too soon given how quiet Rei had been in the car. 

To Iwaizumi’s surprise and relief though Rei laughed. Iwaizumi was so focused on getting away and leading the way that he couldn’t turn back but he could hear that the laugh was twinged with sadness and also a desperate, almost famished, need to laugh. 

They broke through a line of the pines and ducked behind a garden-shed creeping under the low height of a wooden fence as they made their way. 

Iwaizumi knelt down to pass under a gap in the panels unseen when he heard Rei grunt in pain behind him. 

“Are you okay?” He asked stopping dead in his tracks and turning all of his attention back onto Rei. 

Rei winced bitting his lip but nodded. 

“Yeah,” he wheezed out tightly clamping his eyes shut, “sorry, it’s just…my knee.” 

“What’s wrong with it?” 

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter keep going.” 

“No. Stop.” Iwaizumi demanded grabbing Rei’s shoulders and halting in his tracks. “Don’t push it you could make it worse and hurt yourself.” 

Rei almost laughed. 

“It’s just an old injury.” He promised. “It will be fine.” 

Iwaizumi was unconvinced. 

“What kind of injury?” 

Rei’s eyes shot open and then immediately dropped to the ground. 

“We don’t have time for this, we have to keep moving.” He insisted glancing behind him at the sound of the crowds of reporters clamoring on the street. 

“You said you used to play volleyball too right, was it a sports injury?” He wasn’t letting this one go without a fight. 

Iwaizumi heard himself ask the question and yet in more ways than one Iwaizumi knew it wasn’t the question he really wanted answered. 

“Sort of.” Rei said unsatisfyingly shaking his head and pushing on and wincing again as his knee twisted with each step. 

“What do you mean ‘sort of’?” 

“I mean ‘sort of’ leave it alone.” He shot back. 

“Did you Dad do that Rei?” 

Rei’s lips quivered and spread out flat as he grit his teeth. 

“It was my fault.” Was all Rei said forging on ahead. 

Iwaizumi frowned and followed after him. 

“That wasn’t what I asked.” 

“Well, that’s the answer.” 

“Did you Dad do that to you Rei?” Iwaizumi repeated. 

Rei stopped. His shoulders shook for just a moment and his head bowed. Iwaizumi couldn’t see the expression on his face but his body language was rigid. 

“I deserved it.” His voice was low and shook uncontrollably. 

Iwaizumi felt the color drain out of his face. 

“Don’t ever say that again!” He snapped. 

Rei turned back to him with wide wet eyes. 

“It’s the truth…”

“No, it's not! It’s a goddamn lie and you deserve so much more than being lied to.” 

Rei looked like he wanted to say something but bitterly turned away. 

Once they had passed the gap in the fence, Rei stood up weakly using the wooden planks as a crutch. 

“Which way?” 

“Follow me.” Iwaizumi said flatly taking the lead again. 

Rei wasn’t saying what he was thinking and it was really starting to get on Iwaizumi’s nerves. How was he ever supposed to help Rei if he didn’t know the whole truth? How was he ever supposed to find his own peace if everyone exclusively spoke to him in riddles and half-truths? 

“You can tell me things like this you know?” Iwaizumi offered as they walked. 

“I do tell you things.” 

“No. You tell me some things and then you either close back up or push me away.” 

He was hissing through clamped teeth now. 

“You aren’t entitled to every part of my life.” Rei’s voice said steely and cold. 

Iwaizumi stopped and turned back to see his face emotionless and flat. 

“I just want to help but I have to know what really happened so that I can!” Iwaizumi insisted feeling the heat rising in his chest. 

“I have been used and thrown away by a lot of people in my life Iwa-chan.” Rei’s voice sneered in a whisper, “Somethings are mine and they need to stay that way. You need to respect that.” 

“I do but you also need to trust me.” 

“I do trust you.” 

“Then why do you lie to me?” He was getting angry. 

“There is a difference between lying and needing to have something of your own Iwaizumi.” 

Iwaizumi hadn’t expected it but the sudden use of his full name set a shiver up his neck. 

“I want to protect you.” His voice was softer now but his anger was still bubbling under the surface. 

Why couldn’t Rei see that this was hurting him?

“I want that too,” Rei said with a crack in his voice, “but I also need to be able to protect myself.” 

His resolve was hard but there was a soft edge to his voice that felt like pain to Iwaizumi’s ears. The conflict was clear. 

Iwaizumi didn’t know what to say to that. He turned his attention back to the path in front of them and sighed. 

“I’m sorry.” He finally said fatigued and not knowing what else there was to say. 

“Yeah.” Rei’s voice agreed quietly and a little more gently. 

“It’s just up ahead now,” Iwaizumi promised setting his jaw, “see that little white one with the tulips in front?” 

“Yeah.” Rei’s voice said with a devilish hint buried under his words. “Hey, Iwa-chan?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Race you!” Rei whispered impishly. 

Before Iwaizumi could react, he watched the sight of Rei’s long lean body go hurtling past him towards the house. 

Iwaizumi felt himself scoff out a breath of disbelief before a smile hit the corners of his mouth and he shook his head giving into to the moment of childishness. 

“You are so on!” He laughed taking off and feeling the breeze blow through his hair as he ran. 

Iwaizumi pumped his legs like mechanical pistons feeling his lungs huff in and out with each step. His face was going red as his blood got moving and a feeling of forgotten strength came pouring back into him. It had been so long since Iwaizumi had run like his since Iwaizumi had been able to blow off steam and settle his nerves that he had almost forgotten how good it felt. 

He had also almost forgotten how good he was at running. Rei’s head-start quickly disappeared as Iwaizumi poured all of his focus and energy into his legs and arms chasing after Rei’s tall form. It was as if all his other worries fell away for just a moment and he felt like he was a kid again running back home after a long day playing volleyball in the park. He passed Rei at the edge of his neighbor’s lawn and took one final leap landing outstretching his leading leg adding an extra inch onto his lead as he hit the concrete slab seconds ahead of Rei. 

“I win.” He laughed beaming in victory and feeling the red flush in his face and the warm embrace of adrenaline coursing through his muscles. 

Rei finished next to him and rolled his eyes weakly. He immediately bent over and wheezed out a breath tucking his head in between his legs and huffing to catch his lost breath. He straightened out his back and stretched out his knee hopping onto his other leg with a grimace. 

“Not fair,” he whined between soft breathless chuckles, “my shoelace came untied.” 

“Doesn’t look loose to me,” Iwaizumi laughed easily pointing to Rei’s neatly knotted ties. 

Iwaizumi wished he could understand what happened next but it was as if the words left his mouth against his will. A familiar little twitch sprung to life in the back of his head and his lips parted automatically allowing the words to flow out of him hurtfully and thoughtlessly. 

“Maybe you just hate losing Loser-kawa.” 

He froze. 

Those words. This conversation. That name. He had done all of this before. 

Rei’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped. 

“W-what did you call me?” 

Iwaizumi was paralyzed. His head suddenly felt like it was full of static as his heart pounded thunderously in his ears. 

“I-I don’t know w-why I did that.” His voice was far away and hollow. 

Rei closed his mouth and his eyelids narrowed sadly. 

“I knew this was too good to be true.” He choked scrunching up his face and turning away dejectedly clapping a hand over his mouth. 

Too good to be true?

“I-it was an accident,” Iwaizumi promised, “I don’t know why I said it.” 

“Iwaizumi…?” Rei’s detached voice asked mournfully shaking and terrified on the answer. “I need you to be honest with me about something. You wanted honesty from me, but now I need it from you too. Do you understand that?” 

“Y-yes of course.” 

“D-did you only like me this whole time because I look like _him_?” The words left Rei’s mouth painfully and his whole body locked up and turned away defensively. 

Iwaizumi’s body went numb and ice cold. 

“W-what? N-no of course not!” 

Rei didn’t turn back around. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

“Don’t lie to me,” Rei’s voice broke, “I asked for your honesty so don’t insult me by lying to my face!” 

“I’m not lying!” 

“Iwaizumi, you’ve called me his name more than once. Whatever he and I have is obviously more than just a passing resemblance. Even Sugawara saw it, he told me so himself. Y-you let me use his nickname for you because I remind you of him don’t I?” His voice was low and a bitter cocktail of anger and devastation. 

“It’s not like that!” Iwaizumi almost screamed, “It’s true that’s the reason you first stuck out, but I like you for you.” 

Rei huffed out a breath through his nose and shook his head in disbelief. 

“Lies. Always lies!” 

Iwaizumi felt his expression crumble. He clenched his fists and turned on Rei with a force that surprised even him. 

“You have just been using me to talk to him again haven’t you?” Rei whispered in horror at his own words staring down at his own trembling hands. “This was always just about him…” 

Iwaizumi wanted to scream out that Rei was wrong but the words wouldn’t come. Instead, Iwaizumi found himself petrified. Was Rei right? Iwaizumi had thought he had been hiding his doubts and concerns, but clearly, they were not hidden well enough. 

He thought again of Daichi promising to run Rei’s fingerprints and his face went red. He could feel his building anger boiling over violently and viciously. 

“I’m not him Iwaizumi, I can never be him!” Rei screamed throwing his arms up in the air and taking a betrayed step in towards Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi tried to bite his lip and hold his words knowing the poison that he was holding onto, but something in Rei’s words triggered a snap inside him and his control was lost. 

“How do you know that Rei!” He yelled stepping into Rei even closer and forcing the taller man to flinch back. “How the hell would you even know that? He disappeared when we were fourteen years old, exactly when you were adopted. He played volleyball like you, he looked like you, he talked like you for god’s sake! You said it yourself, you don’t even know who you really are so how the fuck would you know that you aren’t?” 

Rei’s face was pale and gaunt in front of Iwaizumi’s fuming eyes. 

He breathed in a hard shaky breath and a veil of tears pooled over his dark brown eyes making them glitter and shine as he shuddered terrified and abandoned. His face twisted and his lips flattened as he bared his teeth. 

“I know who I am.” He insisted madly. 

A tear slipped out of one eye and then came another and another. 

His face collapsed and a heaving breath broke into a sob as his lips pinched together and he clamped his eyes shut stopping the flow of tears in their track. 

“I know who I am.” He repeated desperately staring Iwaizumi down accusingly through his frenzied eyes. “I know who I am.” 

His voice was raw and broken and his eyes had taken on a glossy disoriented kind of anger. He spoke his words with a primal pleading intensity that was begging for his words to be true. He was trying to convince himself just as much as Iwaizumi. 

It wasn’t until Iwaizumi saw that defeated heartsick desperation that he realized what he had really said. 

Iwaizumi’s heart was pounding inside his ribs and the righteous fury was already draining away with each one of Rei’s frantic despondent cries. 

What had he done? Oh fuck, oh god, oh shit what had he done? 

“I-I’m sorry Rei, I-I didn’t mean it like that, I don’t know why I said it!” 

Rei shook his head with incoherent sorrow carving a frown deeper and deeper into his face. 

“Fuck you. I..I know who I am. ” He said hoarse and dripped with ravaged despair. 

Iwaizumi reached out to grasp Rei’s shoulder comfortingly but felt his hand be slapped away. 

“P-please let’s just go inside, I’m sorry Rei, can’t we just talk this out?” Iwaizumi begged knowing that there was no way to take back the pain his words had just made. 

They stood in the driveway in front of his childhood home and yet they still weren’t safe. 

Rei shook his head. 

“I need time.” He said choking on his words. 

His whole body was wracked with unbalanced convulsions that came from deep inside. His eyes were wide and haunted like he was no longer behind them. 

“But you’ll come back?” Iwaizumi begged watching helplessly as Rei was slipping through his fingers right in from of him. 

Rei’s body gave a frigid and heartless nod but Iwaizumi saw his fist clench and unclench with the same visceral uncertainty that saturated his words. 

Rei turned and began to slowly walk away. 

The last thing that Iwaizumi heard from him as he disappeared alone through the trees was a wretched and miserable whisper repeating the same phrase again and again in a dismal and futile attempt at comfort. 

“I know who I am….I know who I am…I know-“


	12. Chapter 12

**—Rei’s POV—**

Rei’s knees felt weak and he could feel his hands shaking as he pressed through the line of pine trees deeper and deeper into the woods. 

This breathing was ragged and shallow and his lungs were starting to burn from the heaving effort of each breath. His head was starting to feel like it was full of static as the same words kept replaying over and over again on a loop. 

_You don’t even know who you really are so how the fuck would you know that you aren’t?_

“I know who I am.” He promised himself weakly pulling his arms around his chest tightly. 

_You don’t even know who you really are so how the fuck would you know that you aren’t?_

The words rang again. Rei felt the sharp sting of the words strike him through. He winced and found himself lashing out to no one. 

“I know who I am!” His voice was raw and every word felt like searing coals raking up his throat. 

_You don’t even know who you really are so how the fuck would you know that you aren’t?_

The words taunted again growing stronger with each loop. 

They were following him. Laughing at him. Threatening him. 

Rei’s steps became louder and more forceful with each loop of that phrase as if he could somehow drown them out through sheer force of will. 

_You don’t even know who you really are so how the fuck would you know that you aren’t?_

Rei felt like he could scream. He dug his fingers under the baseball hat Ennoshita had given him grabbing a fistful of brown curls underneath the cap as he violently shook his head and shut his eyes. He felt like he was drowning again. Under ice or under pressure, it all felt the same. 

He couldn’t breathe. 

“I know who I am! I know who I am…I-I know w-who I am…I-“ 

Rei could feel his lip starting to quiver as the dreaded tears made their way back. 

He took one more step and found himself outside the dense cover of trees and facing a park clearing. 

There was a wide-open field, lush and green, with enough space to drown out the noise of the houses beyond the forest. It felt quiet here. In spite of the storm raging inside his head, Rei felt drawn in by the promise of peace. Anything that would allow him to escape this hell, even if just for a few minutes.

His eyes landed on a large tree—probably hundreds of years old—at the center of the park at the base of a large hill. The shade looked cool and refreshing and Rei’s feverish brow begged for its cover urging him towards it. 

Rei moved slowly across the meadow dragging his feet and feeling as if he was moving through syrup. Every motion felt like it demanded more energy than he had to give and was determined to drain him of what little he had left. 

Those words. Those stupid fucking words came again ringing sharp and harsh like the pierce of an arrow through the heart. 

Why did Iwaizumi have to say those words? Why did he have to say the exact words that Rei had always feared? The words that had the power to break him. 

Rei reached the shallow line of shade beneath the tree and slumped his body against the trunk collapsing into the damp grass below. He leaned his head back against the rough bark and stared up through the leaves as the traces of sunlight trickled in as the gentle breeze rustled and shook the branches above. The sunbeams were warm and welcoming across his face but he felt a sigh of relief slip through his lips as his new sunglasses blocked out the harsh glare from his eyes. 

Rei tried to shut his eyes and focus on the soft whisper of the wind but he found that wherever he went those words were resolved to follow. They struck him again and the ache in his chest was sudden and precise like a surgeon's scalpel. 

Rei gripped his shirt digging his fingertips into the skin over his chest. He felt the fast angry beat of his heart behind his ribs and he dug deeper sinking in his nails and puckering the skin between his ribs. It hurt so much. Why wouldn’t it stop? 

_You don’t even know who you really are…_

Iwaizumi’s voice bit. 

Rei felt a blistering throbbing pan at the base of his skull as that flickering distracting light behind his eyes teased him and taunted him. 

So much of his life had been spent living from day to day just trying to satiate his father enough to end the day with fewer bruises and wounds than he had begun with. His instinctual and animalistic need to survive and fend off the pain and the sorrow had always taken a front seat blinding him to the real questions that never truly went away. 

Rei had always wondered about his life before going to live with his father. Of course, he had always found it strange that he had no clear memories of his life before fourteen! He knew how bizarre that was, how unbelievable it sounded, and yet it was the truth. Fighting every day just for the shirt on his back and the dinner on his plate had always demanded first priority though and he had never been able to devote himself to finding the answers. Why couldn’t Iwaizumi see that? Why couldn’t Iwaizumi understand? Why did Iwaizumi have to go and say that!? 

Rei felt his breathing quicken. 

Rei felt his face crumble and his nose crinkle as he choked back a weak pathetic sort of cry from deep down in his chest. 

The truth was he didn’t know who he was—not really—and that truth, that haunting daunting truth was what hurt him most of all. Iwaizumi had the power to hurt him exactly because he knew him and that was something Rei had never had before. He had given someone a peek behind the curtain, to see the smallest most real parts of himself, and they had used it as a weapon and found exactly the words that hurt him the most. 

_…so how the fuck would you know that you aren’t?_

Rei gnashed his teeth together into a snarl. 

From the very beginning when Rei had seen the light and the joy in Iwaizumi’s eyes when he spoke about Oikawa and Rei had envied him. Rei had seen the love and had wanted that love for himself. Maybe it was selfish to want that, maybe it wasn’t Rei’s love to take, maybe that love would always be someone else’s, and yet he wanted it more than words could show. Then, Iwaizumi just had to go and dangle this stupid impossible absurd little carrot in front of his nose felt like cruelty just for the sake of it. 

To be teased and tormented, even for a second, with the fleeting false hope of exactly the thing you have dreamed about only to know that they are just words flung at you thoughtlessly by someone you love, what else but cruelty could that be? 

“I know who I am.” He whispered to himself hopelessly and feebly in a futile attempt at comfort. 

“Good for you, I guess?” Said a voice behind Rei awkwardly. 

Rei almost jumped out of his seat as soon as the voice hit his ears. 

He had been so deep in thought that he hadn’t even heard this person sneak up behind him. 

Rei leaned over and peered around the tree to see a long pair of legs that led up to an obscured face wrapped with the wisps of shaggy black hair. 

“S-sorry. I didn’t hear you come over here.” Rei said turning back away from the stranger cautiously. 

“I figured not,” the voice agreed, “you jumped pretty good there.” 

Rei felt a little flash of embarrassment warm his cheeks. 

“Well, you shouldn’t go around just jumping into random people’s conversations.” Rei shot back turning his nose up a little feeling a little annoyed already with this stranger’s cocky attitude. 

“You were just talking to yourself.” The man reminded him. 

Rei narrowed his eyes and gave them a hard irritated roll. Yep, he already didn’t like this guy based on his vibe alone. Rei could already tell this was the kind of guy that rubbed people the wrong way and made people like they were always competing with him. That kind of natural regal pride and effect was innate and obvious even after just a few exchanged words. 

“Well, there was no one else interesting around here to talk to so I had to make do.” Rei informed him with an air of haughtiness that weirdly felt very easy and practiced. 

“I’m here now.” The man suggested. 

“Like I said. No one interesting.” Rei countered feeling very defensive. 

The other man chuckled a little and sighed sliding down the tree on the opposite side. 

“Fair enough.” 

Rei raised an eyebrow at this easy sudden victory. 

“What are you even doing here? Besides scaring random strangers of course.” Rei asked noticing the lack of other park-goers in the area. 

“Just getting a breath of air.” The man said simply. 

“You’re not a reporter are you?” Rei asked slowly suddenly remembering the large crowds he and Iwaizumi had fled from. 

Getting tracked down right now would just be the cherry on top of the shitty cake that this day was already turning out to be. Ennoshita had said most of those reporters were around because of whoever it was that was tied in with Oikawa’s kidnapper, so Rei had figured he was safe from them but was still hesitant to get caught in anything that would bring more attention on him. 

“No!” The other man said quickly with an almost paranoid edge of accusatory tension taking root in his voice, “Are you?!” 

“No!” Rei answered back matching the man’s sudden burst of energy and aggression. 

Rei could hear the sound of the man’s body relaxing back against the tree facing away from him. That answer seemed to reassure him. 

Rei wondered if he was really safe talking to some stranger out alone like this but something about this man was almost childishly naive and trusting, aside from the obnoxious pride, he just didn’t register as a threat the same way that Akira or his memories of his father still did. 

“Good. I have had enough reporters for one day.” The man sneered a little. 

“Have they been after you?” Rei asked feeling his interest becoming piqued. 

“Relentlessly. It is really getting on my nerves.” 

Was this man tied to Oikawa’s kidnapper? Was this the important interesting person drawing in all the media attention? 

“Well not me exactly,” the man admitted amending his words, “but I’ve certainly managed to get caught up in it along the way.” 

Oh?

“Why is that?” 

“Because one of my… _friends_ …is their real target and a bunch of our plans got all messed up when this stupid news broke. Now, we’re all here to support him and stuff but we’re really just wasting time.” 

He said ‘friends’ like it was a new word he was just trying out for the first time despite knowing it didn’t quite fit what he really wanted to say. 

“Which news?” Rei asked slowly wondering if the world could really be this small. 

At this, the man suddenly went quiet. 

“About that kidnapping guy. Maybe you’ve seen it in the papers or online?” He said miserably. 

“Oh. Yeah.” Was all Rei could think to say. 

This was unbelievable. Who was this guy? 

“Who are you exactly?” Rei asked feeling drawn in and now desperate for answers. 

“Kageyama Tobio,” the man said simply before adding, “starting setter for the national volleyball team.” 

Rei felt a little muscle in his face twitch. Alarm bells all through his brain started going off without explanation as he felt that light at the back of his head reignite flickering off in the dark depths of his mind. 

“Everything comes back to volleyball in the end doesn’t it?” Rei mused quietly trying to focus on that small feeling of recognition at the back of his mind the way he had when tossing Iwaizumi’s volleyball back at his apartment. No such luck. 

“Ideally.” The man answered unprompted. 

“I wasn’t really asking your opinion,” Rei said harshly, more irritated that he couldn’t trigger a memory than he actually was with the man. 

“Oh. Okay.” 

Something about Rei’s annoyance was feeling incredibly familiar. 

“Do you…play volleyball?” The man asked returning to the topic as if the silence was unbearable and this was the only topic he knew how to talk about. 

“Used to.” 

“What position?” 

Rei felt a sudden pang of irritation as he remembered that this man had identified himself as the national setter. 

“Setter.” Rei answered somehow feeling both defensive and like he had lost a competition he had forgotten he was competing in. 

“Me too!” The man gasped excitedly. 

Rei couldn’t see his face but it was clear from his voice that it had lit up with joy at the mention of setting. 

“Yeah, you said that earlier.” Rei added feeling a combative need to throw a little jab in there to knock this guy down a peg.

Where was this sudden need to win coming from?

“Oh. Right.” He seemed genuinely unfazed if not a little disappointed to curtail the discussion topic. 

The man seemed to think for a second. 

“What part of playing setter did you like best?”

This guy really did not have any other cards to play besides volleyball. 

“I just came here to sit in peace and quiet.” Rei said back to him. 

“I like it because you get the most contact with the ball and you get to control the whole court.” Kageyama rambled on as if he hadn’t heard Rei at all or had simply chosen to ignore him. 

There was light effortless happiness when he spoke about volleyball that reminded Rei of the way Iwaizumi had looked when he had described playing with Oikawa growing up. Volleyball had never been able to just be a fun game for Rei and so the topic had always been painful and off-limits in his mind and yet listening to the way Kageyama talked about it, it made Rei want to join in. This sense of infectious unyielding optimism didn’t seem to match with the vibe Rei had gotten from Kageyama earlier, Rei wondered if he had picked it up from someone else. 

Were there really people in this world that could make other people get this honestly and authentically excited about volleyball? 

Rei almost smiled at the idea. If there was, he decided he would want to meet them one day. 

“I-I liked getting to make the team stronger.” Rei stuttered out. 

It felt so odd to talk about the parts he liked after wanting nothing but distance from it all for so many years. 

This was also a truth that his father never would have accepted and so he had never voiced out loud. He had always been expected to be the best on his own, not just someone that supported others. That had been sacrilege with Rei was younger. 

Kageyama seemed to nod in agreement as Rei heard rustling against the bark of the tree trunk. 

“That part was always hard for me.” He admitted through gritted teeth as if it hurt him physically to admit he was ever not good at something. 

Rei felt his lips flatten out and his eyes roll again on cue.

Even at his very best, Rei knew that he had never been a natural. Not being good at things wasn’t painful and anger-provoking for him—that was just a part of nurturing talent and making it bloom. That was something this man had clearly never had to understand. 

These natural geniuses with that extra gift, that unspoken intuition that couldn’t be taught and couldn’t be learned were exactly the kind of people that Rei’s father and always wanted him to be. Rei considered for a second if his father would have preferred having someone like Kageyama as a son and as a student. Would he have treated a natural prodigy the same way he had treated Rei?

Rei hated geniuses. 

“I’ve gotten better at it,” Kageyama said coldly, “thanks to my teammates and…” 

He stopped himself. 

“And what?” Rei asked trying to finish Kageyama’s sentence. 

Kageyama sighed. 

“And an upperclassman I had growing up. A senpai of mine.” 

He spat out the words indignantly like they would burn his tongue if he let them sit. 

“Good?” Rei supplied confused by this tone of voice. 

The muffled sound of Kageyama fidgeting uncomfortably could be heard in the following silence. The way this guy had been prattling on about volleyball incessantly before made this sudden solemn silence feel even more out of place. What had just changed? 

Rei couldn’t help but notice that the sudden quiet and the unexplained withdrawal felt a lot like how Iwaizumi was whenever Oikawa got brought up. 

“Where did you say you played volleyball before joining the national team?” Rei asked. 

“Hm?” The man seemed far away as if he had managed to forget Rei was even there, “Oh, uh all over I guess. Played for a pro team before this and played for Karasuno High School a while back.” 

That was the same school Daichi and Sugawara had played for. 

“Oh yeah, was that where you played with that upperclassman of yours?” Rei asked smoothly wondering if one of those two could be the senpai he was referring to. They certainly both had the kind of respectable and dependable energy that good memorial senpai always had. 

Once again there was a beat of silence. 

“No. This was even before that. Back in middle school.” His voice was taking on a cold and removed twinge as he went on. 

He didn’t want to talk about it.

“Well, I’m sure your friend is glad for your support.” Rei offered trying to change the topic. 

“We all just want to get out of here.” Kageyama had mentioned before that this news had ruined some of his plans and yet this bitter acrid tone of his seemed like there must have been more bothering him than just running a bit late. 

“You especially.” Rei observed. 

“Is it that obvious?” 

“I’m sure it’s not easy for anyone involved.” Rei offered thinking of how much pressure this news had put on Iwaizumi. 

If they were even the slightest bit alike, he might be feeling that same listless confusion and guilt that Iwaizumi had been hit with after the call had come in. 

“I’m from around here,” Kageyama said in a whisper, “so is my friend that got wrapped up in all of this mess. I-it’s personal for us.” 

Rei felt himself nod. 

“I know someone mixed up in it all too. It’s a lot to deal with.” 

“Who do you know?” Kageyama asked blankly. 

Rei froze. Should he really tell this stranger anything at all? 

Some small part of Rei could feel that Kageyama wasn’t a threat. He wasn’t complicated and didn’t keep mixed company. He was simple and honest and trustworthiness just seemed to drip off of him. He had that arrogant genius aura of course, but even Rei was starting to see that didn’t make him dangerous. 

“Iwaizumi Hajime.” Rei finally answered. 

On the other side of the tree, Rei heard what sounded like a startled hiccup. 

“Iwaizumi?!” Kageyama said almost coughing over the words in shock. “You know Iwaizumi?! Is he back in town? Is he okay?” 

Rei tensed up under the sudden pressure. 

“U-uh yeah h-he's fine. He’s back in town for the same news as your friend I suspect.” 

Kageyama seemed to nod but didn’t say anything. 

“He’ll be having the hardest time of all with this.” He finally stated firmly as fact. “Iwaizumi knew Oikawa the best. He was my senpai, but he was Iwaizumi’s partner first and above everything else.” 

Rei had to stop himself. 

“Wait, are you saying Oikawa was that senpai you were talking about earlier?” 

“Yeah, we were in middle school together. I learned serving and setting by watching him play before…you know.” Kageyama’s voice was teetering on an edge between nostalgic and downright angry. 

“Everyone seems to know that guy.” 

“He made a definite impression. Not an easy guy to forget.” He was gritting his teeth now. 

Rei felt his shoulders wilt. Not only did everyone seem to know Oikawa, but everyone seemed to only have impressive things to say about him. It stung to hear yet another person say that—especially after everything Iwaizumi had just said to him. Was he jealous?

How was Rei ever supposed to live up to a myth like this? 

“But seriously,” Kageyama said again starting to peek around the trunk of the tree, “Is Iwaizumi really doing okay? I remember how he was before everything happened and how much it changed him. It must feel like the world is crumbling down all over again.” 

Rei bowed his head. 

“He’s meeting with someone now to get the full story update. He’ll know more after that I guess.” Rei said heartlessly. 

It hurt too much still to be too kind or feel too deeply while the wounds were still fresh. 

“I can’t even imagine what it must be like to have to relive it all after so many years. If it were me, I don’t think I would manage it. I’d probably lose my mind.” Kageyama reached around the tree and came to slide down the trunk diagonally until he was facing the same way as Rei shoulder to shoulder. “To think you knew what happened all this time and then to find out there is still more and you never had the full picture, to begin with. That would destroy me. I would probably go crazy and end up grasping at straws or something.” 

“You’re not too far off on that one.” Rei agreed. 

After all, Iwaizumi had clearly blown some kind of fuze. Rei felt a cold veil fall around him chilling him as he began to wonder if everything Iwaizumi had said, everything he had done, had just been born out of desperation. Could it really be that simple? 

Was this even about Rei at all, or was this really just about Iwaizumi’s need to feel in control? Everything he thought he knew was being challenged, after all, so was he just grasping at straws trying to find connections and anchors anywhere he could just like Kageyama was saying? 

If that was true…then this had never even been about Rei at all. Right? This was always about Iwaizumi!

Rei felt his body perk back up and a sigh of relief escaped his lips. 

Yeah! That had to be it! Iwaizumi had never meant to hurt him. Iwaizumi just needed to feel connected to something. He had just needed hope that he could physically hold onto and Rei was just the closest thing to him. This probably had nothing to do with him personally…

Iwaizumi probably never even thought Rei was Oikawa! Right? 

This was good news, this explained everything, this solved everything so…why did Rei suddenly feel sad? 

“Will you be at the memorial tomorrow?” Kageyama asked shaking his head and standing up next to Rei. 

Rei had to take a moment to wave off the oppressive apathy that had begun to settle around him. 

“Yeah, I think so.” Rei said finally pressing his palms against his knees and standing back up too. 

For the first time, Rei was able to make out the harsh but earnest features of Kageyama’s face. His blue eyes had an intensity that Rei never would have imagined from the fiery way he spoke about volleyball and the awkward flair he emitted whenever he spoke of anything except his clear comfort-topic. 

Kageyama too seemed to see Rei for the first time now that they stood face to face. It was hard to tell on the uneven park ground but they seemed roughly the same height and stood at eye level to each other. 

“What’s with the sunglasses and hat?” Kageyama asked him gesturing the disguise Ennoshita had thrown at him as they fled from the media. 

“Good for hiding from nosey reporters.” 

Kageyama tossed his head sideways and shrugged. 

“I’ll have to try that.” 

Rei stretched out his arms and twisted his back careening his face back into the sunbeams through the leaves. 

“Can you do something for me?” Kageyama asked quietly watching him. 

“Sure?” Rei said hesitantly. 

“Keep an eye on Iwaizumi for me. I don’t know exactly what he’s going to learn today but I am sure it won’t be easy. My _friend_ got some of the stories yesterday before the story broke, but we only got to hear some of the details.” 

“I’ll do my best. But I’m not sure how much that is worth at this point.” Rei admitted through a morbid little chuckle. 

After their fight would Iwaizumi even want to see him again? Would anything he said matter after all this? 

“It will be worth a lot. If you’re here with him at all it clearly means you’re important to him. He’s much more of the ‘push everyone away and do it alone’ type normally. Plus…well, I mean it's obvious even with that disguise of yours, that you are totally his type.” 

They both let out a soft laugh and turned their attention back to the line of trees that led the way back to town. 

“Sounds like this will be a long hard few days for you too,” Rei said, “Do you have someone to rely on too?” 

“Oh yeah,” Kageyama said taking a step away from the tree and towards a small orange-haired figure emerging from the forest and waving its arms excitedly, “I’ve got a dumbass of my own. Maybe I’ll introduce you tomorrow.” 

“Looking forward to it.” 

Kageyama began to walk towards the figure waiting for him when he stopped in his tracks. 

“What did you say your name was again?” 

“I didn’t,” Rei said, “but it’s Harada Rei, you can call me Rei though.” 

Kageyama froze and his face twisted up in a puzzled expression. 

“What?” Rei asked noticing the confused look now displayed across his face. 

“N-nothing,” Kageyama said weakly, “Something about that sounded familiar for a second but I’m not sure why.” 

He thought for a second resting a finger just under his chin repeating Rei’s name over and over again under his breath but gaining no obvious clarity. 

“Well if you think of it by tomorrow at the memorial let me know I guess Tobio-chan.” Rei laughed uncomfortably hoping to lighten the mood with one final jab contorting Kageyama’s first name into a cutesy little nickname that he thought might annoy the national setter even if just a bit. 

Kageyama’s eyes widened for just a moment and he seemed to lean in closer to Rei as if something had just caught his attention. He squinted his eyes and pursed his lips but soon shook his head and shrugged in defeat. Whatever he was looking for wasn’t as obvious as he had hoped. 

With that, Kageyama turned around and made his way down the hill to the smaller man running up to him from the woods. 

Rei waited a moment until they were both out of sight and some of the residual antagonistic energy that Kageyama seemed to bring out in him had faded away before he too made his way from the tree and back towards the houses. 

Back towards Iwaizumi. 

**—Iwaizumi’s POV—**

Iwaizumi’s heart was still pounding even after Rei’s tall slender form had long since disappeared through the trees. 

He stood alone on the concrete driveway beside his childhood home feeling more alone than he had in a long time. This feeling, this abandonment, this emptiness here in this spot sent a jolt through his spine as his mind replayed the moment that he had stood in this same place as the white van had begun to pull away with a young bleeding Oikawa sprawled inside. 

Iwaizumi shivered. 

His eyes scanned the street with a habitual paranoia and landed on an unfamiliar but expensive-looking sports car parked at the bottom of his front yard. Iwaizumi had never seen a car like that around here and he felt his eyebrow creep up his face as he began to wonder what kind of person might have driven it here. Ennoshita’s words echoed in his ears.

_There’ll be someone waiting for you at your house with the police that should be able to answer some questions._

Could this be who Ennoshita had meant? 

Iwaizumi forced his tired and shaking legs up the front walk to his door and away from the trees behind him. He kept finding himself glancing back between the woods hoping to see Rei reemerge from them. No such luck. 

Iwaizumi wrapped his hand around his front door handle and stopped paralyzed. 

Whatever was on the other side of this door might be exactly the thing he had been dreading this whole time. Iwaizumi still hadn’t decided which of his many imaginary outcomes he had come up with would come true today and he couldn’t even decide which ones he thought would be the worst ones. 

Iwaizumi just wished he still had Rei at his side. Part of him knew he would have felt better if he had just held his tongue and faced whatever fate hid behind that door with Rei at his side. 

He was such an idiot for the way he had talked to Rei he could feel his own inner monologue biting into him and screaming at him for his heartless words. He had wanted to talk to Rei the right way at the right time and instead he had blurted out his worst most unfounded suspicions in exactly the way that would hurt Rei the most. 

Iwaizumi clamped his eyes shut and grit his teeth cursing himself. 

Whatever was behind this door wouldn’t change just because Iwaizumi was too afraid to confront it. He furrowed his brow and set his jaw back into place with adamant force. Eventually, his muscles loosened enough that he could feel his fingers wrapped tightly around the brass knob and he took in and out a deep calming breath and twisted the handle pushing inward and stepping inside.


	13. Chapter 13

**—Iwaizumi’s POV—**

The first thing that Iwaizumi noticed was the smell. Clean laundry, his mom’s favorite lemon tea, the intoxicating alluring scent of baking wafting out of the kitchen. Immediately, it took him back to when he was a kid and would come home from school to find a plate of his mother’s hot cookies waiting for him in the kitchen. 

He used to eat them in the kitchen while doing his homework—his mother always told him it would spoil his dinner—but she knew how much he loved them and always left a full plate anyway. His mother had also grown wise to the fact that he was not the only hungry middle schooler devouring all of her baked-goods after class, and she had indulged them pretending to be none the wiser. After all, the only person that loved her cookies more than Iwaizumi had been Oikawa, and the only person that Iwaizumi’s mother loved as much as her son, had been little Oikawa Tooru from down the road. 

Iwaizumi felt his tense muscles relax as the familiar friendly aromas of home surrounded him and threw him back to easier, simpler days. 

“Hajime!” his mother’s voice called out tearfully as he entered the house, “thank god you’re home!” 

He was shaken out of his nostalgic stupor as his mother’s strong warm arms wrapped around him.

“Hey, mom.” He smiled warmly, melting into her embrace still standing firmly in the entryway of his home. 

“Hajime.” His father’s voice welcomed next. 

Ever the stoic, his father remained seated on the couch in the living room. Iwaizumi was so deeply confined in his mother’s firm hug that his view of the rest of the house was obscured but he could hear the warmness in his father’s greeting. 

Iwaizumi’s father had never had a particular strength for saying what he felt, but Iwaizumi knew better than to assume that meant he felt nothing at all. When Iwaizumi had first informed his parents of his plans to leave Miyagi and move away to Tokyo, his father had been the first to hold back tears and wish him luck. His mother on the other had cried profusely and begged him to stay. Both of them had been with Iwaizumi from the beginning and had seen firsthand the impact that Oikawa’s disappearance had on him. They both had deep down known that he needed space and that he needed time, even as an adult, to put the past behind him and begin to move on. Of course, saying goodbye had still been one of the hardest things he had done and so now, back in the place he had once fled from, Iwaizumi found himself wondering why he ever left at all. 

“Iwaizumi Hajime.” A third deep and vaguely familiar voice acknowledged from out of his line of sight. 

His mother began to soften her grip around Iwaizumi and his view of the room opened revealing the eternally formidable and mountainous figure of none other than Ushijima Wakatoshi. 

“U-Ushiwaka?” Iwaizumi stuttered in disbelief, “w-what are you doing here?” 

The giant of a man stood from his seat on the couch and gestured to a police officer sat at his side. 

“Hopefully, I am here for the same answers as you.” 

Iwaizumi couldn’t believe his eyes or his ears. Was this really happening?

Turning to the police officer he scratched the back of his head and asked “Is this about the case updates I’ve been hearing about?” 

The man nodded standing up and placing his police hat back on his head from its resting position on the table beside him. 

“It is,” he confirmed, “and it is important. Please take a seat.” 

Iwaizumi felt himself swallow hard trying to find the energy he would need to prepare himself for this conversation. He made his way over to the couch with his mother’s hand wrapped supportively around his own. Slowly, he took a seat and found himself shoulder-to-shoulder with Ushiwaka. 

“What on earth do you have to do with any of this?” He asked a little more aggressively than intended. 

The last time they met after all had, they had not left things on the best terms. Iwaizumi had naturally assumed there was no chance of running into the Japanese National Ace again and yet here he was continuing his trend of having some of the worst luck ever assigned to a single person. 

At Iwaizumi’s question, Ushijima bowed his head and clamped his jaw shut. 

“I know that we quarreled when last we met Iwaizumi,” Ushijima began refusing to meet Iwaizumi’s eyes, “but please, believe me when I say, I had no idea and I played no role in it.” 

Iwaizumi felt his eyebrow rise suspiciously. He didn’t like the sound of an apology like this coming from a guy like Ushiwaka; it just felt wrong. He was too sincere, too ashamed, it made Iwaizumi feel like he needed to apologize back. 

“Played no role in what?” Iwaizumi asked watching Ushijima closely and then turning his gaze upon the police officer across from him when Ushijima gave no reply. 

“That is what we need to talk about.” The man said with an unreadable expression that instantly reminded Iwaizumi of Daichi. 

“Then talk.” Iwaizumi said letting his expression fall back to normal but feeling his muscles clench as if preparing for a sudden impact. 

Ushijima continued to watch the floor with a blank yet conflicted expression as if he was already miles away in his own mind and did not want to have to hear this story again. The sheer fact that he was here, Iwaizumi realized, meant that the entire Japanese National team must have been forced to derail their tour and training so that he could come back to Miyagi. Ushiwaka was their ace, after all, if he was somehow tied up in this investigation, then the entire team would either have to make do without him or break their commitments to follow him back. Iwaizumi didn’t have to guess which one was the case by the amount of guilt and resentment that was radiating off of him. Whatever the news was, it was big enough to make this many waves and that made Iwaizumi realize how serious things really were. This was bad.

“As you should already know, we have had a break in the case involving the disappearance of Oikawa Tooru.” The officer said addressing Iwaizumi specifically.

“Yeah, I heard on the phone. They said you found who did it too so cut the bullshit and just tell me already.” Iwaizumi hissed impatiently. 

After observing Ushijima’s condition, Iwaizumi had decided that it wasn’t worth dragging out. He needed to rip this bandaid off no matter how bad it hurt. 

“It’s more complicated than that.” The man told him shaking his head. 

“Figures.” Iwaizumi spit rolling his eyes and settling back into the couch folding his arms over his chest as he leaned back. 

Ushijima at his side didn’t move or react in any way and Iwaizumi found himself watching silently to see if the man was even breathing. He was, slowly, but he was, Iwaizumi determined as he watched the brunet’s chest rise and fall sluggishly as if he was meditating and had slowed it down himself. 

“We did locate the subject that we believe is responsible for the kidnapping.” The officer began.

“There were two people that day.” Iwaizumi found himself interjecting almost on instinct. 

He had spent enough years surrounded by uninterested or unreliable police to feel instantly annoyed at the officer’s inaccurate retelling of his own life’s events. 

The officer eyed Imaizumi sideways as if sizing him up but decided not to say anything and continued. “Which is exactly what makes this more complicated.” 

“So did you find something worthwhile or not?” Iwaizumi snapped feeling increasingly indignant at the pace of this conversation. 

“We did.” The officer said rubbing his forehead and moving his eyes onto the near sedated-looking Ushijima beside him. “That is where Mr. Ushijima comes in.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes narrowed. The first thing that Ushijima had done when Iwaizumi walked in was to insist that he knew nothing and in doing so had all but admitted he was somehow involved. Yet this confirmation made Iwaizumi’s blood start to simmer. Even the idea that Ushijima, who had spoken so insensitively about Oikawa when their paths last crossed in Tokyo, had been somehow connected to Oikawa’s disappearance made Iwaizumi want to scream and beat the man to a bloody pulp. 

“What did he do exactly?” Iwaizumi asked hesitantly barely keeping the lid on his violent impulse.

If Ushiwaka heard the question at all, he didn’t react in any way.

“It’s not so much that he did anything,” the officer explained, “but he has a connection to our suspect and we need his help to piece together our timeline and fill in some blanks.” 

“What kind of connection?” Iwaizumi asked through gritted teeth turning back towards Ushiwaka feeling his anger begin to seethe and bubble. 

“Our main suspect is...well, it’s a man named Washijo Tanji who was-” 

Iwaizumi felt his heart stop. Everything around him went silent. His body became numb. He could hear only the thunderous beat of his heart inside him. He could see the police officer’s lips continue to move, but there was no sound. It was as if he had entered the vacuum of space. 

That name. The moment it was spoken Iwaizumi realized he knew that name. Not well, not personally, not habitually, but he knew it. Why did he know it? 

Iwaizumi moved his eyes slowly and mechanically over to Ushijima and he felt some small piece inside his memory click into place. 

“The old Shiratorizawa Volleyball coach.” Iwaizumi said in a low hushed tone of repudiation. 

At this, Ushiwaka reacted. His eye twitched and Iwaizumi could see his body tense. 

“Did… you... know?” Iwaizumi whispered trying to contain the raging hurricane of wrath and venom within him. 

Ushijima looked up slowly with a shaken haunted look in his eyes. “I told you I did not.” 

Iwaizumi felt a shot of electricity stab through his body. 

“How could you not have known?” Iwaizumi accused hearing the volume of his voice rising with every word. “You came to me talking about Oikawa and volleyball and the old days as if it were nothing. I should have known you knew something! Were you just laughing behind my back the whole time!?” 

He was fuming now and, without meaning to his, hands had grabbed a hold of Ushijima’s shirt in some kind of attempt to trap him so he couldn’t get away. 

“No!” The taller man roared tearing himself away from Iwaizumi’s grasp and standing with his back turned away. 

He clenched a fist together and brought it up to his face biting the knuckle nervously.

“I-I did not know!” His voice insisted again cracking with a surprising pain that Iwaizumi hadn’t expected. “I knew him as a rival it’s true, but I never had any idea that the coach had ever been involved with his disappearance. Washijo left Shiratorizawa before we all entered high school. No one ever knew why we...we never could have imagined that h-he would have...” 

Ushijima’s shoulder sunk and he turned back to Iwaizumi showing softened eyes glowing with a veil of tears. Iwaizumi had never thought that Ushiwaka was capable of this kind of display and yet he was feeling his own heart break in response. 

“There is no evidence Washijo ever told anyone at Shiratorizawa of his plans.” The officer interjected on Ushijima’s behalf before he could go on. “We are still trying to see the full picture here but it seems that Washijo suffered some kind of psychological break and became fixated on Oikawa personally in the process due to the history his team had playing against Aoba Johsai. Somehow, that obsession grew out of control and became even more out of hand eventually becoming a violent infatuation after Oikawa spurned him and his many requests to join his team.” 

Iwaizumi felt his legs growing weaker beneath him. He let himself fall back down onto the couch. Feebly, his head began to spin and he felt his breathing start to quicken. 

“With the evidence, we have gathered so far, we believe that this was when Washijo plotted to abduct Oikawa as part of his delusion. It is entirely likely that being dismissed and disregarded previously resulted in his particularly brutal approach to fulfilling his fantasy.” 

An icy shiver ran up Iwaizumi’s spine chilling him from the inside out. 

“W-what kind of _fantasy_?” Iwaizumi found himself asking slowly, disgusted and terrified of the answer. 

A word like that definitely had implications and Iwaizumi was not afraid to admit that they scared him down to his core. 

“That is hard to say,” the officer admitted, “we are having trouble getting the rest of the story out of him especially since it seems he still resides somewhat within that delusion of his and has been difficult to reason with. We actually had to identify him through a DNA sample since he’s been using a pseudonym for so long. It appears that he has taken on a completely new identity and has been going by a different name ever since the events ten years ago. This level of a delusion makes it very difficult to get reliable information out of him.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened.

“So you do have him in custody then, it’s finally over?” Iwaizumi asked carefully to make sure he was hearing this right. 

The officer bit the inside of his lip and furrowed his brow looking away. 

“He can’t hurt anyone else.” That was all he said. 

“Well, how long until we know the rest of the story?” Iwaizumi demanded sitting forward again on the couch and laying is full glare onto the officer, “has he said anything about...” 

Iwaizumi’s voice trailed off. It was a painful thought and he just couldn't seem to force himself to say the words. It had been his first concern and the top question he had from the moment he learned about the break in the case. Yet, at this moment he could feel his fear getting the better of him and holding him back. It felt like a tight steel chain collar around his neck choking him like a dog staked down in the yard. 

“Has he said what he did with Oikawa? Has he said what happened to him...” He finally gathered the courage to squeak out. 

On the other side of the room, Iwaizumi heard his father shuffle uncomfortably and his mother stifled a gasp holding back tears. His father reached out and took his mother’s hand squeezing it slightly bracing for whatever came next. They had known Oikawa since he was five years old; they had comforted his parents after he was taken and all throughout the subsequent investigation and media storm. This would not be easy information for them to hear either. 

“Not yet,” the officer conceded pursing his lips, “but he’s been in interrogation for almost 24 hours with one of our best detectives. We should know more soon and you all will be the first to know. I am on standby now for an update call any moment.” 

Iwaizumi nodded absently. His mind was already reeling at the possibilities. He couldn't decide if this news made him more sure that something terrible really had happened all those years ago, or if he felt smug in his unspoken hope that Oikawa still lived. Either way, he knew better than to voice any of his thoughts or suspicions aloud in fear that the cruel hand of fate might strike him down again. 

“What about the second person that Iwaizumi mentioned?” Ushijima asked carefully with a steely hard look in his dark eyes. 

It was at that moment that Iwaizumi realized exactly what kind of effect this sudden reveal would be having on Ushijima. Watching his reactions and hearing the genuine unmistakable guilt and shame in his voice, Iwaizumi came to realize that Ushijima had been telling the truth all along and he may well be more blindsided by this news than anyone. He had just learned that his childhood coach and mentor had committed horrible crimes and that he had been ignorant of the pain that someone close to him had caused all this time. It was clearly taking a toll on him and he was lost and confused under the weight of it all; desperate to understand, and have any of it start to make sense. But Iwaizumi knew from experience that looking for logic in the tragedy was just asking to get hurt. There was no comfort here, there was no rationale; there was only truth and this circumstance demanded that that be enough. 

“There have been references to accomplices,” the officer nodded flipping through a small black notebook that Iwaizumi figured must contain information gathered from the interrogations, “we have not received any solid intel on who any of them are yet but we currently believe he may have been working as part of a much larger network. There are gaps in his story that can only be explained by at least two other close personal confidants aiding him, and others that suggest the web might even expand beyond Japan.” 

“What kind of web?” Iwaizumi asked swallowing stiffly. 

“It is likely that he spent time moving around and even abroad, with the help of others, to avoid detection. We cannot yet say for certain what the extend of this might be but it is clear that Washijo did not act alone.” 

Iwaizumi breathed out heavily biting down against his cheek. 

This information was beyond what he had ever imagined or expected. His greatest hope for Oikawa had always been that he never suffered and that he had found some kind of peace in the end. Even with his more recent wishes, some part of him had always hoped that if he was wrong and that Oikawa truly was gone, then at least he had gone through the worst long ago and it had been over quickly. This was beginning to sound much more complicated and prolonged than he had ever feared or dared to imagine even in the darkest nights.

Iwaizumi could feel new fears sprouting from his psyche like parasites multiplying as he began to picture new and fresh horrors that reacted violently and sickeningly within him. His stomach was churning sourly and he felt bile begin to rise in the back of his throat. He lurched to his feet startling Ushijima next to him. 

“Iwaiziumi, are you alright?” Ushijima asked him with wide eyes clearly concerned at his sudden reaction. 

Iwaizumi could only shake his head. His fingers felt numb as the panic crawled up his throat digging its sharp talons into him viscously. 

“I-I need a moment.” Iwaizumi stated quickly trying to hold back the nauseous wave overcoming him. 

“Hajime, do you need me to come with you?” His mother asked concerned as Iwaizumi practically flew through the living room towards the front door again. 

“No. I-I’m sorry,” he coughed fighting the growing urge to vomit in shock, “I j-just need some air. Give me a moment.” 

He pushed his way through the doorway and made it all the way out to his front lawn before he noticed the crowds of reporters at the edge of his street that Ennoshita had managed to push back and keep at a distance. That was a can of worms that Iwaizumi was not prepared for and he drove himself away from their view and back to the safety and privacy of his back yard against the old wooden walls of his gardening shed. 

It occurred to Iwaizumi that this same shed was where he had stood searching for a volleyball in the moments that Oikawa was first taken. His eyes scanned over its decrepit shape bitterly. 

He knelt down next to it trying to distract himself in any way he could manage. Focusing on his breathing, he tried to center himself and anchor himself back into sanity by twisting individual blades of grass between his fingers. The edges were smooth and green against his skin and in them, he found a moment of quiet that he latched onto for dear life. 

This was too much. He knew it would be hard, of course, he did, and yet somehow knowing that had not prepared him for the reality of what this information would do to him. Every lie he had ever told himself to find peace was suddenly nothing more than a desperate flimsy fiction made up by a child terrified of the harsh astringent truth. He felt like he was unraveling with each quickening shallow breath. 

The only thing that managed to shake him out of his spiral was the sharp snap of a stick from the forest behind his yard. Iwaizumi jumped feeling a jolt of hysteria shoot through his addled restless body and an alarmed shrill squawk leave his lips. 

“Iwaizumi?” a familiar voice asked at the sound of his sudden gasp, “Is that you? Where are you?” 

“H-here.” Iwaizumi answered back breathlessly. 

Around the corner of the shed came Rei wearing a completely different expression than when he had stormed off earlier. His own horror and betrayal had seemingly faded and now he just watched Iwaizumi with concern. 

“What happened? Are you okay?” he asked inching in closer. 

Iwaizumi didn’t have an answer. He knew that in this moment he was safe, and faced no danger, and yet he felt as if the world was crumbling around him and dragging him down with it. Despite this, he had to admit that just seeing Rei’s face again brought him more peace than any of the tricks he had tried to calm himself down with thus far. 

“Did you go to the meeting?” Rei asked him softening his eyes, even more, the longer he watched Iwaizumi.

It was clear that Rei recognized the signs of trauma that Iwaizumi now wore as clear as day. 

“It didn’t go well.” Rei supplied, seeing that Iwaizumi still couldn’t seem to speak for himself. 

Iwaizumi managed to shake his head in confirmation. 

Rei nodded in understanding giving Iwaizumi a comforting smile and coming closer taking a seat beside him against the shed. 

“I’m sorry for how I reacted before,” Rei said looking down at his own shoes. 

Maybe he only brought it up to change the topic for Iwaizumi’s sake but it strangely made Iwaizumi feel worse. He knew all too well the pain his words had caused and now Rei was apologizing to him? This was all wrong. 

“M-my f-fault.” Iwaizumi managed to insist feeling his voice and lip quiver. 

Rei gave a sideways little smile like he was thinking of an inside joke but just reached over to Iwaizumi and took his shaking hands in his own. The warmth of his skin settled into Iwaizumi’s hands, and in Rei’s firm grip, the shaking began to subside.  
In wordless gratitude, Iwaizumi felt his face crumble and he shot forward wrapping his arms around Rei clinging onto him like he was the last life raft in a raging storm. 

“It was terrible.” Iwaizumi breathed out into Rei’s ear still holding him firmly in his arms. 

“I know.” Rei nodded wrapping Iwaizumi in his own arms. “But it’s okay now. I’m here. We are together. We can handle whatever comes next.” 

Iwaizumi wondered in awe where this attitude and revelation of Rei’s had come from but was too thankful to ask any question that would change this perfect moment. 

“What happened?” Rei asked him breaking away from the hug and running his palm tenderly alongside Iwaizumi’s face. 

“T-there was a police officer and he told us they found the man behind Oikawa’s kidnapping and they have him in custody...” Iwaizumi trailed off. He found himself hesitant to go on, wondering if hearing this, if talking about Oikawa would just hurt Rei even more. That was the absolute last thing he wanted to do especially now. 

“Go on.” Rei encouraged him gliding his hand back up Iwaizumi’s face, through his hair, and back down his neck so that he held him close eye to eye. 

Iwaizumi took a moment to breathe in and out. 

“...and that it was the old Shiratorizawa High School coach that I knew from middle school.” 

Something unreadable flashed across Rei’s face at this and for just a moment. He looked confused and lost in thought before shaking himself out of it and forcing down whatever it was that he was thinking. 

“Someone, you knew?” He asked. 

Iwaizumi nodded miserably. 

“Apparently he was obsessed with Oikawa or something because he turned down an offer to play for his team in high school I guess; and then had some kind of breakdown and did...all this.” 

Rei just shook his head sadly. “I’m so sorry Iwaizumi that’s terrible.” 

“They think he was working with others and it just...it ruins everything.”

“How do you mean?” Rei asked with wide sympathetic eyes. 

“I-I always thought it went a certain way and even in the worst-case scenarios I had forced myself to believe that maybe it was just some freak accident and...that at least it had been over and done with quickly but...” 

“But now this changes the story.” Rei agreed knowingly. 

“I am just so...so frustrated!” Iwaizumi rasped through gritted teeth, “It makes me feel like I should have been able to do more. It was literally someone we both knew...somehow that is...it’s worse.” 

“It was never your fault Iwaizumi.” Rei reminded him gently. 

Iwaizumi nodded absently wishing that he agreed. 

“Iwaizumi, are you out there?” his mother’s voice called out hastily through the front door on the other side of the house. 

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow looking at Rei who shrugged and turned back towards the house. 

“Yes?” He answered back. 

Iwaizumi’s mother never yelled and never rushed. Something felt wrong. 

“Come inside honey,” his mom said nervously hiding something dark and sad under her breath, “the update call came in. We need to talk.” 

Iwaizumi shuddered feeling a sense of impending doom drape back over him. He glanced over to Rei who tried to smile reassuringly. It was clear that he was hiding his own nerves about the situation for Iwaizumi’s benefit but that he was just as worried about what this update could be. 

“You go.” Rei said encouragingly, “I’ll wait here for the news. I-I need a moment of air too.” 

Iwaizumi tried to give him a smile but fell short already concerned with the urgency in his mother’s voice. He had a feeling he was going to need Rei to get through this. Standing back up, Iwaizumi squeezed Rei’s hand and kissed the top boney ridge of his knuckles in both an unspoken display of thanks and also a promise to return. 

Iwaizumi felt like he was wading through a heavy current as he moved slowly back towards the house feeling ominously like a man going to his own execution. 

Glancing back at Rei, Iwaizumi watched his brown curls toss in the breeze and studied the light against the delicate curve of his face. Some part of this gave him the strength he needed to face whatever news was waiting for him. Hope did not come naturally to him, but when he looked at Rei no matter how much it hurt and no matter how much he wished he didn't, he saw Oikawa. In its own weird way, this was comforting. It was the embodiment of his now-not-so-secret wish that maybe Rei somehow was Oikawa and as long as he could hold onto even the faintest traces of that desire, then he felt like he could survive anything. 

A sudden buzzing in Iwaizumi’s pocket startled him just as his feet reached the top edge of his driveway. He took a moment to slide out his phone and saw the name Daichi Sawamura flashing on his screen. 

The blood in his body froze. Not now. Not now. Oh, god, please not now. 

He felt his face pale and his stomach twist and contort painfully within him. Suddenly he felt small and insignificant again. It was as if he was a young child again waiting to be called into the principal's office. 

“H-hello?” he answered slowly breathing out raggedly as he placed the smooth screen up to his ear. 

“Iwaizumi?” Daichi’s voice answered back. 

“Yes.” 

“This is Daichi, I-I submitted those samples you gave me to the lab at my station like we talked about?” He said almost as if it was a question and he wasn't totally sure himself. 

“Right.” Iwaizumi agreed feeling his blood roaring in his ears. 

“I just got the report back.”

“I-I thought you said those reports could take several days?” Iwaizumi asked baffled and alarmed. 

He wasn't ready for this. Nothing had prepared him for this today. A dark gloom started to wash over him as his body prepared for the news. 

“I’ve never gotten back forensics results this quickly before,” Daichi admitted with a strange unsure tone that Iwaizumi couldn't quite place. “But I have them. Are you ready?”

Iwaizumi swallowed hard. He wasn’t. 

Stopped in his tracks he turned back over his shoulder towards Rei by the shed and watched as Rei noticed him looking back and smiled waving to him reassuringly. A weak warmth began to creep back into Iwaizumi as his hope began to blossom again like a delicate flower. 

If this proved his suspicions correct, then his life was about to get more complicated than ever. But it would also be the greatest victory of his life and would become the comfort and happiness that he had always longed for. 

It had to be worth the risk. It was now or never. 

“Go ahead.” 

The sound of a folder opening and papers flipping could be heard on the other end as Daichi muttered under his breath skimming the pages before him. 

“The fingerprints you gave me were...” Daichi said slowly reading for the results, “...they were not a match, Iwaizumi.” 

Iwaizumi felt his heart skip a beat. 

He couldn’t have heard that right. 

“W-what did you say?” 

“The prints don’t match Iwaizumi,” Daichi repeated gently, trying to hide the conciliatory pity in his voice. “I-I’m sorry Iwaizumi I know how much this meant to you but...it’s not him.” 

Iwaizumi felt a crack break somewhere deep inside him. That wasn’t right. It wasn’t possible. Iwaizumi had always refrained from speaking aloud how deep his conviction had become but some part of him really had believed down to a cellular level that he was right. It had started as a wish, and then hope, and he had shoved it down so deep that it had mutated and taken hold so tightly that some part of him had truly come to believe it would be true. 

Was he really just a fool?

“I-I see...” Iwaizumi said shakily feeling like an empty shell of himself. “Are you sure? Check them again.” 

He was staring off at Rei behind him feeling his disbelief grab him by the throat and squeeze. 

“I’m sorry Iwaizumi,” Daichi said. 

“That can’t be right,” Iwaizumi insisted, “check them again!” 

“Iwaizumi...” Daichi’s voice cracked, “it’s not him.” 

“How do you know!?” He almost screamed into the phone feeling his anger rising and his face turning blood red. “You’re wrong. Check them again!” 

“Iwaizumi...” Daichi’s voice boomed more firmly but still woven with a sympathetic sadness. “It can’t be him.” 

“What do you mean it can’t?” Iwaizumi sneered. This was ridiculous! It felt like the beginnings of the investigation all over again. No one else believed. Everyone else had already given up. “Why can’t it be him?” 

Daichi was silent on the other line. 

“Have you gotten the update call from the department yet?” he asked quietly. 

“What? No, not yet. I was just going in to hear it though. Why?” 

“Go inside, Iwaizumi.” 

“What are you saying Daichi? Why can’t it be him?” 

“You haven’t heard the whole story yet Iwaizumi. They weren’t keeping you waiting just because Washijo was in interrogation...They were also investigating one of his claims, confirming it before they told you and his family.” 

A cold prickle shot up Iwaizumi’s arms making each hair stand on end. 

“What were they confirming?” Iwaizumi asked suddenly breathless feeling his airways beginning to close. 

“You should go inside. They’ll tell you themselves.” 

“Tell me now!” 

“ I can’t. I’m sorry Iwaizumi.” Daichi said weakly and Iwaizumi could tell that he meant it. 

The line went dead. 

Rei had leaned back against the shed obscuring his face but Iwaizumi stared at his long legs peeking out from behind the wooden walls. It had to be him. He had been kidding himself by insisting it was only a hope. He knew it was him. He felt it from the very beginning. He was sure. This was impossible. 

Iwaizumi broke his gaze coldly and made his way back into his house empty and lost like a ghost of his former self. 

“Sweetie…” his mother greeted him tearfully as he crossed back in through the door. 

“What is it?” Iwaizumi managed quietly. 

All around the room, everyone was standing. Iwaizumi’s father held his mother tightly. Both of them looked defeated and distraught. Their eyes were red and wet. Ushijima stood by the window looking outside with slumped shoulders. His body jerked suddenly and Iwaizumi realized that he was crying too. The officer was now holding his hat in his hands. 

“Take a seat son,” he said softly. 

“What is it?!” Iwaizumi demanded feeling the dull tug of tears behind his eyes. 

The officer looked over to Iwaizumi’s parents for a moment and both of them nodded giving their approval for him to tell Iwaizumi what everyone else clearly already knew. 

“In speaking to Washijo it was learned that there was a house he had frequently used as a hideout while on the run.” The officer began refusing to meet Iwaizumi’s eyes, “We sent a team of investigators and a full forensics unit to investigate the property. We just received back confirmation that while conducting a search of the back yard, they... they found a body.” 

The last trace of breath left Iwaizumi’s lips. His heart stopped. 

“The remains have been positively identified. It's him. It’s Oikawa Tooru.”


	14. Chapter 14

**—Iwaizumi’s POV—**

“W-What?” Was the first word to leave Iwaizumi’s trembling lips. 

His mind was flooded with a dizzying barrage of questions. Before one could climb its way to the tip of his tongue, a furious storm of other questions tumbled after it stomping it down and crushing it where it stood in an all-out assault on Iwaizumi’s heart. It felt like everything and nothing was bearing down on him all at once. The pain he felt was a searing hot whiteness that blanketed him entirely and lit every nerve in his body aflame. 

The room was quiet—silent in fact. Iwaizumi could vaguely hear the dull rhythmic thumping of his heart, though the beats felt far away as if he was hearing the sounds from deep underwater. 

Iwaizumi tried to turn his body to face his parents but felt his body resist in place. His limbs felt heavy and numb at his side as if they were foreign parasites determined to drain him of what little he had left. It felt as though, somewhere deep down, a circuit had blown open overwhelmed by the surge of emotion that was ravaging his body. 

“I’m so sorry Hajime!” His mother cried from just outside his field of vision. 

He felt a tight warmth wrap around him with the crushing strength of a python squeezing against his ribs. His mother’s perfume wafted into his nose and he began to feel the soft touch of her hand on his back rubbing soothing strokes against his shoulder blade. She buried her face into his chest and Iwaizumi felt his fingers twitch. 

“W-What?” He managed to stutter out again feeling suddenly detached from his own body as if he were watching himself in slow motion from afar. 

Iwaizumi’s father’s usually neutral and solid demeanor softened. 

“You heard him, son.” 

Iwaizumi felt his head shaking before he even had time to comprehend what was happening. 

“No...but…I…wait…no…” His voice sounded small and quiet trailing off into total silence as he spoke. 

The room began to spin. This didn’t make any sense. 

Something was wrong. Someone somewhere must have made some horrible mistake. That must be it. It couldn’t be…no. 

Before another thought could even begin to take form in Iwaizumi’s churning frothing mind, a new emotion emerged stronger and faster than anything else he had to offer. His face went red and automatically his fists clenched shut. 

“No! Fuck that!” He screamed breaking out of his mother’s hug and lurching towards the police officer standing in the corner of the living room. “Repeat what you just said. Say it again, so I know you meant it!” 

The officer looked startled at Iwaizumi’s sudden outburst, but quickly regained composure and came to view Iwaizumi with the worst possible expression—pity. 

“The remains found at Washijo’s safe house were positively identified as your friend son, I’m sorry.” The man told him with an artificial sympathy that made Iwaizumi’s blood boil. 

He felt as if he had been slapped across the face. The officers that had first given up on Oikawa ten years ago had looked at Iwaizumi with that same insufferable phony compassion. Nothing had changed. 

_Remains_. That cold cruel word hung in the air stinging and unfeeling. It echoed inside Iwaizumi’s mind stabbing him deeper and deeper with each excruciating repetition. 

_Remains._

_Remains._

_Remains._

_Remains._

It was so painfully, unbelievably dehumanizing. Iwaizumi winced violently turning away from the officer and biting into the knuckle of his clamped fist. 

“Don’t call him that.” Iwaizumi hissed fiercely under his breath. “His name is Oikawa Tooru.” 

He stared daggers into the officer’s chest whose eyes widened and then narrowed in placative silence. Across from Iwaizumi, his father glared at him displeased at his outburst but Iwaizumi felt so much righteous anger within him that he was ready to go a hundred more rounds and never back down. 

He had failed ten years ago to protect Oikawa from harm but today he would fight tooth and nail to preserve his name. 

“H-How do you know?” Iwaizumi’s mother’s soft voice asked hesitantly from beside him. 

“Excuse me?” The officer asked indignantly. 

“I-I just mean, how do you know for sure it’s him?” She glanced firmly but affectionately at Iwaizumi with soft eyes as if reminding him that she was on his side. 

Iwaizumi felt his own body start to relax and his fury begin to die down under his mother’s warm loving eyes. He had to remind himself again that he was not the only one in this room who was destroyed by this revelation. His mother had baked Oikawa cookies, checked his homework, driven him to countless volleyball practices and doctor's appointments when his own parents were too busy. His father had tossed them their first volleyball sets and driven them to see their first real game. Iwaizumi’s parents had given Oikawa all the love and attention that a mother and father would have given to their very own son. This loss was devastating to them all. 

“Fingerprint and dental records confirmed it according to the forensic report.” The officer said flatly, clearly annoyed at having his authority questioned. 

“I see,” his mother said nodding sadly. 

“What else did they say?” Iwaizumi’s father asked still watching Iwaizumi closely but inching closer to his mother and him for support. 

The officer sighed and reopened his little back booklet flipping back to check his notes. 

“Sparing you the gory details; cadaver dogs were brought onto the scene and located a gravesite in the back yard. That site yielded one adult male body positively identified through the standard procedure as Oikawa Tooru of Miyagi, Japan.” He read robotically reciting each word as blandly and flatly as it must have been written. 

“W-what about the cause of death?” His father asked nervously clearly unsure of whether or not he really wanted that kind of information. 

“The rema-“ the officer stopped himself and laid his eyes on Iwaizumi irritated before restarting and rephrasing himself. “They are taking him into official facilities for more advanced testing that should yield cause and manner of death.” 

Iwaizumi couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He was still trembling in his denial of what he was hearing, to begin with, but there was more than that now. An extra layer had slammed down onto him and he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had missed something crucial. He tried to retrace every word he had spoken and even forced himself to sift through what the officer had said until a cold haunting shiver tore through his body and the blood drained from his face. 

“‘One adult male body’ is that what you said?” Iwaizumi asked the officer shakily, crafting each word carefully as if they were weapons that at any moment would turn against him and stake him through. 

The man checked his notes and nodded. 

Iwaizumi’s knees turned to water. He grabbed on tightly to his mother next to him for support as he suddenly stumbled blindly and nearly collapsed. Noticing Iwaizumi’s sudden turn for the worse, Ushijima—who until now had stood silently with his back to the rest of the room and his face to the windows—spun around unexpectedly and leaped across the coffee table to grab Iwaizumi’s arm as reinforcement. 

“What is it Hajime?” His mother’s concerned voice asked him while Ushijima helped her to shift Iwaizumi’s weight entirely onto his own shoulder. 

He couldn’t seem to speak. He had on some level been prepared to hear terrible things that might have happened, and yet this had completely blindsided him. This was his worst nightmare. The one thought that had gotten him through his darkest nights and gave him what little comfort it could, was all a lie. 

He looked up at his mom feeling his face start to fall and his eyes widen sadly. 

“Adult.” 

For a moment his mother looked confused and then her own eyes widened in horror and she clasped a hand over her mouth stumbling back towards Iwaizumi’s father and falling into his embrace. His two parents met each other’s eyes and then hugged tightly stifling the sound of their painful cries. 

“What is wrong?” Ushijima asked in a low voice, watching Iwaizumi’s parents with genuine concern. 

Iwaizumi felt his own lip quivering as his heart shot his blood pounding into his ears. 

“O-Oikawa w-was-“ Iwaizumi tried to explain before hearing his own voice crack and fall apart. 

Ushijima’s eyes opened worriedly and quickly rushed Iwaizumi over to the corner chair as the tears started to fall. 

“H-He was 14 w-when he…he was taken.” Iwaizumi managed to breathe out, fighting his sobs but feeling his breathing becoming heavy and uneven as he went on. 

Iwaizumi slumped forward in the chair holding his spinning head in his hands. Before he covered his eyes and raked his hands down his face, he caught enough of a glimpse of Ushijima to witness as the horrible truth occurred to him too. 

“How old was he?” Ushijima’s deep voice asked the officer in a strained whisper. 

Iwaizumi pressed his palms deep into his eyes blacking out the light as blood pounded through his skull drowning out any other noise outside of the room. He felt the pressure building behind his eyes as a gruesome ache grew inside his bones penetrating from the inside out. He could barely register Ushijima’s question or the sound of paper flipping in the officer's notebook yet again. Slowly, the pain in his bones was falling away into a dull throbbing but a pain in his chest was just beginning to tighten. 

“On scene estimates place age of decease at approximately 22 years.” The officer said causing Iwaizumi’s blood to run cold. 

Iwaizumi’s head moved up mechanically as his shaking red eyes focused in on the man. He could feel the heat vaporizing off of his skin as a shudder tore through him like a bolt of lightning. 

Iwaizumi was born on June 10th. Iwaizumi was now 24 years old. 

Oikawa was born on July 20th. They were one month apart…

Ten years ago, when they were both 14 years old, Oikawa was taken. The pain of knowing the statistics, of knowing the facts, of knowing the kinds of horrible, unspeakable, revolting things that victims of kidnappings experience had forced Iwaizumi to convince himself that if Oikawa was dead, then at least Oikawa must have died long ago. His suffering must have at least been short, and he had been at rest ever since. 

“Victims rarely survive past the first 48 hours…” Iwaizumi whispered to himself reciting the words that every specialist and detective and task force that had come to Miyagi ten years ago had told him. 

If this had been true. If Oikawa had been spared the pain and the torture that Iwaizumi had always feared for him, then his body should have been 14 years old. 

“Y-you mean…” Iwaizumi breathed harshly, feeling his mind start to lose control and give way to his swelling fury. “He was kept alive FOR EIGHT YEARS!?” 

He threw his body out of his chair and jumped to his feet. His fingers latched around the back of the couch in front of him as he did everything in his power to hold himself back from clearing the obstacle and attacking the officer before him with his bare hands. 

Iwaizumi could feel that he was becoming mad with rage. His breathing was already ragged and deep like a vicious animal preparing to pounce. There was no reason anymore, no logic, his mind was devastated and everything he saw was red. 

“You are telling me… he only died TWO YEARS AGO?!” Iwaizumi was spitting through clenched teeth in a deep growl. 

Nothing had prepared him for this. Even in his worst most terrifying nightmares, he had never imagined _this_. Oikawa had been alive somewhere this entire time without anyone ever knowing. He had been alone and afraid and Iwaizumi, the police, everyone, had done absolutely nothing to help him. 

All this time, while Iwaizumi had been coping with his loss, taking his entrance exams, and just living his life as if the worst was long since over, Oikawa had been alive waiting for someone to find him and save him and everyone had left him to rot. Iwaizumi felt his stomach lurch as a wave of nausea swirled inside him. Nightmarish images of what horrors Oikawa might have endured that Iwaizumi had thought he had left behind years ago, came roaring back. He felt his shoulders convulse and his whole body choked back a dry heave feeling the acidic bile shoot up his throat. 

Ushijima tensed and quickly leaped to the side grabbing a small waste bin from beside the end table and pushed it forcefully into Iwaizumi’s lap. As soon as the smooth curved surface touched Iwaizumi’s fingers, the gates inside him opened and he vomited spilling the contents of his empty stomach into the metal pale. He kept his head hovered over the bin coughing and wheezing until finally, his stomach began to settle. 

“Thanks.” Iwaizumi managed weakly without looking up. 

Ushijima grunted in acknowledgment but was clearly still troubled himself. 

“I’m sorry to have been the bearer of bad news,” the officer said, “but that is the most recent update that I can provide. We will need someone to come down to the station with me to sign some papers acknowledging that you’ve received this information and pledging not to disclose it to the media until the investigation is complete.” 

Neither Iwaizumi nor Ushijima moved. The rustling of clothes across the room caught both of their attention as Iwaizumi’s parents seemed to nod and gather themselves as best they could. 

“We’ll go.” His father announced taking his mother's hand. 

Iwaizumi felt their gaze fall onto his shoulders as they prepared to leave behind the officer. 

A warm hand landed on his back as they began to leave as a small but meaningful gesture of support. 

“We’ll take care of everything Hajime, don’t worry.” His mother tried to promise. 

“Where are the Oikawa’s in all of this?” His father asked the officer outside of Iwaizumi’s field of vision.  
“They are already at the precinct. They were the first to receive the news and chose to stay at the station until the interrogations are complete and the… _evidence_ arrives back from the scene.” 

At this, Iwaizumi could hear the pointed tone in the officer’s voice as he exacted his language in an attempt at appeasement. It was clear that ‘evidence’ meant ‘body’ and that finally, Oikawa Tooru was coming home to rest. 

“Good,” his father said nodding, “those poor poor people.” 

“God knows what they must be going through.” His mother agreed. 

The officer opened the front door and led them outside to take them to the station. 

“This might take some time Iwaizumi, we’ll probably be home late. We should pay our respects to the Oikawa’s while we’re there. Get some rest, it’s a big day tomorrow.” His father told him firmly but holding back tears of his own. 

Iwaizumi felt his body go rigid. The memorial. In the midst of every terrible new truth he now had to accept, he also had the memorial to contend with. He could not even begin to imagine how he would feel in the morning and how he would cope at the service given everything they had learned. 

The door closed behind his parents and he was left alone in his house with only Ushijima Wakatoshi of all people at his side. They sat in silence for a while as Iwaizumi hugged the bin on his lap until, uncharacteristically, Ushijima spoke. 

“I am truly sorry for everything that happened. Whether you can find your way to believe me, or whether that is not possible, I knew nothing. Despite that, I still feel responsible for what happened. I should have known something was wrong. I never wanted anything like this to happen. Not ever.” He said emphatically looking down at the floor and scowling. 

He was truly enraged about this and in some weird way that made Iwaizumi feel just a little less alone. 

“I do know that it wasn’t your fault.” Iwaizumi offered, “but I’m sorry, I am still angry and while you don’t deserve it, I am angry at you and I don’t know why.” 

At this, Ushijima just nodded. 

“It does not need to make sense right now.” 

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow but turned away towards his lap moving the can back to the floor. 

“For what it’s worth, I was sorry to hear about the hard time the media was giving you and your fiancé.” Iwaizumi attempted. 

Ushijima seemed surprised by this but managed to recompose himself quickly and return to his default expression. 

“You cannot please everyone Iwaizumi.” He said shaking his head, “There will always be those who feel you’ve let them down and others that you yourself believe you have let down. However, being weighed down by the thoughts and concerns of others is just living in fear. Neither Tendou nor myself believe much in letting that fear control us.” 

“Wise words.” Iwaizumi said jabbing lightly at the formal and philosophical way Ushijima spoke. 

If he noticed the teasing in Iwaizumi’s voice, however, he said nothing. 

“Will he be with you at the memorial tomorrow?” Iwaizumi asked. 

“He will. Our tour schedule got disrupted by the investigation and as soon as it was announced that there was a connection to me and to Shiratorizawa, Tendou got on a plane and flew back for support.” 

“Must be difficult living so far apart.” Iwaizumi guessed, remembering that Tendou had been living in Paris. 

“My work with the Japanese National Team requires that I travel frequently and practice at strange hours. A traditional rigid sort of arrangement would never have worked and I was lucky that the man I love was not a traditional rigid sort of person.” Ushijima said with a proud little sparkle in his eye. “We never thought it would be easy, we never expected that everyone would approve or even that everyone would understand, but it was still worth it to us since now we can be together out in the open with nothing else to fear.” 

“Sounds nice.” Iwaizumi said softly tucking his head back into his chest.

Part of him couldn’t help but think about his last day with Oikawa. How he had run away from his chance to be honest, how he had let his fear hold him back. He had learned from that mistake and been bolder, and stronger with Rei, and yet deep down he still worried that Oikawa had died not knowing how much he was loved. 

Ushiwaka nodded and seeing how low Iwaizumi’s mood was sinking, he began to move towards the door. 

“I’ll give you some space to rest as your parents suggested.” He offered, backing away. “I’ll see you tomorrow but, before I go, I just wanted to say again that I am sorry for what happened and that if there is ever anything I can do to help, you only need to ask.” 

“Thanks.” 

The door closed behind him and Iwaizumi sat alone in his childhood home now knowing a terrible truth that was beginning to feel like death itself. 

**—Rei’s POV—**

Iwaizumi had been gone for almost an hour and Rei was starting to feel the damp cold seeping into his bones. His seat from beside the garden shed obscured his view of inside the house but at one point he heard voices talking and what sounded like Iwaizumi yelling in incredible pain. 

At this, his heart felt like it would burst open. 

Still, Rei knew better than to barge in during a meeting like this. If nothing else, he could imagine that his appearance might shock more than one member of the Iwaizumi family after receiving whatever update they were getting inside. From the voices and the screaming, it was not difficult to understand that the update was not good news. 

Sometime after he had first heard the shouting from inside, the front door opened on the other side of the house and Rei could make out three figures walking away and getting into a police car. One was dressed in a dark officer’s uniform and the other two were an older man and woman that Rei figured must have been Iwaizumi’s parents. 

Rei caught a glimpse of them from behind the shed wall and found himself laughing at the idea of an older grownup Iwaizumi that looked like his parents. 

“On the plus side, you’re going to probably age well.” Rei snickered under his voice, before remembering the yelling. 

His heart sank back down. 

The car pulled out of the driveway. 

Concerned for Iwaizumi, Rei wanted immediately to run inside and talk to him, comfort him, give him whatever he needed in this moment but his more cautious side told him to wait. His parents may come back, someone could walk by, anything could happen that might draw more attention and complicate an already delicate situation. 

So Rei sat and waiting watching the leaves blow through the back yard until finally he was satisfied that no one was coming back to the house. The sun was beginning to set and dusk was settling in across the village houses painting everything in a surreal pink and orange mist. 

Standing up, he slowly snuck up to the driveway and around to the front of the house. As he slipped past the garage door his eyes caught a glimpse at a bright red sports car still parked out in front of the house. 

Was someone still in there? Maybe it was Iwaizumi’s car from before he moved away? Did he have siblings? Rei wasn’t sure what to make of it and hesitated. 

Eventually, he decided that it had to be worth the risk just to see Iwaizumi again after whatever he had just learned and he pushed ahead. Part of him too was just as curious about whatever this news had been since admittedly he had become personally invested in it. After everything Iwaizumi had said—even though Rei knew deep down Iwaizumi had probably just been projecting—his apparent resemblance to Oikawa as a definite point of interest to him and he was dying to know more. 

Just as he was about to curl his fingers around the door handle and enter the house, he heard a deep low voice from through the door and he stopped. He backed up a few feet and almost immediately the door swung open and a giant of a man walked through the frame. His back was turned as he left the house but as he went to leave, he spun around to face Rei as he closed the door. 

The man was a wall of intimidating muscle and dark features. His brown hair was short and neatly cropped around his ears. His eyes were harsh and deep set against his olive skin. 

They both froze face-to-face. 

The man's eyes were wide and his face turned as white as a sheet. If Rei didn’t know better he would say that the man looked as though he had seen a ghost. 

Something about this man immediately sent a shiver up Rei’s spine. It wasn’t just that he was intimidating though, Rei wasn’t sure why but his face went hot and he felt his blood begin to simmer. He was mad. Something about this man, just his face, his presence, was enough to make Rei angry and for the life of him, he didn’t understand why. 

“Excuse me.” He said pushing past the giant more rudely than he meant but as forcefully as he needed to to get back to the door. 

The man made a squeaking sort of noise as if he was trying to say something but Rei opened the front door and barged in slamming it behind him before he could hear what the brunet had to say. 

Once inside, Rei scanned the room and felt his face fall as he saw Iwaizumi sat on his couch woozily beside a trash bin. His face was green with nausea and his eyes seemed hollow and haunted. This was the final confirmation that Rei needed to know that the news was bad. 

“Iwa-chan!” He almost yelped running immediately down to the couch and grabbing Iwaizumi’s cold clammy hands. 

Iwaizumi looked back up at him slowly, seeming a bit dazed and confused but also incredibly wordlessly sad. 

“W-What happened? What did they say?” Rei asked him urgently. 

Iwaizumi just looked away and shook his head as if in shame. 

“I-It’s… bad news.” He said brokenly. 

Now Rei could feel the color in his own face draining out. 

He had always known that bad news was probably more likely than good after all these years and yet, just like Iwaizumi, Rei had allowed himself to believe that just maybe the worst had been avoided after all. He felt like an idiot. 

Even more confusing and frustrating though, Rei wasn’t sure if he was relieved or hurt to learn this. He cursed himself. That was such a terrible thing to feel and yet he had been so afraid of what it might mean for Iwaizumi and him if Oikawa had been found alive and well. In some way, this just confirmed what Iwaizumi surely already knew and nothing really changed. Right? 

However, the pain in Iwaizumi’s face and the disordered shaking in his hands made Rei wilt back. He was being selfish. Iwaizumi had always held greater stakes in this than he had, and so of course even a confirmation of what he knew would hurt all the more after a small glimpse at hope all these years later. The feeling of having the last shreds of hope pulled out from under you was not altogether foreign to Rei. He knew all too well how that felt. 

“I’m so sorry Iwa-chan,” Rei said. 

Iwaizumi just nodded. There was a conflict in his eyes as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk all about it and spill every detail of what he had heard so that at least he would not be burdened with it alone, or if he was too hurt by it all and wanted to bury it and forget all about it without another word.  
“H-He’s dead.” Iwaizumi’s voice cracked as his eyes stared opened and unblinking straight ahead. 

Rei realized that this must have been his first time really saying those words out loud to another person. 

There was nothing that Rei could think of that would make things better at this moment. He just reached his arms around and pulled Iwaizumi tight into his embrace. As soon as their skin touched, Iwaizumi broke. He grabbed on to Rei’s shoulders and bent his down into the crook of his neck and cried. Softly and silently at first, but quickly becoming wailing sobs of uncontrollable pain that broke Rei’s heart in two. 

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. It’s over now.” Rei tried to say placing his hand at the back of Iwaizumi’s head. 

Iwaizumi just cried louder. 

Rei could feel the hot tears melting in through his shirt and Iwaizumi’s hot ragged breath against his chest. His grip on Rei’s shoulder was becoming tighter as if he was terrified of having him ripped away. 

“I’m here,” Rei promised him in a whisper. “You’re okay. I’m okay. We’re both safe here.” 

He felt Iwaizumi nod but his body had clearly locked into place crying and he was drowning in his grief. 

“H-He was alive,” Iwaizumi choked out. “I failed him again.” 

Alive? 

“You didn’t fail anyone,” Rei promised, not fully understanding what Iwaizumi was trying to say. 

“He was alive! H-He lived that way for 8 years! I c-can’t even imagine what he… what he went through.” Iwaizumi screamed into Rei’s shirt. 

Rei swallowed hard. He was starting to piece things together now. 

“W-What?” His own hands were shaking now. 

Iwaizumi just nodded weakly. 

“Iwa…” Rei breathed. 

Iwaizumi broke away from the hug and they met each other's eyes. 

His face was red from crying and his cheeks were wet from tears. Rei must have looked as shocked as Iwaizumi felt because he stopped and seemed to have a moment that pulled him back into reality. He brought his shirtsleeve up to his face wiping away the traces of his teas and sniffling extra hard just to try and steady his nerves for Rei’s sake. 

“Will you stay the night with me?” Iwaizumi pleaded to Rei desperately. “The memorial is in the morning, and after all of…this…I just need someone close. I’m sorry to ask but…” 

Rei just leaned back in and wrapped him in a tight hug.

“Of course I will.” 

After everything Iwaizumi had done for him, Rei felt that this was the least he could do when Iwaizumi needed him the most. 

“I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi said, frowning and pulling his hands down his face stopping the last of his tears. 

“Don’t be,” Rei said softly stopping Iwaizumi’s hands. 

There was no reason to hide his tears. He was in pain and if crying was his way to let it out, then that was exactly what he needed to do. 

“Thank you for everything Rei.” Iwaizumi said, still spaced out and a little unfocused but clearly genuine nonetheless. 

“You don’t even need to ask,” Rei promised him back. 

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now.” Iwaizumi admitted. 

“Whatever you need to.” 

Iwaizumi thought for a second and then glanced outside through his living room window. The dusky light was turning into hazy darkness as night began to settle in between the houses. 

“I know it’s still early, but… I think I need to try and sleep.” 

Rei nodded. 

The first night after a trauma could be one of the hardest. Sleeping on a mental wound was a lot like sleeping on a physical one. It would ache and sting and rolling on it wrong might just wake you in the night; it would likely not be an easy night. Looking at Iwaizumi right now though, seeing how open and vulnerable he was and how much love he needed in the wake of his world turning to ashes, Rei was not afraid of the challenge.  
Rei took Iwaizumi’s hand and led him back down a hallway. Rounding a corner, Rei opened the third door on the right into Iwaizumi’s bedroom. 

“Lie down, I’ll make some tea.” He said bringing Iwaizumi through the doorway into his old childhood bedroom. 

Iwaizumi took a seat on the small twin bed and his true exhaustion began to show. His limbs went limp and his face looked weak and beaten. 

“How did you know this one was my room?” Iwaizumi laughed a little beginning to lie back onto the mattress.  
Rei stopped. How had he? 

“Just a guess.” He answered uneasily. 

It was a simple question and yet Rei had known exactly where he was going. He was sure of it. It was almost like a sort of muscle memory as if he had done it time and time again. What was that? How was that possible? A tense unsettled feeling began to harden into Rei’s stomach. He was missing something again and it made him more nervous than he had felt in a while. 

Iwaizumi had already begun to close his eyes and just grunted in agreement without really hearing his answer. 

Rei tried to smile and began to slip back out of the room towards the kitchen. 

“Rei? Iwaizumi’s voice called, stopping him in his tracks. 

“Yeah?” 

“Just, stay please.” Iwaizumi said softly. 

Iwaizumi wanted him here with him. Rei let himself smile and for just a moment every other concern seemed to float away. 

Nodding, he turned the light off and closed the door behind him. Slipping into the bed next to Iwaizumi, Rei touched his forehead against Iwaizumi’s and felt his breathing slow until finally, he fell into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone!! I hope you like this chapter and I would absolutely love to hear your reactions as always so please leave a comment if you have any thoughts! 
> 
> *****Also: I just published an angsty IwaOi AU that I have been working on for a while and am pretty proud of called Castor and Pollux. If you have any interest in that kind of thing I'd recommend it! *** **
> 
> Thanks to everyone that's reading, see you next week! Xx


	15. Chapter 15

**—Rei’s POV—**

The first time that Rei was woken began with a scream. 

Sharp and jagged, it pierced through the dark night like a bolt of lightning tearing Rei out of a dreamless sleep. He woke with a start in the unfamiliar bedroom feeling like his head was spinning. Once he remembered that he was in Iwaizumi’s room—in Iwaizumi’s bed—and that he was safe, Rei was able to think straight. Where had that sound come from? What was that?

It came again. 

This time, Rei jumped and felt his whole body twist in midair to face the restless Iwaizumi asleep next to him. His strong fingers were coiled tightly around the edges of the blanket and his body was tense. Rei could see the pained expression on his face and the defensive way he held his limbs close and bit his teeth tightly together. His body jerked suddenly again and a whimper escaped his lips as his brow furrowed reflexively. 

He was having a nightmare. 

“Iwa…” Rei whispered softly. 

Iwaizumi’s body was stiff but his head shook as if he was fighting to stay in his dream. The beads of sweat forming at his hairline made Rei sure that he couldn’t be allowed to remain there alone. 

“Iwa!” He whispered more forcefully, gently placing a hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. 

Immediately, his body responded to Rei’s touch and he lurched out of his sleep until he was sitting bolt upright on the bed. His shoulders were heaving and as his breath began to come back to him, he found himself looking around confused and timid. 

“You’re okay now,” Rei told him softly. 

His eyes were wide but they turned to Rei softly and, as relief flooded his face, his body seemed to relax. 

“Thank god.” He said in a husky low murmur. 

A dreamy smile spread across his lips as his entire body loosened and fell back into the mattress. 

“It was all a dream.” His voice breathed with an amazed laugh. 

“Are you okay?” Rei asked hesitantly, still shaken from being woken so suddenly. 

His eyes were already shut again but his relaxed smile remained. It was strange, he seemed so unburdened, so satisfied even after everything he had learned during the day. Rei wasn’t sure if he was more surprised or relieved himself to see it. 

“Better now.” Iwaizumi mused tossing his body onto his side so that he faced Rei. “Everything is okay now. It was all just a dream.” 

Rei felt his face go red with Iwaizumi pressed so close to him but felt an uncertain coldness overtake him as he noticed the dreamy fog still hiding inside Iwaizumi’s eyes. 

Iwaizumi reached out and, using one finger, he stroked Rei’s face softly brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes and behind his ear. 

There was something uneasy about how free Iwaizumi was acting in light of everything he had been through. He was acting like he didn’t have a problem in the world and hadn’t just woken up in a cold sweat from a nightmare. What had he been dreaming about that was so terrible? He had seemed too reassured when he had woken up and seen Rei, had he been dreaming about something happening to the two of them? 

Rei felt his gaze leave Iwaizumi’s warm stare and turn back to the bedroom they slept in. It was simple and neat, just like the room in Iwaizumi’s apartment, and was decorated with exactly the kinds of posters and books a teenager would want on his walls. If Rei hadn’t been so unsettled, he might have laughed at the way it probably still looked exactly like it did when Iwaizumi had first left home. That thought sent a shiver through Rei as he began to wonder if being back home was making Iwaizumi dream of the things he had left behind. 

He turned back to Iwaizumi rigidly. 

“What were you dreaming about?” 

Iwaizumi just chuckled and shook his head. 

“It’s not important now.”

His eyes and voice still seemed strange as if some part of him were still in that dream and he was just speaking to Rei from the eye of the storm. 

“No, tell me. Please.” 

His face crumpled up a little and he scowled. 

“I-I dreamt you were taken from me, that you… _died_.” Behind the pain of that last word, there was such a soft, loving, fondness in his voice as he watched Rei, it was as if he was the only light in the world. 

Rei felt himself swallow hard and his stomach twisted into a knot. 

“…Iwaizumi…” 

Rei wasn’t sure if it was the tone of his voice, the look in his eyes, or the use of his full name that shook him out of it, but as soon as he had finished speaking, Iwaizumi’s eyes widened and as if the veil had parted and he was finally truly awake. 

“R-Rei?” His voice croaked in disbelief. 

Rei just nodded. 

Iwaizumi’s face fell. The tension returned to his shoulders and every weight that he had been free of moments ago seemed to slam back down onto him. 

“Oh god… I’m sorry, I-I did it again didn’t I?” 

It was clear that Iwaizumi felt regret after their fight earlier in the day, but Rei hadn’t even considered being angry about being confused with Oikawa again. Iwaizumi had been stuck in some terrible nightmare, no doubt reliving everything he had lived through once already after the crude reminder he had received from the police. The only respite he had found from that pain and that loneliness had been the moments between sleep and waking where he had been able to see Oikawa again in Rei’s face and had felt free of the guilt and burden that came with his death. At this, before Rei could begin to think of being mad at the mistake, he was first angry at himself for taking away what must have been one of the only moments of peace Iwaizumi had had in years. 

“It’s not your fault,” Rei promised Iwaizumi, silently cursing himself. 

Iwaizumi’s face looked hardened and grief-stricken. His eyelids began to fall and he tossed back over onto his other side facing the wall. 

“I wish that were true.” 

They both laid in silence for a while until, eventually, Rei began to hear Iwaizumi’s breathing even out confirming that he had managed to find sleep again. 

The peace was short-lived for Rei who once again found himself jolted out of his sleep by the muffled choked sounds of Iwaizumi fighting against another nightmare beside him. He was kicking and fidgeting next to Rei anxiously as if something in his dream were chasing after him. Rei wasn’t sure how much time had passed since he had first woken, but it was clear that this night would be a restless one. This time, Rei decided not to wake Iwaizumi and to instead move the blanket out from between his clenched fingers and back up and around his chest. The warmth seemed to lull Iwaizumi close enough back towards sleep that his kicking and groaning stopped and he seemed to relax back into a silent sleep. 

Iwaizumi woke Rei two more times that night, each time mumbling and moaning frantically under this breath. Rei’s heart broke each time he saw the strained exhausted expression on Iwaizumi’s sleeping face but he also quickly learned that adjusting the blankets and humming softly under his breath seemed to bring some kind of comfort. 

The little melody that Rei found himself humming was familiar and comforting like a lullaby he had forgotten. But there was also something haunting in the melody that gave Rei pause and made him feel suddenly cold, small, and afraid. What was that about? Where had he even heard that song? 

He couldn’t seem to remember but it didn’t feel the same way that other lost memories did—that nagging flickering light on the tip of his tongue—this was closer but…dangerous. Every time he felt like he might be getting closer to the source of the song, something in his subconscious resisted him and pushed him back like some kind of warning to give up and forget. 

Eventually, Rei came to agree that if the answer was so intent on staying buried, then maybe it was best left untouched for now. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall into a light uneasy sleep until the morning came. 

By the time the sun was peaking through the curtains and lighting the room in a soft yellow glow, Rei was exhausted but Iwaizumi had managed three uninterrupted hours of sleep and Rei was willing to call that a win. 

Next to him, Iwaizumi stirred in his sleep and his eyes flickered open after rolling into the path of a morning sunbeam. He moaned slightly and rubbed his eye with the middle joint of his index finger waking up for the morning. Turning slightly, he saw Rei already awake and watching him and smiled embarrassedly. 

“Thank you for staying with me last night.” He offered measly. 

“No thanks necessary. I actually get off on not sleeping and being confused for ex-boyfriends.” Rei teased him, rubbing his own eye and cracking a smile. 

“Was it really that bad?” Iwaizumi asked stifling a laugh and cringing visibly, “I was hoping the worst of it was just from one of my dreams.” 

“Of course not,” Rei said tapping his shoulder playfully with a balled-up fist. 

Iwaizumi smiled as a blush crossed his nose. 

“Still, I’m sorry. Yesterday was, bad, and last night wasn’t much easier. Maybe today won’t be either, or tomorrow, or the day after, but, I’m really glad you’re here despite that. I really needed you with me for all this and I’m glad you stayed.” 

“You’re not getting rid of me that easy Iwa-chan.” 

“You’re an idiot.” Iwaizumi laughed under his breath rolling onto his back and into the path of one of the sunbeams breaking through his curtains. 

“Yeah well, you have terrible morning breath.” Rei taunted back laughing but sticking his nose up into the air as he spoke for effect. 

“So do you.” Iwaizumi jabbed with an easy smile on his face, eyes closed under the light striping down his face. 

“Mean! I absolutely do not.” 

“Oh yeah?” His voice challenged lightly. “Prove it.” 

Rei stopped. 

“Huh?”

Iwaizumi opened his eyes and sat up. He looked over at Rei who was laying sleepily on his side watching Iwaizumi was careful amusement. 

“What I said before, about needing you here,” Iwaizumi said staring at Rei with the eyes of a hawk. “I meant it.” 

Before Rei could respond, Iwaizumi placed a hand gently against Rei’s shoulder and pushed him over so that he lay on his back and Iwaizumi was hovering over him. He completed the maneuver by rolling on top of Rei and twisting his hips into place just below his ribs and wrapping his legs around Rei’s side like anchors. Rei felt his face go beet red and he gasped in slightly as Iwaizumi pushed his weight down onto Rei’s shoulders and leaned in. Their lips touched and Rei felt his troubles melt away. He wrapped his own arms around Iwaizumi’s head, locking his fingers together at the base of his neck holding him close. 

By the time that their lips broke, Rei felt his chest pounding and Iwaizumi’s breath was warm and heavy against his neck. 

“W-What was that for?” Rei asked keeping his arms around Iwaizumi’s neck and feeling his heart flutter. 

“I wanted to show you that I meant what I said.” Iwaizumi told him with steely yet soft eyes. 

Iwaizumi bowed his head into Rei’s shoulder until his own breathing had returned to normal. 

“It worked, what were we talking about again?” Rei laughed as Iwaizumi smiled down at him and placed one more kiss in the center of his forehead before rolling off and onto his back beside Rei on the small twin mattress. 

“I can’t remember. Something about your morning breath?” 

“Rude!” Rei gasped again horrified clapping a hand over his mouth and sitting up. “Take it back right now!” 

Iwaizumi was just laughing though. “Fine. Fine. I take it back you win.” 

It was hard for Rei to believe that this was the same Iwaizumi that had been plagued with nightmares the entire night. Rei found himself wondering if Iwaizumi was putting on this brave face for his sake. 

“What time is the memorial?” Rei asked glancing back at the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand beside him. 

Iwaizumi’s face hardened and the easy playful joy seemed to fall away. 

“Noon.” He said dreadfully. “But the Oikawas wanted me there by 11 to help with things.” 

Rei read the red glowing numbers on the clock face and almost laughed. 

“Better hurry it up Iwa-chan, it’s already 10:15.” 

“What?!” He lurched over Rei and grabbed the clock. “Fuck!” 

Iwaizumi leaped out of the bed, his eyes looking seconds away from popping out of his skull. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck She’s going to kill me…” He muttered under his breath as he scanned around the room until he saw his wardrobe. 

Ripping the doors open, he pulled out a black suit and laid it out over his desk chair across from the bed. 

“I need… I need… um… fuck… what do I need to do?” He said under his breath. 

“Shower?” Rei suggested holding back another laugh, feeling that it probably wasn’t helpful at just this time. 

“Yes! Shower! Need a shower.” Iwaizumi agreed decidedly. 

He ran out his bedroom door and down the hall before he remembered Rei still sitting in his bed. His footsteps stomped back down the hallway and peeked in. 

“Sorry, I need to get a shower. Are you okay here while I do that?” 

“Sure.” Rei chuckled watching the flustered Iwaizumi try to form words and enjoying it a little too much. 

“It’s all yours after I’m done and then you can use one of my suits for when we go. I have an older one that I've barely ever worn and is a few sizes smaller so it should fit but, it might be a little short.” 

“Don’t worry about me,” Rei assured him, “get your shower, and get it fast. Sounds like we’re going to be late.” 

“Right. Okay.” Iwaizumi agreed running back down the hallway. 

His footsteps stopped again and came running back to the door. His face was red and weirdly serious-looking which looked hilariously wrong on him. 

“What now?!” Rei asked laughing so hard he could feel tears forming. 

“For efficiency and everything, w-we really should probably shower… together.” Iwaizumi informed him quickly, face red from building up the courage to ask. 

Rei thought for a moment. He remembered the bathroom debacle back at Iwaizumi’s apartment and how much he had regretted pushing Iwaizumi away back then. But he also remembered why he had done it and felt a lump form in his throat as his fingers drifted up to where the scar on his shoulder still lived. The breathless and uncharacteristically bold Iwaizumi stood watching him and Rei felt himself melt under those dark eyes. He didn’t want to be afraid forever… 

“Well,” he offered slowly, “If it’s for efficiency, then I suppose that is acceptable.” 

Rei stood up from the bed and Iwaizumi reached out a hand that he took easily. 

Iwaizumi led Rei back to the bathroom down the hall and turned the hot water on allowing a stream of water to come spraying out of the showerhead and fill the room with steam. 

Iwaizumi watched Rei closely and removed his own shirt first, sliding it off of his shoulders in one fluid motion, folding it, and placing it on the bathroom counter. The first thing that Rei noticed was how much broader Iwaizumi’s shoulders were when uncovered. His skin was tanned, and even though he had given up volleyball years ago, he was still built like an athlete with strong hard visible muscles. 

“That shirt really does you no favors. You should throw it out.” Rei told him. “In fact you should probably just stop wearing shirts at all.”

Iwaizumi went red in the face and breathed out through his nose bashfully. 

Rei moved his own hands down to the bottom of his own shirt and as he began to lift; he froze. He swallowed hard and breathed in. He could do this. There was nothing to be afraid of. Rei knew he trusted Iwaizumi, he felt safe with him, he had proven time and time again that he wasn’t just going to leave him behind, and yet Rei was still anxious. Since he had been on his own, Rei had never undressed in front of anyone, no one but him had ever seen the marks and scars on his skin until now. 

“You don’t have to.” Iwaizumi offered softly, seeing the apprehension in Rei’s eyes. 

“No, but I want to.” Rei decided. 

He breathed in slowly and set his eyes seriously on Iwaizumi. 

“But you should know… I have… um… there are… scars.” 

Iwaizumi looked puzzled for a moment and in that second of silence, Rei summoned his courage and lifted his shirt revealing his bare chest and the raised red lines that dotted his skin. 

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. He reached a hand out and gently ran a finger down the deepest cut on Rei’s shoulder. 

“W-Who did this to you?” His voice was low and soft but there was a protective angry edge behind it that made Rei set his teeth. 

“They’re old, from… _before_.” He said, placing his hand on top of Iwaizumi’s. 

Iwaizumi must have seen the sadness in Rei’s eyes because he suddenly smiled. 

“You’ve survived so much Rei. You’re amazing.” 

Rei felt his own jaw drop open as those words hit him and all the tension within him fell away. 

“Coming from you,” Rei said squeezing Iwaizumi’s hand, “that means the world.” 

Iwaizumi leaned in and pressed his forehead against Rei’s. 

“I don’t think I could do this without you. I don’t know what I would have done.” 

Rei smiled. “Probably crash and burn.” 

Iwaizumi laughed and moved his head back so that he could tear away the shower-curtain filling the room with even more trapped heat and steam. 

“Probably.” 

He slid off the jeans he had slept in, and Rei followed his lead. Soon they stood face-to-face naked and vulnerable and yet neither felt afraid. Iwaizumi led Rei into the water and feeling the warmth strike his back and Iwaizumi’s strong hand wrapped around his own, Rei felt a happy flutter from inside his stomach. 

“We’d better hurry,” Rei told him as the stream of water ran down his back and wet his hair down against his forehead. “Don’t want to be late.” 

“Just this once,” Iwaizumi said, leaning forward and dipping his own head under the stream of water, “I’ll take my chances.” 

They both laughed and in spite of everything that they had learned, and still had to face, it was a moment of pure joy. 

After their shower, Rei and Iwaizumi dried off back in the bedroom and Iwaizumi slipped into his black suit. Rei plucked out a navy blazer and pair of fitted black pants from two different suits and began admiring them still on the hanger. 

“These pants look longer, but this jacket is clearly my color. I think I’ll wear them both.” He declared buttoning up his white shirt. 

“That’s tacky as hell dumbass.” 

“It’s not my fault you don’t understand color blocking Iwa-chan, it's called fashion. I’ll have you know I am an autumn and blue is my color, it brings out my eyes.” 

“It’s a memorial, not a fashion show.” Iwaizumi told his sliding a silky black tie around his neck and beginning to form the Windsor knot around his throat. “No one cares what you’re wearing.” 

“Maybe no one cares what _you_ are wearing Iwa-chan.” Rei shot back, slipping into the pants and cuffing the pant legs just above his ankles to hide the fact that they were just a little too short. 

Iwaizumi tried to look annoyed but walked out of the room and back to the bathroom mirror holding back a laugh. When he came back his hair was combed back into place and he let Rei through to finish getting ready. Running the comb artfully through his hair, Rei called out to Iwaizumi in the bedroom. 

“Who all is going to be there today?” 

“Pretty much everyone.” Iwaizumi shouted back letting some of his irritation and anger at the whole situation back into his voice just by having to think about it. 

“Will… his parents be there?” Rei asked hesitantly raking a finger full of styling wax through his hair to set a wave of curls back around his ears. 

There was a beat of silence. 

“Yeah, they’ll be there.” 

Rei wondered what they would be like. Having just seen the backs of Iwaizumi’s parents the day before, Rei had been reminded how much he had always wanted to be a part of a family like that. He couldn’t imagine what kind of pain they would be in right now. 

“What about your parents by the way?” Rei called as he made the final changes to his hair and brushing out his left eyebrow with his ring finger. “Thought we would have run into them again by now. Can’t say I’m not glad they weren’t here for our shower though.” 

“They got back late from the police station and went even earlier than us to the memorial. Saw a note on the counter after the shower.” Iwaizumi yelled, his voice getting clearer as he walked back to meet Rei at the bathroom. “I think they’re trying to give me some space and make things a little easier on me, but this is hard on them too.” 

Rei nodded. 

“Ready?” Iwaizumi asked moving into the doorway. 

For just a moment when his eyes landed on Rei, he looked the same as he had after his nightmare in those few moments between his dream and reality—when he had thought that Rei was Oikawa back with him at the end of it all. Rei felt his chest fall just slightly under the weight of that look. 

“Wow.” Iwaizumi breathed. 

“Let’s go.” Rei decided. 

Together, they walked slowly out of the house and up the sidewalk beside Iwaizumi’s house. Iwaizumi led the way silently, seeming to walk slower with each step. His posture seemed to suffer the closer that they got as well, as he was standing just barely above a wilted slouch by the time they arrived at the park. 

People were already bustling around at the top of the hill around the same tree that Rei had met Kageyama at the day before. He couldn’t make out any of their faces yet, but their voices were loudly heard even at the entrance to the park. White folding chairs were scattered about through the open meadow and a few rows of tables were lined up at the front just behind a small podium in the same color decorated with turquoise ribbons. Food and drink were laid out alongside picture frames and what looked like personal items that Rei figured must have belonged to Oikawa. 

After Iwaizumi had told Rei about the update from the police, about Oikawa’s body being found, Rei had cursed himself for his selfish wish that maybe Iwaizumi had been right and that he had been Oikawa all along. It would have been nice to have been someone that had been cared about this deeply. As someone who had to live knowing that there were 14 years of his life that were unaccounted for, Rei also wondered if part of his attraction to this dream had been the freedom of knowing his whole story once and for all. It was hard never knowing who you were and always pathetically hoping someone might come along magically with the answers and solve all your problems. But, as Rei listened closer to the voices on the hill, however, he heard the truth of tears and sniffles mixed into the noise and realized that no life was free of pain. 

Iwaizumi stood frozen beside him at the base of the hill and looked up at the faces bustling around with a bittersweet tortured kind of expression. 

“Still can’t believe this is really happening.” Iwaizumi said in almost a whisper. 

“This will probably hurt,” Rei told him grabbing onto his arm for support, “but maybe this will also be a chance for closure. If not for you, then for someone here. There has to be some kind of good to come out of this, or else why would we do it right?” 

Iwaizumi nodded. 

“I need to go say hi to the Oikawas and pay my respects.” He said gesturing to three people with wavy brown hair stood at the top of the hill by the tree dressed as mourners. 

“Who’s the third?” Rei asked squinting at the figure on the end. 

“Oh, that’s Oikawa’s sister. She’s been away from home all these years just like me. They were closer growing up than anyone except maybe him and me.” 

Rei liked the idea of having a sister but the sadness in the body language of every person at the summit of the hill made Rei shrink back and bite his lip. 

“You go say hi,” Rei encouraged Iwaizumi, “I’ll keep some distance for now. I don’t want to freak anyone out.” 

Iwaizumi stared at him confused for a moment before realizing that Rei was talking about his resemblance to Oikawa. It was almost like he had forgotten it himself and had just remembered that his very appearance might make things difficult for Oikawa’s family. 

“Oh… yeah, that’s probably a good idea for now. I’ll be back soon. “

He began to move but then stopped and bowed his head. His shoulders became stiff and Rei watched him bite the inside of his cheek nervously. 

“Rei, I-I think I need to tell you something before I go.” 

“What is it?” Rei asked uneasily. 

“I-I did something a while ago, and well… I guess it hardly matters now of course, but… after Daichi and Sugawara came to visit, I asked them to…” His voice was shaky, there were tears coming already. 

Rei realized quickly how worked up he was becoming and how needlessly cruel it was to let him stay that way on today of all days. 

“Tell me later,” Rei said firmly. 

Iwaizumi looked up. “I-I should…” 

“Not now. You said yourself it's not important now so it can wait. There’s time for it all later.” Rei promised him, hoping his words might bring some comfort being Iwaizumi had to face the crowds. 

He smiled uncomfortably but was obviously relieved with the reprieve. 

“Sit with me for the service later?” He asked hopefully. 

He squeezed Rei’s hand and pressed his lips into an uneasy smile. 

“Of course,” Rei promised letting go of Iwaizumi’s hand and staying behind as he walked up the hill and waved to the mourners under the tree. 

Rei made a small retreat and found an unused bench out of easy view of the rest of the memorial. His back faced the forest where he had first wandered into this park after fleeing from Iwaizumi after their fight. He thought he was alone and began to relax and try to breathe when out of the corner of his eye Rei noticed two figures walking into the service that were frozen in place staring at him. 

Rei recognized one of them immediately—those wide shoulders and that mountainous presence wasn’t easily forgotten—it was the same brunet giant that he had pushed past yesterday to get to Iwaizumi. On his arm was a tall lanky redhead with a devilish sort of look in his eyes. The two seemed to be talking to one another but the brunet’s eyes were fixed steadily on Rei with that same haunted disbelieving look he had given Rei the day before. 

Eventually, the redhead seemed to roll his eyes and broke away from the giant beginning to walk over to Rei at a brisk pace. He quickly approached and slid onto the bench beside him eyeing him up and down and raising an eyebrow in fascination. 

“Say, you wouldn’t happen to be a ghost would you?” He asked with a playful glee in his voice that seemed strange for a memorial. 

“N-No.” Rei stuttered feeling strange under the man’s intense stare. 

“Damn, that’s too bad. Would have been super cool if you were. If I could see ghosts, life would be a lot more interesting don’t you think?” He said, rambling uncontrollably. 

“I’m sorry who are you?” 

“Me? Oh! I’m Tendou Satori and that big guy behind me is Ushijima Wakatoshi.” 

Something in that name sent a shiver down Rei’s back. Looking back at the man with that name in mind, he felt illogically angry but also strangely relaxed and familiar, like he had done this a million times before and it was now second nature to him. 

“Why is he staring at me, and why are you asking about ghosts?” Rei asked hesitantly gesturing to the way Ushijima was staring at him like he was some unbelievable artifact. 

“Oh, he said you looked like somebody he used to know but that that wasn’t possible since that guy is dead. So I thought maybe you were a ghost.” 

“I’m not,” Rei confirmed, feeling his own interest being piqued. “Who does he think I look like though?”

He was asking for confirmation more than anything, he already had a front running suspicion at this point after all. 

“This is going to sound crazy, cause he’s kind of wild like that,” Tendou said excitedly, pointing back at the plain-looking man behind him that Rei would have described as pretty much any other adjective in his vocabulary except wild. “But he said you look like Oikawa Tooru. You know, the guy the memorial is for?” 

Rei felt his heart pound a beat against his ribs. He had expected it, and yet strangely he still felt unprepared. 

“My name is Rei Harada,” Rei told him coldly. 

Tendou’s unruly snake-like eyes narrowed. 

“Harada?” He repeated to himself looking down and pursing his lips together. “Hmm. That sounds super familiar for some reason… Oh well, who knows!” 

He jumped immediately back into reckless abandon in a chaotic way that Rei was sure would give him secondhand whiplash if he kept it up. 

The tall brunet stared at Rei so intensely from the park entrance that it seemed to catch the attention of new mourners entering the park for the service. Eventually, it even managed to distract one of the brown-haired women at the top of the hill who stopped frozen in her tracks. She first noticed the crowds streaming around a frozen Ushijima and then followed his line of sight over to Rei where she stopped and clapped a hand over her mouth stumbling backward into the tree. This woman had long wavy hair and Rei realized that it must have been the sister that Iwaizumi had told him about. 

Her eyes lingered on him for a moment and then without warning, she turned and ran frantically as if she had urgently forgotten something she desperately needed. 

Rei turned his attention back onto Ushijima nervously who continued to stare at him in awe. Frustrated by this creepy wordless stare, Rei set his jaw, and, channeling this new source of internal anger inside him, he glared at the man with everything he had. This seemed to shock the giant who flinched slightly and turned away in a panic. 

“That’s weird,” Tendou said noticing Ushijima’s sudden mood change, “I’ll go check on him but I hope we’ll see you at the service Mr. Ghosty, please don’t haunt me!” 

With that Tendou stood, turned his back, and began to walk back across the long meadow towards Ushijima leaving Rei feeling somehow both numb and panicked himself. 

Once Tendou was halfway across the meadow and firmly out of listening range—and Rei was starting to wonder if today was going to be a lot harder than he had planned—he heard a rustling approaching quickly from behind him, coming from the direction of the woods. Before he could turn and see, Rei felt something cold and hard jab into his back as a head leaned in over his shoulder and whispered into his ear. 

“Miss me, pretty boy?” 

A cold terror shot through Rei. Every hair on his body was standing straight up. It was as if all of his blood had been drained out of him. 

He turned his head around slowly, being sure not to move the rest of his body, and saw the still beaten and bruised face of Akira Saito.

“Akira,” Rei whispered shakily in disbelief. 

“That’s right kid, didn’t think you’d be rid of me that easily did you?”

Rei could see the feral fury in Akira’s eyes. He looked insane and moments away from frothing at the mouth like a wild animal. Rei was barely able to follow his arm down to his ribs where a handgun, concealed by a black rain-jacket, was pointed directly at his heart. 

“Move.” The man demanded pulling back the safety and loading a bullet into the chamber with a mechanic click. 

Rei didn’t say a word but stood on weak knees and Akira led him around the bench and back towards the woods—out of sight. Desperately, Rei tried to look around the park for someone he could signal that something was wrong but Tendou and Ushijima still faced away from him and after Oikawa’s sister had run off, the hill was empty of any potential witnesses. He was alone. 

“You don’t have to do this.” Rei tried to say. 

“Oh, but I do.” 

“Why? Because my father told you to?” Rei spat hoping he could provoke Akira into making some kind of mistake. 

At this Akira just sneered a cold harsh laugh. 

“Pathetic that you still don’t know kid.” 

“Know what? You see saying that, but you never explain.” 

“Your ‘papa’ isn’t in charge any more boy.” Akira hissed into Rei’s ear as they crossed out of the meadow and into the trees away from any signs of help. “You are hopelessly out of the loop.” 

“Then who?” Rei demanded. 

“Me.” A familiar voice said behind Rei that felt like the cold unfeeling hands of death. 

Turning, Rei laid his eyes on a figure dressed in all black and wearing a hood. A painted hand reached up and lifted the hood revealing a face that made the last of the blood flee Rei’s body as his knees gave out and he collapsed unable to find his breath. 

“Mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone!! I hope you like this chapter and I would absolutely love to hear your reactions as always so please leave a comment if you have any thoughts!
> 
> *** Just wanted to mention one last time that I published an angsty IwaOi AU last week that I have been working on for a while and am pretty proud of called **Castor and Pollux**. If you have any interest in that kind of thing I'd recommend it! ***
> 
> Thanks to everyone that's reading, see you next week! Xx


	16. Chapter 16

**—Iwaizumi’s POV—**

Walking away from Rei was a lot harder than Iwaizumi had thought it would be. He felt sick in his stomach and was still tired and aching from the rough night's sleep. The entire idea that this memorial was really happening was bad enough, but everything felt even stranger and even darker in light of what the police had learned in their investigation. All in all, every step Iwaizumi took required him to fight a growing urge to either vomit, run away, or both in any order. 

The only good thing Iwaizumi felt he had going for him at this point, was Rei. After the nightmares he had had—what he had seen—and even after the mess he had made of things confusing Rei with Oikawa in the dark of the night, Rei had stayed by his side. Iwaizumi had only just walked away, and yet the only thing he could seem to think about was getting back to Rei as fast as humanly possible. 

As Iwaizumi trekked up the hill towards the old Willow tree where Oikawa and him had spent many a sweltering summer afternoons, the figures at the top came into clearer view. Those tall slender figures and that iconic wavy brown hair came clearer into the picture and Iwaizumi began to feel as if he had fallen back in time. Both of Oikawa’s parents looked the same as they always had and his sister had grown her hair out and taken on a more somber demeanor. 

Nearing the top of the hill, Iwaizumi could also make out other figures on the hill that he had never expected to see again. Back at his house, Ushijima had mentioned that the entire men’s national volleyball team had derailed their tour schedule to support him back in Miyagi and yet Iwaizumi had never imagined they would all be gathered here waiting for him. 

A quick scan of the monstrously tall and athletic crowd revealed a few faces Iwaizumi recognized from the news and monthly volleyball magazines Sugawara had always kept on his desk at work. A broad-shouldered and meddlesome looking blonde stood next to a shrinking black-haired man in a mask by the rows of pictures and mementos. Without much prompting, Iwaizumi knew them to be Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi. Something about the pained and annoyed look on Sakusa’s face made Iwaizumi sure not to intrude on whatever irritating and vapid conversation Atsumu was apparently subjecting the taller wearied man to. 

Just to the left of them, Iwaizumi saw a familiar face he had not expected to see ever again. The tall black-haired blue-eyed man, beside a shorter redhead, noticed him as soon as he peeked over the crest of the hill and waved to him.

“Well, I’ll be damned.” Iwaizumi mused as the black-haired man began to walk over to him. “Is that really Kageyama Tobio or are my eyes deceiving me in my old age?” 

Kageyama gave him a chuckle and a mirthless smirk. 

“Iwaizumi, it’s good to see you again.” He greeted. 

For just a moment Kageyama stared at Iwaizumi like he was waiting for something and even once glanced over Iwaizumi’s shoulder nervously before quickly stopping himself and slapping on his best attempt at a friendly face. 

“Something wrong?” Iwaizumi asked, raising an eyebrow at that strange beginning of their interaction. 

“No!” Kageyama squeaked, causing the redhead at his side to eye him humorously. 

An embarrassed red came over Kageyama’s face but there was also a sort of internal anger that Iwaizumi could feel radiating off of him as if, silently, he were cursing himself. 

Iwaizumi had known Kageyama since middle school, they had played together briefly before high school. The age difference between them had meant that Iwaizumi had really only known him for a few years, and yet he could tell immediately something was off. 

The anger, the shame, the strange cautious look over Iwaizumi’s shoulder. All of that sent red flags blazing to life inside Iwaizumi’s mind. Slowly, he began to realize that while his own interactions with Kageyama had been mostly banal and mundane, Kageyama had been victim to Oikawa’s more combative and competitive nature which was certain to have left a strong impression. 

Out of instinct, and in spite of knowing where they were and why Kageyama had seen Iwaizumi, and immediately looked for Oikawa behind him. That realization felt like a punch to the gut and yet strangely, it brought a smile to Iwaizumi’s face. 

One of the reasons Iwaizumi had fled Miyagi was to escape Oikawa’s memory and all of the people that knew him, and yet now, Iwaizumi realized how nice to felt to be around other people who actually understood. He didn’t have to explain his story to anyone here. They knew him, and better than that, these people knew Oikawa. 

“Even after all this time, I still can’t believe he’s gone either.” Iwaizumi offered Kageyama, watching his expression closely. 

His eyes widened in surprise as if Iwaizumi had read his mind word-for-word. 

“Yeah…” Kageyama admitted bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck as he realized that Iwaizumi had noticed his glance. “He was… a good guy.” 

Coming from Kageyama, that almost made Iwaizumi laugh. 

“You of all people really don’t have to say that.” Iwaizumi told him. “I know he wasn’t always kind to you. He saw you as a dangerous rival.” 

“He just liked pissing everyone off, that wasn’t exclusive to me.” 

“Yeah, but you were an easy target for him. I’m sure you caught the brunt of it more than you deserved to.” 

Kageyama shrugged. “It was worth it.” 

Iwaizumi felt an eyebrow creep up. 

“What do you mean ‘worth it’?” 

“It wasn’t easy being on a team with a guy like that but his passion and his effort were real. Knowing him was a big reason that I kept playing volleyball.” 

Kageyama’s face was completely neutral but Iwaizumi was amazed that he of all people was able to summon a compliment of that caliber. 

Iwaizumi found himself in awe of the fact that the best part of other people at the memorial knowing Oikawa personally, was that they actually knew the real him—the good and the bad. Far too often, people try to ignore imperfections when they talk about people who have died. The idea of Oikawa getting off scot-free only to be spoken of as a martyr after all these years of antagonizing people rubbed Iwaizumi the wrong way. In its own way, it felt disloyal to decide that only parts of a person’s life were fit to be remembered.

“That is quite an endorsement.” The orange-haired man at his side teased, squinting his eyes and leaning in playfully. “I never knew you were capable of saying nice things about other people. You should do that more often.”

Kageyama’s brow quivered and his flat lips quickly morphed into a natural scowl. 

“Shut up dumbass, if you ever earned a compliment you’d get one. Too bad you suck!” He yelled. 

“We play for the same team, stupid! If I suck, then you play at the same level as a guy who sucks and that means you suck too!” The ginger shot back at him taking Kageyama’s attention completely off of Iwaizumi. 

“That doesn’t even make any sense!” 

“Y-your face doesn’t make any sense!” The smaller man stuttered back. 

Kageyama dropped his jaw open as if that lame come back was somehow devastating. 

They were arguing and yet Iwaizumi could feel the flirtatious playful undertones behind each jab. Whoever this other man was, Kageyama fought with him but also clearly wanted him close. Iwaizumi had to admit he could understand that sort of relationship and he was glad that after all this time and all of Kageyama’s years playing alone, he had found someone that he finally would never let go of. 

“I-I’ll leave you two alone.” Iwaizumi suggested, beginning to walk away feeling like he had stumbled into the middle of a date gone wrong. 

“Before you do!” Kageyama interjected turning back towards Iwaizumi with a sudden air of seriousness about him. “I just wanted to say I’m glad you seem to be doing okay. I knew this would probably be the hardest of all for you. I hope Rei has been helping you through it like he promised he would!” 

Iwaizumi stopped in his tracks. 

“How do you know Rei?” 

“We met yesterday right around here, he was getting some fresh air and we talked. Nice guy. Super weird though.” 

Kageyama had met Rei? Slowly Iwaizumi began to realize that they must have run into each other when Rei had stormed off to cool down after their fight. Rei had come back seeming much calmer and more reassured, Iwaizumi found himself wondering if talking to Kageyama had played some part in that. 

“How do you mean ‘weird’?” Iwaizumi laughed stiffly. 

“I don’t know,” Kageyama admitted with an easy lift of his shoulders. “It was just a vibe. He was wearing a disguise which was pretty weird I guess maybe it was that.” 

Iwaizumi felt a smile tug at the corners of his lips imagining Rei, in the ugly hat and sunglasses Ennoshita had forced onto them, having a conversation with Kageyama. 

“Must have been.” Iwaizumi agreed. 

“It was his name.” The redhead next to Kageyama reminded him. “You came back to our hotel room and said something about his name being weird.” 

“Who are you again?” Iwaizumi asked realizing Kageyama had never introduced him and feeling his curiosity piquing at the idea that this mysterious redhead and Kageyama apparently shared a hotel room. 

“Hinata Shoyo.” The shorter man said. 

Iwaizumi nodded remembering that name on the cover of one of Suga’s magazines. 

“Do you do some kind of insane quick attack or something like that?” Iwaizumi asked, trying to remember why this guy had made the cover of volleyball monthly. 

“Yes!” Hinata beamed with wide eyes and a toothy grin. “That’s me! The world's greatest decoy.”

“He doesn’t do it alone.” Kageyama shot at him, glaring daggers. “I set for that attack.” 

“Sometimes Atsumu does too.” Hinata added, causing a vein to pop out of Kageyama’s forehead. 

“Take that shit back right now!” 

“He literally does though!” 

“Dumbass, take it back!” 

Yet again, Iwaizumi was feeling like he had gotten in the middle of an intimate argument.

“I-I’m sorry but were you saying something about Rei’s name?” Iwaizumi reminded Hinata, remembering himself the redhead’s strange comment. 

“Huh?” Hinata asked blinking and remembering his train of thought from before while turning to Kageyama. “Oh yeah, you said something about his name being familiar or something right? It had you all worked up.” 

“Yeah, that’s right. It sounded super familiar, never figured out why though. Was driving me crazy. Thought maybe it had something to do with Ushijima but haven’t had the chance to ask him yet.” 

Iwaizumi felt the lines across his face flatten out. After the pain he had put himself through by believing that Rei might have been Oikawa only to learn the cold harsh truth, Iwaizumi had sworn to himself that he would give up the conspiracies and the aimless grasping for straws. It hurt too much to live hoping for impossible dreams to come true, and it hurt even more when it all came tumbling down stealing away both your hope and your faith. 

But still, whatever the truth was, Rei clearly had secrets he still hadn’t shared with Iwaizumi and his past was still one big question mark. Even if he wasn’t Oikawa, he had to be someone. Could this be a lead towards answering that big gaping question? It almost more wrong not to dig further in the case that any answer might come from it that might help Rei after everything he had been through. 

“If you ever find out what it was, find me.” Iwaizumi told him with steely eyes, beginning to walk away. 

Kageyama nodded and slowly turned back towards Hinata who he immediately began to bicker with again. Iwaizumi could just barely make out the words ‘Setter’, ‘Atsumu’, ‘Kenma’, and ‘Brazil’ as he moved towards the Oikawas under the tree at the highest point of the hill. 

Oikawa’s mom was the first person to notice Iwaizumi as he walked over. Her gaze was as firm and unreadable as always and already Iwaizumi felt like he was a kid again waiting to be scolded for outstaying his curfew. 

“Hi, Auntie.” He tried as the rest of the family noticed his presence. 

“Hello, Hajime.” Mrs. Oikawa said coldly. “Glad you could make it after ignoring all my calls. Was starting to think something terrible happened to you too.” 

Beside her, Mr. Oikawa’s mouth dropped open in shock. 

“Don’t say things like that. Not here. Can’t you just be civil for one day? Today of all days I thought maybe you could act less a little less like a heinous bitch!” He hissed at her sourly. 

Mrs. Oikawa’s eyes narrowed in on her husband with hate. 

“Well maybe you’re fine with everyone walking over you and doing whatever they want, but one of us at least remembers the last time we just sat by and how that turned out.” She sneered at him. 

“Don’t bring that up like it’s my fault!” 

“You’re right. For once we can agree that something wasn’t your fault. It’s _his_.” Oikawa’s mom spit turning on Iwaizumi so quickly that Iwaizumi felt a sharp electric jolt rush up his spine under her cruel gaze. 

He could see angry tears in her eyes and for just a moment, he saw Oikawa in them too. In moments where he would become overwhelmed and insatiable, his eyes had taken on a similar glower that Iwaizumi suddenly understood. Mrs. Oikawa had never been particularly kind or nurturing when they were kids but never outright vicious. She had always bordered on overbearing when it came to Oikawa and his success and had held him to sometimes impossible standards that he had internalized over the years, but she had never been so directly hateful before. This raw emotion cracking through her carefully sculpted facade was pure Oikawa and Iwaizumi knew immediately where he had learned it from. 

It was clear in watching the water pool in her eyes, and the subtle shaking in her voice, that she wasn’t really angry at him, but instead was just lashing out blindly. Seeing her so exposed and unrefined nearly broke Iwaizumi’s heart. 

Everything about this felt wrong. Oikawa’s family had always been intense and perfectionistic and probably a little judgmental and cold but never cruel and never heartless like this. His parents had always been hard on him—probably one of the reasons Oikawa had always made excuses to break away from their control and spend time at Iwaizumi’s house whenever he could—but this was something new entirely. Iwaizumi remembered vividly how truly in love Oikawa’s parents had been when they were kids, and now seeing the hate that had dug its way between them was jarring and surreal. 

“This was never Hajime’s fault. Apologize now!” Mr. Oikawa demanded. 

“I-It’s fine.” Iwaizumi said quietly not meeting Mrs. Oikawa’s icy stare. “I should have called.” 

“Don’t listen to her. You have nothing to apologize for Hajime.” Mr. Oikawa insisted, glaring at his wife sharply. 

Oikawa’s mother just scowled and turned her back storming away. 

“I’d better go after her and make sure she doesn’t ruin things further.” Mr. Oikawa sighed rolling his eyes. “It was good to see you again Hajime.” 

He quickly turned and raced after his seething wife. 

Iwaizumi stood there for a moment wondering how it was possible that two people could have changed so much over the years. 

“Sorry about them.” Oikawa’s sister said softly after both of her parents had stormed sufficiently out of hearing range. 

“I don’t blame them.” Iwaizumi admitted sadly. 

“You should. You didn’t deserve that Hajime.” She told him firmly. “She doesn’t mean it, deep down she knows better, but she’s hurting and doesn’t know what to do about it.” 

Iwaizumi smiled a little. 

Looking back at Oikawa’s sister and her new longer hair and sober face, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but remember the bright happy girl she had been when they were kids. She had spent more than a few afternoons babysitting Oikawa and him and had become almost like family to him as well. In middle school, Oikawa had once jealously accused Iwaizumi of having a crush on his sister which of course Iwaizumi had adamantly denied though he had been careful to not explain exactly why that wasn’t possible. 

“Can’t blame them for that.” Iwaizumi said. 

“Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their kids Hajime.” She agreed shaking her head. “They’ve been stalled out for ten years; too tired and broken to move forward. They probably should have just pulled the trigger and divorced years ago honestly. They tried to stay together for me but I think it just made them resentful in the end. That kind of thing has a way of burrowing deep inside of people and rotting their good intentions from the inside out.”

Oikawa’s sister glanced behind her at the long table covered with photographs and trophies. She plucked a small silver frame off the table and stared at it longingly with wide eyes. 

“It all seems like so long ago now.” She said quietly. “I’ve almost forgotten what it was like to have a brother, to be a sister. I just… wish I had enjoyed it more when I could, you know?” 

“He was a brat to you.” Iwaizumi chuckled. “Do you remember that time we dragged you out to the park with us and you bought us ice cream cones?” 

Behind the frame, Oikawa’s sister began to smile fondly. 

“That little shithead asked for chocolate and then decided he didn’t want it after I already bought it for him. Then he had the nerve to cry until I went back and got him strawberry.” She said gently with a soft laugh. 

“Then he gave you his chocolate cone but it was already melting and so he spilled it all over you and ruined your shirt.” Iwaizumi mused. 

“I loved that shirt.” She said lightly. 

The two of them just looked at each other and shared a silent moment that made it clear how they both felt. 

“I think about him every day.” Iwaizumi told her honestly. 

“Me too.” She said dropping her eyes. 

Her smile faded back into sadness as she looked back at the picture in her hands. Setting her jaw, she winced and placed it back on the table. 

“I can’t imagine what he went through. We were at the police station all day yesterday and… I saw the man they took into interrogation..” She scowled clenching her fist. “The man that took him and kept him all this time. The man that… killed him.” 

Iwaizumi swallowed. 

“I would give anything just to see him again, and tell him I’m sorry I wasn’t there for him.” She said in a hushed whisper. 

“You did the best you could.” Iwaizumi assured her feeling as if he needed to hear it just as much as she did. 

“I-I just wish I understood…” she said mystified, “what kind of a person does this to another human, a kid of all things?” 

“I don’t know.” Iwaizumi admitted. 

“They said he was a volleyball coach or something, did you know him? Did you know what he was like?” 

Iwaizumi shook his head. “Not really.” 

Oikawa’s sister sighed miserably. “It’s almost worse not knowing.”

Iwaizumi reached out and took her hand. “I know it’s not the same because we weren’t family or anything, but I feel the same way.” 

She just shook her head. 

“Yes, you are Hajime. I think you probably understand better than anyone else here exactly because you are family. Not by blood, but by choice.” Her voice was so low and sad that Iwaizumi could barely hear her. “I know he felt the same way.” 

Iwaizumi froze for a moment. What did that mean? 

The confusion and panic on Iwaizumi’s face must have been obvious because when she finally looked back up at him she smiled. 

“You know when you guys were about six years old, Tooru came back from one of those sleepovers you guys were always having at your house and told me that he couldn’t wait to grow up and marry you one day? He was so excited…” 

Iwaizumi felt his face pale. 

“H-he… what?” 

“Did you love him too Hajime?” 

_Too…_

“I did,” Iwaizumi said breathlessly before correcting himself slowly. “I do.” 

At this, she just nodded. 

“I’m glad.” She told him somberly. “It’s gotten worse since everything happened but even back then, our house wasn’t an easy place to live. Our parents were never affectionate or outwardly loving people, I always worried about him growing up like that. I was afraid he might grow up to be just like them and sometimes it seemed like that was exactly what was happening to him. But then he would go and start talking about you and I knew he would be okay. I knew he had love in his life.” 

Love? 

Iwaizumi’s mind was racing a million miles a minute. His mind was reeling and it felt like there was nothing he could latch onto to stay afloat. He wanted to ask so many questions but he didn’t even know where to start. 

All those years ago, before Iwaizumi had left Oikawa to get the ball, Oikawa had told Iwaizumi that there was something he wanted to say. Could this be what he would have said? Had Oikawa loved him back after all? 

“I think I remember that sleepover.” Was the first thing that Iwaizumi was able to say. “I had a nightmare and he crawled into my bed and helped me get back to sleep.” 

His sister smiled. “Did he sing that lullaby to you?” 

Iwaizumi tried to remember that night. He thought back to the spilled out board games on his bedroom floor and the special gummy worms Oikawa had snuck out of his house. They had tried to watch a horror movie together but in the end, it had just given them nightmares. Iwaizumi had been in the worst of it feeling like he was being chased and falling through the air when suddenly he had been woke by little Oikawa climbing into his bed next to him. 

_“I can’t sleep. Too scary.”_ Oikawa had said to him snuggling in close. 

Iwaizumi hadn’t heard a scared squeak out of Oikawa yet the entire night and had always wondered if Oikawa had just said that as an excuse to comfort Iwaizumi without embarrassing him. Iwaizumi had been too unnerved to reject Oikawa’s offer and some part of him had always liked sharing a bed and having Oikawa at his side. 

_“Can you sleep?”_ Oikawa had asked him after a few moments of silence. 

Iwaizumi remembered snapping and defensively telling Oikawa _“Of course I can!”_ To which the smaller boy had laughed and said that his sister used to sing him lullabies when he couldn’t sleep. He had started humming a sweet little tune and as if he had gotten lost in the sound, Iwaizumi had finally been able to find peace and fall asleep. 

“He did.” Iwaizumi smirked fondly. 

For just a moment Iwaizumi felt an odd pang inside him. That gnawing feeling that he was forgetting something important. 

When he looked back at Oikawa’s sister there were tears in her eyes. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I don’t think I have been ‘okay’ in almost a decade Hajime.” She told him as if remembering her own deeply buried memory and feeling burdened under the weight of it. 

Her shoulders looked suddenly slumped. 

“I think I need a moment.” She said excusing herself and turning her back quickly just as her tears began to fall. 

She began to shake her head and walked away to the other side of the tree wiping her eyes with the elbow of her sleeve and stifling a sniffle. Out of everyone here, Iwaizumi realized that she was probably the only one here that understood things the same way that he had. 

Iwaizumi made his way back to the concessions table and poured himself a cup of black coffee into a wine styrofoam cup. The liquid was too hot and smelled bitter and burnt and yet the heat in his hands felt like the only thing able to keep them from shaking. He tried to take a sip and immediately burnt his tongue. 

Looking back around at the crowds Iwaizumi could still see Kageyama and Hinata bantering, mixed into a larger crowd of their teammates. A few steps to the side from them Oikawa’s parents were engaged in an equally intense argument; though Iwaizumi figured it was probably infinitely more toxic and hateful. 

Before Iwaizumi could react, he saw Oikawa’s sister come sprinting away from the hilltop with a horrified hand clamped over her mouth. Iwaizumi felt the hairs on his arm stand on edge and he wondered if he should go after her and try to comfort her. 

He didn’t have long to think it over, as out of the corner of his eye Iwaizumi noticed Ushijima and a tall gangly redhead that must have been his famous fiancé reaching the top of the hill. Ushijima had a freaked-out sort of expression with wide eyes and a pale guilty looking face. The redhead was talking expressively next to him with wild eyes. 

Something about that look on Ushijima’s face made Iwaizumi nervous and he felt the need to get to the bottom of it. He gave one more glance to Oikawa’s sister who had made her way to the other side of the tree and had taken a seat in the shade with her head tucked into her knees. Frowning, he made a mental note to find her again once he had a chance to check in with the uncharacteristically rattled looking Ushijima. 

“A-are you guys okay?” He asked waving an arm to the couple as he made his way over to them. 

“You have ghosts here!” The redhead informed him eagerly. 

“Is that some kind of joke?” Iwaizumi asked, thinking it was probably a little inappropriate for a memorial. 

Ushijima’s eyes were wide looking and his entire face seemed to have locked down. 

“No! We just met a ghost,” the fiancé told him, “he said he wasn’t a ghost but he must have been lying. Do you think all ghosts are liars or was it personal to him? What if I’ve met a lot of ghosts in my life and they’ve all just lied about it? Maybe I can see ghosts after all! Are you a ghost?!” 

The man was raving now and had tilted his head uncomfortably to the side as he began to eye Iwaizumi suspiciously. 

“I’m not a ghost.” Iwaizumi told him. 

“That’s what the other guy said too.” 

“I’m sorry w-what was your name again?” 

“Tendou Satori!” 

“Okay, um Tendou what are you talking about? Ushijima are you okay?” Iwaizumi asked, trying to keep his incredulous tone under control. 

“We just saw a ghost,” Tendou repeated as if explaining for the still nonverbal Ushijima. 

“Okay, I mean this is a memorial service so maybe keep the ghost talk down. It might hurt some people here.” Iwaizumi said harshly. 

Was this guy crazy? 

“We saw a ghost.” Ushijima’s low voice whispered blankly, eyes staring straight ahead unseeing. 

Iwaizumi suddenly felt nervous. If straight-laced and perpetually serious Ushijima Wakatoshi was saying he saw a ghost then maybe this wasn’t the poorly-timed joke it seemed like. 

“W-what did you see exactly?” 

Ushijima looked up at him with wild eyes. 

“Oikawa.” 

Iwaizumi felt his heart leap into his chest. For just a moment he considered that at Oikawa’s own memorial service, he had shown up as a ghost expressly to haunt Ushijima from beyond the grave and he had to hide a laugh. After that image had passed, Iwaizumi realized that if they had just come into the park they must have walked right past Rei down at the base of the hill. 

Mentally he added Ushijima to the list of people that noticed the resemblance between Rei and Oikawa. 

“I don’t think you actually saw a ghost.” Iwaizumi began. 

“No, we totally did,” Tendou insisted, “Ushi even saw him yesterday too, didn’t you?” 

Ushijima just nodded. “As I was leaving yesterday, I could have sworn I ran into him and he went into your house. It was Oikawa.”

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow before remembering that Rei had come racing into his home just seconds after Ushijima had left meaning they had probably passed each other at the door. 

“That wasn’t Oikawa.” Iwaizumi explained. “I think you saw someone else I know that just looks a lot like him.” 

Neither of them looked convinced by this. 

“Are you sure about that?” Tendou asked him skeptically. 

“Yeah.” Iwaizumi said bitterly feeling his teeth bite into his cheek. 

The police officer’s voice confirming that Oikawa’s body had been found echoed back through his ears. Daichi’s call rang through his mind disjointedly overlapping with the echo insisting that the fingerprint didn’t match and that Tooru Oikawa was in fact dead and buried. 

“Huh.” Tendou said doubtfully. 

Ushijima looked back up at Iwaizumi seeming confused and bewildered by whatever they had seen. 

For just a moment Iwaizumi remembered Oikawa’s sister’s question about what kind of person Washijo was and he realized that both men before him actually might have the answer. 

“C-Can I ask you guys something?”

“Shoot.” Tendou nodded still a little lost in thought; probably still thinking about the ghost. 

“Well, you both went to Shiratorizawa, right? Washijo was your coach?” 

Both men looked up at him. 

“Yes,” Ushijima said. 

“What kind of guy was he? What do you think… what do you think he went through with him all those years?” Iwaizumi asked looking down and wringing his hands together. 

Tendou and Ushijima shared a concerned knowing look. 

“We only knew him before his break down,” Tendou prompted hesitantly, “but he was… intense I guess you might say?” 

Ushijima nodded. “High expectations and a low tolerance for imperfection.” 

“But it was always that wife of his you had to watch out for!” Tendou laughed for a second before his eyes lost their sense of humor.

Ushijima’s expression winced as if remembering some kind of harsh punishment. 

“I still can’t drink black coffee.” Tendou said gesturing to the cup in Iwaizumi’s hand. 

“Me neither,” Ushijima said shaking his head. 

“Black coffee?” 

Both of them almost shivered. 

“Yes. Washijo’s wife was probably even more intense than him. He was more aggressive but she was more militant. She came to practices all the time and was extremely strict.” Ushijima recalled. 

“He’d smack you around if he was unhappy but she was controlling and would find different more personal ways to make your life a living hell.” 

“What does that have to do with black coffee?” Iwaizumi asked, feeling as if he had this conversation somewhere before. 

“She had the whole team on these crazy crash diets and stuff and used to cut off the team from the campus cafeterias and basically starve us when practices weren’t up to her standards. She was a total dictator and never let us have sugar. Used to make us go days without anything but black coffee when she thought we were failing. It drove people nuts, like actually properly nuts.” Tendou said scowling before turning to Ushijima with a strangely goofy tone and laughed. “Maybe that’s why I went into the chocolate business after graduation!” 

“We were the lucky ones,” Ushijima admitted, chuckling lightly at Tendou’s comment as if he was completely used to the random tone shifts.

“You remember Goshiki?” Tendou asked rolling his eyes up and to the left as if remembering.

“Poor guy.” Ushijima frowned shaking his head. 

“He was two years younger than us but sometimes their team practiced with ours,” Tendou explained, “he was their favorite from the younger boys but also had to put up with the worst of their attention and got the brunt of most of the wrath.” 

“It got so bad he dropped out of school and was basically never heard from again. I think Washijo said he moved abroad or something but he totally dropped off the face of the planet after that whole mess.” Tendou said twisting his lips together into a grimace. “I hated her” 

“All of this was before his breakdown though, I wish I knew if it got better or worse afterward but we never had contact with either of them after middle school,” Ushijima said seriously. 

Just describing what the Washijo’s had put them through seemed to have put both Tendou and Ushijima into a stupor. Both of them seemed entranced and shellshocked in the face of their memories. Tendou shivered for a second as his eyes started to erratically jump around the field as if waiting for something terrible to happen. 

Staring at Ushijima’s blank expression, Iwaizumi remembered what Kageyama had said about Rei’s full name seeing familiar and Ushijima maybe having the answers he needed. 

“Does the name Harada Rei mean anything to either of you?” He finally gathered the courage to ask. 

“I’ve been trying to remember,” Ushijima admitted as if he had had this conversation before. 

“Wait a minute, that’s it!” Tendou almost screamed leaping in his place. 

“What is?” 

“I knew it was familiar, but this trip down memory road totally reminded me!” He turned to Ushijima, “Remember how Washijo’s wife said she used to play volleyball in high school?” 

Ushijima nodded. “We used to watch her tapes online. She was supposed to play professionally before her injury.” 

“Mhm! And back then she played under her maiden name!” Tendou recalled tapping a long thin finger against his chin. “It was Harada.”

Iwaizumi felt his fingers go numb. 

As if he had been struck by a full-speed bullet train Iwaizumi realized why all of this felt so familiar. The paranoia, the fear, the aversion to black coffee. He had seen all of these signs before—in Rei. 

During their very first date at the coffee shop, Rei had violently reacted to the idea of drinking black coffee and had been on edge of defensive the same way that just remembering the Washijo’s seemed to do to Ushijima and Tendou. 

First the coffee, and now the name. Could it all really just be a coincidence?

A horrible thought occurred to Iwaizumi. 

“Wait, why did you think you saw a ghost earlier? Why were you so sure it was a ghost I mean?” Iwaizumi asked hoping the answer would be anything other than his greatest fear. 

“Because he was there one moment and was gone the next.” Tendou said still shaken. “Turned our backs for one moment and he totally disappeared.” 

Iwaizumi’s face paled. 

Disappeared?

“I have to go.” He said urgently, head spinning. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t explain how he knew, but something was very very wrong. 

Ushijima and Tendou tried to respond but Iwaizumi just pushed right past them dizzily trying to find his breath. Just as he began to race to the edge of the hill, Oikawa’s sister stepped in his way and blocked his path. Iwaizumi had wanted to talk to her, but he felt too panicked right now to form a complete sentence and just wanted to push past her and find Rei as fast as possible. 

“I can’t talk right now!” He insisted, trying to move around her. 

“Hajime, I think I am going crazy.” She told him stopping him with a hand to his chest. 

“Can we talk about this late, I need to do something right now!” 

“No!” She yelled staring him down with blazing eyes. “Hajime. I saw him. I saw Tooru.” 

He stopped in his tracks. She had seen Rei? Maybe she saw where he went!

“Where?!” He demanded grabbing her shoulders and doing everything he could not to shake her. 

“‘Where?’” She repeated breathlessly, “You mean you believe me?” 

“Yes! I think… I think I do!” Iwaizumi yelled surprised at the fact that maybe he really meant it. 

Her mouth opened and her jaw went slack. 

“Down the hill.” She told him pointing to the empty bench where Rei had chosen to wait. 

Iwaizumi stopped. 

This was crazy. Beyond crazy. If she was losing her mind, then he had already lost his. Hopelessly. 

This didn’t make sense. What was the connection? Was it really just some random fluke of luck or some mean-spirited twist of fate teasing him around every corner? What was he missing? How was it possible? 

“How did that lullaby go again?!” He demanded urgently scanning the landscape below. 

After a moment, he noticed what looked like a footprint in the mud at the base of the hill pointing into the forest and instinctively deep down just knew that that was where he needed to go. 

“W-what?” Oikawa’s sister stuttered. “What does that have to do with this?” 

“Please!” 

She shrank back and eyed him cautiously in all of his sudden intensity. 

“Like this…” she said taking in a breath and humming out a sweet and hauntingly familiar melody. 

A shudder tore through Iwaizumi’s body. 

“H-How is that…possible.” 

The resemblance. 

The coffee. 

The name. 

The lullaby. 

“Oh my god!” He shrieked turning on his heels and running full speed down the hill. 

He turned all his attention onto the footprint planted firmly in the mud just before the line of trees became just thick enough to provide perfect, gruesome, secrecy. 

From the moment the first note of that lullaby left Oikawa’s sister’s lips Iwaizumi knew why it sounded so familiar. 

The first time he heard it was at that sleepover as a child straight from Oikawa’s own lips. 

The second was when he had gone to buy his book at the Parchment and Print Bookshop. 

The third had been last night when, in the fury of his darkest dreams, Rei had sung it into his ear.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry for the later upload this week. Life has been kicking the shit out of me and I've had a lot to deal with lol. Hope you'll all like this chapter cause things are getting serious haha. Let me know if you have any thoughts or reactions after reading! Thanks, Xx
> 
> ****TW // some moderate gore and violence depicted****

**—Rei’s POV—**

“How’ve you been kiddo?” Rei’s mother asked him mid smirk. “It’s been too long.” 

Rei could feel his heart struggling to pump blood into his spinning head. Every attempt to comprehend what he was seeing failed dead in its tracks. He couldn’t even find the words he needed to respond and a choked gasp was all that made it through his lips prompting a cruel self-satisfied sneer from behind him. 

“You didn’t really think you would get away with this did you Rei?” His mother asked through cold unfeeling eyes. “I thought you knew better. I was sure I taught you better. Looks like we both have more work to do before we’re through.” 

Rei felt his entire body freeze and his jaw locked shut automatically. 

“Well? Say something kid. She’s talking to you.” Akira commanded pressing his gun into the back of Rei’s head executioner style. 

Rei’s limbs were still heavy and numb underneath him. His legs were folded and useless; barely keeping him out of the mud and definitely not yet strong enough to carry him away in time if he tried to flee. 

Akira had steered Rei deep enough into the rows of trees that any sign of the memorial was hidden and even the bustling voices from the hilltop were silenced through the brush. Running wasn’t an option. 

Maybe he could bluff his way out of this? Of course, doing that would require he actually be able to talk and his shock from seeing that face again was jamming his every attempt. 

“M-Mother.” He eventually managed to squeeze out again, repeating himself childishly. 

His mother’s lips spread into a reptilian smile. Rei’s fear was clear as day to her and he could already tell she was amused by it and was more than willing to use it against him. 

“Poor Rei,” she cooed mockingly, “after all this time I really thought maybe you’d have grown up. What a disappointment it is to see you are the same scrawny little weakling you were two years ago.” 

In reality, Rei knew he was a healthy 24-year-old man that towered over his mother by almost half a foot, and yet in her presence, he felt smaller than he ever had. She had the same aura she always had that just made you lose your reason and crumble in front of her. Intimidation was a weapon that she had honed for years and could now wield surgically. 

“I-I am not the s-same!” He managed to insist on holding back the makings of tears. 

He had to keep them in. If she saw them, it would all be over. He couldn’t show weakness, not now. 

She looked at him with amusement; the way a child might watch an interesting ant as they burned it with the light of a magnifying glass. A certain curiosity started to form on her face and she allowed her smile to slant sideways. 

“Oh?” She crooned with theatrical delight. “How do you figure that, boy?” 

Rei gritted his teeth. How had he changed? He knew he needed to make a show of strength or this would be over before it started and yet now he felt at a loss. Even after all these years, she struck terror in his soul—the bead of sweat rolling down his neck and his trembling fingers hovering above his lap were a testament to that fact. So what should he say? What proof did he have? 

“I-If I was the same as always, I never would have left. I never would have been able to. I would have been too cowardly and too controlled, like before, but I’m not. I got away and I stayed away.” He argued firing off words from the tip of his tongue and relying on pure instinct to keep him alive. 

Her dark eyes narrowed. 

“We still found you Rei, don’t you forget it.” 

“Took you over two years to managed it, mother.” Rei sneered feigning all the confidence he didn’t feel. “To make matters worse, you sent Akira the first time and he failed by my hand. You were too much of a coward to come yourself and that is why I won!” 

He screamed out his last word with a crazed look in his eye and banged a fist hard against his chest in emphasis staring directly into her stoney eyes like he was staring down a tiger and refusing to flinch. 

“You ‘won’?” She mused for a moment. “How curious that you see it that way.” 

She watched him and he stared back. Neither of them blinked. 

“I am not the same, but you are. Sending Akira here to do your dirty work? That is the move of a true ‘weakling’.” Rei challenged, weaponizing her insult from before. “Did father have a hand in this too? After the failure of your first attempt, I assume you both got involved. So where is he in all this?” 

Something strange rippled across his mother’s face. Calling it fear wouldn’t be precise but the right word for it didn’t seem to exist. Anything resembling fear could never be applied to his mother and yet she was waiting for something inevitable and it was slowly backing her into a corner. 

“Your father is held up, dear.” His mother informed him with assumed levity. “Besides, he never had a hand in finding you again, to begin with. Akira was always following my directions when he came looking for you.” 

There was an unnatural quickness in her voice that made it feel like she was rushing. It was clear that she was becoming angrier, but could Rei manage to use that to his advantage? If it was even possible, he would need to find the source of this fear and then push every button and pull every string it took to exploit it—no mercy. 

“Who knew you were so obedient Akira. Always wanted a dog growing up, maybe I had one all along.” Rei jabbed backward, taking the first move and sacrificing his pawn in the process. 

His mother was in a rush but Akira would always be the weaker link between the two of them. Provoking Akira into making a mistake would be easier and maybe he could learn something through it that would give him the opening he needed to call for help and get back to the memorial. 

No sooner than he had finished speaking, something hard slammed into the back of Rei’s head causing him to fall fold forward and smash his face into the damp ground. 

“Don’t forget who’s holding the gun to your fucking head _Rei_. This little performance of yours might just expedite the process.” Akira’s voice taunted bitterly from behind him. 

Rei could feel the back of his head throbbing in pain. Weakly, he reached his arms out and pressed his palms against the ground to raise himself up from the dirt. He winced and felt a surge of pain move through his body. The ache was coming from the most sensitive part of his skull right at the base of his neck, that same raw spot he had always had. 

“Careful!” His mother screeched at Akira. “Not so hard, you’ll leave a mark!” 

“What does it matter? Doesn’t change the end result.” Akira argued. 

Rei was still facing the ground trying to catch the air that had been knocked out of him but he could still hear the growing confusion and anger in Akira’s voice. 

“Because it changes the story.” His mother said smoothly. “No loose ends. That’s what we’re here for. A big gaping wound at the back of the head is going to ask a lot more questions than it answers. We don’t have time for these mistakes.” 

“Why the rush? Got a hot date Akira?” Rei poked from the ground making his way up onto his knees again. 

Rei let Akira see as he gave his appearance an obvious once over from head to toe. He visibly smirked as he observed the bruises and cuts that still littered his face from their last altercation. 

“Sorry, what am I thinking? With a face like that, of course, you don’t.” Rei laughed haughtily, knowing this taunt would land with deadly accuracy. 

At this provocation, Akira lunged at Rei with fury in his eyes. This was progress. His short fuse was lit and Rei was almost there. 

“Stop!” His mother ordered halting Akira where he stood. 

Akira’s rage was growing and Rei could feel he just needed one more good hit to make him lose control. 

“B-But he-“ Akira began before a sharp look from the older women shut him down completely. 

“He’s baiting you, you fool. Don’t fall for it. Keep your head on straight.” She told him sending Rei an accusing glare that, if Rei hadn’t known any better, might have contained an intrigued sort of pride. 

Rei dug his teeth into his lower lip. Fuck. She could already tell what he was trying to do. Was it too obvious? Was he rushing it? If so, why was it only her that seemed to know? 

A cold sense of dread came over Rei as he realized the real reason she could see through him so easily at this moment. 

She had never once been anything Rei could ever truly be called a parent, and yet they had spent nearly a decade together and he had clearly not escaped entirely unscathed from it. His mother had held him and controlled him for years with threats and blackmail and psychological warfare that had left him terrified and untrusting. This was why she saw his plan from the beginning. By using this kind of targeted and pointed manipulation to move Akira like a game piece, he was speaking a language that she was fluent in. Rei was doing exactly what she had always done to him. 

“You really are a terrible mother,” Rei said through his teeth. 

He was trembling now. Not from the same fear that had been keeping him frozen in his tracks, but this time from pure unrefined anger and frustration. 

Rei had worked so hard to get away from his old life, he had fought for every inch away from them just so that he could taste what freedom could be. He had even been naive enough to think he had been successful all this time and now, seeing her again, it was clear that he had never been free. Running away had put physical distance between them, but 8 years of confinement and coercion couldn’t be rewritten by something as simple as that. She had been with him all these years, watching him, judging him, controlling him completely, all from inside. He had always meant to leave this world behind and finally be himself, and she had ruined even this. In the end, after all, he had just become exactly who she wanted him to be and that imperious little smile proved it all. 

“Oh, Rei, what a terribly rude thing to say to the woman that kept a roof over your head and held back the hand with the power to hurt you. You should be thanking me.” She said with feigned indignation at his accusation. 

“You did nothing for me.” He said coldly, feeling his face stiffen into a frown. “I suffered years of abuse from you and from him. Neither of you is innocent.” 

“I never raised a hand to you Rei, don’t be ridiculous.” She informed him with a blasé eye roll waving off his words disinterestedly. “Now, we don’t have time for this little temper tantrum right now so be a good little boy and hush up while the grown-ups talk.” 

“No!” Rei growled, determined to make his point and vent some of this frustration before it ate him alive. “You were even worse because you knew and didn’t stop him. Hell, you encouraged him. You spurred him on and fired him up—but only when it suited you. You used him as a tool and let him get his hands dirty doing the hard work for you. Don’t think I was blind to who you really are. A coward.” 

At this, her facade of indifference cracked and Rei could see the anger underlying it all. She was still rushing to do something, to finish some mission, before something else could happen that might derail her carefully manicured plans. If Rei could just unravel her resolve, even a little, she might become distracted enough to deal Akira a finishing blow and find a way back to the memorial or to alert someone there of the threat. 

“Who I really am?” She repeated back to him with an eye twitch. “How dare you Rei! You are clearly mistaken. You’re not thinking straight.” 

Imperceptibly, her eyes widened at her own words and a pleased and depraved smile tugged at her mouth as an idea took form.

“Your memory always has been funny but I can see now that it has been playing tricks on you again.” She said easily with a thick layer of phony concern. 

At this, Rei stopped in his tracks. Those words slammed into him like a train knocking the wind out of his lungs and sending a cold shiver down through his toes. 

“My… memory?” He heard himself repeat aloud before he even had time to think. 

His mother's eyes softened. 

“Yes Rei, your memories. When you first came to live with us, you had none, you were a blank slate. Surely you at least remember that?” She said, suddenly sweet. 

“The doctors said that was from blacking out a traumatic event. That has nothing to do with what you did to me!” He argued. 

What was her game? What was she getting at? What did she know that she wasn’t saying? She was playing some sort of game, surely, that’s all this was. He couldn’t fall for it. 

She just shook her head. 

“Oh Rei, now I know you never believed that. You’ve never said as much to me, but I’m sure you’ve considered that the trauma you’ve experienced was more physical than emotional?” She asked him. “We all know about the wound on your head, dear. Never quite healed right, did it? Still hurts some times?” 

Rei sucked in a short uneven breath and shrunk backward feeling his eyes widen. Did she know about that?

“W-What are you saying?” 

“Honey, wounds like that don’t come from emotional trauma now do they? They come from violent, serious physical harm that was done to you before you came to live with us.” She smiled warmly. “Face it Rei, how can you know anything for sure when the most important moment in your life was a traumatic brain injury? Tell me that.” 

Everything felt like it stopped. The last of his smugness vanished and his smile fell. Those words stabbed deep into his chest, burying themselves into his heart and sinking deeper with every beat. It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be. 

“Stop lying!” Rei found himself screaming. 

He could feel that very wound throbbing at the back of his head. Tears were starting to fall from his eyes as his heart pounded. It was true that he had always suspected an accident was responsible for his memory, he had even told Iwaizumi as much, and yet here and now that fact felt different. It meant something different. His own past, his own secret, was being weaponized against him and the worst part was, this had always been his greatest fear. 

“I wish it weren’t the truth sweetheart but you of all people just can’t trust your memories. They’re lying to you.” 

“I know what I know!” Rei wailed clutching the dress-shirt fabric around his chest. “I know what I know!” 

“Baby no. You don’t.” 

It was like she knew exactly what his greatest, deepest, fears were better than he did. The idea that his own mind was lying to him, that his memory was wrong, that he had been wrong about everything and everyone he had ever known was impossible. Wasn’t it? 

“I know what I know… I know what I know… I know… who I am…who… am I?” Rei whispered, slowly wrapped his long fingers around his arms and drawing his arms into himself protectively. 

He could feel himself unraveling but couldn’t find anything to hold unto to stop the wound from opening deeper and deeper. 

“That’s right Rei. Listen to me, not those memories. They’re wrong. You’re wrong.” 

He looked up at her through hollow sunken eyes. 

“You’re j-just trying to trick me.” His voice cracked. 

Her lips curled up and her eyes crinkled. 

“I didn’t want to do this Rei, cause I know it’ll hurt, but I have proof.” 

“How?” His voice was empty. 

“This isn’t the first time you’ve gotten confused Rei. You’ve forgotten things before, and I’ve been there to remind you each and every time because I am your mother and I love you.” She told him with a smile. 

“Before?” He repeated, his voice shaking. 

That couldn’t be right. She was lying. She had no proof. 

“That’s not true!” Rei pleaded, “I-I would rememb-“

He stopped dead. 

“You would what Rei, _remember_? How would you know?” His mother asked him in a way that felt both gentle and ice cold.“Your brain is damaged Rei, you’re not living in the real world. You are damaged. Broken. You need me to put you back together.” 

“I-I’m not broken!” He tried to insist weakly. 

“If that is the case, then tell me,” she said her eyes losing their sickly sweet humor. “Does the name Harada Kishi mean anything to you?” 

Something ominous fell into place deep inside Rei’s head. It wasn’t that same tingling tip-of-the-tongue kind of feeling that he had felt with Iwaizumi, this wasn’t warm, it wasn’t enticing, in fact, it hurt like hell. Rei had felt this sensation once last night as he slept beside Iwaizumi and had sung that strange lullaby that had suddenly appeared in his mind from nowhere. 

That aching nagging feeling turned to a sort of dread as Rei realized that even though some part of him knew he should, he didn’t know who that name belonged to. 

“…N-No.” He said slowly feeling his lip fluttering against his teeth as his ragged breathing increased. 

A smug contented expression came over his mother’s face and behind him, Akira gasped. 

“Damn, kid. I had no idea it had gotten that bad.” He laughed breathlessly, his stunned gasp rolling directly into a craven chuckle. 

“Who… who is that?” Rei asked in horror, feeling the pain of that name pressing deeper and deeper against his skull from inside him. 

Akira looked up at Rei’s mother who nodded, satisfied, giving him permission to explain. 

“Pretty pathetic showing pretty boy. Hard to believe a guy could forget his own brother.” 

————————————————

A green and red volleyball whizzed past Rei’s head at full speed tossing his hair in the accompanying air stream. A hallow rubbery sound echoed behind him as the ball smashed down onto the wooden court floor before he could even react. 

Stunned, Rei turned his attention to the figure on the other side of the net in awe. 

“Nice kill!” He beamed, throwing up a fist in victory. 

The dark-haired man on the other side of the net leaped into the air and shot up a punch in celebration. 

“Get fucked Rei!” He teased, laughing in disbelief at his own good aim. “I’m the next greatest ace, don’t you forget it!” 

“No chance of that if you keep reminding me every time you score a point!” Rei shouted back through the net. 

They both let loose with a surge of exhausted laughing when suddenly behind them, a door slammed shut sending the metallic echo ricocheting throughout the gym. 

“Glad to see you two have time to make jokes.” A deep voice boomed. “That must mean your serves are both accurate and precise now, right Rei? And your straight and cross shots are flawless now too, right Kishi?” 

Immediately all life disappeared from the air. 

At the entrance to the gym, Rei saw his father next to his mother staring, watching, and looking dangerously displeased. A redness was already taking over his father’s face and a terrifying and paralyzing coolness was on his mother’s. 

“W-We were just celebrating a good spike.” Rei tried to explain in a way that might satisfy their parents. “The speed has gotten a lot better. It’s a real weapon now.” 

His father’s eyes narrowed. 

“Well then, this I have to see. Show me. Do it again.” He demanded, walking with their mother to the court-side bench perpendicular to the net. 

Rei felt himself swallow hard. He could feel their harsh gaze falling onto him and Kishi and there was a message hidden in their mother’s silence clearly stating that failure would not be tolerated. 

This was nothing new from her of course, but recently her bouts of vindictiveness seemed to be hitting closer and closer together. It was as if she was under some special kind of pressure and was running out of time to meet a deadline. This mood had overtaken them both over recent months and their attention had become increasingly unbearable, and their expectations increasingly unachievable ever since. 

It had only been a few weeks ago that, in a rage over poor practice results, his father had instructed Akira to hold Rei under the water in the ice bath and had cut his shoulder open in the process. The wound still burned under Rei’s shirt and had been torn open more than once during the increased spiking and serving practices his mother had ordered after his injury. She had seemed to take the wound as a personal affront and had decided to take out her frustration on Rei and Kishi personally. 

Their father’s words from that day in the locker room still haunted Rei late at night. 

_You are worth less than nothing if you can’t play anymore, and then where would we be?_

Akira’s strange comment from just before began to echo again as the words flashed through Rei’s mind once again. 

_It would be a shame to have to start again after so long, but at some point, an investment is simply not worth the resources it takes to sustain it anymore and one must cut their losses._

What had that meant? It didn’t sit right with Rei but he also knew better than to ask. 

It wasn’t beyond his parents or Akira to view him as an investment rather than their child but something about threatening to ‘start again’ made Rei incredibly uncomfortable. That day had left a scar on his shoulder, but more than that, the fear and resignation his father had always struck in him had been scarred as well. After a threat like that and a wound that branded him like property, what worse could actually happen? Surely this was already rock bottom. Rei had begun to see the way his mother and father commanded him and Kishi in a different light after that day. 

Kishi had always had a different sort of relationship with their parents. Where Rei had been adopted, Kishi had always been theirs. He had been with them from before—or at least that’s what they always said. In truth, Kishi looked nothing like their parents and Rei had always wondered if he had been adopted as well and had just never been told. Even still, he was younger than Rei and had been with them longer meaning that he saw them more clearly than Rei did and he had less fear in confronting them. He challenged them more, invoked their rage more, defied them more, and paid a much deeper price for it more often than not. 

Today, Rei could see that same resentful combative fire in his eyes was on full blast as he lined up to make his spike again. He tossed the ball up in front of him and ran at the ball with an impressive burst of speed. He jumped through the air like a fish gliding through the currents in a stream and slammed his palm against the ball’s surface sending it flying. In his aggressive desire to oppose their parents, however, he had struck it with more force than necessary and the ball flew past Rei and hit the far wall behind him outside of the bounds of the court. 

As his feet hit the court again his eyes were wide and his jaw was slack. He looked over to their parents who, Rei could already tell, were not pleased. 

“Pathetic!” Their father screamed standing up from the bench. 

“Is that really the best you can do Kishi? You are a disappointment through and through.” Their mother agreed nodding. 

On the other side of the net, Kishi bit his lip and bowed his head in resentment. 

“Just a little too hard that time Kishi,” Rei offered, jogging up to the net. “Let’s go again and this time hit it like I know you know how to, huh?” 

Kishi looked over at him thankfully. 

“Stay out of this Rei.” Their mother spat sharply. 

This even seemed to catch their father off guard who nearly jumped next to her. 

“Are you really going to accept that shit show of a performance from him?” Their mother pressed at their father. “It’s unacceptable.” 

Their father nodded in agreement. He stalked his way over to Kishi on the other side of the net and smacked the back of his hand hard against the side of his face. Kishi’s face whipped to the side and when the hard slap of skin on skin could no longer be heard, he turned back around revealing a bloody nose and a shocked expression. Shaking his own head, their father shoved him down to the floor and stood over him imposingly. He scowled and whispered something under his breath to Kishi before turning and walking back towards his wife.

“You’re really going to let him off that easy?” She asked aghast. 

He froze and then nodded like a soldier receiving marching orders from his commander. 

“Akira!” His father screamed towards the locker room door. 

In a moment, the door swung open and Akira’s dark frame stepped into view. “You rang?” 

“The brat needs to learn that the excuses for his weakness have officially run out.” His father hissed. 

Akira smiled a sidewise sort of grin that sent a shiver through Rei who was frozen in place unable to move. 

“My pleasure,” Akira told him walking right past Rei and under the net towards Kishi. 

He grabbed the younger boy by his shirt front and began to drag him back towards the locker room. The black-haired boy fought frantically waving his limbs wildly trying to break Akira’s grasp on him to no avail. 

“B-But-“ Rei started before Akira dragged Kishi next to him and laid a sinister animalistic glare on him that made Rei suddenly feel as if he was falling. 

“Don’t.” He growled as he pulled Kishi behind the doors and disappeared. 

Rei’s legs felt locked into place when, as soon as the doors closed, the sound of slamming lockers, screaming, and begging echoed out of the room and throughout the building. 

Alarmed, Rei turned to his parents but just saw them talking shaking their heads. Before he could melt away and escape their wrath, they turned on him and zeroed in on his obvious fear like sharks with blood in the water. 

“Got a problem?” His mother asked pointing towards the doors. 

In a moment of inexcusable cowardice, Rei just shook his head and bit his cheek until he tasted blood. 

“Remember Rei,” his mother said again also locking her eyes accusingly on his father. “Everyone is replaceable.” 

After that, his parents drilled him up and down the court with even more intensity than normal. By the time he had done the seventh set of court-end suicide drills, Rei felt like his lungs might explode. His parents were being intensionally demanding and seemed to be driving him to the edge out of spite as revenge for Kishi’s challenge to their authority. The message was clear: defy us again and you both will suffer. 

That night, Rei lay in his bed aching down to the bone and dreading another day of the same hell tomorrow. His entire body was weak and exhausted, yet he couldn’t seem to get to sleep. Footsteps climbing the stairs to his room sent a chill through him and quickly he tossed himself onto his side and shut his eyes faking sleep and preparing himself for whatever was coming. 

Instead of either of his parents, when the door cracked open, Kishi limped in and collapsed down onto the floor beside him. 

“You up?” His voice croaked weakly. 

Rei peeked an eye open and saw his brother’s face looking beaten and sad. A large purple and black bruise covered the bottom left part of his face from his jaw to his cheekbone. His lip was cut and bloodied and the eye of that side of his face was nearly swollen shut. 

“How bad was it?” Rei asked afraid of the answer. 

“It’s getting worse,” Kishi admitted, defeated. 

“Why did you have to go and aggravate them like that?” 

Kishi just stared up at the ceiling. 

“It just makes things worse you know. You need to keep your head down and try not to be noticed. They’ll leave you alone more.” Rei offered uneasily. 

“You don’t get anywhere in life by making yourself smaller Rei. If you shrink away from everyone and refuse to stand up for yourself, then eventually everything you are becomes so small that it just disappears. Then who are you?” 

Rei turned to his brother with big surprised eyes. 

“Those two will still take out their issues on you no matter if you’re quiet or not. How they treat us has nothing to do with us, it’s their problem.” 

“Still, you make things worse by challenging them. They hurt you.” 

Kishi turned on his side and looked deep into Rei’s eyes. 

“They hurt you too.” Kishi reminded Rei seriously. “At least I stand up for myself. If I am going to get slapped around anyway, then I might as well stand my ground first. I’d rather keep my dignity since the outcome is the same no matter what.” 

Rei’s eyelids drooped. Kishi was right. Nothing was ever going to be good enough for their parents. It was a truth that was increasingly clear. 

“How’s your shoulder?” Kishi asked him softly. 

“Hurts.” 

He just nodded. 

“I am so sick of this life.” He groaned rolling back onto his back and breaking their eye contact. “I miss how it was before.” 

At this, Rei’s heart fluttered nervously. Kishi was the younger of the two of them and yet because Rei had no memories of the early years of his life, it often felt that his brother was the one that protected him. He rarely talked about his life before Rei came to live with them, he was quiet in general most of the time, admitting something personal like that and opening up seemed strange coming from him. 

“How was it before?” Rei asked hesitantly. 

“Still not good,” Kishi admitted miserably. “But at least I was allowed to have friends and a life outside of volleyball. I wish I had never agreed to go with them.” 

“Go where?” Rei asked feeling his brow furrow. 

What was he talking about? Where had he been before?

Kishi just looked at him with sad eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter now. But can you promise me something?” 

This request caught Rei off guard.

“What is it?” 

“Don’t let them control you forever. You don’t belong to them. Don’t forget that.” 

“Where is this coming from all of a sudden?” Rei asked him feeling concern rising inside him. 

This kind of talk from him, this level of seriousness, was unusual, to say the least. 

“I think they’re at the ends of their ropes with me, Rei.” 

His voice cracked and for just a moment it seemed like tears were pooling in his eyes before he rolled his head to the side and turned away. 

“What are you talking about Kishi, what’s wrong? Please talk to me.” Rei asked with growing insistence. 

“Everyone is replaceable,” Kishi said quietly, repeating the same words their mother had said to Rei. 

“Not you. You’re family.” Rei tried to reassure him, wondering if he should reach out and try to comfort his brother, “They just say that to scare you. They’re not like that, not really.” 

Kishi’s body tensed, still turned away. 

“Yes, they are.” He said emptily. “You’ll see that soon.” 

Rei was at a loss for words. It felt like Kishi, who was always fighting, had finally given up. 

“Don’t talk like that. We have to stick together you and me.” 

“They’re not your family. Don’t trust them.” Kishi said suddenly turning back to Rei with a raging blaze in his eyes. “Whatever happens, you have to get away from here.” 

“H-Huh? Where would I go?” Rei asked in total awe of this side of Kishi. 

His brother thought for a moment and finally smiled. 

“Have you ever heard of Miyagi? It’s a prefecture on the west side of Japan.” His brother said. “You would be safe there.” 

“Why there?” 

“We all have to go home in the end.” 

Rei stopped. Home? Why was Kishi talking like this?

“Do.. do you know something about me that I don’t?” Rei asked him, knowing exactly how insane of a question that was. 

He would never get used to the fact that other people would always know more about him than he did. It was hard not to feel like people were hiding the truth from him, but he knew that asking never got him anywhere since words were cheap and lies were cheaper yet.  
“Just trust me.” 

“Why are you telling me this? What are you planning Kishi?” Rei asked him feeling his chest closing. 

“Tomorrow, at the gym, stay in the shower stalls a little longer and stay quiet and out of sight. But watch closely, you’ll know when it’s time to go.” 

Kishi’s eyes were thoughtful and determined. He had thought this out and only now was he confiding his plan to Rei. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Something is going to happen tomorrow and after that, things will get worse for you if you don’t leave this place,” Kishi told him shakily. “I won’t be around to protect you anymore and you’ll be in danger if you don’t take this chance. So please, take it and run and never look back.” 

“…Kishi… what is this? Why does this sound like a goodbye?” 

“Promise me Rei. I need to know you’ll be okay.” 

A single tear fell from his brother’s dark swollen eye and he reached out and squeezed Rei’s hand firmly. 

“I-I promise.” 

“Don’t trust them. They’re liars.” 

“Kishi, please don’t do anything stupid. I need you.” 

“And I need one more thing from you, I know it’s a lot to ask but please, tomorrow, no matter what happens, no matter what you hear, stay hidden and stay safe. Don’t come out. I already know what will happen and I will have my own peace in knowing that you are safe and I will be okay no matter what as long as you promise me this one last thing.” 

“I-I can’t.” Rei pleaded. 

“You have to. Please. I am a lost cause in their eyes anyway, but you still have a chance.” 

“Kishi… I-“ 

“Can you call me Tsutomu, just once instead of Kishi?” His brother asked him with resolute tenacious eyes. 

“W-Why?” 

“Please.” 

He was begging. As much as Rei wanted to fight him, to argue, to insist, Kishi wouldn’t ask if he wasn’t sure and if he hadn’t made up his mind. Whatever he was talking about was important, and he needed Rei’s help to do it. 

“I promise,” Rei agreed softly feeling a growing pit inside him. “Tsutomu.” 

At this, his brother smiled and turned onto his back. A tear fell down the side of his face but for that moment, he seemed at peace.

“Will you sing me that lullaby Rei?” Kishi asked him. 

His voice was scared but he would never admit it. Rei knew this was his way of asking for comfort, and Rei didn’t have the heart to refuse him. If this helped him, if this made things easier, even if for just a moment, then Rei would do whatever it took. 

“Of course.” Rei whispered, taking in a breath and humming out a little song that had stuck with him even after his memories had gone. 

Singing it felt safe, it felt like home, and Kishi seemed to feel it too. Rei always sang hummed this little tune whenever their parents were at their worst. When it was just the two of them, as brothers against the world, this song kept them united and helped them believe in tomorrow. Lost in the melody, both of them felt their bodies relax and slowly they drifted off into a dreamless sleep. 

When the sun rose the next morning Kishi was already gone for the day. 

It was earlier than normal but remembering what Kishi had said, Rei woke and got ready to head to the gym as he did every other morning. He did his best, but Rei just couldn’t ignore the nagging fear that today would be both the end and the beginning all at once. 

When Rei arrived at the gym he went straight to the locker room and began to change into his volleyball shoes and pads. A squeaky door hinge rang through the air and four pairs of feet patted into the room in a hurry. Kishi’s request from the night before rang through Rei’s mind as clear as a bell. Automatically he crept back into the shower stalls behind a curtain right where Kishi had told him to wait and hide for some kind of signal. 

“I think you know that you’ve exhausted our patients with you Kishi.” His mother’s voice growled on the other side of the curtain as the figures of his parents, Akira, and Kishi stood in the center of the room unaware of his presence. 

“Don’t call me that!” His brother spat contentiously. “My name is Tsutomu Goshiki and you know that. You took my name, you took my life, you took my future and you destroyed it all. You don’t get to just take and take and take whatever you want!” 

The three adult figures laughed at this. 

“And who here is going to stop us?” Akira’s harsh voice taunted. 

Rei clenched his fist. He wanted to jump out from behind the curtain and run to his brother’s side but Kishi’s vow rang in his ears begging him not to interfere no matter what. 

“You aren’t worth anything anymore boy,” their father’s voice told him, “We never should have laid our dreams on you. You were never up to the task.” 

“You and Rei have both been such a disappointment.” His mother’s voice agreed. “We had such high hopes but neither of you was up to the task it seems.” 

“Don’t talk about him that way!” Kishi’s voice fought. 

“I’ll talk about anyone anyway I want.” His mother’s voice laughed. “Dead men don’t get to tell me what to do.” 

With that, Rei heard the heavy metallic click of a gun loading a bullet. His entire body shot back to the shower wall behind him and his legs gave out under him. A horrified hand clapped over his mouth to keep him from screaming as his entire body prepared for the worst. 

“Do it.” His mother commanded. 

Before Rei could think or react, a gunshot rang out followed by the sound of a grunt and a body falling to the floor. 

“What a waste.” His father said through the still thunderous echo of the shot. 

“Good riddance.” Akira agreed. 

Rei watched the shadows of the figures lean into the body on the ground through the curtain. He could feel his ragged hot breath against the palm of his hand as a wavy of nausea shot through him. His eyes fell down to the floor and the small crack under the curtain that revealed the locker room’s tile floor. A slow viscous pool of red streamed along the brown tiles staining the white caulk scarlet and pooling around the drain, washing away. 

“Get him out of my sight.” His mother’s voice demanded. “Take him out the back, don’t be seen.” 

“Rei will be in any minute, get this cleaned up.” His father told Akira. “He’ll try and run if he knows he’s next.” 

Rei felt his breath drain from his body as the blood fell out of his face and his heart froze. 

“Leave the back door open for me and go meet him out front when he comes in, delay him. I’ll take care of this.” Akira agreed. “I’ll get the trash bags and make sure no one knows what happened here today.” 

They all seemed to nod in agreement and Rei clearly heard a key slide into the back alley exit door and unlock it. His parents left the room expecting to go and meet him at the front. The moment that Akira’s footprints left the room to get whatever gruesome supplies he planned to use, Rei burst out from behind the curtain. 

Lying pale and still in the center of the room, was his brother. A gaping oozing red wound in the center of his forehead dripped blood down the sides of his face. The back of his skull was cracked and blown out leaving his body twisted and mauled with an eternal expression of surprise carved into his features for the last time. The wall behind him had a grisly red mist splattered across it dotted with chunks of bone and tissues that turned Rei’s stomach grotesquely. 

Rei fell down to his knees, choking back a sob at the ghoulish sight before him. He felt bile lurch up to his throat and he forced it down with his tears as Kishi’s—no, Tsutomu’s—instructions repeated in his memory. 

_Take it and run and never look back._

A sob tore its way up from his very core as Rei realized that this would be his last moment at his brother’s side. 

“I’m so sorry,” Rei whispered in his brother’s ear. “But… thank you.” 

Slowly, he found his footing and forced his eyes away from that sight he would never unsee. 

He looked to the doorway, knowing it was unlocked, and knowing that this was the escape Kishi had planned for him and died for in the end. Somehow, Kishi had seen through their parent's plans, he had seen ahead and had even known that Rei would be next on their list. After all these years, they were starting clean and meant to destroy any loose ends they had left at any cost. Kishi had known this was coming, he had even made a plan to escape and instead of running himself, he had sacrificed himself to make sure that Rei made it out after him. Rei had to run, or he would be next and then Kishi would have died for nothing. 

_I already know what will happen and I will have my own peace in knowing that you are safe_ he had said. There was little comfort to be found anywhere in this, but those words were enough to shake some sense back into Rei's addled head just long enough that he remembered what was important. 

Rei felt his resolve turn to stone. 

His attention landed entirely on the exit knowing that there was no turning back. 

_Take it and run and never look back. _His brother had told him.__

____

____

And so he did.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another late update yall. Promise I am not losing interest in this story, I'm actually more into it than ever lol, but I just really wanted some extra time to get a few things right with this chapter. Thanks so much! Xx

**—Iwaizumi’s POV—**

Run. 

Faster. 

Faster!

FASTER!

Iwaizumi’s heart felt like an engine pumping gasoline through his veins. His limbs pumped like the pistons on a powerful machine fueled by the pure adrenaline and poison that filled the empty container that was now his body. 

He couldn’t think straight. All he could focus on was running. Running. Running. 

The line of trees concealing the footprint that had turned his blood to ice was nearing and only as the opening came into view did Iwaizumi realize that he had absolutely no plan. He had no idea what he was about to run into but every nerve in his body screamed that it was bad news and Rei needed him. That was all he needed to know. 

Iwaizumi’s body was accelerating to a point of instability as reached the end of the hill and felt his speed catch up to him. His footing slipped for just a moment allowing his ankle to give way from under him. He tumbled forward face-planting into the grass and feeling the blunt impact of the ground beneath him colliding with his chest and knocking the air out of his lungs. Scrambling to his feet, Iwaizumi felt pure panic and could only wish and pray to any god that would listen that he wasn’t too late. 

His ankle felt unsteady under his weight as he stumbled his first few steps forward ignoring any pain as he pressed forward into the trees. 

For just a moment everything was green. The leaves around him were thick and full blocking out any depth his vision might have been able to decipher in a colder season. His hysteria certainly wasn’t helping. The entire forest seemed to be spinning as he pushed layers of branches out of his path. Once the interior became clear, Iwaizumi set to work determining which direction Rei might have gone. 

Disappearing without saying anything like this just wasn’t like him. The last time Iwaizumi had left and come back to find Rei missing, Akira had forced both of their hands and held them at gunpoint. That memory awakened a visceral sort of anger inside Iwaizumi as he remembered the fear in Rei’s eyes and the promise he had made to keep him safe after everything that had happened. He couldn’t fail again. 

Iwaizumi’s heart was pounding in his ears but as he moved deeper into the brush, he could have sworn he heard voices. He couldn’t make out what they were saying but he was pretty sure it sounded like at least one man and one woman. Iwaizumi tried to take in a slow deep breath to slow his heart to listen more closely. He closed his eyes and realized that the man’s voice he had heard was a familiar one. Desperately Iwaizumi tried to picture where he had heard it before. He knew it, he knew he did, but what words had that voice used? What had that man said to him? 

_Trust me, this kid ain't worth dying for._

Iwaizumi’s eyes shot open. 

Of course. 

His fist closed tightly and his shoulders tightened. Stolidly, his entire body rotated to his right as if turning on a hinge. 

It was clearer now. The confused panic drained from his heart and cleared the way for his ears to hear decisively through the noise.

The forest floor was littered with piles of dried brown leaves and mud. Iwaizumi sunk his foot into the mud and took off full speed towards that voice feeling a violent craze carve itself into his face. 

As Iwaizumi sped over the soft earthy ground, three figures began to come into view in a small valley hidden by the thickest section of trees in view. Between the thick brown trunks, Iwaizumi could see two of the forms were standing and one knelt on the ground, head bowed. Just as he was about to burst through and make his entrance, Iwaizumi saw to his own horror that the largest male figure stood with his right arm outstretched and held a gun pointed directly at the kneeling figure. The man’s back was turned but Iwaizumi knew immediately from his silhouette that it was Akira which meant that the kneeling man had to be Rei. 

Last time, Iwaizumi had burst out on Akira without a plan, they had both nearly died. No doubt, Akira was now even angrier and more determined than before. 

Ducking behind a wide Oaktree, Iwaizumi slipped out his cell phone. There were two problems that immediately occurred to Iwaizumi. First, he knew he couldn’t very well make a phone call from here without being heard. This meant he would need to alert someone to the situation over one concise text message since he would not have time to answer questions or explain further. Second, he needed to tell someone that would understand the urgency of his plight. Even if someone understood what he needed but didn’t react to his message like the emergency it was, his gamble would have failed. 

He scanned his slim list of contacts desperately hoping for an obvious solution. 

Daichi would be an easy answer but even if he answered, he was still back in Tokyo and would take more time than Iwaizumi suspected they had to contact Miyagi police. That wouldn’t work. 

Sugawara presented the same problem. 

Both of Iwaizumi’s parents were too busy at the memorial to check their phones and were also too far out of the loop to help after one text. Not an option.  
Iwaizumi couldn’t believe he was thinking this, but Ushijima might have been an option if only Iwaizumi had thought ahead enough to get the ace’s number when he could. Fuck. 

More than ever before, Iwaizumi regretted all of his years of hiding away from the world. He had no one. Everyone he knew, everyone he talked to, couldn’t help him here and now the way he needed and he only had himself to blame. Reactively, his face scowled and just as he was about to throw his phone to the ground in frustration, something on his screen caught his eye. 

A new text message. 

An unknown number. 

His eyes widened as he read the contents. This could work. 

Iwaizumi calmed his shaking fingers just long enough to write a simple but clearly worded SOS. This had to work. There was no room for error. He pressed send. 

Swallowing hard, Iwaizumi slipped his phone into his back pocket and stood back up. 

Akira’s voice could be heard in the clearing. He asked a question to the older woman beside him and she seemed to nod at him. Her body movements were stiff and robotic and yet they were visibly rushed. Unsurprisingly, Iwaizumi was no great expert on people, but his many years of corralling Oikawa and translating his true intentions had made sure that body language was Iwaizumi’s mother tongue. 

Whoever this woman was, Akira seemed to look to her for direction and permission. Iwaizumi wondered if this woman was Akira’s boss. Rei had said Akira had been a colleague of his father’s but he had also said that his father had worked with a larger network of people on occasion. Could she be one of them? Where was Rei’s father? And why was this woman in such a hurry? 

Akira said something to the slumped over Rei who reacted frantically. His entire body went rigid and then immediately slack again like the very will to live had slipped out of him. Iwaizumi sucked in a gasp of air as Rei looked back up with wide disbelieving eyes. 

“Do you believe me now, Rei?” Iwaizumi heard the older woman tease. 

He had been so wrapped up sending out his cry for help, that he had missed whatever Akira had told Rei but, from his reaction, it was clear that it was painful and cruel. 

Rei just wilted over in place shaking his head adamantly and pounding his fists against the ground. His entire back was contorting and convulsing as he cried into the dirt. 

At this, the woman and Akira just laughed.

Iwaizumi couldn’t bear the sight of it for a moment more. Before he even had a chance to check that his text had sent from inside this maze of trees, Iwaizumi leaped forward jumped from the ledge into the valley below. Screaming, he landed full force on top of Akira who grunted in surprise from the sudden impact and fell down under Iwaizumi’s assault. 

Akira’s eyes flashed at Iwaizumi just as their bodies collided, and from the red that came over him, he clearly recognized Iwaizumi from before. 

Iwaizumi grabbed ahold of Akira’s arm and twisted it at the wrist knocking the gun out of his grasp. The heavy silver object skated across the dirt and flew toward Rei’s feet. That was one problem down. Only a million more to go. 

“What the fuck!?” The older woman squawked behind them, startled by Iwaizumi’s unexpected entrance.

Akira snarled at him and thrust his head forward into Iwaizumi’s face smashing his forehead into Iwaizumi’s nose. Both of them recoiled backward and Iwaizumi felt a hot stream of blood begin to fall from his face. Akira used this moment of surprise to grab Iwaizumi by the neck. Before Iwaizumi could react, Akira spun them both using his shoulders for momentum until he had Iwaizumi pinned against the ground and struggling against his overwhelming strength. 

Iwaizumi felt Akira’s wide strong hands close in around his throat and cut off his air. He couldn’t help but choke in response to the pressure barring down on him. He felt hot tears come to the surface of his eyes as he struggled to take in air. 

Rei still appeared shaken across from Iwaizumi. His eyes seemed to watch the fight, but no part of him reacted, as if he were in some sort of trance. 

Last time, Rei had saved Iwaizumi from Akira’s fury, but this time Iwaizumi could see that he would need a different escape. 

Just the sight of that shocked and empty looking expression on Rei’s face made Iwaizumi’s blood boil. He set his eyes back on Akira and let his anger take over. He managed to lift one hand against Akira’s face and pushed up on the larger man’s chin raking his fingernails across Akira’s already bruised eye. Akira winced and shut his eyes reflexively giving Iwaizumi the opening he needed to bring his knees in under Akira and push up with every ounce of strength in his body. He landed one knee in Akira’s stomach and another in his groin, both hits compounding and causing the other man to waver and groan. His grasp on Iwaizumi’s throat weakened, Iwaizumi grit his teeth and kicked upwards knocking the man off him and rolling to the side. 

Iwaizumi jumped to his feet and lurched at the wheezing beaten man just inches away. He twisted his hips as he jumped towards him and released his leg at full speed spinning his heel directly into the side of Akira’s head. His body spun as it flipped through the air before landing in a ditch at the end of the valley making only a hollow thud as it smashed against a knotted tree root beneath the dirt. 

Iwaizumi found himself coughing harshly into his sleeve as he scurried back to his feet. Already, his throat felt swollen from Akira’s clutch and the interior was raw and bloody. He ran his tongue along the gums of his teeth and spit into the dirt trying to rid himself of the red staining his mouth. 

Before anything else in the world occurred to him, his attention turned immediately to Rei. 

“Rei!” He screamed running to his side now that he was back on his feet. 

In the back of his mind, Iwaizumi knew the older woman was still behind him but he had just taken out Akira and surely he was the real muscle here. What trouble could she really cause compared to someone like Akira?

Maybe he wouldn’t even have needed to send that text after all. This could be over any minute now that Akira was unconscious. There was also a relief to be found in the fact that Akira’s gun was far away from his skilled hands and was instead right where Rei could use it if he needed to defend himself again. 

“I-Iwa…” Rei’s voice cried out wrapping his arms around Iwaizumi as he slid into Rei's knees-first kicking up a cloud of dust around them. 

“I’ve got you now, you’re okay.” Iwaizumi whispered into his ear trying to be as reassuring and strong as he could. 

Rei’s hands were trembling against Iwaizumi’s back and he could already feel that his breathing was uneven. 

“You are far from ‘okay’ I promise you that, Rei.” The older woman sneered, staring daggers into Rei who stiffened in Iwaizumi’s embrace. 

Suddenly, Rei pushed Iwaizumi away and scuttled backward in the dirt looking alarmed and afraid. 

His face was as white as a sheet and his pupils were shaking so quickly that Iwaizumi wondered if he could even see straight. 

“S-Stay away I-Iwa.” Rei stuttered adamantly. 

“W-What are you talking about Rei?” Iwaizumi breathed reaching out his hand gently. “It’s me, Iwaizumi.” 

Just as his hand got close enough to touch Rei, it was swatted away. 

“D-Don’t!” Rei insisted, his eyes drifting back over to the older woman. 

Iwaizumi turned to get a closer look at her. She probably stood around 5’5’’ or 5’6’’ but had a terrifyingly rigid posture that made her seem larger than life. She had graying hair cut into what might have been a sleek style if it hadn’t been arranged in a hurry and stuffed into a black hat. She was dressed entirely in black and Iwaizumi couldn’t find a single distinctive thing about her that he could use to describe her to police. 

She eyed him back and her eyes darted back and forth between Rei and him until a satisfied smile crept onto her face as she seemed to piece together what Iwaizumi’s role in all of this was. 

“That’s right Rei, you can’t trust him. He lied to you. Kept you from your family.” She enticed him using a sweeter voice than Iwaizumi had heard from her since he arrived. 

“That’s not true!” Iwaizumi yelled turning back to Rei. “That’s not true Rei and you know it.” 

He looked back and forth between the two of them miserably and finally crumpled his face into his hands and just let loose a frustrated confused sob. 

“I don’t understand!” He shrieked out from behind his hands. “I-I don’t know who to believe!” 

“You can trust me Rei, we’ve been through so much together! Focus on that, remember that.” Iwaizumi begged. 

Where was this coming from?

“No, he hurt you. He can’t be trusted. He doesn’t want what’s best for you like I do!” She retorted with a sly smile. 

Rei wouldn’t look up from his hands. He just kept shaking his head and repeating something under his breath. His entire body was arched like a tent concealing Akira’s weapon under his writhing chest. 

_I know what I know_

_I know what I know_

_I know what I know_

He was so lost, so shaken, that he couldn’t think straight. What had she been saying to him? What had she done to him? 

“Shut the fuck up!” Iwaizumi found himself yelling at the woman. “This is all your fault! Why are you doing this to him?” 

“You misunderstand me,” she informed him with a sickly sweet tone like liquid sugar. “I am trying to help my son. I just want to take him home and make him well again.” 

“Y-Your son?” Iwaizumi stammered in disbelief. 

“Why of course!” 

“Then that means, you’re…” 

“His mother.” She told him in a tone that was pure ice. 

Iwaizumi’s jaw fell open. 

Why had he never considered this? All this time they had talked only of Rei’s father and yet never once had he implied that he was without a mother. In fact, this made more sense than anything else Iwaizumi could think of. 

After everything Iwaizumi had learned from Ushijima and Tendou and what he had heard from Oikawa’s sister, his doubts were falling through his fingers. It still didn’t make sense, he couldn’t understand how it was possible, and yet he knew it had to be true. 

“Mother?” Iwaizumi repeated back, sneering at the word in outrage that she would twist the meaning of that word like this. 

“That’s right.” She confirmed smugly. 

The resemblance.

The coffee.

The name.

The lullaby.

“Harada.” Iwaizumi spit as if the word was toxic on his tongue. 

Her confident little act cracked. For just a second Iwaizumi saw the urgency, the fear, in her eyes and knew he had landed his first punch. 

“Where did you hear that name?” She asked, squinting at him. 

“Here’s a hint for you,” Iwaizumi scowled, “If you’re supposed to be undercover and using a pseudonym, maybe don’t make it your own maiden name Mrs. Washijo.” 

Her mouth fell open and her eyes bulged out of their sockets. 

“H-How…” 

“Spoke to a few of your former students, they hated you just enough to make sure you would always be memorable.” Iwaizumi laughed wondering if he could provoke her. 

“What exactly do you think you know?” She asked him hesitantly. 

“Everything.” He lied. 

Her lips narrowed and her face relaxed. She shook her head lightly. 

“No, you don’t.” She told him amused. “You don’t know shit and even if you did, you couldn’t prove a thing.” 

She was taunting him, bragging, and yet it sounded like she was trying to convince herself too.

Iwaizumi could curse himself. She had called his bluff. 

“I may never understand why or how, but believe me when I say, I know what you did.” Iwaizumi challenged. “Ten years ago, I know it was you.” 

She raised her eyebrows in surprise and then scowled. Her eyes squinted together and she leaned in as if to get a closer look at Iwaizumi’s face before her eyes fluttered open in surprise. 

“It’s you.” She said mystified. 

This, Iwaizumi hadn’t seen coming. Or had he? 

Suddenly, Iwaizumi remembered the first time he had saved Rei from Akira. They had argued, they had fought, and for just a moment Akira had looked at Iwaizumi with something that Iwaizumi now realized what recognition. 

_“It’s you…”_ He had said. 

Somehow, Akira had known him and now this woman did as well. 

“You know me?” Iwaizumi asked. 

Her eyes drifted to Rei and then back to Iwaizumi with renewed intensity. 

“Never seen you before in my life.” She answered with a confident sneer. 

“I-I don’t understand!” Rei mumbled behind him. 

He was able to look up now but still appeared as rattled and disturbed as before. 

“Because he’s trying to trick you, to take advantage of you!” Rei’s mother called scathingly. 

Iwaizumi’s first instinct was to become angry. He wanted to yell and fight and react, but he stopped himself and chose to think instead. Whatever she had told Rei, whatever she had forced him to endure, the result was the same—he was lost. What Rei needed now more than ever was reassurance and an anchor to help him keep his grip on reality before it all floated away. 

This was yet another gamble, and yet Iwaizumi knew he needed to try something drastic if there was any hope of getting through to him. He just hoped that the truth was drastic enough. 

It didn’t make sense, pieces were still missing, his brain and any traces of logic he might have once had told him he was wrong and yet his heart told him not to listen. This was a leap of faith. 

“Rei,” Iwaizumi began looking down at him with the kindest softest smile he could manage through his unbridled rage at Rei’s mother. He knew this would be hard to hear and so he poured all of his energy into making it as smooth and believable as possible. “You are Oikawa Tooru.” 

Everything went silent. 

Iwaizumi could only hear the beating of his heart roaring in his ears and the slight rustle of the branches around him swaying in the breeze. 

Rei just stared back at Iwaizumi blankly as if the words had gone in one ear and out the other. There was no reaction, no recognition to suggest he had even heard what Iwaizumi had just told him. 

Iwaizumi could see Rei’s mother a few feet away slack-jawed. Her eyes were gaping but tension had taken over her features making her look frozen in place like a marble statue. Her eyes met Iwaizumi’s and inside their cold depth, he saw a flash of fear. She understood what he had said, and it made her afraid. 

“W-What did you say?” Rei’s voice said in barely a whisper. 

Iwaizumi relaxed his body. He eased back on his rage and let his eyes soften. 

“I know it sounds crazy,” he started, “but I think you really are Oikawa.” 

Rei’s face fell. He shut his eyes and grit his teeth. 

He began shaking his head again. 

“Crazy… crazy… crazy… I-I’m not… crazy…” He murmured wretchedly. 

Iwaizumi felt his shoulders fall. 

Across the way, Rei’s mother put on a triumphant smile. 

“That’s right Rei. This man is lying to you. He’s taking advantage of you, playing with your head and trying to make you worse.” 

“I am not lying!” Iwaizumi shouted causing Rei to jump startled behind him. 

His big doe eyes stared back at Iwaizumi with surprise and fear. It was as if when he looked at Iwaizumi, he was seeing something else entirely and it made him afraid. 

“W-Why would you s-say that?” Rei implored looking up at Iwaizumi through his dark lashes. “You know it can’t be true. P-Please stop, it hurts enough already…” 

Iwaizumi was in shock. 

“I don’t understand it either, but it’s true!” Iwaizumi urged, “The police found Oikawa’s killer, and all of the facts lead back to you Rei. Somehow, you are at the center of it all.” 

“Nonsense.” Rei’s mother told him. 

Iwaizumi scowled and turned away from her, laying all of his attention on Rei. 

“Washijo—the man that took Oikawa, the man that confessed to it all—is married to your mother. She is not who she says she is and he is your father, Rei. He took you and hurt you and has been lying all this time, you have to believe me!” Iwaizumi pleaded. “Please Rei, you have to remember!” 

Rei just frowned at him uncomfortably. 

“You knew Oikawa’s nickname for me, you look like him, you sang his lullaby, you’re connected to this case at every stage of the investigation.” Iwaizumi tried. 

“Lullaby?” Rei asked distantly as if remembering something from a dream. 

“Enough of this,” Rei’s mother demanded, “you’ve confused him enough already. This is a family matter and is none of your business.” 

Iwaizumi could feel his face turning tomato red. 

“I am his family!” Iwaizumi screamed, thrusting his fist down towards the ground in anger. 

“Oikawa is dead.” Rei’s voice squeaked begin Iwaizumi. “You told me yourself that they found his body. That proved it.” 

There was such conflict in his voice. Iwaizumi could tell that he wanted to believe Iwaizumi, trust their bond, but had been so affected by whatever his mother had done to him that he couldn’t decide who to trust. 

“That’s right.” Rei’s mother nodded, “that boy is dead and that is the end of it. You know better than to trust him Rei, this is all the proof you need that he is lying to you.” 

Rei’s lip quivered. 

“Why are you doing this Iwa-chan?” He asked, on the verge of tears. 

There was so much pain in his voice. Even if he knew better, he was so shaken that it must have just been easier to revert back to what he had known the longest. Iwaizumi could feel that Rei was falling back into his mother’s clutch and he didn’t know what to do about it. 

“Because I know who you are Rei, I want us to be together!” 

A sharp staccato laugh ripped through the air. 

“Ha! He doesn’t know a single thing about you. I am your mother. I have known you since you were 14 years old, I raised you. You met this man a week ago, he doesn’t know who you are any better than you do.” His mother’s voice hissed savagely with the hard edge of a knife blade grinding against a block of cold steel. 

Iwaizumi could see Rei’s heart breaking right in front of him. 

“I thought I could trust you.” He cried as a tear slipped out from the corner of one eye. 

Rei’s mother nodded, satiated by what she had created. 

“You can’t trust any of them Rei. They’ll use your mind against you. Tell you things you know aren’t true and then abandon you like you abandoned your family all those years ago.” She told him laying on a thick layer of phony woundedness. 

He looked back at her. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“No need to be sorry now Rei. Family always forgives one another.” 

A nervous but relieved breath passed Rei’s lips as his body relaxed at the thought of family. 

“Thank you.” 

“But Rei, you are going to need to do something to win back my trust.” She scolded, grabbing a hold of the reigns around his heart and pulling the stings with all her might. 

His eyes widened. 

“Like what, mother?” 

A cruel calculating smile came over her face as her eyes fell down to the shining metallic object lying untouched at Rei’s feet. 

“Pick up that gun.” 

Rei froze. He looked down at the weapon on the ground with horror and then back at his mother. Her eyes narrowed as if berating him and his head bowed. Obediently, he dropped to his knees and picked up the revolver. 

“Good boy.” she cheered eliciting a hesitant smile from Rei who suddenly seemed like a small child again under his mother’s control. 

“You don’t have to do this!” Iwaizumi screamed feeling his control slipping away from him with every passing minute. 

“Do you remember what Akira said he and I were here for, Rei?” She asked him hypnotically. 

“‘No loose ends’.” He repeated, remembering. 

Iwaizumi’s blood went cold. His suspicions were true. There was no way of knowing how those words sounded to Rei at this moment, but Iwaizumi finally felt like he understood everything. 

“Rei, they came here to kill you!” Iwaizumi roared. “You are the ‘loose ends’ they were talking about.” 

“That’s not true!” He argued. 

He sounded adamant but Iwaizumi knew his voice well enough to hear that uncertainty, that shakiness, in his words. He wasn’t lost yet. 

“Washijo is already in custody for his crimes, he is a lost cause. His wife is only trying to save her own ass and that means killing you before you can talk or be seen. Rei you are walking talking proof of what they did!” 

Iwaizumi watched the cogs turning inside Rei’s head. He was thinking something, but what? 

“B-But they found his body! Oikawa’s body was buried in the yard, they identified it, you told me so. I can’t be him no matter how much I wish I could!” 

There was a beat of silence. 

“Rei, do you want to believe me?” Iwaizumi asked, amazed. 

Had Rei wanted this all along? Had Rei been seeing the same clues, the same hints, that Iwaizumi had? 

Suddenly the memory of Rei’s anger after Iwaizumi had first voiced his theory felt completely different. It was like he was seeing Rei in a totally new light. 

“Of course I do!” Rei screamed at him. “Who wouldn’t want that Hajime?! To be special, to be loved, to be someone worth being, to have a life that is worth living? It is the only thing I have ever wanted and that is exactly why I know I can never have it!” 

Iwaizumi felt his heart shatter. 

There were tears streaming down Rei’s face, pooling at his chin and dripping off like rain from clouds. 

“Why can’t you understand? I can’t be him…” He sobbed, rubbing away his tears with the heel of his hand that held the gun. 

“P-Please just try to remember Rei. It has to be true!” Iwaizumi begged him. 

“I have tried…” Rei admitted, “I can’t.” 

“Of course you can’t Rei. You can’t remember memories you never had.” His mother chided. 

“It’s still possible.” Iwaizumi tried. 

He wasn’t sure who his words were meant to convince, himself or Rei, but in both cases, his words fell flat. 

“They identified that poor dead boy with teeth and fingerprints, no one can argue with that.” His mother sneered happily. 

_Fingerprint and dental records confirmed it according to the forensic report._

Iwaizumi had no idea where those words came from and yet they slammed into him in that exact moment and threw him for a dizzying loop. Those words had come straight from the police officer that had been sent to give those case updates to Iwaizumi and his parents. So the problem was: how did Rei’s mother know that? 

“That was only mentioned in the forensics report.” Iwaizumi breathed in awe feeling his eyes lock down on Rei’s mother. 

Her face paled. 

“What did you say?” She hiccuped, buying herself time to design an elaborate lie no doubt. 

“Methods of identification were never released to the press. Only the police knew that. It was written only in the forensics report they used to identify him.” Iwaizumi gasped. 

Her eyes shifted almost imperceptibly between Rei and Iwaizumi—surely a sign of panic. 

“I-I just guessed,” she stuttered unevenly, “how else would they identify a body?” 

Even Rei must have heard the fear in her voice. 

“No, you said it as a fact.” Iwaizumi challenged. “That’s it. That’s your big weakness, isn’t it? You’re so proud of your smart little plan that you just can’t help but brag about it. I guess that is the real downside to your level of worthless pride, isn’t it? You need everyone to know exactly how smart you are or it just kills you inside. You can’t stand being second best, you hate being overshadowed, and that is exactly where you went wrong!” 

Her entire demeanor changed. Gone was the relaxed self-assured mastermind with everything in hand and time to spare, and instead in her place was the scared rushed insecure little insect that had always hidden underneath. 

“Rei!” her sharp voice ordered furiously. 

Rei jumped in his shoes and looked to her with total bewilderment. 

She stretched out an arm and pointed one long boney finger directly at Iwaizumi. 

“Shoot him.” 

Rei’s eyebrows shot up. 

“B-But that’s-“ 

“Don’t be a pussy. Be a winner, Rei. Win back my trust just like we talked about. He is trying to hurt you, don’t let him.” 

Rei’s eyes dashed from his mother back to Iwaizumi. His gaze still felt clouded and unorganized but it also certainly was not blindly obedient. There was doubt in his eyes now when his mother spoke. Iwaizumi was slowly winning him back. 

“Is that why you did this Mrs. Washijo, or should I say, Harada?” Iwaizumi taunted, remembering what Tendou and Ushijima had said about her past and the old videos they had been forced to watch. “You got injured before you went pro and lost out on your chance to be great, didn’t you? I bet that just ate away at you and going into work every day with your husband and watching his team of young healthy prodigies playing the game you had to leave behind must have just ate into you like a parasite.” 

Her face was going red and her fists were balled now. Rei was watching her with foreign curiosity, this was clearly not a side to her he had ever seen before. 

“You hated them for it, didn’t you? You couldn’t stand watching them succeed where you failed and eventually your hate twisted you up so bad that you decided to take them and live through them.” Iwaizumi explained. “But it was never good enough for you. It was never the same as playing yourself, because, of course, you could do so much better than they could. Must have just driven yourself mad asking yourself everyday ‘why can’t they do it as I would?’” 

Her jaw was rigid. 

“And then it all went wrong. You went too far and finally did something you couldn’t take back.” 

“They weren’t worth it!” She screamed raggedly. 

Her eyes were crazed and her hands were flying all around her expressively and wildly. 

“I went to so much effort to get them and keep them and neither of them was worth it! I had to start over, it had all been for nothing!” 

Rei’s eyes looked like they might fall out of his head. He was watching her, fascinated, yet dazed as if her words were making him think of painful times. 

The word “…Kishi…” slipped out from beneath his breath as he watched his mother unravel before his own eyes. 

“Kishi!” He suddenly screamed, his eyes blazing back to life. “You killed him!” 

His mother stopped and turned to him expressionless but horrified as if she had forgotten she was speaking aloud. 

“Of course we did,” she spat finally letting go over her ‘nice little mother’ act and giving in to her true nature. “And you should have been next!” 

At this, Rei just scowled. 

“You are worthless, can’t do anything right!” She screamed, “Shoot him! Shoot him now!” 

She thrust her finger towards Iwaizumi like a child throwing a tantrum for a toy in the store. 

Rei turned to Iwaizumi was an exhausted sadness. He was clearly still angry and the confusion still hung around him like a dense cloud of turbulence, and yet he was beginning to look more like his old self again. 

Somewhere deep inside, he was bargaining with himself—debating—and it didn’t seem to be going well. He stared at Iwaizumi longingly and then turned on his mother with surprising force. 

“Am I Oikawa Tooru or not?!” He demanded throwing the gun to the side in betrayal, his voice booming through the woods in a way that made even Iwaizumi’s hair stand on end. 

His mother shrank back like a wounded animal. 

She considered for a moment and then turned her expression back to stone. 

“Who?” She asked innocently giving an infuriating little smile and breaking eye contact with her son. 

Rei just glared at her before turning back to Iwaizumi. 

“I am so sorry.” He began before Iwaizumi stopped him in his tracks and grabbed a hold of his suit jacket’s lapels and pulled him into a kiss. 

The second their lips met it was as if everything was right in the world again. Iwaizumi could feel Rei still shaking from pure adrenaline but his body was loose and fit into Iwaizumi’s like a matching pair. 

When they finally broke for air, Rei just smiled and bent down to tuck his head into the nape of Iwaizumi’s neck. He was taller than Iwaizumi and yet it felt like the most natural thing in the world. 

“Never apologize to me ever again you fucking idiot.” Iwaizumi demanded. 

He could feel Rei’s body shake as he laughed. 

“Rude!” He teased fondly into Iwaizumi’s ear. 

“We need to get out of here.” Iwaizumi told him. “We need to tell people what we know.” 

Rei stopped and looked down at Iwaizumi with shame in his eyes. 

“W-What do we know exactly?” He asked slowly. “I still don’t know who I am. I still don’t remember.” 

Iwaizumi considered this. 

“I know that I love you no matter who you are. Rei or Oikawa, it doesn’t matter to me. I love you for who you are and how you make my life better just by being in it. Memories or not.” 

A red blush bloomed across Rei’s nose. 

“Iwa, I-“ 

Before Rei could finish his thought, a wave of terror washed over his face as his eyes shot open and locked onto something over Iwaizumi’s shoulder. Iwaizumi had been so caught up in his one moment of euphoria that he had nearly missed the rustling sound of sudden movement behind him. 

Rei shoved Iwaizumi down and launched past him at full speed, hurtling his body like a projectile through the air. There was a crazed frenzy in his eyes as he shot behind Iwaizumi and tackled his mother who had taken advantage of the moment of peace to dive for the gun Rei had thrown down in anger. 

Rei reached for the gun but his mother was centimeters ahead of him and snatched the weapon from the dirty forest floor. She cranked back a leg and then sent her foot slamming into Rei’s chest, causing him to roll back from the force. She was clearly stronger than she looked as she sent his body tumbling towards the edges of the valley. The back of his head made direct contact with a tree stump sending out a deafening hollow crack that made Iwaizumi’s knees weak. 

“Rei!” He shrieked in horror as Rei’s body rolled over facing up, limp and unconscious. 

He took a step towards Rei to help when he heard the mechanical click of the gun loading a bullet into its chamber. 

“Stop right there.” She ordered. 

He froze. 

“You won’t get away with this.” Iwaizumi growled. 

“Oh yes I will,” she spat, “you have no proof of anything and when I am done, there will be nothing to tie me to that night.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes narrowed. 

“It was you then?” He confirmed. 

“Of course it was.” She scoffed with a flippant toss of her head. 

A cramp began to form inside Iwaizumi’s stomach. 

“Is he Oikawa Tooru?” Iwaizumi demanded. 

To this, she just smiled wordlessly knowing that she held the answers to all of his biggest questions and that meant that she held all the power. 

“Maybe.” She smirked with a shrug. “But you’d never prove it.” 

Iwaizumi’s lips flattened. 

“And why is that?” 

“Because I had all public and police records of Oikawa Tooru changed or corrupted. There will be no way to ever prove one way or another, and that is my greatest genius.” She told him with a toothy maniacal grin. “You don’t need to prove you’re innocent not to be convicted of a crime Iwaizumi. You just need to sow the seeds of doubt and let them do the work for you.” 

She raised her arm holding the gun until the barrel was level with Iwaizumi’s head. 

“Even if you made it out of here, even if you or my useless son had been stronger and won, what would it be worth? You both would live your entire lives wondering something that you will never know for sure and that doubt, that hesitation, that distrust would mean I still won. You don’t know who he is, and you never will and that is why in every version of this, I have already won. Because unlike my worthless good-for-nothing children, I am a winner. I gave them my name because I hoped they would be winners too, what a shame it ended up this way instead.” 

“You’ve made your point.” Iwaizumi sneered at her. “Just leave. If you’re so smart and sure, then there’s nothing more we can do to harm you. Isn’t that right?” 

She considered this for a moment. For a second it looked like she had shrugged and Iwaizumi wondered if he had really managed to convince her. That hope was dashed the second she started laughing. It was a low and chesty laugh that gave away exactly how sure she was in her total and complete victory. 

“Not yet.” She crooned closing one eye and taking aim. 

She prepared to fire but a sound behind Iwaizumi stopped her dead in her tracks. It was a groan. Iwaizumi turned to see Rei’s body still breathing and moaning as he tried desperately to grab back ahold of life. 

“What a shame.” She told Iwaizumi in a voice that seemed neither human nor animal. 

Her mouth slanted sidewise in boredom as if his life were just another inconvenience she was now forced to deal with. She looked Iwaizumi dead in the eyes and then back at the barrel of her gun. She examined the weapon carefully and methodically as reviewing her great plan. 

“No loose ends.” She decided. 

And with that, her arm swung to the side, and the gun fired without a moment's hesitation. The thunderous explosion reverberated throughout the forest, echoing and sending the nesting birds flying through the trees in swarms. The hard recoil of the gun sent her aged fragile body stumbling backward and into a tree and Iwaizumi watched in helpless disbelief as the bullet tore past him and buried itself deep inside Rei’s unconscious chest.


	19. Chapter 19

**—Iwaizumi’s POV—**

Everything started to spin. Iwaizumi felt like the ground was crumbling under his feet. 

“Rei!” He screamed, hearing the blood-curdling shriek that tore its way out of his throat. 

He couldn’t believe what his eyes were seeing. Or maybe it was more accurate to say that he didn’t want to believe the horror in front of his eyes. 

Rei’s mother—Washijo or Harada, it didn’t matter anymore—had fallen down with the gun blast and was disoriented somewhere behind Iwaizumi. He had made the mistake of underestimating her before, but this time he was sure that she wasn’t a threat to him. She had gotten everything she wanted after all. What else could she take from him now?

Iwaizumi’s legs were weak under him as he scrambled across the valley floor to the spot where Rei lay. His body was crumpled with his long limbs sprawled out around him like a knot of broken twisted rope. Blood was pooling under him from the wounds at his head and chest and Iwaizumi found himself overwhelmed by the pungent smell of iron. His skin was pale and as Iwaizumi reached for Rei’s hand, the surprising coldness of his it shocked Iwaizumi. Why did he already feel cold?

Iwaizumi felt tears start to fall from his eyes as his face crumbled. 

“Rei…” his voice sobbed, shaking. “Please be okay. Please…” 

A low soft groan escaped from Rei’s lips as his face unconsciously winced in pain. Iwaizumi felt his eyes widen and jump to watch his chest for any sign of movement. For a moment, nothing, and then slowly it began to rise again and fell weakly and unevenly. It looked painful but this was all Iwaizumi needed. Rei was alive. 

Before Iwaizumi even had a chance to think, his body had already jumped into action. He was sliding his jacket off and pressing it tightly against the bloody gash in Rei’s chest. He was in total shock, not even feeling his body as it moved automatically. Seconds later, he was unbuttoning his shirt and laying Rei’s head down against it. The white cotton material was slowly stained red as the lesion at the base of his skull seeped blood into the cloth which absorbed and dispersed the grisly dye. 

Iwaizumi cursed himself. Everything had happened so fast and because of that, he had failed all over again. He had promised himself it would be different this time, but in the end, he had made no difference at all, and now Rei was losing blood faster than Iwaizumi could keep it in. Iwaizumi cursed himself, knowing that Rei would probably die unless he figured something else out fast. 

He had no idea what to do. Everything hurt too much and he couldn’t think straight. His breathing was quickening and now his hands were shaking so that blood could escape even faster from under his makeshift bandages. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He couldn’t do anything right. He was so fucking useless! 

“Iwaizumi!” A voice shouted somewhere off in the distance causing Iwaizumi’s head to immediately snap to attention. 

“I’m here! Help! Please, help me!” He answered back into the distance, hearing the fear in his own words. 

His eyes were scanning the horizon around the valley for any sign of life when a line of branches rustled and a hand stuck out pushing away the brush. 

From behind the line of leaves came the familiar and unspeakably welcome form of Oikawa’s sister with a look of hesitant concern and her phone in hand showing Iwaizumi’s SOS text on full display. 

“Hajime?” She asked blindly as she broke through the curtain of leaves before her eyes adjusted to the light of the ravine. 

“Down here!” Iwaizumi urged waving wildly with his one free hand. 

Her dark eyes drifted down to the sight before her and shot open in horror. 

“Oh my god! Hajime!” 

She leaped down off of the ledge of the ditch and into the flat land below. Scurrying, she made her way over to Iwaizumi’s side, terrified. 

“What happen-“ she began but froze like a statue as her eyes fell down to the sight of Rei at her feet. 

Her mouth fell and completely astonished, her eyes jumped up to Iwaizumi’s, back down to Rei, and again up to Iwaizumi in a dizzying storm of bewilderment. 

“B-But…Hajime I…that looks like…” She couldn’t seem to get her words out as her mind began to spiral. 

Iwaizumi tried to soften his features sympathetically. 

“I told you I believed you.” 

“H-How is this…possible…” she whispered getting onto her hands and knees to take a closer look at the unconscious form before her. 

“That is an incredibly long story that we just do not have time for. Please can you help? He’s hurt and it's bad.” Iwaizumi begged, shaking. 

She clearly had more questions but as soon as she saw the amount of blood that was pouring from Rei’s wounds, her jaw set with determination and she set to work. Taking off her own coat, she balled it up and gave it to Iwaizumi with special instructions to slip it under Rei’s feet. 

“We need to keep his legs elevated in case he starts to slip into shock from blood loss,” she instructed, “he’s still breathing for now so we don’t need to do CPR but we should keep him warm too.” She began to unbutton the black sweater she had been wearing beneath the coat and lied it on top of Rei’s stomach.

“H-How do you know how to do this?” Iwaizumi asked in disbelief. 

“We all coped with what happened 10 years ago differently Hajime,” she chuckled nervously, “my parents drank and fought, you moved away, and I became an EMT to put myself through social work school. Never would have guessed that training would come back to help me like this though.” 

Iwaizumi must have been staring at her with obvious amazement because her face turned red from embarrassment before she turned her attention back onto Rei. Iwaizumi had only known Oikawa’s sister in passing when they were kids because she had been ten years older than them and had always been more of a reluctant babysitter than a friend, but he was amazed at how different she seemed to Oikawa. 

“Well thank god for that.” Iwaizumi said with palpable relief. 

“He’s losing blood too fast for us to stop on our own,” she said squinting her eyes and pressing two fingers under Rei’s chin to measure his pulse. “His pulse is getting weaker. Keep holding that jacket tight to his body, and I’ll find a cell signal and get an ambulance.” 

It sounded like the orders of a general marching into battle. She was amazingly cool and calm under pressure. Iwaizumi wished he could be a little more like that. 

Something about the authority in the way she had given him those instructions had reminded Iwaizumi of Rei’s mother which sent a sudden chill through his body. 

He began to glance around frantically suddenly aware of the fact that Oikawa’s sister had managed to come to their aid without interference. As he scanned the valley, he saw no sign of the older woman from where she had fallen and even more worryingly, there was no sign of Akira either. Iwaizumi had been so engulfed in helping Rei that he had completely missed their escape. 

“Damn it!” He cursed under his breath gritting his teeth. 

“What?” Oikawa’s sister asked as she began to dial her phone from on top of a fallen log a few steps behind Iwaizumi. 

“They got away.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “Who?” 

Just as Iwaizumi might have started to explain, the call must have gone through as a voice could be heard on the other end asking what her emergency was. Immediately, she turned all her attention to explaining what she knew and requested emergency assistance. 

“I didn’t even notice…” Iwaizumi murmured under his breath looking down at Rei in pain. 

Iwaizumi found himself shaking his head helplessly as Oikawa’s sister spoke clearly and concisely on the phone and Rei’s chest rose and fell weakly. They were both fighting, so why couldn’t he seem to do anything right? 

Rei had only ended up like this because he had seen the threat that Iwaizumi had not and because he had acted bravely and without any hesitation to protect them. Why couldn’t Iwaizumi have done that? Why couldn’t he ever keep his promises? Why did the people around him keep getting hurt? Was it Iwaizumi’s fault? 

Iwaizumi’s face and shoulders fell just as sirens began to ring in the distance. 

“I didn’t even notice…” 

Everything after that was a blur. Oikawa’s sister took command of everything and told the ambulance exactly how to find them in the woods and even waved them down when they arrived. The EMTs applied gauze bandages to Rei’s wounds and wrapped him in a blanket as they strapped him to a backboard and lifted him out of the ditch. Iwaizumi was paralyzed watching them. They handled everything and Iwaizumi finally felt truly, helplessly, useless. 

They both rode in the back of the ambulance as it sped to the nearest hospital. It had been so long since Iwaizumi had been home in Miyagi that the passing scenery outside looked completely foreign and strange. Without Rei, nothing felt the same. 

The ambulance backed into the emergency depot at the hospital and crews of trauma doctors and nurses streamed out from sliding glass doors to meet them. They moved quickly and spoke in a dizzying array of terrifying sounding medical jargon that made Iwaizumi’s stomach turn sour. 

“I-Is he going to be okay?” He asked a tall woman in blue scrubs and a clinical mask that was pulling the gurney out of the ambulance with Rei strapped in securely. 

She looked at him surprised like she had forgotten he was even there. 

“We’ll do everything we can.” She told him, popping up the sidebars on the gurney and pushing it through the sliding doors at a hurried pace. 

Iwaizumi went with the crowd of trauma doctors as far as he could until eventually, they went through a pair of doors that led to the surgical floor where Iwaizumi could not follow. 

Feeling exhausted and beaten, Iwaizumi finally collapsed into a hard blue waiting room chair that smelt nauseously of rubbing alcohol and disinfectant. He bent forward and lowered his head between his knees and finally let out the breath that he had been holding in since the moment the gun had first fired. 

They were in a hospital now, the doctors here were experts in this kind of thing, they did this every day. Surely they would know what to do, how to help. 

“I think,” a voice began beside Iwaizumi’s wilted body, “that you owe me one hell of an explanation Hajime.” 

Looking up, Iwaizumi was met with the intense brown gaze of Oikawa’s sister’s eyes. Suddenly, under that powerful, analytic, stare, Iwaizumi realized that she and Oikawa had not been so different after all. 

“Where should I start?” Iwaizumi breathed miserably. 

Her expression softened as she lowered herself into the seat next to Iwaizumi and gently placed a warm hand supportively on Iwaizumi’s back. 

“How about from the beginning kiddo?” 

“Fair enough.” He agreed. 

Telling the story of this ridiculous, insane, laughably dramatic few days turned out to be even more complicated than Iwaizumi might have guessed. Parts of it made him feel like he was ranting and raving like a lunatic because no sooner than he spoke them aloud, certain parts sounded painfully fantastic and unbelievable. 

None the less, Iwaizumi told her the story from the very beginning to the moment she had walked in on the grisly scene in the woods. He did neglect to mention a few of the more personal moments they had shared together over the last few days of course but otherwise left nothing out. She was unreadable the whole time just nodding and staring blankly at every step. There was no way to know what she was thinking but at least she wasn’t running up to the nearest nurse demanding directions to the psych ward he supposed. 

“…and that was pretty much when you showed up and I guess you know the rest, huh?” Iwaizumi finished, looking down and away in fear of what her expression might come to reveal. 

She didn’t say anything at first but she slumped back in her seat drained and overwhelmed with everything she had just heard. 

“Jesus fucking christ, Hajime.” That was all she said after a moment of silence. “I mean…just…what the fuck?!” 

Iwaizumi might have burst out laughing at that if he hadn’t been so shaken and numb. 

“Yeah.” 

They both just stared at each other in wordless silence. Oikawa’s sister breathed out raggedly to calm herself and bit the inside of her cheek in thought. 

“So you really think he is Tooru?” She finally whispered. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t blame her for wanting to keep her voice low. It was a crazy thought and was at least as painful as it was stupid. 

“I do.” 

She shook her head in disbelief. 

“How is it possible?” She asked him with the makings of a frown forming across her face. 

When she was deep in thought she got the same little wrinkle between her brows that Oikawa used to when he was strategizing what play to use in a game. 

“I don’t know,” Iwaizumi admitted in frustration, “and even if I did, I’m not sure we’d ever be able to prove it.” 

Rei’s mother’s taunts were still painfully fresh in his mind. 

_You don’t know who he is, and you never will and that is why in every version of this, I have already won._

Was she right? Was this the end? Had she really won? 

He felt a helpless disappointed anger start to bubble inside him. Deep down Iwaizumi knew that he loved Rei no matter who he really was, and yet he couldn’t get those words out of his head. As much as he wished he didn’t care, he still needed to know the truth. It wouldn’t change how he felt but it would answer so many questions and fill in so many blanks that it almost seemed impossible to live a life without that closure. Something would always be missing, something would always make him doubt himself if he never did learn the truth about what really happened all those years ago. 

“I know I shouldn’t care, I know it shouldn’t matter, but the not knowing has been the worst part. I-I don’t know if I can take not knowing any longer…” Iwaizumi admitted in shame trying not to meet Oikawa’s sister’s eyes. 

“It does matter Hajime.” She agreed firmly. 

He looked up in surprise and saw a determined fire in her eyes that he hadn’t expected. 

“I need to know too.”   
She spoke so assuredly that Iwaizumi was almost in awe. Her words were the words of an older sister who just wanted to do right by her little brother. 

“Even if we do find out that Tooru really is gone and Rei is just some poor innocent kid that got caught up in all this mess, then we still might be able to learn enough to drag the Washijos down with us. Avenging Tooru, and finally getting him the justice he deserves would be enough for me.” She growled with the steely grit of an animal getting ready to pounce. 

Iwaizumi felt something that might have been a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Yeah.” 

Just then, a woman with brown hair wearing green surgical scrubs came through the push doors leading to the ICU and began walking over to Iwaizumi with purpose. 

“Iwaizumi and Oikawa?” She asked the two of them with an audible sense of urgency. 

It was strange for Iwaizumi to hear his name spoke side by side with Oikawa’s again. He knew that it was her name too as Oikawa’s sister, and yet it still made him feel strangely safe and comfortable in the familiarity of it all. It made him sure that he had made the right choice in sending his SOS text to her of all people. He was glad she was here with him. 

“That’s us.” She said standing from her seat. 

The woman nodded and flipped a page over on a clipboard in her hand and scanned quickly. 

“Alright, you two brought in our John Doe is that correct?” 

“Right. Is something wrong?” Iwaizumi asked nervously, watching the hesitation on the woman’s face as she reviewed the chart. 

“He’s stable for now but the doctor would like to talk to you both.” She told them waving for them to follow her back through to the post-op suites. 

“What is this about?” Iwaizumi asked scrambling to follow her and match her quick pace as she lead them through a set of doors and down a long sterile-looking hallway. 

“The doctor will explain everything.” She promised, signaling for them both to enter an open room to her left. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but not feel reassured by that. Still, he did as she said and walked through the doorway. 

Immediately, he was greeted by the sight of an unconscious Rei laying in a hospital bed with a twisted mess of tubes and instruments plugged into his body making him look like more machine than man. His skin looked deathly pale and there were dark circles around his eyes that made Iwaizumi’s heart break. The rhythmic up and down of his bandaged chest could be seen through a white hospital gown though and Iwaizumi tried desperately to hang onto that image instead. 

“Rei!” He cried as soon as they entered the room. 

He began to rush to his side when he noticed a man wearing a white coat and sporting an unfeeling and resolute expression on the other side of the bed and stopped in his tracks. 

“What is this about?” Oikawa’s sister asked making her way into the room behind Iwaizumi and speaking directly to the doctor upon entrance. “What’s wrong?” 

The doctor breathed out through his nose like he didn’t quite know how to say this. 

“The surgery was a success, we removed the bullet and repaired most of the damage.” He began. “He had lost a lot of blood when he arrived but I want you both to know that the first-aid you both administered probably saved his life. The damage really should have been much worse given the circumstances.” 

Iwaizumi felt a shaky relieved breath squeak past his lips. 

“So he’ll be okay?” Iwaizumi asked quickly. 

The doctor frowned and looked away. Iwaizumi’s stomach dropped. 

“I’m afraid the bullet was the least of his concerns.” The doctor said. 

“How so?” Oikawa’s sister probed. 

“The head injury he sustained before the gunshot wound seems to have dealt severe damage.”

Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s sister met each other’s eyes tensely. 

“How severe?” She asked, concealing a slight tremor in her voice. 

“Hard to say,” the doctor admitted, “it could be nothing but the fact that he hasn’t woken up is concerning. We will only know the full extent when or if he wakes up.” 

“If?” Iwaizumi repeated emptily. 

“There was evidence to suggest that his head wound was inflicted at the same site as a previous injury that had weakened the integrity of the bone. Whatever the original case was, the wound was not treated properly and healed abnormally as a result, leaving the structure more fragile than it should have been.” 

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. 

“The car crash.” He said allowed remembering what Rei had told him about his suspicion over his lost memories. 

“Excuse me?” The doctor confirmed. 

“He was in a car crash when he was younger, could that be the previous damage you saw?” Iwaizumi asked. 

The doctor raised an eyebrow. 

“Doubtful,” he said slowly, “from what I saw in surgery, the preexisting trauma was likely the result of a blunt force impact that you usually would not see from something like a car crash. It was too targeted and acute to the site.” 

Iwaizumi swallowed hard and looked at Oikawa’s sister for some kind of explanation. 

“What are you saying?” She asked directly. 

“There is serious evidence of long-standing physical abuse.” He told them leaving the room in total silence. 

Rei had told Iwaizumi about how harsh his father had been and Akira’s violent actions had been self-explanatory both times they had met and yet this information slammed into him unexpectedly. The fear, the jumpiness, the defensiveness all made so much more sense suddenly. Rei had kept so many of the details to himself that Iwaizumi had never really known the true extent of what he had been through but now couldn’t believe how much he hadn’t known. It was horrifying. 

“How can you tell that from one head wound?” Oikawa’s sister demanded. 

“It is not just the wound that concerns us,” the doctor informed her, “we had X-Rays taken to aid the operation and help us make sure that splintered bone fragments from the collision had all been removed, and they revealed a troubling history of abuse.” 

“Like what?” She questioned bluntly. 

“Both his arms and legs show evidence of repeated fracturing and straining that healed without medical attention. The X-Rays also showed a worryingly low level of bone density that is usually consistent with extended starvation.” He told them before stopping, thinking, and adding one more thought like he wasn’t sure if he should say it out loud. “With the extent of the scarring on his body, all of this is consistent with extensive physical abuse likely beginning from early adolescence.” 

“Scarring?” Oikawa’s sister asked, concerned. 

Iwaizumi hadn’t mentioned the scars that Rei had revealed to him before their shower when he had filled her in on the story thinking that it was too personal. He had never expected that it would come back into play in this way.   
The doctor just nodded at her though and took a step toward the bed where he peeled back the corner of Rei’s hospital gown and revealed the striking pink scars that were scattered around his ghoulish looking skin. He had only revealed a small corner of Rei’s body but knowing how many more there were that were still covered, Iwaizumi winced away. 

“…oh my god…” she breathed, clapping a hand over her mouth and leaning back against the wall behind her so that she didn’t collapse. “I-I had no idea.” 

The doctor nodded and lifted the gown sleeve back into place obscuring the sight of the lines on Rei’s skin. 

“Because of the severity of everything we found during surgery, police have been alerted but we wanted to make sure you both were also aware in case there was anything you know that might help us treat him.” The doctor told them seriously. “Do you know anything else about him? Who is he?” 

“I wish we knew.” Oikawa’s sister cursed bitterly, clenching her fist and grimacing brutally.   
The doctor looked at her unconvinced but seemed to understand that there wasn’t anything left to say. 

“If you are able to,” he said, “having familiar presences around and hearing voices and encouragement have been linked to better survival rates in cases like these. Please, take your time and stay with him if you’d like.” 

He eyed them both with a sad sympathy for the pain that must have been obvious on both of their faces as he left. The second he left the room, everything was quiet except for the sharp buzz of the fluorescent lights overhead and the soft hum of the machines hooked up to the sleeping Rei. 

Oikawa’s sister moved closer to the bed and pulled up a chair at its side. She looked at Rei carefully, studying his features wistfully like she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. Everything had been so rushed back in the forest and in the ambulance that she probably hadn’t had a real chance to take in everything and really take a close look at Rei. It was like she was really seeing him, or at least Tooru through him, for the first time. 

“He’s been through so much.” She said softly, refusing to take her eyes off of him. 

“I never knew it was that bad,” Iwaizumi said in disbelief coming and taking the chair on the opposite side of the bed from her. “He’d implied and alluded to things, but never said it had been as bad as all this…I-I can’t believe I never figured it out.” 

“It’s not your fault Hajime.” 

“Maybe it is.” 

“Don’t say that!” She snapped, “Blaming yourself won’t help him and it certainly won’t make you feel better so knock it off. I’ve done the self-pity tour a few times over the last decade too, Hajime, it’s a hard path to come back from.” 

Iwaizumi flattened his lips and just bowed his head. What she was saying was easier said than done but of course, she was right. He’d been down that road for too long and relapsing now when Rei needed him, wasn’t an option. 

“Sorry.” He said softly. 

He was staring down at the crisp white hospital sheets on the bed, trying to pull himself out of the spiral that was tugging away at his heart when he felt her warm hand take hold of his and squeeze. 

“We need to help him.” She said quietly. “But what can we do?” 

Iwaizumi tried to think for a second. His thoughts were a blur of insanity and he had to desperately fight against the raging current inside him to piece together some kind of coherent plan that would make this all better. It was imperfect, incomplete, and a total gamble that might risk everything, but finally, an idea came to him and he held onto it for dear life. 

“We’re going to need help.” He decided finally taking his phone out of his pocket and setting his brow firmly and unshakeably. “I need to make a few calls.” 

**—Rei’s POV—**

Everything was dark. 

_Where am I?_ Rei wondered fighting against the strange feeling that he was floating weightlessly somewhere outside of himself. 

_Rei!_ Iwaizumi’s panicked, terrified, voice shot passed him before reversing course and slamming back into him like a boomerang with deadly accuracy. 

He felt a white-hot pain stab into his chest knocking him sideways and causing him to grunt from impact. Reaching down to his ribs with shaking hands, Rei felt a warm wetness that even in the dark, he knew was his own blood. 

_Rei!_ Iwaizumi’s voice screamed again. Where was he? What was happening? Why did he sound so afraid? 

Something smashed into the back of his head and sent a jolt of electric agony radiating outward to his entire body. It was an all-consuming kind of pain that was so intense and so unbearably that it almost felt numb. 

“Stop!” Rei begged, screaming out into the void desperately. “Please!” 

“I love you for who you are and how you make my life better just by being in it.” A familiar voice behind him recited with a summery sweet kind of love that made everything feel warm and safe again. 

He turned and saw Iwaizumi behind him reaching out a hand with a friendly smile. 

“Iwa-chan!” Rei called out feeling tears beginning to well up in his eyes. 

He leaped for the dark-haired man but right when his arms were falling down to embrace him once again, Iwaizumi turned to mist and blew away in a gust of wind. 

“No!” Rei screamed, desperately looking around him to see where Iwaizumi had gone. “Iwa-chan, where are you?!” 

His heart was pumping wildly and the darkness around him felt as though it was beginning to spin with Rei at the eye of the disorientating storm. 

“Over here.” The voice said again, echoing like words spoken deep inside a cave.

The voice sounded somehow both far away and incredibly close. It was as if it was coming from all around him, everywhere at once. 

“Where are you? I can’t see you.” Rei pleaded. “I don’t understand what’s happening.” 

“Why do you need to?” The distorted voice asked with an air of amusement. 

“Need to what?” Rei repeated, confused. “Understand or see you?” 

“Yes.” 

Great. Very helpful. 

“Because I love you Iwa-chan, I should have said it before but I didn’t get the chance. I need to tell you that I love you too! I need to say it back…” 

“Why?” 

“Because you deserve to know!” Rei screamed turning in every direction and feeling as if a hand was wrapping around his heart. “Please, where are you Iwa-chan, just come out and tell me. Why are you hiding?” 

Through the darkness, stepped the shadowed and obscured form of Iwaizumi. 

“Who is Iwa-chan?” He asked with a smirk of fascination as in drew in closer to Rei. 

“You are,” Rei told him, surprised. 

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened and he thrust out his two arms and began to observe them up and down as if he had just noticed for the first time that they were there. 

“Am I? How interesting!” He said laughing. 

It was only then, as Iwaizumi came closer, that Rei noticed there was something wrong. His hair was black and spiked like normal and his eyes were as dark and confident as they had always been, and yet he didn’t quite look like himself. Rei looked a little closer and saw that his body was a little smaller and that his eyes were wider and his face rounder than he was used to seeing. It was as if he was Iwaizumi, but younger than Rei had ever known him. 

“How do you look like that?” Rei gasped. “How are you younger?” 

Iwaizumi just stared back at him blankly. 

“I am as I have always been.” He said as if talking to no one in particular even though they were alone together in the dark. “I came from you.” 

“Who are you?” Rei found himself suddenly asking, drawing back and being overtaken by an ominous feeling that something was incredibly wrong. 

“Who are you?” The boy asked him back. 

“Harada Rei.” He said automatically as if the words had somehow been forced out of his mouth without his control. 

“Are you sure?” The boy pressed, giving a giggle at the end of his words like a child playing a prank. 

“Please, just leave me alone,” Rei begged, “I just want to see Iwa-chan again.” 

“Are you sure?” The boy asked him, squinting as if unsure of what he was seeing in Rei, “it’s dangerous out there but it's safe in here. No one can hurt you here. We could stay here together, forever.” 

A warmth began to fall over Rei as the boy smiled at him. It felt comfortable and familiar, it felt like home. Was he home? Where was he? 

“Where is ‘here’ exactly?” Rei asked swallowing hard and looking around him into the infinite darkness. 

“We are inside your head of course,” the boy said rolling his eyes bored, “in your deepest darkest most buried, and forgotten memories. No one will ever find us. It’s finally safe.” 

Rei had to admit that he did feel safe. He did feel hidden. No one would find him here. No one would hurt him here. 

The memory of that pain in his chest and the jolt in his skull tore through him again and caused him to shiver. The pain moved through his body vibrating off of his nerves and burning through his skin as if it were using his very bones as conductors to circulate more pain than he could bear. 

“It hurts.” His voice cried out. 

There was a sharp snap and the pain just vanished like it was never there. Rei looked up to see the young Iwaizumi with his fingers pressed together smiling. 

“So will you stay with me?” The boy asked him. 

Rei didn’t know what to say. That pain had been unmatched anguish and even the memory of it nearly broke him all over again. He never wanted to feel that again but as he was thinking, Rei noticed that the warmth from before had left him completely and now he felt nothing. That familiar, soft feeling he had before was gone and now it was like he was untouched and alone. 

“I don’t feel anything,” Rei said as if it were a question. 

“Of course not, I took it all away.” The boy told him. “To show you what you could have if you stay in here with me.” 

“I don’t feel anything at all though,” Rei fretted, suddenly keenly aware of how restless and stiff it felt to feel nothing at all. “No pain, but no happiness either. Where did that go?” 

It was numb. Completely, totally numb. It was horrible. 

“Gone. I made it all go away just like I promised.” 

“I didn’t ask for this,” Rei told him angrily as he realized that he could no longer feel his own heartbeat or taste the air around him as he breathed. “I don’t want this!” 

“But nothing bad can happen here.” the boy argued. 

“Nothing good either!” Rei shot back furiously. 

“Would you really want all that pain back just on the chance that you might feel joy again?” The boy asked him twisting up his face in bewilderment. 

“Yes!” Rei shrieked without a second thought. 

“Are you sure?” 

Feeling nothing, having nothing, was an agony of itself. Rei had never realized how much he needed, how much he relied on, the good things in his life to guide him through the bad, and how important the promise of tomorrow and what it might hold was to him. The bad always seemed to pale next to the good once it finally arrived but having neither was a bland, lifeless and anesthetized existence. It was no life at all. 

“Yes!” He repeated, realizing how much he desperately meant it. 

“Good.” The boy decided, beaming out a bright and toothy grin. 

“Can you send me back? I want to go back to Iwa-chan, there is still so much I need to do.” He asked the boy whose face just kept smiling back with a warm lively blush taking over his cheeks 

“I can send you back.” The boy promised. “But remember, once I do, you will get exactly what you asked for—a life of both incredible pain and incredible promise—and there will be no going back. Do you understand?” 

Rei felt his eyes widen in recognition. He looked in closer at the little Iwaizumi and felt a spark burst to life in the back of his skull that exploded into a blazing inferno.

“Do you understand?” Iwaizumi asked him again. 

This time, when Rei looked back at the boy, he looked the same as he always had and any doubt Rei had was swept away and vanished into the abyss. 

“I know you,” Rei told him. 

“As I have always known you.” The boy beamed. “Are you ready?”

Rei couldn’t help but smile in amazement. “I am.” 

The boy just nodded happily, reached out, and placed a fingertip against Rei’s forehead causing the bleak void around them to erupt into a searing white light that forcibly launched Rei out of its murky depths.

“Good luck, Tooru.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, y'all! It is so exciting for me to post this chapter because I have been looking forward to this one for a while. Heads up though, the next chapter will be our grand finale with the way I currently have the plot planned out. However, depending on how the process of actually writing it out goes, I may do an epilogue of sorts though because actually writing out these chapters always turns out differently than I plan haha. (If you guys only knew what this story was supposed to look like when I first started back in August, we would all laugh at how different it turned out). Anyway, I really hope you all liked this chapter and will look forward to next week with me! :)
> 
> Thanks so much! Xx


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, y'all! So basically I am a liar. I wrote this chapter out in its entirety once and had about 8k+ words for it ready to go but I just really wasn't happy with the pacing so I scrapped it and started from scratch on Sunday night. I know I said this would be the last chapter but I think to get the timing right, I actually want to do one more and split up what I had planned since it just felt rushed and unsatisfying when I tried to push it all together. So anyway this chapter is late because I had to rewrite it all with a totally new plan at the last minute, not because I forgot about the story or anything like that. I'm a lot happier with it this way. 
> 
> TLDR//: "I started making it, had a breakdown, bon appétit!" 
> 
> Hope you guys still like it! Xx

**—Iwaizumi’s POV—**

“One decaf cappuccino for you, one iced cold brew for me.” Oikawa’s sister announced, sliding back in through the hospital room’s doorway with their coffee orders in hand. 

“Thanks.” Iwaizumi tried, giving her the best smile he could manage while taking his drink. 

In truth, it hurt to smile. Something about it felt incredibly, unbearably, fake. Especially now. The art of hiding your true emotions and thoughts behind a glittering smile must have been a dominant trait in the Oikawa family though, given how easily Oikawa’s sister smiled back after handing over the hot cardboard cup. Iwaizumi knew that she must have been feeling just as terrible as he did—maybe even worse since he had at least had time to come to terms with everything slowly over time, but she had been tossed in headfirst and probably hadn’t even had a chance to process everything he had thrown at her yet. He was glad not to be going through this alone but still couldn’t escape the brewing guilt inside him from dragging her down into this mess with him. 

“Any updates?” She asked him, taking her seat in the chair nearest the door on the other side of the hospital bed. 

Iwaizumi glanced over at Rei sleeping in the bed between them and frowned. 

“From the doctors or from my friends?” He asked, tearing his eyes away from Rei’s exhausted and beaten looking body. 

“Either.” She shrugged eyeing Rei as well. 

Iwaizumi still couldn’t read how she felt about Rei yet but he had a feeling that that was because she herself hadn’t decided. 

“No.” Iwaizumi admitted. 

She nodded unreadably and took a sip of her drink after swirling the dark brown liquid around in the cup and shaking the ice absently. 

“Were you able to get through to your parents?” Iwaizumi asked. 

“Yeah, but I didn’t really know what to tell them yet.” She answered, looking down in shame. “I apologized for leaving the memorial early and explained I had to go to the hospital because someone got hurt but I didn’t tell them who. I didn’t even know how to begin to explain this situation to them so I just left it vague and kind of implied that it was you and that you twisted your ankle at the concessions table.” 

Iwaizumi felt his eyes widen and his shoulders relax as his lips pressed together and snorted out from his nose. 

“Hey! Come on, that is such a lame excuse! They hate me enough as it is, now they’ll just think I was trying to shirk off that memorial speech I promised to give.” Iwaizumi laughed darkly. 

Oikawa’s sister chuckled through a side-ways smirk but just shook her head. 

“I already told you, they don’t hate you. They just have a lot of undirected anger at the world and you’ve been unlucky with your timing.” 

“Unlucky or stupid?” 

“Bit of both.” 

They both snickered a little and then just leaned back in their seats and sipped their coffee in silence. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t seem to tear his eyes off of Rei no matter how hard he tried. It probably wasn’t healthy to be so single-minded and yet nothing else felt as important as being here for him. He wasn’t even sure what he was waiting for but the feeling he had deep down was somewhere between a kid on Christmas Eve and a college student receiving final grades. No news was surely good news and yet getting hearing nothing at all felt a bit like being stuck in a cramped airplane seat unable to stretch your legs or recline your chair. 

“You know, a watched pot never boils Hajime.” Oikawa’s sister told him as if reading his mind. 

“Good things he’s not a pot.” Iwaizumi shot back. 

Her dark eyes narrowed gradually as he said that and one eyebrow crept up with intrigue. 

“Then what is he exactly?” She asked, settling back in her chair and taking a long sip of the last dredges of coffee in her cup. 

“What do you mean?” 

“To you. What is he exactly, to you?” She rephrased with a slight twinge of amusement at Iwaizumi’s panic that somehow also must have been genetic. “Because you told me that whole long story, but never really said why you’ve been together all this time. I get that he looks like Tooru, believe me, I do get that, but that isn’t the only reason you’ve been inseparable through all this mess. There’s no way.” 

“He was in trouble, I wanted to help.” Iwaizumi answered a little too quickly. 

“Because you’re just such a nice person?” She asked him disbelievingly. 

“Sure.” 

“Hajime. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but as someone that has known you since you were just learning to ride a bike, you’re really not that nice.” 

“Yes I am, fuck you.” 

“I didn’t need more evidence but thanks for providing it anyway.” 

“Fuck off.”

“Such language! I should get the soap.” She teased him, pretending to disapprove and sip at her empty cup just loudly enough that Iwaizumi was sure to be irritated by it. 

“Is being an asshole to me just like an Oikawa family tradition or did you all have a meeting about it 15 years ago where you decided to pick it up as a hobby and just never let me know?” He asked wrinkling his nose for effect. 

“It was a unanimous vote.” She informed him, nodding easily, clearly enjoying his reaction. 

“You really are just like him, always thought you were the nice one but you’re the same as he is.” Iwaizumi shot back, before stopping dead in his tracks. 

Their eyes met. They both had heard it. 

_…the same as he is._

Present tense. 

Fuck. 

At this, her face fell a little and she turned back to Rei in the bed and slowly reached out and took his hand. She brushed her thumb up the back of his hand and smiled sadly. 

“I don’t know which is harder Hajime I really don’t. I keep going back and forth. If it is him then it’s good, hell, it's miraculous that he is alive and with us again but… if it’s not maybe that’s okay too because then his suffering is over.” She said pursing her lips. “You heard everything that doctor said. Do you think it’s selfish of me to wish that it is him even though that would mean he had to endure all that pain?” 

Iwaizumi thought for a second. 

“I think it's a fucked up situation either way.” Iwaizumi told her honestly. “No matter what the truth is, at least one of them went through hell, and at least one person is dead.” 

Iwaizumi thought back to what Rei’s mother had confessed to him back in the forest. She had said that she’d destroyed all the records on Oikawa which must have meant he was involved in this somehow or else why bother, right? But Iwaizumi also couldn’t ignore the fact that the police had still found a body. Even if corrupting those files meant that it wasn’t really Oikawa, then it was still a person who was now dead and whose story wasn’t being told. He couldn’t forget that. 

“There is still so much he never told me.” Iwaizumi breathed keeping his eyes locked on Rei, “He’s the only one who knows the truth about all of this, even if he can’t remember it.” 

Iwaizumi felt his face twist into an angry scowl. But as his muscles and features contorted, he also felt warm tears trying to form behind his eyes. 

“Just wake up Rei, please. We need you here with us.” He begged, bowing his head and clasping on tightly to Rei’s cold fingers. 

It was exactly when Iwaizumi’s breathing was begging to slow that there was a knock at the door. 

Iwaizumi quickly looked up and saw the dark and eternally reliable face of Daichi Sawamura on the other side of the safety glass window. 

His feet were already on the floor and halfway to the door when Iwaizumi spoke to Oikawa’s sister. 

“I’ll be right back.” He promised, slipping past her and through the door, shutting it tightly behind him. 

Once outside the room and in the hospital hallway, Iwaizumi prepared himself for a truly strange conversation. 

“How did you get here so fast?” Was the first thing Iwaizumi asked. 

“I was actually already on my way,” Daichi admitted, stretching the back of his head as if he was embarrassed. “I had placed an APB request with the local departments for a man fitting the description you gave us for Akira Saito. It was flagged early this morning and the initial report suggested he was traveling with an older woman which didn’t fit the lone wolf ‘enforcer’ profile we had for him, so I took a bit of a risk coming here. I was just leaving the train station to come to find you guys when Suga called and told me about your conversation.” 

“I’m glad you came Daichi.” Iwaizumi wasn’t afraid to admit. “Is Suga still coming too?” 

Daichi nodded. 

“I told him it was too dangerous but he insisted and I don’t think god—much less me—would be able to change his mind now.” He added laughing weakly. 

“Sounds about right.” 

“I need to head back and check-in with the locals about the APB flag but I just rendezvoused with the protective custody officers they sent to guard Rei after his surgeon called and I already checked them out. They’re legit, don’t worry.” 

“Thanks, Daichi, we seriously owe you.” 

Daichi’s eyelids lowered a little and he shook his head. 

“I’m just so sorry about everything Iwaizumi. After we talked on the phone about the updates in Oikawa’s case, I felt terrible that I let you down and couldn’t be there for you. I just want to do it right this time.” 

“That wasn’t your fault Daichi. You gave me a heads up, I couldn’t have asked for more.” Iwaizumi assured him quickly before adding, “But, how much exactly did Suga tell you about our phone call?” 

“Just that you called asking for help with some new development and that you needed our help with something.” 

Iwaizumi sucked in a breath between his teeth. There was still a lot Daichi didn’t know then, but Iwaizumi knew he would need to keep his explanations concise so he could get back to Rei as quickly as possible. 

“Okay, so there are some things you need to be aware of…” Iwaizumi began before relaying the events of the last few hours to Daichi in hurried but still excruciating detail. 

He told Daichi about his conversations with Oikawa’s sister and the Ushijima and Tendou at the memorial. Then he explained about his harebrained scheme to run directly into mortal danger with only a single text message as back up. Finally, he recited every line of what Rei’s mother had admitted to while they were alone in the woods—verbatim. The dawning look of horror on Daichi’s face that began with the memorial, only built as the story progressed, finally amassing as righteous fury. 

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?!” He demanded furiously as soon as Iwaizumi had stopped speaking. 

“I know it was stupid and dangerous but it was the only thing I could think to do at the moment.” Iwaizumi explained, hoping he could rely on Daichi’s sympathetic nature to avoid a scolding. 

“I understand you were just doing what you thought you needed to, but if you had stopped and thought before you ran into the woods, you could have told someone at the memorial what was happening and saved a lot of people a lot of heartache Iwaizumi.” 

Deep down, he knew Daichi was right, but still, getting scolded by someone his own age was a truly strange feeling. 

“It wasn’t logical Daichi, it was emotional. All I knew was that I needed to be there and so I ran as fast as I could.” Iwaizumi said, “Imagine if it were Suga in danger.” 

That last part may have been a bit much, but it was also true. Daichi’s face flattened out and he took a step back. 

“As long as you’re both safe now, that’s all that really matters.” He finally relented throwing up both of his hands in surrender. 

“Thank you, but we still have a problem and that problem and that problem is now missing in action and goes by the names of both Washijo and Harada.” Iwaizumi reminded him gratefully. 

Daichi nodded pressing a finger to his chin in thought. 

“I’ll update and reissue the APB with the most up-to-date information we have and I am confident we will get a hit soon,” Daichi told him. “If they are both injured like you said, they probably won’t get far. I’ll bet money that they will also stick to hiding at places they’re already familiar with which should make it even easier to track them down. The local police might have already made some headway on finding them but I’ll see what I can do to expedite things.” 

“You should talk to Ushijima and Tendou about that, they might have a few ideas of places they might go. They were students of the Washijos after all and experienced their villain origin stories first hand.” Iwaizumi chuckled. 

“Right.” Daichi agreed, making a note on a small writing pad from his pocket. “Do you really think they’d be willing to help? Even if they were harsh coaches, they may still feel loyalty to them since it was so long ago and they were so much younger at the time. Sometimes abuse like that can be hard to recognize in younger people.” 

Iwaizumi thought back to the nauseatingly angry way both of them had reflected on the tortures that Harada had put them through. That kind of anger and disgust just couldn’t be fabricated. Iwaizumi knew that kind of betrayed hatred personally. Tendou and Ushijima definitely knew what they had endured all too well. 

“They’ll help.” 

Daichi considered this but eventually nodded again and made a final note in his book. 

“I’ll also get some computer forensic analysts to go through Oikawa’s files,” Daichi told Iwaizumi as if he was just talking to himself. “If what Harada told you is true and the files really were corrupted and deleted, there may be evidence and information hidden in the program histories.” 

“Would that really work? Could that prove what they did? Would it prove Rei is Oikawa?” Iwaizumi pressed, hearing the growing desperation in his voice. 

Daichi’s expression turned dark. 

“Iwaizumi,” he started softly, “I will do everything I can to find Akira and Harada but if everything you’ve said about them is true, they know what they are doing and how to cover their tracks. Even if we do manage to find them and bring them in, in my experience, they probably won’t be easy to get a confession out of. There may be enough proof to make an arrest, but proving Rei’s identity just may not be possible. You need to be prepared for that.” 

Iwaizumi’s heart dropped. He did everything he could to hide the powerless defeat gnawing inside of him. 

“But what about that computer evidence? There has to be a way to restore the files. That would prove everything I’ve said.” Iwaizumi pleaded. “I lost or deleted almost every essay I ever wrote for school and there’s always a way to get it back!” 

Daichi tried to give him a comforting smile but somehow it felt the exact opposite. 

“Not if they were deleted properly, Iwaizumi.”

Iwaizumi scowled and turned his face towards the floor biting his lip furiously. That same feeling from all those years ago of being the only one that was willing to fight for Oikawa came roaring back to life. It was like an empty bottomless pit inside him. Every time before now, he had been told that his fight was hopeless, every time he had been alone against the world, he had given in and given up. He had beaten down his instincts, ignored his intuition, and fought his own heart but then he met Rei, whose very existence proved that he had been right all along. 

It was about time that he learned his lesson. 

His face must have betrayed the level of absolute resolve that was seething to life inside him because Daichi’s voice began to speak again, to vow or pledge his greatest effort no doubt, when suddenly the hospital room door behind them swung open. The door shot forward with such immediate force that it whirred on its hinges and slammed into the wall causing both Iwaizumi and Daichi to jump. 

“Hajime!” Oikawa’s sister howled from the doorway. 

“What?!” Iwaizumi asked tensely, his soul just barely settling back into his body after that shock. 

“You need to see this.” She told him, her eyes chillingly wide. 

Reactively, Iwaizumi turned to Daichi as if for permission. Daichi looked back at him with amazement and just shrugged. 

“You go. I’ll head to the station and get to work. Suga should be arriving within the hour and he said he’d be coming straight here.” Daichi told him, zipping up his jacket to leave. “I’ll keep you updated on what I find.” 

Iwaizumi blinked and just as he began to follow Oikawa’s sister back into the room, Daichi’s voice interjected one last thing.

“I’ll do everything I can, but remember what I said.” 

Iwaizumi stopped and stared back at him, the decisive fire in his body catching a second wind and igniting on the breeze. 

“It’s not over yet.” Iwaizumi reminded him, narrowing his gaze and sending off the Tokyo officer with an unyielding nod. 

He wasn’t giving up this time and he definitely wasn’t letting anyone else give up yet either. 

Oikawa’s sister grabbed his hand and pulled him into the room with a harsh yank of his wrist. He stumbled over his first few steps as he entered the room again and finally caught his balance just as he stood over Rei’s bed. 

The urgency in Oikawa’s sister’s voice had given Iwaizumi hope that something big had happened but now, looking down at the tall pale unconscious man in the bed, Iwaizumi couldn’t see a single thing that had changed since he left. 

“Look!” She ordered, pointing towards Rei’s limp body tangled in the tubes and wires around him. 

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at this. “What am I looking for exactly?” 

“His hand moved, Iwaizumi.” She told him, her hard eyes boring into his own. “I felt it. His entire body jerked with it.” 

“I-It moved?” His voice squeaked. 

“I swear.” She nodded. 

Iwaizumi looked down at Rei who showed no signs of life much less consciousness. Still, Oikawa’s sister wasn’t the kind of person to make something like this up or mistake an insignificant movement for a sign of something more. She was sure and that was enough for Iwaizumi. 

Hesitantly, Iwaizumi made his way around the bed and back down into his chair—keeping his eyes locked on Rei, praying for some kind of motion that he could cling to. He took Rei’s hand in his own and squeezed. 

“Rei?” He asked softly. 

No answer. 

“Rei?” He asked again, a little louder. 

Still no answer. 

He looked over to Oikawa’s sister whose certainty hadn’t relented in the slightest. 

“Are you sure?” He asked her, already knowing her answer. 

“Talk to him.” She nudged. “I can feel him in there somewhere Hajime. He’s trying to get back to us but just… just needs a reason to make the leap.” 

Her words were syrupy thick and completely unwavering. There was no room for doubt, no room for disbelief. She had that same innate belief that miracles were hers to create that Oikawa had used to its fullest every day of their lives, and Iwaizumi was left with no choice but to believe her too. 

“Rei…” he began quietly, squeezing his hand and trying to pour his own warmth into Rei’s skin. “It’s Iwaizumi, are you there? Can you hear me?” 

Across from him, Oikawa’s sister nodded, urging him to continue. 

“If you can hear me… please, please wake up Rei. We need you back here with us, I-I need you…” He said in barely a whisper. 

“Keep going.” She pushed. 

“I feel like an idiot.” Iwaizumi admitted.

He felt like he was talking to a brick wall. Of course, he had heard those stories about people in comas reporting that they could hear everything around them while they were asleep, but looking down at Rei on the brink of death, it felt impossible. What was this really accomplishing? 

He wanted to see Rei’s eyes again, hear his voice again, kiss his lips again and he would try anything to make that a reality, but this just made him feel stupid. Surely this wouldn’t make a difference, that was all medicine and neurology and brain chemistry and other shit Iwaizumi figured overrode a little bedside small talk. Would he have been better off going with Daichi or going after Harada and Akira himself? He wanted to be here with Rei and never leave but for some reason, here and now, it felt more real and more hopeless than it had when there was nothing to do but wait. 

“Tell him something more personal Hajime.” She told him. “Say what you’re feeling and he will listen.” 

“How could you possibly know that?” Iwaizumi snapped at her. 

“How could you know that he won’t?” She shot back. 

Iwaizumi’s shoulder’s sunk. He sighed in resignation. 

“Rei?” He asked once more. “I need you here, with me. I miss you. I miss everything about you and I… I can’t do this without you.” 

This was stupid. He felt like a fool and yet as soon as he started talking, it was like he tapped into some overflowing, unstoppable reserve deep inside himself that started to spill forth. 

“You changed my life, Rei.” Iwaizumi told him. “I was lost before I met you but you changed everything. You gave me someone to love, someone to fight for, someone to protect and cherish and fucking treasure, okay?!” 

He was yelling now. He wasn’t angry but the wires in his head were getting twisted and torn and he couldn’t seem to tell his emotions apart anymore. Everything was gushing out at once and it felt like every secret, every wish, he had ever kept inside was now outside of him for someone else to hold and carry for him. 

“I know that’s lame and insane to say after we’ve known each other for so little time, but Oikawa or not, I’m in love with you in mind, body, and soul and that gives me a goddamn purpose!” He shouted. “I’ve failed too many people too many times in my life but I am not going to fail you so wake the fuck up and come back to me goddamn it!” 

He was gripping Rei’s hand now with his right and grasping a handful of white hospital bedsheet with the other. 

“Even if you’ve given up. Even if everyone else in the world has given up and it is just me against them all, I will fight for you because you are everything and without you, I am lost and alone and incomplete and I just really fucking need you to wake up, please!” His voice was ragged and chaffed now. There was just so much he wanted to say, needed to say, but for some reason, it hurt so much to just get the words out of his mouth. Above all else, if he couldn’t manage to say anything else, there was one thing that he needed to say now, or else he might just lose the nerve forever. “I should have told you this ten years ago but I am a fucking coward and I don’t deserve you…Rei… Tooru… I love you.” 

A hot tear ran down Iwaizumi’s cheek as he closed his eyes tight and grit his teeth as a sob began to form in the back of his throat. His body was wracked with all of those loose, wild, emotions pouring out inside him and everything went numb under the inconceivable pressure and relief of every unspoken word and promise he wished he had said ten years ago. 

It was then that the entire world stopped. It was the same abrupt and sudden feeling as being in a car that slammed its breaks after going 90 in the fast lane. His breath was gone and his head felt as light as air as Iwaizumi realized that someone was holding his hand. 

His eyes opened and he saw Rei’s long pale fingers coiled around his own. Looking up slowly, as if afraid he might wake from a dream, Iwaizumi traced his eyes from the hand anchoring him to this moment, to that beautiful angelic face and was met with the sight of two dark brown eyes staring lovingly at him. 

“D-Dumbass.” Rei’s voice croaked weakly from beneath the oxygen mask over his face.

Iwaizumi’s entire body lurched up onto his feet so quickly that the chair behind him went toppling down and rolled back into the hospital wall with a solid thud. 

“Rei!” He gasped lurching himself back forward and to Rei’s side on his knees. 

At this, the brunet just smiled. 

“Iwa-chan.” He said easily and lightly as if the words warmed him through and through like a ray of sunshine. “You’re here!” 

Iwaizumi couldn’t help but laugh as a tear fell from his eye. 

“Where else would I be, stupid?” 

Rei’s eyes became distant and he looked straight forward as if there was some invisible person standing at the foot of his bed. He frowned for a second and then looked back at Iwaizumi with a troubled look on his face. 

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” he said distantly, “part of me wanted to stay with him but I just couldn’t.” 

Iwaizumi’s nose crinkled. 

“What are you talking about?” Iwaizumi asked him, feeling concern rising in him. 

Rei closed his eyes for a moment and rolled his head back uneasily. 

“I-I don’t remember.” He said, obviously pained. “My head hurts.” 

Iwaizumi remembered what the doctor had told them about the wound to Rei’s head from his fight with his mother. Was this a sign of the damage they had been warned about? Had it hurt him even deeper than they knew? Had Rei lost even more of his memory from it? 

“I know it does, I’m so sorry Rei.” Iwaizumi said, biting his lip. 

“Do you want some water?” Oikawa’s sister’s voice finally spoke up. 

Rei seemed to flinch slightly as if he hadn’t noticed her presence at all, next to him, until she had spoken. 

“Y-Yes, thanks.” He said turning to her as she poured water from a pitcher on his night table into a small paper cup. 

She turned back to face him and handed him the cup. Rei reached out to take it, but as soon as her head turned enough that her face was in his full view he stopped and the cup slipped through his hand, spilling onto the floor below. 

His breath choked in as the muscles in his body went taut. “Minami…” 

She froze immediately at the sound of her name. 

And there it was. The two of them were paralyzed, locked into place, watching each other with palpable disbelief. 

“Do you know me?” She asked him hesitantly. 

He just stared back at her for a moment and blinked. 

“I…” 

Suddenly, as if he had heard an alarm go off or an explosion in the distance, his head whipped around and his eyes landed on Iwaizumi—the whites contrasting dramatically from his dark irises as they widened. 

“I-“ he tried again but stopped as he sucked a rush of air into his chest and spun back around to Minami ferociously. 

“Oh my god.” His voice rasped as his body shot back into his bed as if he were trying to force himself through the mattress. 

His face writhed and his hands reached up abruptly and tore off his oxygen mask over his face. He slapped his palms against his face and pushed his fingers up through his hair raking it back behind his forehead and straining the IV and oximeter plugged into his hand as he pulled against the wires. A distressed scowl took over his face as he pulled his hands down over his eyes and onto his cheeks tugging at the pale fragile skin as he scraped his nails down his face. His back arched as he cried out in frustrated pain and pressed his hands down over his eyes as if needing to block out the light. 

“Rei!” Iwaizumi shouted, terrified. “What’s wrong?” 

He looked over to Minami for help but she was just as frozen in shock as Rei seemed to be. Not knowing what else to do, Iwaizumi just shot forward and grabbed onto Rei’s shoulder to hold him steady. Rei seemed to fight against his touch and his shoulder shook as he tried to free himself but Iwaizumi wouldn’t let go. 

“Talk to me, please!” Iwaizumi begged. 

This sight was just too much for him. He couldn’t stand to see Rei distressed and in torment like this, he had seen Rei’s pain and his fear before, and every time it shattered a part of Iwaizumi’s heart. He couldn’t bear to watch without doing something, anything. 

Without thinking, Iwaizumi just let his body fall into Rei’s and took his arms from around Rei’s shoulders and curled them around his slender back until they encompassed him entirely. Whether it was from the pressure, the warmth, the comfort, or just because his agony reached a natural end, Rei’s body fell still and Iwaizumi felt his cold lithe fingers crawl up his back and latch onto his shoulder. 

“I-Iwa-chan…” Rei’s voice stuttered. 

Iwaizumi looked up just in time to see Rei’s eyes peering down through long lashes and dropping streams of tears. His head rolled to face Minami who was still petrified and eyed him carefully as if she wasn’t yet sure that what she was seeing was real. 

“Minami…” 

It was as if something inside Rei clicked and his very body language changed as he spoke their names. There was a sudden clarity and light in his eyes that seemed to come from somewhere deep inside him that hadn’t existed before. 

“I-I… I know you.” 

Iwaizumi and Minami both locked eyes with each other and then turned back to Rei. There was only one explanation for why Rei, who had never once been to Miyagi before, would both recognize Minami and know her name…

“D-Does that mean…I mean…d-do you, remember who you are then?” 

His expression melted and his hand reached out slowly, straining against the tubes and wires that connected him to the many machines around him, and placed the soft cool surface of his palm against Iwaizumi’s cheek. He stroked his thumb back and across Iwaizumi’s cheekbone and Iwaizumi had to fight the urge to melt right into his touch. 

“I remember everything, Hajime.” 

Those were the words that Iwaizumi had only dreamt of ever hearing and the tears came easier than he expected. 

A smile that he couldn’t control took over his face and just as he was trying to find the words to ask every question he needed answers to, his phone rang. 

He looked down at the screen for just a second and saw that it was Daichi calling. 

Iwaizumi shook his head and was about to click off and ignore the call when Rei spoke up. 

“You should answer that.” He told him. 

“What? No, it’s just Daichi, we just talked a little while ago, it can wait. I want to focus on you.” Iwaizumi promised, swimming in the absolute ecstasy of this moment. 

He wished he could live with this feeling of pure and unadulterated joy forever and never leave. Nothing else mattered. He didn’t want a single distraction. 

Rei’s features flattened and become strangely serious. 

“No. You should really answer that.” He said firmly. 

There was something in his eyes as if he somehow knew something that Iwaizumi didn’t, that told him this call was important. 

Iwaizumi just nodded, refusing to remove his eyes from Rei as he blindly reached down and answered the call.  
“Iwaizumi?” The voice on the other end asked with a clear sense of urgency. 

“Yeah? Daichi, what is it? Can this wait?” 

“I’m sorry but it can’t.” Daichi’s voice said tightly. “I just spoke to Suga about what you told me and he said he has an idea, there’s something he wants to look into that he thinks could help.” 

“T-That’s great Daichi,” Iwaizumi said, “but listen, Rei just woke up so if that’s all, can I just call you back later?” 

“He’s awake? I’m so glad for you Iwaizumi, that’s good news, but I’m sorry, there’s more and it can’t wait.” 

Suddenly Iwaizumi felt cold. Rei’s eyes were steely on Iwaizumi and he nodded knowingly. 

“What’s going on?” Iwaizumi asked uneasily, remembering the last time they had a call like this and he had learned about Oikawa’s body. “Tell me this time, don’t bullshit me.” 

There was a beat of silence on the other end before Daichi spoke again and in that second, Rei’s hand tightened around Iwaizumi’s. He couldn’t tell though if Rei was doing it to give him support, or because he himself knew that he would need the strength for what was to come. 

“Iwaizumi…” Daichi said slowly on the other end, “I just got off the phone with the local police, and… we found them. We found Harada and Akira.”


	21. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, y'all! After the longest gap between chapters I have ever taken, I finally present the last official chapter of the story. I hope after reading this it will be clear why I needed some extra time to work on this and get it ready to share and, of course, I hope you all like it! Writing this story has been my passion project since the beginning and I have loved doing it and reading your thoughts and reactions all along the way. It has meant the world to me that the response has been so positive. Thank you so much for your support and I hope you'll keep an eye out for future fics I write--since I actually already have a new one in the works! 
> 
> P.S. I still plan on uploading a sort of epilogue to this story sometime probably late next week just to touch on a few more extra things that don't fit into the regular narrative. 
> 
> As always, thank you and I would love to hear your thoughts and reactions to this chapter! Xx

**—Rei’s POV—**

At one point in his life, Rei had liked to believe that death would be a peaceful end. There was no more pain and no more suffering on the other side; which surely made it better than the life he knew. At least, that was what he told himself in the darkest nights that felt all the darker in the lonely cold company of those morbid thoughts. Only when he felt a pain which he could only describe as the feeling of death, was Rei truly grateful that those moments had receded with the dawn and he had stayed his hand. 

As he awakened from what felt like a long dream, Rei breathed a sigh of relief as the first sight his eyes saw was Iwaizumi. 

He couldn’t seem to remember exactly where he had been or what he had been doing, but for some reason he knew there was something important waiting for him on this side the dream.

His head was up in a cloud, buried under a heavy haze of fog, as he talked to Iwaizumi from where he lay in his hospital bed. He could hear his voice talking and he could hear Iwaizumi responding but it was like their words were glitching or lagging in real-time and none of it made any sense. He couldn’t quite describe how it felt but he did have a sudden appreciation for what he put his computer through when he tried to download movies, open files, and play music all at the same time. There was something that his brain was struggling to do—the urgency and gravity of that task building in his mind felt like pressure building in a clogged pipe.

Iwaizumi asked him a question and he said something back but wasn’t really sure what. What was happening? Why did he feel like this?

The pressure behind his eyes kept growing with every second; quickly and exponentially increasing from a slight irritation to an unbearable burden in what was probably only a few seconds but felt like an eternity condensed into the span of a human life. 

“My head hurts.” He groaned, trying to reach up to rub his eye and relieve some of the pain inside his head, but finding that his arms were confined by a mess of tangled and miscellaneous medical equipment.

“I know it does, I’m so sorry Rei.” Iwaizumi’s voice said in response. 

“Do you want some water?” A familiar woman’s voice asked him from just out of his line of sight. 

“Y-Yes, thanks.” He tried to nod, squeezing his eyes tight. 

Rei went to open his eyes as he heard the pouring of water stop beside him but as the woman on his left turned to face him, a lightning-bolt shot through his body. 

It was as if every neuron in his brain had exploded to life from complete darkness. Just like flipping the lights on after your eyes adjusted to the darkness, Rei recoiled back and winced in pain. The feeling was electric. Looking at this woman, her hair, her eyes, her face, Rei knew immediately that he knew her but not how or from where. He sputtered for a second as he searched for the right words to use but instead, from deep inside him, came just one word. 

“…Minami…” 

She froze. He froze. They froze. 

Rei blinked in disbelief. 

A surge of adrenaline moved through him. He spun as quickly as his aching body could turn to Iwaizumi for some kind of explanation but instead was greeted by a look of total amazement. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? He turned back to the woman he somehow knew to be Minami and looked at her closer, studying the details of her paralyzed expression, until that sharp pain slammed back into him harder than the first time. 

“Oh my god.” He heard his voice rasp, as every muscle in his body cried out. 

Rei knew pain. Physical, psychological, emotional, every single kind of pain in existence were just weapons his parents and wielded to keep him in line and yet every moment of their abuse paled in comparison to what he now felt coursing through his body. It was every kind of pain at once. His muscles tensed violently and his back arched as he writhed in response to a searing fire that burnt him from his very core. But, the worst pain came from inside his head. The mother of all migraines was ravaging his brain and a wave of nausea swept through him as his head throbbed unbearably. 

Rei could hear Iwaizumi’s voice yelling something but his words were lost long before Rei could hear them. 

A dizzying flash of snapshot memories whizzed passed Rei’s eyes causing an ache at the base of his skull. It felt like a body-wide whiplash as the images just kept coming at Rei faster and faster. It was more than he could handle. He wasn’t even sure what he was seeing but it was all happening so fast that he was sure his head would bust open from the sheer velocity alone. 

Fragmented memories hurtled past Rei and, as they flit before his eyes and just before they would puff out like candles, he could just barely see faces in them. Two older people with brown hair just like his own. They were smiling but their eyes were cold and unwelcoming. A younger girl who looked the same looked down at him with a warmth and kindness that the other two lacked. She was young as he saw her now and yet instinctually Rei knew that it was Minami. Then, he saw himself, sitting alone at the park, watching the other kids play and feeling tears pooling in his eyes as he realized that he didn’t yet have a friend of his own to play with. A black-haired woman walked over with a young boy in tow, gripped to her leg and observing Rei suspiciously. 

C-Could that be…? 

Suddenly, he sees a green and red volleyball in his hands. He watches himself toss it up and over his shoulder and worries for a moment that it has missed its target when that same black-haired boy, now older and taller, rushed out to meet it and shot into the air smacking the ball down in a hard straight spike. The boy smiles at him widely, still missing a tooth in the front, and slaps his hands against Rei’s in celebration. 

The scene changes and now Rei sees himself in a gym tossing a jump serve in front of him and slamming it down in exactly the spot he wanted it on the other side of a net. Another team in purple and white uniforms gapes at his service ace and a boy with brown hair, who stands a full head taller than the next tallest player on that team, eyes him with interest. Rei can see his face smile, self-satisfied, at the brunet—very pleased, but not done yet. 

The scene goes dark and Rei only here’s a voice in the darkness. 

_“So what do you think it’s going to be like Iwa-chan?”_ It’s his voice. 

_“What do I think what is going to be like?”_ Another voice asks.

_“High School of course.”_

The setting shifts again and now Rei sees himself running alongside the black-haired boy as they reached the end of a street and he pulls ahead claiming victory in a long driveway leading up to a little cream-colored house. The other boy teases Rei and points and laughs at his shoelaces, but for some reason Rei doesn’t feel sad or embarrassed, he just laughs back and feels a red blush bloom across his face. A knot forms in his stomach and he can feel himself asking himself what this was that he was feeling. 

The next thing that Rei knows, the boy is gone but the scene looks the same. He can hear the sound of tires screeching to a halt behind him and it sends a shiver through his body. Before he can turn to see what happened, something hard smashes into the back of his head and everything goes dark. 

Rei pulls in a sharp shallow gasp as his eyes flicker back open and his face and body relax. The pain dissipates as quickly as it came leaving behind only a lingering burning behind his eyes like he had stared for too long into a bright light. 

There is a tingling in Rei’s skin and as his muscles begin to settle and his heart slows back to its normal pace. He stares blankly straight ahead as his brain struggles to comprehend the enormity of the entire life that just flashed before his eyes. 

Who was that? Who was that other boy? It had looked like… no, it couldn’t be. Could it? 

He turns to look at Iwaizumi and now when his eyes land on the dark-haired man, he sees something completely different. In reality, Iwaizumi looked the same as he always had but now it was like Rei was seeing him in a whole new light. Now, when he looked, he didn’t just see the face of the man that walked into his bookstore and saved his life more times than Rei could ever thank him for. Instead, he saw a man that he had known his entire life, he saw his best friend and the love of his life. 

For the very first time, he saw Iwaizumi Hajime, as he had always been, but finally not through the eyes of Harada Rei. Instead, he saw him as Oikawa Tooru. 

**—Oikawa’s POV—**

“I-Iwa-chan…” He stuttered, realizing exactly how good that word felt in his mouth. 

He turned to his side and saw the woman that had offered him the glass of water. 

“Minami…” He breathed in utter amazement. 

His sister. 

How had he ever forgotten his sister? When he looked at her now, he knew absolutely everything about her that he always had. How does something like that just slip away? And for that matter, how had he ever forgotten Iwa? It seemed impossible now, looking back at him, that he of all people, could be anyone other than who he saw in this moment. 

There was so much that he wanted to say, so much he needed Minami and Iwaizumi to hear, but all that came out was: 

“I-I… I know you.” 

“D-Does that mean…I mean…d-do you, remember who you are then?” Iwaizumi asked him back shakily, unsure of his own question and even more unsure of what answer he expected or wanted from him. 

“I remember everything Hajime.” Is the only answer that could suffice. 

Just as he had finished speaking, Iwaizumi’s phone rang. Oikawa wasn’t sure how he knew that the call was important but, as if someone with intimate knowledge of the future had whispered it in his ear, he told Iwaizumi to answer it. Iwaizumi argued that it didn’t matter and could wait for another time, but something nagged inside Oikawa’s stomach that something was wrong and Iwaizumi needed to answer it now. Eventually, Iwaizumi relented and picked up his phone. Slowly, his expression darkened as he talked to whoever was on the other end, and eventually, he ended the call and turned to Oikawa grimly with a new weight on his shoulders. 

“They found them. They found Akira and your mom, Rei.” Iwaizumi told him with a cocktail of anger and sorrow in his eyes. 

“And?” Oikawa asked him back apprehensively, figuring there was no way it would be worth an emergency private call just to say that they were in custody with no additional worries or crises. 

“And apparently they’re refusing to cooperate unless they get to talk to you first.” 

The room fell so quiet that the subtle hum of machines and the soft beeps of the monitor measuring Oikawa’s heartbeat might as well have been full-blown jet engines. Oikawa was at a complete loss for words—a trait that, admittedly, he had never practiced much before the last ten years. 

“What?” 

Iwaizumi nodded understandingly, looking about as dazed and confused by this request as Oikawa felt. 

“No.” Oikawa said immediately, “I don’t want anything to do with them anymore. They’re already in custody so they have to talk eventually. The police will just have to wait them out. No way.” 

“Rei… it’s not as simple as that.” Iwaizumi told him, his brow crinkling and forming that little wrinkle between his eyebrows that immediately gave away his level of concern. “The police can’t hold them without charges. If they don’t get some solid proof or a confession soon, Akira and your mom will walk away from this. The clock is already ticking. Daichi said that everything we told the police is circumstantial until they get confirmation of some kind to build a case against them but that could take a hell of a lot longer than we have. If those two are allowed to walk free, they’ll disappear or come back to hurt you again. I can’t let that happen! Don’t you get that?” 

Oikawa found himself scowling and looking away from Iwaizumi’s intense glare. 

“Of course I do!” Oikawa growled back. “But I… I… just can’t face them, Iwa…” 

Even just the idea of having to see those two people again, much less talk to them, was too much. Their faces, their voices, all of it just filled Oikawa’s body with dread. 

“Hey,” Iwaizumi’s voice said softly, “look at me.” 

He took Oikawa’s hand in his own and drew his eyes back to his own. Oikawa couldn’t help but notice how dark and warm they looked in the light. There had always been something special about the way Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa just when Oikawa needed him the most. He always seemed to know when Oikawa was at his weakest and needed his strength the most. 

“I know it’s hard, I know it seems impossible, and I know it’s not fair.” Iwaizumi told him, cupping Oikawa’s hand like a wounded bird. “But you need to do this. We can’t live in fear of them, Rei. And even if they never did come back for you or me, they could hurt someone else—they could do this all over again. We can’t let them do that. It needs to end here.” 

There was a beat of silence. 

Oikawa shook Iwaizumi’s hands off of his restlessly and felt his fingers tighten around the bedsheets drawn in over his lap, wrinkling the smooth fabric into balls in his fists. Why did he have to say that? 

Iwaizumi couldn’t have known, but his words stabbed straight into Oikawa’s chest. Graphic, horrific, images of Kishi’s mauled and broken body on that tiled locker room floor appeared in his mind. That deep gaping wound dead center on his forehead, the pool of blood building around his head like a grisly halo. It was too much. Stop. Stop. Stop!

A sense of visceral dread set into Oikawa digging its nails in and forcing him to relive the moment the last time he saw his brother. 

“They already have!” Oikawa shouted back, drawing on anger that was shocking to Iwaizumi, but Oikawa had felt building in himself from the beginning. 

Iwaizumi’s face lost its color. He turned to look at Minami who in turn looked down at Oikawa. 

“What do you mean, Rei?” Iwaizumi asked, his voice terrified of what he might say in return. 

Oikawa felt his teeth grit and his vision glaze over like frosted glass. 

“It won’t stop them, Hajime. It won’t fix what they’ve done. They will still have taken me, hurt me, ruined my life—nothing can ever fix that—but even if it did, it is too late for him.” 

“Who?” 

Oikawa felt a little pang over his left eye and grimaced at the toll he knew that question would take on him. 

“I never told you this because the memory of it hurt too much Iwaizumi… but I wasn’t alone with them all those years… for 8 years, I had a brother there… but not anymore.” 

Silence blew into the room like an arctic wind chilling everything it touched. 

He was fighting with all his strength to keep his tears in, but despite everything he tried, he felt a tear fall and wet the back of his crumpled hand. In the silence, he watched the tear trail off of his hand and melt into the sheets in his clutch, sinking into the fabric and disappearing, leaving only a dark stain behind. If only everything disappeared so easily. 

A warm hand landed on the top of Oikawa’s leg and held onto him, as if afraid he might melt away here and now. 

“A-A brother?” Iwaizumi’s voice asked him, trembling. 

“Kishi,” Oikawa answered, nodding his head and trying to smile by remembering the better days they had shared. 

“Kishi?” Iwaizumi repeated in disbelief. “You mentioned that name back in the woods with your mother… I-I had no idea he was your…I-I mean you s-said… you told her that she killed him…” 

Oikawa’s stare turned to ice. 

“She did. They all did. He was here one moment and gone another because of something they chose to do. He’s dead now and he is never coming back.” Oikawa’s voice sneered bitterly. 

“That is exactly why you need to go, Rei.” Iwaizumi told him, his voice light and calming. “It won’t undo what they’ve already done, but it could stop them from hurting someone else. It’s not fair, I wish I could make it go away, I’m sorry… but p-please, it can’t happen again. Would Kishi have wanted someone else innocent to get hurt?” 

Oikawa had to stomp down his anger. He didn’t really know why he was so angry or even where it was coming from, but there was just so much pain inside him that it felt like he might never regain control. He just wanted to scream. Iwaizumi was right, nothing could undo what they did, nothing would ever turn back the time they had lost together, nothing could ever bring Kishi back. But it was also true that Kishi had given his own life willingly to make sure that Oikawa could escape and live the life that he was giving up. Letting their parents and Akira carry on, would be an insult to his memory and a massive middle finger to the very thing he gave his life for. 

“No,” Oikawa admitted, in a whisper. 

Oikawa felt so overwhelmed by it all that he couldn’t force his eyes to look up, but somehow he knew that Iwaizumi was smiling. 

“Tell me about him?” Iwaizumi asked him, gripping Oikawa’s leg reassuringly. 

Oikawa’s lips opened to speak but the sudden memory of Kishi opened up in his mind, blooming like a flower in spring. 

_“Have you ever heard of Miyagi? It’s a prefecture on the west side of Japan.”_ His brother’s voice echoed from their last night on earth together. _“You would be safe there.”_

He needed to be safe but more than that, he needed to make this place somewhere that was safe and keep his promise after all this time. He wanted to make a life. After everything he had been through, he deserved that much at least. The running needed to stop, the fear needed to end. It was time to make this place his home even if it meant that he had to fight for it one last time. 

Without speaking, Oikawa reached over himself, crossing his free arm over his chest and plucking the oximeter off of his finger. Sliding the oxygen mask over his head and setting it aside next to him, he looked at Iwaizumi and saw the eyes of the man that had proven time and time again that he would fight to keep him safe no matter the cost. They could handle this, together. 

“What are you doing?” Iwaizumi asked, stunned at Oikawa as he began to move his legs to the side of the bed and sat upright, dangling his long legs over the edge so that his feet touched the cold lament floors beneath. 

“What does it look like?” Oikawa huffed, “Now, help me up. One of you better have a car cause there’s no way I can make it to the station on foot with all these stitches.” 

Iwaizumi’s face lit up, softened, and then hardened again with a renewed determination. 

“Right.” 

After that, Iwaizumi had been surprisingly quick on his feet. He had immediately set to work finding a nurse who was horrified at the very thought of Oikawa leaving the hospital so soon after his surgery and with his head wound still unchecked. Oikawa could hear her very clearly arguing with Iwaizumi who was not backing down. Eventually, she called a doctor who came in and ran a few tests, checked a few reflexes, and eventually decided that, in spite of everything, Oikawa seemed about as healthy as a man fresh out of surgery could be. 

“I’d still rather you stay around for observation and let us get a scan.” The doctor told them reluctantly. 

“I’ll come back when we’re done and be careful.” Oikawa promised him, prompting him to shake his head and shrug in concession. 

“You’ll have to sign forms confirming you left against medical advice.” The doctor told him. 

Oikawa agreed and signed the forms the second the papers were in his hand. Without realizing, his hand had set to work through pure muscle memory, and he had written Harada Rei on the form without a second thought. 

“Be careful of those stitches.” The doctor reminded him, taking back the forms. 

“We will.” Iwaizumi agreed for Oikawa. 

A lump was forming in Oikawa’s throat and he suddenly felt parched. Just as he was thinking that thought himself, a hand next to him passed him a glass from the nightstand full of water. 

“Drink,” Minami told him, her big brown eyes warm and loving. 

Oikawa took it gratefully. 

“Thanks, Minami.” 

Her face faltered for just a moment but she was able to build back up a fairly convincing smile so quickly that anyone else might not have noticed. 

“Are you okay?” He found himself asking her as Iwaizumi gave his signature to the exit forms in the doorway. 

“Of course!” She chirped a little too quickly. 

Oikawa felt his own expression flatten, it was a lie just like that smile. He had done it enough times in his life that no one other than Iwaizumi would have seen it so easily. 

“What is it?” He asked her gently, using a low tone of voice to make it clear that he knew what she was doing and that she didn’t have to hide around him. 

She looked back at him as if wanting to say something but stopped herself. After a second, a frown took root on her face and her lips tilted down in frustration. Her eyes looked back up to him, fierce in their conviction. 

“I-Is it really you?” She asked him seriously, glancing over to Iwaizumi by the door. “After everything we’ve been through, we deserve to know the truth.” 

Oikawa didn’t know what to say. The short answer was probably yes, but something was stopping him from just saying that. His memory of signing the name Harada Rei on that form kept scratching at the back of his neck like it was trying to taunt him and keep his attention. He had been telling the truth when he told Iwaizumi that his memories had returned—he remembered all 14 years of his life as Oikawa Tooru now in a way he had only dreamt of before—and yet he also remembered the 10 years he had spent as Harada Rei just as vividly. He had Oikawa Tooru’s memory so why did he still feel like Harada Rei?

Oikawa’s gaze never lifted from Minami who watched him with a tense sense of hope that was as fragile as it was desperate. Whatever this indecision was, whatever this internal struggle he was feeling meant, anything less than a definitive confirmation wouldn’t answer her question and it wouldn’t help her move on. But she was also his sister and would see right through him if he even came close to a lie. All of this only left one option. 

He motioned for her to lean in closer towards him on the bed with a crook of his finger. As her head got closer to him, Oikawa slanted his head so that his lips sat just next to her ear. 

“I should have just eaten the chocolate ice cream. I’m sorry.” He whispered. 

Immediately, her entire body reacted. She lurched back in her chair and clapped a hand over her mouth. Water was welling in her eyes. 

“Tooru!” She whispered in return before her face turned dark and her head began to shake in conflict. “Oh no…” 

“What?” He asked, amazed that after a reaction like that, she could still find something to be worried about. Not to be completely unfathomably egotistical or anything, but he had just naturally assumed that after that kind of validation, she would have been over the moon excited and relieved. 

“The records, Tooru…” she breathed, her eyes now full of concern and dread, “they changed all of your records. That horrible woman told Iwaizumi that all of your records were destroyed. How are we ever going to prove it?” 

Oikawa had to admit that proving his identity to other people had hardly been at the top of his priority list but as soon as she mentioned it, he realized what a big problem that could actually be. 

Minami’s physical reaction to Oikawa’s big reveal had been enough to draw Iwaizumi’s attention from the door and now his mouth hung open as he watched them talk. He was still too far away to hear what either of them was saying, but it was clear from the longing in his eyes that he had guessed that it was serious. 

Iwaizumi gave back the last of the papers and came over to Oikawa’s side. 

“The car will be here any moment.” He promised, slipping one arm under Oikawa and around his back for support. 

His arms were still pure muscle after all his time away from sports. He held Oikawa, who was still far from steady on his feet, easily as if he weighed nothing at all. Iwaizumi led the way slowly down the hall and out the door to the front loop of the hospital where a black police car was waiting for them. 

The plain face and dark brown hair of Ennoshita Chikara popped out from the driver's side door. 

“Get in,” he offered, audibly unlocking the rest of the doors. “Daichi is waiting.” 

Minami slipped into the passenger seat up front leaving Iwaizumi to help Oikawa into one of the two remaining back seats. Iwaizumi slid into the remaining seat and Ennoshita immediately slammed the gas, rocketing the car out from the drop-off loop and towards the police station downtown. 

Oikawa couldn’t help but become lost in thought as the car raced through town and the trees and landscape passed outside like a long-forgotten portrait he had once loved. Admittedly, he was feeling overwhelmed. It wasn’t just because he had no idea what he was going to say to Akira and Harada, or much more worryingly what they might say to him, though. Ever since the signature incident with those hospital forms, and then again after what Minami had told him about his files, there was a ravenous gnawing worry inside him that his life as Rei Harada was gone and there might be no way to truly become Oikawa Tooru again. There were no records left that could confirm he was who he now knew himself to be, so who was he now? Would he have to begin again completely? The world thought he was dead and it almost felt like things would have been easier, simpler if that actually were the case. 

His worry must have been obvious on his face as Iwaizumi had reached over and taken his hand without another word. 

If he could count on nothing else in either of the lives he had lived, it was that Iwaizumi Hajime would always be there right when he was needed most. 

“Thanks.” He whispered. 

Iwaizumi smiled awkwardly back at him, giving him a distant nod as if looking at Oikawa the way he was now, made him nervous and unsure of himself. His eyes darted around wildly and his foot was tapping slightly as his lips opened and closed several times in a row as he kept building the courage to speak and losing it again as soon as he tried. It was the same as Minami. Which meant there could only be one question on his mind. 

“I meant what I said Hajime,” Oikawa told him, without Iwaizumi needing to say a word, “I really do remember everything.” 

He could say that with confidence at least, but what good would it do him to remember a life he was now so far disconnected from with no hope of ever returning to? 

Iwaizumi’s face flushed beet red but obvious relief washed over him. 

“You didn’t say anything else about it… so I wasn’t sure…” Iwaizumi admitted, “I e-even called you Rei a few times out of habit and you didn’t stop me so I didn’t know what to say.” 

“Rei is fine,” Oikawa told him waving a hand lazily, “call me anything, I don’t care…” 

The resentment in his voice was palpable and Iwaizumi immediately picked up on it. 

“Are you okay… Tooru?” Iwaizumi asked him, trying out that name in his mouth for the first time since he had woken up. 

It was such a ridiculously unanswerable question that Oikawa almost laughed. How the hell was he supposed to know the answer to that? 

“Peachy.” He scoffed, already feeling his rumination outpacing him and beginning to drag him down. 

Iwaizumi frowned. 

This clearly wasn’t the reunion he had been hoping for and Oikawa couldn’t help but feel the same. He could feel himself ruining it but his mouth just kept running on its own no matter how much he wished it would stop. It almost felt cruel in a way to get Iwaizumi’s hopes up when he himself didn’t understand what was happening with him and what it meant. 

“D-Did you hear anything we were saying while you were asleep?” Iwaizumi asked him cautiously. 

Oikawa sighed. 

“No, it’s all pretty vague now.” He admitted flippantly, “I think I had some weird kind of dream, probably some stupid anesthesia-induced hallucination or whatever, but it all slipped away when I woke up. But definitely didn’t hear any of your conversations so don’t worry, you’re safe. Whatever insults you were throwing at me will remain safely between you and Minami.” 

“Insults? What? No…” Iwaizumi gaped, “Wait… what the fuck, Shittykawa?!” 

Oikawa found himself startled by the edge in Iwaizumi’s voice. He was hurt. 

“Do you really thing I was just sitting there insulting you while you were unconscious? Do you think all I do is yell insults at you or something, you moron?” Now he was angry. 

“Well, isn’t that what you’re doing right now?” Oikawa challenged defensively. “Aren’t you always just calling me names and making fun of me?”

He didn’t meant that how it came out, he knew he didn’t, he was just lashing out—completely out of control—but this building sense of discomfort inside his own skin felt like it was pressing him and squeezing all of his anger out of him and he just couldn’t stop himself.

“Fuck you!” Iwaizumi hissed, “You really go and regain all your memories and the only thing you seem to remember is that?” 

Oikawa just crossed his arms and leaned back into his seat defiantly, a pout protruding from his mouth. He knew Iwaizumi deserved to know what he was thinking, hell he might have been thinking the exact same since Harada had been the one that told him about the files, to begin with, and yet Oikawa had this strange desire to hold it all in and not burden everyone else. Of course, he also knew he was being unfair but the same stubbornness that had gotten him into trouble every day of his young life had evidently not been lost in either of the lives he had lived. 

He was so wrapped up in his anger that he hadn’t been watching out the window to see the approach to the police station. Ennoshita pulled to a hard stop in front of the main doors jostling everyone in the car and causing Oikawa to groan in pain as he felt a tug on the stitches alongside his ribs. Iwaizumi’s eyes flickered with concern for a moment but then quickly returned to his anger. He said nothing but he still helped Oikawa out of the car and held him up as they made their way into the station without saying another word. 

Daichi was there waiting for them as soon as they walked—or in Oikawa’s case, limped—into the lobby. 

“Thank god you’re here.” He breathed rushing towards them. “They’re getting restless in there and somehow they got a hold of a big-shot lawyer who is now demanding their immediate release. We’re stalling him as long as we can but they still won’t talk to us until they’ve seen you.” 

He glanced over his shoulder at an interrogation room at the corner of the hall behind them. 

Oikawa nodded. 

“I’ll do my best.” He promised uneasily. 

“They want to talk to you alone, but we’ll be watching from the side interrogation room through the mirror,” Daichi told him, clearly trying to bring him some comfort, but actually making this whole weird situation feel all the more real and dangerous. 

He had no plan, he really couldn’t even see why they wanted to talk to him at all. It wasn't just fear of them that was holding him back either, there was now a part of Oikawa that feared with all of his memories return hatred of them would get the best of him and ruin everything. 

“Iwa-chan?” He asked, pointing towards the door. 

“Right.” Iwaizumi agreed, helping him over to the door. 

Before he turned the knob, Iwaizumi stopped. 

“We’ll be listening in.” He told Oikawa. “Just on the other side of that glass, like Daichi said. Don’t forget.” 

Oikawa nodded. “Thank you.” 

Iwaizumi turned the knob and then backed away as Oikawa stumbled into the room weakly and took a seat. 

The room was dark and windowless with only a harsh fluorescent light hanging from the ceiling over a single table in the center. Akira and Harada sat at the table, handcuffed to a bar on the surface. Both of them looked like a complete mess. There was still dirt and leaves in his mother’s hair and Akira’s busted lip had reopened after Iwaizumi’s second assault. 

They both watched him enter, coldly, like sharks smelling blood in the water. 

“So, you lived I see.” His mother mused.

“Can’t kill me that easy.” He shot back at her with a smirk that he knew would irritate her to no end. 

Her demeanor rippled furiously at not being taken as seriously as she no doubt felt she deserved, but she managed to quickly smooth it down just enough to not reveal the true extent of her fear. 

“How’ve you been, Rei?” Akira asked him in a childish teasing kind of tone, arching one eyebrow playfully. 

“My chest hurts if you must know.” He spat, turning his attention accusingly to his mother. “Which really isn’t too bad considering she shot me. I got lucky that she has terrible aim.” 

Across the table, his mother shrugged easily, even throwing in a casual but clearly fake chuckle at his accusation. Clearly, she had managed to regain some of her composure since Oikawa and Iwaizumi had pushed her to her edge in the woods. Oikawa could tell clearly though, that she wasn’t as self-assured as she was trying to look. She knew she had lost her power over him and that was eating her up inside. 

“Accidents happen. You had better be more careful.” Akira laughed before Harada turned on him and gave him a glare so intense that it could have turned him to stone. 

“Shut up, you moron. Don’t admit to anything. We’re almost out of here.” She growled, slapping Akira across the chest with the back of her hand and narrowing her eyes at him accusingly. 

“No, please, I’ve got all day, go on.” Oikawa encouraged. 

His mother rolled her eyes and gave him a visual once over. 

“Pale skin. Sunken eyes and cheeks. You look exhausted, love.” She observed aloud, chuckling. “Today might just be all you have Rei. I’d be careful talking like that. Wouldn’t want to temp fate, eh?” 

“Is that why you asked for me to come?” Oikawa asked, quickly losing his patience with this conversation. “To make thinly veiled threats? Not your best plan, considering I am not afraid of you.” 

He was amazed at how, despite the visceral dread he had felt at just the idea of having to see and confront them again, he wasn't afraid. He was just tired. They had kidnapped, beaten, starved, shot, and for all intents and purposes, killed him. What else could they possibly do? They had already played their trump card which meant the only way forward was down. His mother was not the only one of them to notice that her power over him was gone. 

Before, he had feared becoming her, but now, looking at her and her desperation, he just felt pity. 

“Hardly.” Akira laughed harshly. 

Hardly? That was funny phrasing. It was innocuous on the surface but after Oikawa’s joke about their plan being weak, it made one thing clear— thinly veiled threats were not their plan, but they apparently did have one after all.

“Talk to me after that disgusting wound you call a face heals,” Oikawa told him bluntly. 

At that provocation, he tried to jump to his feet and across the table towards Oikawa but the handcuffs kept him tied to the table and firmly in his seat. For just a moment Oikawa had flinched as Akira had attempted to come at him but now found himself holding back a laugh at the sight of the large man corralled and confined like a rabid dog on a leash. 

“How the mighty have fallen, Akira.” He teased, just a little sadistically for good measure. 

Akira grimaced and let lose a low growl as he slunk back down into his seat. 

Daichi and Iwaizumi were watching him, and in a way it almost made this feel like a performance. There was a swell in his chest as the need to put on a show started to grow inside him, emboldening and empowering him to go bigger. That same urge to rule the court and put his strength on display had won him praise and admiration in middle school, and now was flourishing all over again in this unlikely moment of need. 

He just needed to get them to say something incriminating. That was it. Then it would be over. But of course, they were not going to make it easy on him. 

“Are you two chuckleheads ready to tell me why you wanted me here, yet?” 

A sly smile spread across his mother’s face. There was pure hatred in her eyes but also something knowing and devious that made Oikawa feel cold. With her eyes prying into his, and that thin devious grin, she looked like a snake preparing to devour her prey. 

There was more. He wasn’t done yet. 

“Well of course we’re innocent on every count of the crimes we’re being charged with.” She said dramatically as if it were an indisputable fact, putting on a show of defiance for the cameras and microphones throughout the room monitoring her every word for any trace of a confession. “But we still wanted to help out in any way we can, so that justice can be served.” 

Oikawa followed her reptilian line of sight behind his shoulder. He didn’t turn to look but he could tell that she was looking through the two-way mirror behind them and taunting directly at Daichi. She was making fun of them all. 

“Of course. How helpful you are.” Oikawa humored her snidely. “And how might you be able to help?”

“Since I was a victim in this whole mess too-“ She started. 

“Ha!” Oikawa couldn’t help but interrupt her. “A victim? Now that is rich coming from you mother, but please, don’t let me stop you now, how do you figure that you are the victim here exactly?” 

“Well, of course, it’s because Mr. Washijo—my husband—was behind it all, but I never had any clue what he was doing behind my back. That makes me a victim too, Rei.” She sneered. “He betrayed my trust, and since I care so deeply about justice, I am going to testify against him, and make sure he goes away for a long, long time for the murder of poor little Oikawa Tooru.”

What. 

“Y-You can’t do that!” Oikawa stuttered, “You’re sick!” 

“Oh no, dear, I’m perfectly well.” She teased, her voice dripping with artificial sympathy masking vile humor. “It just about broke my heart when he shot the boy in the head. Such a waste. He deserves to rot for his crimes.” 

Oikawa felt his blood drain. So this was her plan. She was going to flip the script and blame it all on Washijo when she had been the mastermind all along. Could that work? It dawned on Oikawa that she had always ruled from the shadows and had never once gotten her hands truly dirty in the many crimes they committed. There would be no hard evidence against her no matter how hard the police looked and that meant that she would get away with it all, and she knew it. 

She had asked him to come just to laugh at him one last time. To brag to his face about how she would walk free and there was nothing he could do about it. 

She was challenging him with her eyes, he could feel it, but he also had no words to respond.

Oikawa’s heart leaped into his throat. Panic and adrenaline shot through his veins and his head began to spin. This couldn’t be the end. It just couldn’t. But what could he do? She was right, there was no proof of anything, and that meant there was nothing he could do to stop her.

His heart and breathing were quickening and any and all boredom or confidence he had had just moments ago vanished. This was suddenly about more than just rejoining his old life and proving his identity, now the irrefutable death of Oikawa Tooru also meant that his murderer would walk free and, for all he knew, she would do it all again. 

Overwhelmed by everything, Oikawa’s body acted on its own, standing from the table and rushing out of that room with every ounce of strength his body had left. 

He could just barely hear his mother and Akira laughing joyously in the room behind him as he ran. Their voices echoed in his ears as he reached for a garbage can by the front desk and spilled out what little there was left in his stomach into it. 

“Oikawa!” Iwaizumi’s voice called, as he came running over to where Oikawa had collapsed on the floor. 

He slid on his knees down to where Oikawa was hunched over the bin sobbing and heaving into the basket. Iwaizumi brushed his hand against Oikawa’s forehead, wiping away a thin layer of sweat that was forming on his brow, and swept his bangs out of his eyes as he cried. 

“They can’t win, Iwa.” His voice shook. “It’s not fair.” 

“It’s okay.” Iwaizumi tried to soothe him. “They don’t know what they’re talking about. Daichi said there could be evidence of them tampering with your files, don’t give up hope yet.” 

A desperate need to hold onto any fleeting hope was clear in his words. He was begging for that to be true. 

“Right?” He asked to an approaching figure that Oikawa couldn’t see with his head buried low but assumed was Daichi following Iwaizumi out of the back room. 

“They’re still looking,” Daichi assured Iwaizumi with an air of hesitancy and pessimism crawling into his voice, “But earlier reports are looking like whoever changed the files knew what they were doing and didn’t leave the kinds of digital fingerprints you’d expect to see from amateurs.” 

Oikawa could sense Iwaizumi’s body going rigid next to him. 

“What?!” Iwaizumi’s voice screeched. “This is ridiculous, what are you saying Daichi? You were so confident about this before, are you seriously saying they could just walk away just because she says her husband did it all behind her back? It’s a ridiculous story, no one can possibly actually believe that bullshit! There’s absolutely no way!” 

“I knew that we could find them, Iwaizumi,” Daichi reminded him shamefully, “I had no idea how careful they had been all this time. Even if no one believes that she didn’t know anything, we can’t prove that she did either and that means we can’t get a conviction.” 

“You could try!” Iwaizumi hissed, wrapping his arm around Oikawa’s back and stroking his thumb up and down along his shoulder for comfort. “We can’t just give up.” 

“The lawyer they called in is extremely aggressive and extremely good at preparing his witnesses to win in court… without that confession, we don’t have anything concrete to stack against them. He’ll shoot us down immediately, Iwaizumi. He knows what he’s doing and won’t be caught off guard by any of our usual tricks. We just don’t have the evidence.” 

“They’re very well connected.” Oikawa coughed wretchedly, shaking his head in defeat, from his spot on the floor. “Always were.” 

“With what we currently have against them, our best bet is to trip Harada up on the witness stand and admit something we can use on record but to do that, we would need something both surprising and irrefutable to have any chance at a guilty verdict.” Daichi agreed miserably. 

“Put me on the stand then, I’ll testify to everything they said to me in the woods and that Akira attacked both of us twice. Hell, I can testify that Harada was the one that shot Oikawa.” Iwaizumi pushed urgently. 

Daichi just shook his head in defeat. 

“It won’t be enough. The standard of evidence is too high in criminal court cases Iwaizumi.” Daichi scowled. “It would just be your word against his without physical evidence, and besides, even if it were enough, that would only put them away for assault or maybe assault with a deadly weapon, but honestly, with those charges and that lawyer of theirs, they would be out of jail as fast as we could put them in.” 

“Then put Oikawa up there!” Iwaizumi challenged, his voice becoming strained and aggravated. “He’s living proof that they’re lying.” 

At the mention of his name and being forced up onto the stand, Oikawa felt his stomach twist and a shot of bile rush up his throat. 

“They would just see that coming, I’m sure they have some kind of explanation for that and besides, no offense, the words of an amnesiac dead man are probably more likely to hurt our credibility than help us. I’m sorry but as Rei, his testimony just isn’t persuasive.” 

“Then prove he is Oikawa Tooru first!” Iwaizumi demanded, he was on the edge of screaming now. “Why won’t you do anything?!"

Was that what Iwaizumi had been wanting from this the whole time? 

“They can’t,” Oikawa told him, revealing the fear that he had been holding in since Minami had first revealed Iwaizumi’s conversation. “They won’t because, with my files corrupted, they can’t prove that either.” 

Iwaizumi froze. He turned to Oikawa with wide eyes. 

“W-Wait… you know?” He asked, his voice suddenly small. 

“Minami told me,” Oikawa explained, sitting back up straight and trying to settle his stomach again. “I know the truth. I know I can’t be him again.” 

It was both painful and an amazing weight off his shoulders to say those words out loud for the first time. Iwaizumi’s eyes widened even further until the whites became so clear that it looked almost cartoonish against his distressed expression. After a few heartbeats, Iwaizumi’s initial shock began to fade when a new question seemed to occur to him. 

“Is that why you’ve been upset since you woke up?” He asked softly. “I thought it was something I did. I-I thought when your memories came back that maybe…you were still mad about the day you were taken… because I let you down…” 

Oikawa felt his face crumble. Now Iwaizumi knew and hiding it all had been for nothing. He felt like an idiot and even worse, Iwaizumi’s expression made it clear that his secret had done the exact opposite of what he had hoped, and by keeping it to himself, he had allowed Iwaizumi to be hurt even deeper. 

“God no, oh my god no, Hajime, I swear!” Oikawa yelped, sliding forward into Iwaizumi’s arms and allowing himself to be embraced on all sides. “I never held that against you for a moment Iwa, it was never your fault.” 

Now it was Iwaizumi’s turn to cry. He pulled Oikawa in tight and hugged like he never wanted to let go. His head tucked into the nape of Oikawa’s neck and the warm wet feeling of tears began to slip through the fabric of his shirt. 

From his reaction, it was as if those were exactly the words he had needed to hear this entire time. Oikawa could feel the muscles under Iwaizumi’s shirt finally relax, and he realized that Iwaizumi had been watching, waiting, and holding his breath for this moment since the very beginning. 

The very fact that this had been weighing on Iwaizumi so heavily made Oikawa want to scream. 

“You did nothing wrong,” Oikawa told Iwaizumi as sternly as he could, doing anything he could to drive that point home against all the guilt and burdens that Iwaizumi had stacked onto himself over the last ten years. “Never say that ever again. Please.”

“I was so afraid that we lost you, Tooru.” He cried from inside Oikawa’s shoulder. “I thought it was my fault because I left.” 

So much of Iwaizumi’s pain had been caused by that day. Oikawa felt this sudden reminder that it wasn’t only his life that changed on that terrible day like a punch to the stomach, and in some strange way that made him feel better. 

“It was no one's fault except theirs, Hajime. They did this, not me, not you. Them.” 

“We buried you.” Iwaizumi sobbed, his back trembled as his breathing became wracked with regret and pain. “I buried you.” 

Oikawa just shook his head. 

“I’m right here, Hajime. You found me. I’m not going anywhere.” 

Oikawa had always thought that it was Iwaizumi that kept him safe, that stood up for him, that protected him, and he had always liked it that way. But this moment, this chance to do the same and finally give back to the man that gave him everything, reminded him that he could do the same. 

“I meant it when I said I didn’t care if you were Rei or Tooru,” Iwaizumi told him, pulling away and looking him seriously in the eyes, “even if it can’t be proved, I know who you are and I love you no matter what you call yourself.” 

“What?” Oikawa’s voice sounded like an echo. 

Time seemed to slow. 

“What did you say?” He repeated.

“I love you Tooru, I always have. That day you were taken, I was trying to tell you but I was too much of a coward to say the words out loud. But I was trying to say that I loved you even then. I think I have loved you since the first moment we met and I never stopped. That is what I tried to tell you when you were asleep that you didn’t hear.” 

Oikawa felt a shiver run through him. His skin prickled and yet it wasn’t cold, it felt incredibly warm and comfortable. What was this feeling?

And with only those few words, Iwaizumi’s reaction in the car took on a new life. No wonder he had been so angry. It wasn’t insults or jokes that Iwaizumi had said to Oikawa in his sleep. It had been a deathbed confession. 

“Oh my god, I am such an asshole.” For some reason were the first words to leave his mouth. 

For a moment Iwaizumi looked shocked that of all the things he might say to being told “I Love You” for the first time, he chose that. Then, as soon as his face had fallen, a smile took over and his head tilted back as a hysteric speechless cackle left his lips. Soon, Oikawa had joined him and with their faces pressed together and the touch of each other's skin keeping them anchored and alive. Their lips met and at that moment, they were reminded how it felt to be truly deliriously happy. 

“How much do you remember about our last day together ten years ago, Hajime?” Oikawa asked him, still laughing but breaking away for a moment and looking tenderly into his eyes. 

Iwaizumi’s eyebrow rose into a curious arch. 

“Every second of it.” Iwaizumi said, his words feeling both dark and light like a double-edged sword. 

“Well do you happen to remember that right before you went to get your volleyball, I tried to tell you something too?” Oikawa reminded him, thinking back to what would turn out to be their last words to each other for over a decade. 

Iwaizumi’s face turned red. He nodded. 

“I was trying to say the same thing.” He whispered. “I have loved you with everything I have since I knew what love was. You taught me what that felt like and that is one thing, Tooru or Rei, that I have never forgotten. I love you too Iwaizumi Hajime.” 

In the midst of every terrible threat that surrounded them, it was a stolen moment of perfect untouchable bliss that would forever be theirs. 

“As Tooru or Rei, huh?” Iwaizumi chuckled contentedly, “That’s two anniversaries to remember. Why does this feel like a trap that I am not going to be able to keep straight?” 

Iwaizumi was laughing but Oikawa felt his skin bristle at his words as a sudden realization struck him with startling force. 

“They don’t know!” Oikawa shrieked without warning. 

His posture became stiff and he quickly grabbed Iwaizumi by his shoulders. 

“They don’t know! They don’t know!” He exclaimed, shaking Iwaizumi excitedly. 

“Who doesn’t know what?” Iwaizumi scrutinized tensely, clearly not appreciating being handled so roughly. 

Without explaining, Oikawa turned back around to Daichi who was already wearing a look of obvious surprise—no doubt a reaction to Oikawa’s unexpected outburst. 

“What did you say before about the kind of evidence you would need for a court case?” Oikawa asked him urgently. 

Daichi thought for a moment, trying to remember his exact words. 

“Uhh, something irrefutable and unexpected,” Daichi recalled, “or else their lawyer would see it coming and probably have some bullshit explanation prepared. Harada was clearly meticulous in the way she hid her involvement in all of Washijo’s crimes and catching her off guard is probably the only way to make her slip up. We would need something they wouldn’t see coming.” 

“Right!” Oikawa beamed, turning around to the confused faces of Iwaizumi, Daichi, and Minami staring blankly back at him. 

“What do you mean? We don’t have any evidence like that though, wasn’t that the whole problem?” Minami reminded him. 

“Did you hit your head again or something?” Iwaizumi gibed at him. 

“No, shut up. Listen.” Rei hushed. “When I was in the interrogation room with Akira and Harada, they both called me Rei. Like they only called me Rei.” 

Everyone’s eyes widened at the same time. 

“Of course! They don’t know your memories are back.” Iwaizumi said, amazed. 

“And think about what she said right before you left, Tooru,” Minami instructed suddenly deep in thought herself, trying to recall every minute detail of his time with them for anything they could use. 

“‘I am going to testify against him, and make sure he goes away for a long long time for the murder of poor little Oikawa Tooru.'” Iwaizumi recited word-for-word, glancing back at the locked interrogation room door. 

Daichi stopped. 

“She knew it was a murder,” he breathed in awe, “that was never confirmed to the public. The official statement was purposefully vague and only mentioned that a body was found.”

“Could she have been told that by one of the officers who arrested her or tried to interrogate her before we got here?” Iwaizumi asked cautiously, trying to imagine what kinds of questions a lawyer might have in a courtroom that could discredit the story. 

“No. We keep written records of all of our interrogations and the arresting officers had body cams. I had a chance to review the tapes and manuscripts before you both got here, so I know for a fact she didn’t learn it from us. Those transcripts are official records too, so they will be admissible in court.” 

“There’s even more than that though,” Minami muttered thoughtfully. “Don’t you guys remember the last thing she said? About Washijo committing the murder.” 

_It just about broke my heart when he shot the boy in the head._

All four of them stopped and locked eyes as Harada’s words rang through the silence. 

“If the manner of death was never even publicly revealed as you said, then how was it that she knew the exact cause down to where he was shot?” Minami asked rhetorically, eyeing Daichi with a slight smirk. “A gunshot to the head is pretty specific, that takes more than good guessing. She had to have been there or at least been involved and aware somewhere in the process.” 

“That would mark her as an accomplice at the very least,” Daichi remarked, impressed. 

Oikawa felt his lips curve into a stunned grin but when he turned to Iwaizumi for some kind of reciprocation, instead he saw his eyebrows knitted together in deep pensive thought. He was shaking his head with a smug smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. 

“What are you so amused about?” Oikawa asked him, charmed by that look of coy astonishment taking over his face. 

“You just need to sow the seeds of doubt and let them do the work for you.” Iwaizumi answered, speaking the words like some kind of magic spell and laughing as he spoke. 

“Now which one of us hit our head?”

“It was something Harada said to me in the woods after you passed out.” Iwaizumi told him. “She was bragging about how she would get away with it all because she said she didn’t have to prove innocence—she just had to sow the seeds of doubt. But now, because she slipped up in there talking to you, she put holes in her own story and created doubt about her own innocence instead.” 

“And it will be her downfall.” Oikawa mused, leaning in and pecking a kiss on Iwaizumi’s crescent-shaped lips. 

“Not so fast guys.” Daichi interrupted with a troubled expression building again. 

“You’re going to give yourself forehead wrinkles if you keep frowning all serious like that Daichi. Can’t we just enjoy this for one minute before you ruin it?” Oikawa yawned, his smile slanting uneasily. 

“I wish I could,” Daichi admitted, “but there’s still one big problem with this strategy. For any of this to work and for any of your testimony to be relevant and accepted in court as evidence, we would still need to prove your identity.” 

There was a hush. 

Beside Oikawa, Iwaizumi’s shoulders wilted. 

“We can’t do that though,” Minami said. “That is a non-starter. We’ll just have to come up with something else. There has to be another way.” 

Daichi just shook his head, looking away and biting his lip in thought. 

“I wish there was, but without that proof, a lot of this is just conjecture. It can’t be substantiated from someone who legally doesn’t exist and that means anything she admitted to you is little more than textbook hearsay.” He scolded himself. “It’s also missing that element of surprise we were relying on to catch her off guard on the witness stand. Without hard evidence that you are who you say you are, it’s just not enough.” 

“Knew he was going to ruin it,” Oikawa grumbled into Iwaizumi’s ear. 

And then, as if the universe had finally decided to clear the clouds and bring out the sun after a decade long winter, the front precinct door opened with a hurried bang, and in walked a frazzled and out of breath Sugawara Koshi. 

“Suga?” Daichi asked first, his words slipping out like a yelp. 

“There you guys are!” He breathed, relieved. “I have been running all over the place ever since my train got in looking for you!” 

“Are you okay? Why were you looking for us?” Iwaizumi asked him, concerned. 

“Because I come bearing gifts.” He announced raising his right hand holding a small manila envelope folder and shaking it in the air. 

“Might this have something to do with that idea of yours you mentioned over the phone?” Daichi chuckled. 

“Perhaps.” Suga shrugged nonchalantly, handing over the folder to Daichi triumphantly. “Take a look and then tell me I’m a genius.” 

Daichi took the folder and as soon as he flipped back the cover, his mouth fell open. His eyes darted around the page as he scanned the contents thoroughly. The longer he read, the more and more his face gave away his absolute amazement. 

“You. Are. A. Genius.” He eventually said in total wonderment. 

He grabbed the sides of Sugawara’s face and planted his lips firmly on Suga’s in appreciative thanks. 

“What is that?” Minami asked, her head tilting to the side as she observed the file. 

“Take a look,” Daichi instructed, handing her the tan envelope. 

She took it, carefully, like she wasn’t totally sure it wouldn’t explode in her hand. Without looking inside, she moved over to where Oikawa and Iwaizumi were sat on the floor and lowered herself next to them so that they could gather around and see it over her shoulder. 

Oikawa and Iwaizumi shared a nervous glance at whatever this strange object that had evoked such a strong reaction out of Daichi was. It was clearly important. 

Delicately, Minami lifted the front cover and revealed a stack of official-looking forms. Oikawa let his eyes drift down to the page and saw that at the very top, in bold black print, it read ‘Birth Certificate.’ One line down, in form-writing and a smaller print, the name Oikawa Tooru was sprawled out designating who the form belonged to. 

“W-What is this?” Oikawa asked slowly, in disbelief at what he was seeing. 

“Can’t you read?” Suga laughed, eliciting a less than pleased scowl from Oikawa. 

“You know what I mean. What does this actually prove? Why did you bring this?” 

Suga smiled, pleased with himself. 

“When we spoke earlier, Daichi let me know what Harada told Iwaizumi in the woods.” He explained. “About your records being altered and corrupted so that your identity couldn’t be proven.” 

Oikawa just nodded. “Go on.” 

“But the thing was,” Suga mused, “it occurred to be that the records people like them would want to alter as a first priority, would be files accessed by police on government servers. That would help them stay hidden after all and those databases are usually the first ones that get checked during official investigations and when doing something like, say, identifying a body.”

Oikawa felt his chin start to tremble and his heart beat hard in his ears. 

“…So I asked myself if all the digital files and police files are an immediate no-go, then where might I find private hard copies of identification information? Which was exactly when I remembered that the Miyagi prefecture hospital—where we were all born—is criminally underfunded and still uses paper files for medical records. Which of course, includes birth certificates that will contain finger and heel prints taken at your birth and can finally prove that you are Oikawa Tooru once and for all.” 

The relief, the joy, the disbelief, all of it came slamming into Oikawa with a forceful impact that knocked the wind clean out of his lungs. His head was spinning and the room was either completely silent or only seemed that way as his brain tried to process the exact value that this gift held. It was unbelievable. 

Was this real? 

Oikawa was only shaken out of his dazed trance when the sudden warmth of Iwaizumi’s arms curled around him and held him in a moment of peaceful, undisturbed, bliss. 

This was a moment that felt larger than life. No word could describe the flutter in his chest or the blur in his mind as, in one small moment brought on by one large act of kindness, the entire world opened and his life suddenly became his control once more. 

As if moving through syrup, he turned slowly to Daichi with almost ghostly fear for what answer might come to ruin it all. 

“Is it over?” He asked, his voice was small and held in its tone the fears and hopes of both Oikawa Tooru and Harada Rei, finally converging on the same goal, and feeling at last like different sides of the same coin. 

A nearly imperceptible smile appeared on Daichi’s face as he breathed out a sigh and appeared to nodded. 

“When I take the stand and tell my story,” Oikawa told Daichi slowly, a bittersweet kind of sentiment budding again in his heart as a certain dark-haired boy’s face came into his head and smiled, “to tell it completely, to tell the whole story just as it happened, I’ll also need to tell someone else's story. He can’t tell it himself anymore, but he deserves justice too.” 

Daichi could see the firmness in Oikawa’s eyes and his smile deepened. 

“I think we can manage that.” 

Oikawa held the image of his smiling brother, looking down at him, in his mind—remembering him the way he would have wanted to have been remembered. Because of Kishi’s sacrifice, Oikawa could finally build the life that Kishi had wanted for him, he could be safe, and that was a promise that he was determined to keep no matter what. 

“We did it,” Iwaizumi breathed next to him, a rose-colored blush blooming across his nose as an effortless and true smile came over his face. “It’s finally the end.” 

The words felt like a dream. It was beyond his imagination that such a feeling, as he now had, would ever exist in his life. The memory of how it felt to see possibility instead of tragedy around every corner was freedom that granted him the chance at the incredible promise in the wake of incredible pain, just as promised.   
“Or the beginning,” Oikawa told him, gazing into his eyes and seeing an entirely new life taking shape in their reflection.

Where once there had been fear, there was joy. Where there had been sorrow, there was hope. And where, before, there had been only loss, now there was love; and it was never going anywhere else. 

“I love you, Hajime.” 

“I love you, Tooru.” 

“Hey, Hajime?” 

“Yeah?” 

“So, what do you think it’s going to be like?” 

“What do I think what will be like?” 

“The rest of our lives.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Do not stand at my grave and weep,  
> I am not there, I do not sleep.  
> I am in a thousand winds that blow,  
> I am the softly falling snow.  
> I am the gentle showers of rain,  
> I am the fields of ripening grain.  
> I am in the morning hush,  
> I am in the graceful rush  
> Of beautiful birds in circling flight,  
> I am the starshine of the night.  
> I am in the flowers that bloom,  
> I am in a quiet room.  
> I am in the birds that sing,  
> I am in each lovely thing.  
>  _Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
>  I am not there. I do not die_." - Mary Elizabeth Frye


	22. Epilogue

**—Epilogue—**

The days that followed were a whirlwind. 

Once the immediate fantasy and ecstasy of finally being able to imagine a beautiful future once again began to settle and fade into reality, Iwaizumi and Oikawa were confronted with the unavoidable truth that there was still more work to do. 

Minami had been the first to remind them that even if they know had proof of Oikawa’s identity, there were still important people out in the world that didn’t yet know the truth, but deserved to. 

“How are you going to tell mom and dad?” Had been the way that she had chosen to bring it up. 

“Do I have to?” Had been Oikawa’s response that had promptly earned him a punch to the shoulder. 

“Yes.” 

“You’ve got a nasty right hook, Minami,” Oikawa whined rubbing the still sore, bruising, spot. “Have you been practicing by hitting some kind of replacement substitute little brother I don’t know about since I’ve been away?” 

“I’ve been reserving that honor for you. Especially when you stay stupid things and act like an idiot.” She let him know. 

“If that’s true, I’d expect to spend the next fifty years or so black and blue.” Iwaizumi teased him. 

“Fifty years you say?” Oikawa smiled batting his eye lashing at Iwaizumi, “Is that some sort of proposal Iwa-chan? ‘Till death do us part’ and all that?” 

“Don’t make me regret this.” 

“But that’s my job!” 

Oikawa wrapped his arms around Iwaizumi’s shoulders and leaned into him, pressing their lips together tenderly until a happy laugh parted them. Iwaizumi’s face was blush red but Oikawa saw the underlying gentleness and love behind his dark eyes. 

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Oikawa mused, smiling and twirling one finger through a strand of Iwaizumi’s black hair. 

“I don’t know about you but I must have really pissed someone off in my last life.” Iwaizumi poked. 

“Oh please,” Oikawa scoffed waving his hand lightly and shaking his head, “what happened to all that gross gooey stuff you were saying before? Can’t we go back to that?” 

“If you do, I’m leaving,” Minami said next to them. 

“Us too.” Sugawara volunteered, wrinkling his nose. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa suddenly stopped and turned at the small crowd of annoyed-looking faces around them. 

“I’ll be completely honest, I forgot you all were still here already,” Oikawa told them.

That earned him another punch. 

"Rude! I probably have brain damage or something, you all should be nicer to me!” 

Minami gave her eyes a good roll. 

“Want more?”

“How about we all just go get some coffee and give the lovebirds a moment alone?” Daichi suggested, trying to diminish the tension. 

“What a good idea.” Iwaizumi agreed from between slightly grit teeth. 

“Bring me back something sweet!” Oikawa called after them as they began to walk down the back hall towards the little cafe by the waiting room. 

“You’re an asshole.” Iwaizumi told him.

Though his words were harsh, his meaning was clear. Oikawa had learned a long time ago that Iwaizumi’s anger and the words that anger created, all came from a place of love. After all, people don’t tend to spend so much time with people they actually think are assholes. The ability to see who Oikawa was underneath all his acting and bravado was one of Oikawa’s favorite parts of Iwaizumi. When Oikawa spoke, Iwaizumi heard what he meant, not what he said, and that was exactly why he was special. 

“But I’m your asshole.” Oikawa sighed, leaning back against the welcome desk from his spot on the lobby floor. 

Iwaizumi tossed his head in reluctant agreement before sliding over to Oikawa’s side, reaching an arm around Oikawa and holding him close. 

“Always.” 

Oikawa tilted his head into Iwaizumi’s neck and the two of them just sat there in perfect silence. 

“How _are_ you going to do it?” Iwaizumi finally asked, gazing straight ahead. 

“Do what?” 

“Tell your parents.” His face was twisted and uncomfortable looking. 

Oikawa almost laughed. He turned his head up towards Iwaizumi, still keeping it firmly tucked into the nape of Iwaizumi’s neck while he looked up. 

“Don’t tell me they still make you nervous?” 

“They think I let you die Tooru, they have every right to hate me and that is what makes me nervous, not them.” 

“You fought off a mercenary assassin twice in less than a week, at gunpoint both times, and you are scared of my parents?” 

“You aren’t?” Iwaizumi wheezed. 

“Honestly? I’m more worried about telling other people. My parents will inevitably overreact and freak out and probably lose their minds because that is who they are. It’s predictable with them, I know how they’ll respond at least. But there are other people out there who we have to tell and I have no earthly idea what they are going to do with this information.” 

“Like who?” 

Oikawa’s eyelids flattened out and his face took on an exhausted appearance. 

“Ushijima and Kageyama.” 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah.” 

“At some point, we also probably need to tell Matsukawa and Hanamaki.” 

“Damn, those two clowns are still alive? Always assumed they’d drown together in a bathtub or forget they can’t sell both kidneys or something.” 

Iwaizumi had to stifle a snort. 

“Alive and well, last I heard,” Iwaizumi chuckled, “they actually helped me a lot at the start of high school. They deserve to know too.” 

“Maybe we should just take out a billboard or a TV ad or something to save time?” 

“You just want to see yourself on TV don’t you?” 

“I would look so good in HD, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa begged, laughing. “After all my bruises and stitches heal of course.” 

“Does it hurt?” Iwaizumi asked, suddenly serious. 

He took one of Oikawa’s arms and started scanning the skin up and down, looking for any sign of illness or injury. 

“Nah, I’m used to it.” 

As soon as the words left his mouth, Oikawa realized how truly dark and morbid it sounded. Iwaizumi’s eyes looked sadly down at him. 

“Are you going to be okay?” He asked simply. “You don’t have to you know. It’s okay to not be okay. Especially after everything you’ve been through. It would maybe be stranger if you were.” 

“It’s never going to be okay—what happened—It’ll always be a part of me. But the thing is, there are a lot of other parts of me too, and those, those parts of me will be okay one day.” Oikawa told him, locking their eyes together.

In recognition of the fact that Iwaizumi would see through any kind of lie Oikawa tried to give him, he told the truth, and he meant it. 

“Gross, they’re still at it!” Minami’s voice called from down the hall as she rounded the corner and saw the two of them still in each other's arms. 

“Still?!” Sugawara’s voice laughed from behind her. 

Coming over to where they lay on the floor, Minami threw down a hard cold wrapped package onto Oikawa’s lap as she took a sip of the coffee in her head. 

“I think coffee is usually in a cup, and you know, liquid,” Oikawa informed her, examining the frozen little bag now in between his fingers. 

“I always thought your coaches were exaggerating but what do you know? You really aren’t a genius.” She shot at him. 

Oikawa crinkled his nose and stuck his tongue out at his sister playfully who stuck hers out back at him in response. 

Of all of the things that Oikawa had missed about his life, Minami had to be one of the biggest. It was easy to take her for granted when they were kids, but despite the fighting and the teasing she had fought for him and had stood by him since the moment their paths had crossed again. Minami and Iwaizumi had been the only two people in Oikawa’s whole life that he could truly say loved him unconditionally. 

Finally getting a closer look at the little package Minami had tossed at him, Oikawa saw that the pink and red packaging contained a strawberry ice cream bar from the cafe. 

Looking back up at his sister, there was a steady and level kind of sadness in her eyes as she watched him hold the unopened wrapper. 

“I would have taken chocolate.” He reminded her, his heart suddenly feeling warm and heavy. 

“Don’t be stupid,” she told him, “you like strawberry better.” 

There were the makings of tears in her eyes. 

“Yeah, I do. Thanks.” 

She bent down and pressed her lips on the side of his cheek. 

“I missed you, Tooru.” She told him. “Don’t do anything like that ever again.” 

“I’ll try.” He promised her. 

“Good.” 

She stepped back and seemed to take in the view of him for the first time in her own stride. Her eyes drifted to Iwaizumi and she began to shake her head and smile in disbelief. 

“I still can’t believe this,” she chuckled darkly, “I think I need to pinch myself.” 

“I know what you mean.” Iwaizumi agreed, tightening his grip around Oikawa’s arm and giving it a little pinch that, in that moment, felt like the very definition of love come to life. 

————————————————

As it turned out, Oikawa was wrong, telling his parents was in fact a horrific nightmare. 

Iwaizumi: 1  
Oikawa: 0 

From the minute Minami brought him over the threshold of his house, both of his parents' heads looked like they might explode. There were no words that could really describe the shade of red that they both turned. Oikawa had assumed they’d both freak out and maybe yell or cry or something, but instead, they had just gotten really quiet and had just stood in silence staring at him for the most uncomfortable ten minutes he had ever spent in his own living room. Neither of them spoke and both just seemed to regard him like he was some kind of ghost come back to haunt them and couldn’t seem to accept that he was standing in front of them. Both Minami and he told them his story and even had Daichi come with them for official support, but nothing was able to get through to them. 

Somehow, this was so much worse than anything he had imagined. 

Eventually, his mom just told him “glad you’re back Tooru” in an empty hollow sort of voice and had walked out of the room and slammed her bedroom door. His father had just placed a hand on his shoulder and nodded at him before clearing his throat and following Oikawa’s mother out of the room. 

It was easily the most surreal and eerie thing Oikawa could think of. 

“What the fuck is wrong with them?” Iwaizumi had muttered as they left the house. 

“They’re just in shock I guess?” Oikawa had suggested but couldn’t help but feel a cold shiver move through him. 

“Just give them time,” Minami told him. “They’ll come around eventually.” 

“It’s a lot to take in.” Daichi agreed. 

Oikawa couldn’t help but feel his shoulders slump as the image of his parents' stoic blank eyes stared back at him through his memory. Even through his years with Harada and Washijo, the very last thing he had ever felt was forgotten. He knew they were his parents and surely they missed him, Minami and Iwaizumi had promised him as much, and yet when they had seen him alive for the first time in ten years, he had felt abandoned in their eyes. 

Despite his effort, Oikawa was clearly not hiding his despair as well as he thought because one of Iwaizumi’s arms slumped around his shoulders as they walked away from the house. His strong hand latched onto Oikawa’s shoulder and pulled him in sideways in a gesture that seemed to say “you’re strong, so pick yourself back up.” 

“Fuck ‘em.” Iwaizumi whispered in his ear. 

Iwaizumi’s parents, who they visited next, were the exact opposite of his own. There was no hesitation, no bargaining, no denial, no doubt before both parents grabbed a hold of Oikawa and held him so close that, if he hadn’t been so unspeakably happy, might have made him fear for his stitches. 

“I-I’m s-so glad!” Iwaizumi’s mom had cried, keeping Oikawa imprisoned in her arms. 

“Welcome back, son.” Iwaizumi’s father had decided, patting Oikawa’s back and sending him back to his earliest days hiding out in the Iwaizumi house when he wasn’t brave enough to go back to his own home. 

This had always been a second home to him but in many ways, Iwaizumi’s parents were more like his parents than the people down the street who shared his name. Where his own parents ignored him, pushed him, demanded things from him, the Iwaizumis had loved him, taken him in, and given him a place in the world where he could feel truly himself. That, at least, had not changed. 

Oikawa spent his first night as himself at Iwaizumi’s house. There was nowhere else he would rather be. 

————————————————

The next morning, Iwaizumi texted the rest of the people on their list and told them to gather at the old Seijo gym so they could tell everyone else all at the same time. 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa had called immediately to find out what he meant and had nearly broken the speakers of both of their phones screaming when they got the news. They made Oikawa and Iwaizumi promise to meet up with them when things were more settled saying that Oikawa owed them drinks for all of their effort keeping Iwaizumi together after he “went on vacation.” Oikawa told them exactly where they could shove those free drinks and in a single serious moment, they said how happy they were, and then immediately told Oikawa they would still take the free drinks no matter the deposit location. 

Once at the gym, it only took one look for Oikawa to put two and two together and remember that the man he had spoken to under the willow tree was none other than his old middle school junior—Kageyama Tobio. As soon as he saw that head of dark black hair, he remembered their conversation and realized exactly how much he had needed to hear what Kageyama had told him that day when it was just the two of them wallowing in pity and pain. 

All things considered, Kageyama reacted pretty well to the news. Which is of course to say he froze, didn’t say a word the whole time, and left shaking his head looking more confused than anything else. 

“Man it is a good thing that guy is good at volleyball,” Oikawa told Iwaizumi after Kageyama had left. 

“So you admit he’s good at volleyball then?” 

“Oh hush!” 

Of all the reactions that Oikawa had been looking forward to, it had never once occurred to him how incredibly funny Ushijima—of all people—would be. Maybe it would be fairer to say that Tendou’s reaction was actually what was funny, but they fit together so easily that even their reactions and words felt like pieces of the same whole. 

“Not a ghost then?” Tendou said as more of a statement than a question. 

There was a definite air of disappointment in his words as he frowned sideways and jabbed a long finger into Oikawa’s shoulder for proof of his corporeality. 

“Nope,” Oikawa informed him. 

“Too bad.” Tendou said making no effort to conceal his disillusionment. “But like, it’s cool you’re alive and stuff.” 

“Thanks.” 

Throughout all of this, Ushijima looked about as pale and paralyzed as Kageyama had. Iwaizumi eventually turned to the ace and clapped a hand down hard on his back. 

“You good?” He asked, slightly concerned that something might have broken inside his brain. 

Oikawa had naturally expected some level of this from Ushijima but their relationship in middle school had been so intensely rivalrous that anything other than fighting and making loosely veiled challenges and threats felt wrong. His own instincts were egging him on to throw a taunt in Ushijima’s direction just for old times sake but some part of the taller man’s reactions was holding him back. 

Without another word and without a single moment of warning, Wakatoshi Ushijima lurched at Oikawa and pulled the smaller man into his arms hugging his wounded body tightly but carefully. 

There was no hiding the surprise on his own face nor on any other face in the room. Iwaizumi’s face had gone as tomato red as Oikawa was sure his own must have been. Tendou’s eyes were wide and his mouth had contorted into a large O shape as he watched his fiancé embrace Oikawa in a tender protective bear hug. 

As quickly as he had grabbed Oikawa, he let go. Drawing away, relief and disbelief were painted as clear as day across his face. 

“W-What was that for?” Oikawa asked him completely stunned at such an out of character show of affection from the man he had only ever feuded with before today. 

Ushijima closed his eyes and took in a shaky deep breath as he settled his nerves. 

“I am very glad you are okay.” He said, his entire body seeming to melt. 

“T-Thanks.” Oikawa stuttered lamely. 

Looking at the way the larger man’s shoulders fell, Oikawa realized exactly how heavily Ushijima had carried his loss all these years. It had never occurred to him that someone like him would have even cared, but he was affected by it deeply and Oikawa couldn’t help but feel strangely endeared. 

Ushijima’s dark eyes traced back up to meet Oikawa’s with a steely glare. 

“You should not have come to Shiratorizawa.” He told him flatly. 

There was a beat of silence and whether it was due to pure exhaustion or the hilariously off-kilter timing of that remark, Oikawa felt a snort of laughter peel out of his throat forcing him to slap a hand over his mouth to stifle it. 

“That might just be the understatement of the decade Ushibuddy.” Oikawa told him lightly, his shoulders shaking as he tried to hold in a laugh. 

Despite the humor that Oikawa was trying to infuse into the room, Ushijima just nodded and looked away dejected. There was a pain in his eyes and Oikawa had to admit that he understood it. Before Harada and Washijo had taken Oikawa, they had been Ushijima and Tendou’s coaches after all. Even if they hadn’t yet suffered whatever break had caused them to do what they did, they hadn’t been kind and they certainly hadn’t been easy to deal with or endure before by any means. Living in their shadow and under their demand and control was something that Oikawa and Ushijima now shared. It also created what must have been a troubling hypothetical for everyone involved i.e. “What if it had been me.” 

“It really wasn’t so bad,” Oikawa told him. 

Ushijima looked up at him, his jaw dropped open, with shock that almost asked if Oikawa had managed to read his mind. 

“I promise.” He lied. 

There was a time for the truth, but in this moment, the truth was worth little more than a kick to the shin. The old adage about rubbing salt in the wound came to mind as Oikawa considered that there were things in his past that Ushijima just simply would not benefit from knowing. That being said, there were also things that he definitely did need to know. 

“I wasn’t alone there.” He told the man whose eyebrows raising in interest. “Tsutomu Goshiki was with me all these years. He was like a brother to me during that time. He is a good man.” 

The words seemed to take a moment to register to Ushijima, but once they did, he nodded and his head fell so that shadows from the gym’s overhead lights cast shadows over his strong features. 

“D-Did they hurt him too?” Ushijima’s voice whispered darkly as his lids drooped soberly. 

“Yes,” Oikawa told them honestly, the image of his brother’s body flashing before his eyes, “but they never broke him.” 

“Did he get out too?” Tendou’s voice asked, making his way over to Ushijima and standing at his side in support. 

“No.” Oikawa said, gritting his teeth and bowing his head, “But he made sure I did and he deserves to be remembered for that and every other selfless thing he did to protect me all those years.” 

Tendou just nodded strangely solemnly. “Yeah.” 

“We’ll get justice for him and everyone else that Harada and Washijo hurt.” Iwaizumi promised them, speaking up and stepping closer to the slowly condensing crowd of former high school volleyball legends. 

“Good.” 

————————————————

That promise was harder than it seemed but that fact never stopped Oikawa or Iwaizumi who had meant it when they had given Tendou and Ushijima their word. 

Incorporating Goshiki’s disappearance into Oikawa’s own case actually turned out to be surprisingly easy. Now that they had proof of his identity from his hospital records, his testimony meant something and was exactly the evidence they needed to tie everything together. The hard part for Oikawa was actually getting up on the witness stand and telling his story from start to finish. The hard part for Iwaizumi was hearing it all in the excruciating detail that legal proceedings demanded. 

Dressed in a suit and styled perfectly to convincingly play his role of victim and survivor, Oikawa took his seat in the courtroom four months later and subjected himself to the grueling process of reliving everything he had been through over these long years compellingly enough to convince a jury once and for all of Washijo’s guilt and Harada’s role in it all behind the scenes. 

The defense tried to argue every play in the book to poke holes in Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s story. 

When the question that Oikawa had been waiting for finally made its appearance and Oikawa finally was able to reveal his trump card, vindication was not a strong enough word to describe the satisfaction in his chest. 

“And how would you even know any of this? Why should the jury take anything you say as a matter of fact?” The shark of a lawyer employed by Harada sneered at him from the court floor overconfidently. 

“Because my name is Oikawa Tooru, and I remember everything.” 

The courtroom had fallen silent. Harada and Washijo had sprung to their feet in protest and their lawyer had nearly had an aneurism where he stood. 

“W-What proof have you of this claim?” He had demanded furiously. 

The police lawyers submitted his records which they had been allowed to conceal through discovery only because of the strong evidence for retaliation Oikawa might have faced had this information been public before the trial had begun. It was a shield built entirely of paper but it stood the test and took the blow just as planned. 

The lawyer was off his guard. His entire story and plan was falling apart and Oikawa could see that fact dawn on Washijo and Harada as the light left their eyes and they refused to look up from the floor beneath them. 

“Oikawa Tooru is dead, this was confirmed by medical records of a body found on Washijo’s property.” The lawyer argued, clearly shaken by this unexpected development. 

He kept glaring back at Harada accusingly as if to say ‘you told me this was airtight. liar.’ 

It was then that the prosecutors referred to a DNA test they had had performed on that very same body. It confirmed what had been dreaded by everyone involved all along—it was none other than Tsutomu Goshiki. 

He had known it was coming, and of course was glad it supported his case against his kidnappers, yet knowing his brother's body was found after so long felt like a sucker punch to the gut. 

Once Oikawa’s identity was a matter of fact in the eyes of the court and not a subject of debate, he was called back to the stand to give his full account of events during his years ‘away’ as his lawyer kept calling it. 

The emotional exhaustion of explaining every evil thing that Washijo and Harada had subjected him to during his time in their custody was only endurable because of the looks on their faces as the prosecution presented this evidence and their story began to crumble. The shock, the desertion, the absolute disbelief that their well-made plans were falling apart around them were the only thing that kept a smile on Oikawa’s face until the trial concluded and the final verdict was ruled. 

On the two counts of aggravated kidnapping—guilty.

On the count of first-degree murder—guilty. 

On the count of obstruction of justice—guilty. 

Oikawa wanted to take his well-deserved turn at smugness and pompous arrogance and yet seeing the people that had been both his captors and in some strange fucked up way, his parents, put in handcuffs and sentenced to 40 years in prison he only felt relief. Fatigued, breathless, weary, broken, relief. There was no second shoe waiting to drop. Iwaizumi had been right all along. It was over and that meant their new lives were beginning now. 

Iwaizumi’s were the first eyes he met when he looked back to face the crowds in the courtroom after the verdict. Their dark glossy surfaces were warm and safe and concealed in them every hope for the future he knew they both shared. 

————————————————

Two more months later they found themselves at another place neither of them had ever imagined they would one day be—Ushijima and Tendou’s wedding. After everything they had been through, after the support Ushijima had given Iwaizumi, and the work they each had gone through to help the investigation and ensure that Goshiki and Oikawa were both at peace, they had grown close and now were happy to join them for a happy day that no one could argue they didn’t deserve after so much pain. 

When the two former Shiratorizawa players said their vows and kissed at the alter sealing their promise of love and loyalty forever, Oikawa was proud to say that he was there and he was happy for them. 

“Don’t get any ideas.” Iwaizumi had warned him after the ceremony, draping one arm over his shoulder casually.

“Oh Iwa, you know I could never settle down so early in life! What if I met someone else?” 

A hand slapped the back of his head. 

“Kidding,” Oikawa chuckled as the happy couple of the day walked back up the aisle together and out the door to whatever amazing new future this strange world had to offer them. “We both know there is no one else for me but you.” 

Iwaizumi’s warm hand wrapped around Oikawa’s and his soft skin pressed into Oikawa’s palm sending a happy little shiver up his neck at the very thought of so much joy being so close in hand. 

“Me neither.” 

————————————————

Six months later, on the one year anniversary of Oikawa’s memory returning and the darkest chapter of both of their lives drawing to a close, Oikawa and Iwaizumi ran into Ushijima and Tendou again. 

They had approached from the rear and been nearly silent in their approach. The Oikawa from a year ago would have jumped, knowing his back was exposed and he was vulnerable to attack, but now, after a year of safety, love, and comfort, he was beginning to feel like his old self again. 

“Ayo, great minds think alike!” Tendou had exclaimed as they drew closer. 

Iwaizumi looked over his shoulder first and saw the two arm in arm with a bouquet of purple flowers in hand. Golden wedding bands glowed on each of their hands as they moved between sun rays peeking in from between the canopy of branches and leaves above them. 

Ushijima had nodded at Oikawa with an unspoken peace in his eyes, relieved at the sight of him and the returned health and color in his face. 

“We were just coming to pay our respects as well.” He explained, pushing past Iwaizumi in an unintentionally blunt but incredibly in-character sort of way and laying his bouquet of flowers down on the marble slab planted in the grass. 

Oikawa looked down at the stone and smiled at the gleam the stone still had. A good grave and a peaceful end was the very least Oikawa could do to put his brother to rest and this place beneath the branches of a cherry blossom tree was as good a place as any. 

“We were just reminiscing and giving him our thanks.” Iwaizumi explained bending down and lighting a stick of incense that stuck out of the base of the stone. 

“I wish he were still here with us.” Tendou had mused slanted. 

It wasn’t that Tendou didn’t know how to be serious, but being serious was just a strange and unnerving look for him. It was somehow more bothersome than his normal vibe, which Oikawa had to admit must have taken effort. 

“A good death is an honorable and respectable thing,” Ushijima said stoically taking in the sight of the grave before him. 

“Way to bring the party down there miracle boy.” Oikawa teased him. 

“You’re heaving a party?” 

“No.” 

“But you just said-“

“He was kidding, ‘Toshi.” Tendou interjected stopping Ushijima with a pat to his chest. 

“Oh.” 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa shared a look and soon all four of them were laughing together. 

Back in middle school, when volleyball had felt like the only thing on earth that mattered, Oikawa never could have imagined he would be sharing a laugh with Ushijima Wakatoshi, and yet now it felt like the most natural thing of all. 

Time was a strange, strange, thing indeed. 

Life morphed and moved and all day every day all things did was change. That was the only constant. He could fight against it or he could submit, but either way, life would move on and the next day would be just a little different from the last. Oikawa knew better than most that that change was not always good and so you could never be assured that one day would be better than the next, but at the lowest of lows, the most important thing that kept him going was the knowledge that every day eventually ended and a new, different one was waiting on the other side. 

Incredible pain and incredible promise. 

Looking at Tendou and Ushijima as they were now, and seeing the happiness that they shared, Oikawa felt something harden inside his chest as he made a decision he hadn’t even known he had been considering until now. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa said their goodbyes and made their way out of the cemetery together. 

“What are you thinking about?” Iwaizumi asked him, observing the happy little smirk on his face as they walked. 

“Nothing really,” Oikawa smiled, looking up at the sky and careening his neck into the sun so that a beam of light fell through the tree branches overhead and kissed his skin. “Just thinking about how lucky I am.” 

“Interesting choice of thought for a cemetery.” Iwaizumi chuckled. “You’ll make the ghosts jealous and they’ll haunt you.”

“Hey, Iwa?” Oikawa asked looking up at the puffy white clouds floating lazily overhead, wondering where he had felt like this once before. 

“What?” 

“I don’t think I’m scared of everything changing anymore.” He told his love, remembering their last day together on that hilltop as children and the fear he had confided in the only man that he could say felt like his other half. 

“Nothing is going to change.” Iwaizumi assured him, looking up at those same clouds and remembering that same day vividly deep in his own memory. 

“I’m not so sure about that,” Oikawa told him. 

“And why is that?” Iwaizumi asked him, laughing lightly and grabbing him by the waist and lifting him into a full spin as they whirled together out of the shade and into the light. 

“Just a hunch,” Oikawa told him, taking in the view of his love in the soft golden light. 

“So ominous!” Iwaizumi teased him, pressing his face into the edge of Oikawa’s neck and dotting the skin with kisses as they laughed, knowing that this, them, together, was the most natural beautiful thing there was. 

“Hey, Iwa?” 

“What?” 

“Can I ask you a question later?” 

“Ask it now.” 

“No. It’s a special question, it has to be a special moment.” 

“Then why are you telling me you’re going to ask it?” 

“To find out if you’re going to say ‘yes’ or not of course.” 

“And if I don’t?”

“Then I won’t ask it.”

“Then yes.” 

“‘Yes’ what?” 

“‘Yes’ to your question, dumbass.” 

“You don’t even know what it is yet!” 

“I do.” 

“You do?” 

“I do.” 

“Then so do I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. 
> 
> Thanks for coming on this journey with me, it has meant the world. Xx

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any thoughts or feelings I would absolutely love to hear them!! Please leave a comment, it means a lot to hear back from you all!! :D
> 
> (BTW my goal is to post updates for this fic once a week! I usually have the time to post on Saturdays but sometimes it may be Sunday or Monday.)


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